My neighbour, Kelly the Crackwhore
- Thread starter montrealgirl
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crazycatt
naughty boy
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mrtnmoon said:
lol
ahh I've been there. it's all fun and games until your g/f asks you later if it was hot, and like an idiot, you admit that it was, and then you never hear the end of it. women and their loaded questions... we need a manual, us guys
Hey
I am in Hamilton but sounds like I should be in Montreal...I was separated almost a year now and I have a nice cozy basement apartment...my landlord is a nurse..she is very nice and very straight...nothing happens around here at all..it's a nice simple quiet neighbourhood...god..I am so bored...I want to move to your area...any vacancies ????
I am in Hamilton but sounds like I should be in Montreal...I was separated almost a year now and I have a nice cozy basement apartment...my landlord is a nurse..she is very nice and very straight...nothing happens around here at all..it's a nice simple quiet neighbourhood...god..I am so bored...I want to move to your area...any vacancies ????
montrealgirl
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I'm not sure if there are any places for rent, but Kelly I believe often has some vacanies.senseeker said:
Welcome senseeker.
montrealgirl
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Hello Red9Ball. Glad to see you stumble on over into Kelly's world, and of course, thanks for the kind words.Red8Ball said:This is your best work yet, MG. Kudos. Great stories. Master Storyteller indeed. Kinda makes me wanna wish I had a CW for a neighbor.
Can't wait to hear the next "episode" of KtCW!!! LOL!
Please join in all the discussion about crack and whores. I'll let you know if I ever see Kelly in white bottoms.
borg3of4 said:Red8Ball said:Kinda makes me wanna wish I had a CW for a neighbor.
I have a neighbor 'KATHY , THE CLOSET ALCOHOLIC' . It just doesn't have the same ring though.
But i'm sure she has her moments.
I nicknamed my neighbor the "ARK ARK MONSTER" cause she is always shouting at her kids for one reason or another.
"The continuing collection of Kelly The Crackwhore....next, on Oprah".....
I could see this wonderful rollercoaster ride becoming an international bestseller! I love the thread, MG, and have fallen out of my chair several (at least 10) times, because this story hits so close to home.
My ex-wife turned into a crackehad after our divorce....and I am one to tell you....You have hit the nail on the head for you accuracy, but it is all in the delivery, my dear, that keeps us all hooked....I for one am definitely going to subscribe.
I could see this wonderful rollercoaster ride becoming an international bestseller! I love the thread, MG, and have fallen out of my chair several (at least 10) times, because this story hits so close to home.
My ex-wife turned into a crackehad after our divorce....and I am one to tell you....You have hit the nail on the head for you accuracy, but it is all in the delivery, my dear, that keeps us all hooked....I for one am definitely going to subscribe.
crazycatt
naughty boy
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Ok, I've tried eveything.
I tried kickin it in the box for awhile... (made an impressive mess I'm proud to say!)
I tried tearing up and down the hallway as fast as I could..
I tried eating some leaves off the plants...
Heck, I even just lay down on my back and squirmed around for awhile...
But no way! I just can't wait to hear the next chapter!!
We've been teased! Teased!
mroowwweeeoooowww!
I tried kickin it in the box for awhile... (made an impressive mess I'm proud to say!)
I tried tearing up and down the hallway as fast as I could..
I tried eating some leaves off the plants...
Heck, I even just lay down on my back and squirmed around for awhile...
But no way! I just can't wait to hear the next chapter!!
We've been teased! Teased!
mroowwweeeoooowww!
lostinjapan
Experienced
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I agree. We haven't had any new stories since Jan 31. That is a long time to wait when you are addicted.
Is this the feeling Kelly wakes up to every morning?
Is this the feeling Kelly wakes up to every morning?
lostinjapan
Experienced
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Possibly. At this point I would consider whoring myself out for Part Six. My workmates ask me almost everyday for an update and I have nothing for them.mrtnmoon said:
Oh god. What has become of all of us.
Damn you Kelly. Damn you MG.
lostinjapan
Experienced
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Man mrtnmoon, you come up with the greatest posts on this thread. I laughed really hard at that one.mrtnmoon said:
So, any sign of MG at all today? Any sign we will get Part Six soon?
lostinjapan
Experienced
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My name is LIJ. I'm a Kelly-holic.fade2blue said:*gets up and puts hand in the air*
mrtnmoon
I am the fact decider...
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ty, LIJlostinjapan said:
MG was checking in yesterday from somewhere out of town. I got the impression the next installment is pretty much written, but the accompanying pics are on her computer at home. I would assume she'd be home sometime tonight or tomorrow, but I don't have any facts to support that.
montrealgirl
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You guys are too much fun. I have it all ready to go...just checking my spelling and making sure my pic links are working.
I hope you are ready!
I hope you are ready!
montrealgirl
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New Year's Eve with KtCW: Part Six
I look around my spotless apartment. The surfaces are gleaming, the hardwood floors are shining and the distinct smell of Pine Sol permeates every room. I wonder if Kelly has ever used a cleaning product to actually clean, and not just get high. My full day of scrubbing, mopping, dusting and vacuuming has sufficiently distracted me from the true issue at hand: My crackwhore neighbour Kelly believes that my lanky cousin and his buddies crashed through her door on New Year's, and she plans on telling the landlord all about it.
I'm laying in an exhausted heap on my sofa, my earlier encounter in the crack den replaying itself in my mind when the phone rings. I look at the call display. It's John. I answer the phone and try to mask the irritation in my voice.
"Hello...good evening."
"Hey cuz! How's it goin' yo!" (Did I mention the my scrawny white cousin is a DJ?)
"Things are going okay. How was your day? Recouped from your big Montreal adventure?"
"Yeah totally. Thanks again for letting us crash (interesting choice of word) at your place. Did we leave it in good condition? We tried not to touch anything and we cleaned up before we left."
I think about my manic 7-hour cleaning marathon during which I broke a sweat, rubbed holes through 3 rags and ran out of disinfectant. "Yeah, the place looked great. I couldn't even tell you were here!"
"So...did you check out the photos on your desktop?!"
"Yeah, I sure did. Wow. Seems like you guys had quite the time with Kelly. However, I think I am more interested in the story behind the photos."
"What do you mean?"
"Come on, I want full deets, starting from the very beginning. Don't leave anything out."
John then begins to recount his version of the weekend. I prompted a bit here and there, but didn't tell him about my encounter with Kelly until the very end. Here now, is what you have all been waiting for: the weekend's events according to John.
December 30, 2005
Stuck outside with no keys the boys decide to start ringing random apartments at 3am hoping to find someone who will let them in. The pothead in apartment 3 (I kid not - however there will be no My Neighbour The Pothead thread. Just not interesting enough - "oh, he is running to the convenience store for snacks again!" Nah) is the one who answers their plea for help. Once inside, they realize that the second key doesn't work either. A few phone calls with me and the boys are pleased to hear the super-intendant, Richard, is on his way.
As Kelly stumbled her way towards the door, the boys let her in. She asked who they were and why they were hanging out in the hallway at 3h15am. She reeked of booze and her painted squinty eyes were partially glazed over. John explained that he was my cousin and they were waiting for Richard to arrive with my keys.
"Well its too cold to wait out here in the hallway," Kelly told the boys, "come in my apartment and wait. We can have a drink together." She then proceeded to pick up some of their luggage and drag it into her den. John's three friends followed Kelly inside, while John waited for Richard. Upon receiving the key, John joined his friends inside the love-pit. These first-year university students watched in awe as Kelly rolled joint after joint, smoking and drinking, all-the-while maintaining her ability to remain upright. Then she asked one of John's friends if he would like to have sex with her. He refrained and hurriedly, the boys decided to leave.
December 31, 2005
Using my keen advice, the boys ordered some pizza and hung out at my place until it arrived. A feeding frenzy of 4 19-year old boys and 4 X-large pizzas ensued. It was now about 9:00pm. Without warning, there is a knock on the door.
John opens it and there stands Kelly in all her glory. And when I say, "all her glory," I use the term, "glory" very loosely.
She is wearing a lamine glitter bra, a pair of matching underwear and her pleather boots. She accessorized with a wine glass of beer and a cigarette.
John's X-large double pepperoni pizza almost ends up regurgitated on my door mat.
"What are you boys doing?" she asks as she tries to open my door up further.
"Uh, hold on!" John stammers and quickly shuts the door on her. He rushes to his buddies.
"The crackwhore is at the front door almost naked. Get your asses up and go talk to her. I promised my cousin I wouldn't let her in her place." (good boy)
The object of Kelly's affections from the previous night goes to the door and opens it up again.
"Hey Kelly."
"Why don't you boys come over and have a New Year's drink with me?"
"Um, okay. Sure. We'll be over in a few minutes."
They all share a good laugh, grab John's camera and head over to Kelly's place. Once inside, she offers them some whiskey. They take her up on her offer, but decline once again from partaking in her professionally-rolled joints.
They are very surprised to see another man already in her apartment, sitting on her mattress/sofa and sipping beer from a wine glass. They all introduce themselves to Maurice, a relatively dapper looking fellow, dressed all in black with a fresh haircut. Once the pleasantries are exchanged, Maurice tells Kelly to cover herself up and hands her his jacket. She puts it on, but her stylish lamine lingerie is still visible. The six of them talk and drink and then start posing for pictures together. The boys don't dare join Kelly and Maurice on her living room mattress, opting instead to sit on the floor.
Suddenly, Kelly jumps up off the bed and starts yelling at Maurice.
"Get the fuck out my apartment you asshole! You never fucking pay me and I don't need your shit! I've got 4 boys here tonight and I don't need your sorry ass at all, so fuck off!"
John and his three friends quickly look at each other and do the math in their heads. Shit. She means them.
Maurice just stands in her apartment as Kelly goes nuts on the guy, hitting him, cursing at him, kicking him. The boys are now very sorry that they agreed to come over and celebrate good health and happiness with Kelly. Finally, after about 10 minutes of screaming and fighting, Maurice turns and leaves, but then stands outside in the hall for another 30 minutes. The boys stay with Kelly who is so trashed she can barely stand upright. They help to get her sitting and wait inside her apartment with her until Maurice, the cheap non-paying bastard, leaves - thankful that he didn't walk into my unlocked apartment.
When the coast is clear, the boys turn to Kelly who is pretty much passed out on her mattress,
"Uh thanks, Kelly. We've had a real swell evening but we're going to leave now. We have tickets to go to a party downtown. So, yeah. Happy New Year."
Shaken and a bit puzzled, the boys return to my place, shit, shave & shower and head downtown for their 3-floor, 4500-person extravaganza. They drank, danced and had a brilliant time until the place closed at 3am. They then joined the party outside on the streets and started to walk from Sherbrooke & St-Laurent to Ste-Catherines & Atwater. This is a fairly long trek; at least a good 45 minutes. John talked about all the people outside still having a great time...people stopping to talk to each other, people woo-hooing...He said that walk in frigid temperatures was the best part of the whole weekend.
As he is telling me this, I start to do the time figures in my head. My guess is that they should have arrived at Atwater around 4h30 am.
"What time did you get to Atwater?"
"Oh, it was probably about 4h45 or so"
Hm. Truthful so far I'd say.
"So then what?"
"We finally found a cab and went back to your place."
"Oh yeah, how did you get in? Did you go in the front door?"
"Well no. We didn't have a main door key so we had to walk behind your building to use the direct access straight into your kitchen. But now I have to confess something to you."
"Oh yeah. What's that?" Fuck. I know what it is. I'm going to kill him.
"Well, that walk outside totally sobered us up, but when we got home we were really wired because we were seperated in the club and wanted to tell each other everything that had happened. So we went into your living room and put on some hip-hop...but I guess it was really loud for 5h30am."
"Why is that?"
"Well there was a knock on your door...someone called the cops on us."
"Really? Hm. What happened? Did they come inside?"
"No. They asked who I was and if I lived there. I told them I was your cousin and had to show I.D. They asked how long we had been home; I told him about 30 minutes. He asked if we had been knocking on Kelly's door, I said no, that we entered throught the back. He stuck his head in and saw all our boots at your back door. Then he left."
"He left?"
"Yeah. I'm really sorry. I can't believe that we were so loud that someone would call the cops on us! And it was so fast too. And like, seriously, it was New Year's. Your neighbours must be a bunch of stiffs."
At this point, I decided to tell him about my encounter with Kelly earlier that day. He was (or at least acted) totally dumbfounded. He swore that he knew nothing about her door and that the last time they saw her was about 9h30pm.
"John, seriously, I don't care if you did break down her door. If you were drunk and thought you'd get some shits and giggles harassing Kelly, just tell me. I swear, I just need to know the truth."
"I swear, we did not go near her door. I promise you."
I hung up the phone, believing in John but still with my intial dilemma. Kelly wanted an "explanation," and now I didn't have one.
My best guess was that she passed out shortly after 9h30, only to be woken up later by Maurice. Perhaps he found a late-night pawn shop, or stole from some kids somewhere so he could pay his dues. I know from first-hand experience that some of these men really bang on her door when they want in (because one of them had mistaken my door for hers!). She told me that the police took ages to arrive, yet John was only at my house for about 30 minutes. And I also believe the cops would have done something if he had in fact caused property damage.
Ah yes. New Year's with Kelly the CrackWhore. A magical experience that we will remember fondly and reminisce about for years to come.
I look around my spotless apartment. The surfaces are gleaming, the hardwood floors are shining and the distinct smell of Pine Sol permeates every room. I wonder if Kelly has ever used a cleaning product to actually clean, and not just get high. My full day of scrubbing, mopping, dusting and vacuuming has sufficiently distracted me from the true issue at hand: My crackwhore neighbour Kelly believes that my lanky cousin and his buddies crashed through her door on New Year's, and she plans on telling the landlord all about it.
I'm laying in an exhausted heap on my sofa, my earlier encounter in the crack den replaying itself in my mind when the phone rings. I look at the call display. It's John. I answer the phone and try to mask the irritation in my voice.
"Hello...good evening."
"Hey cuz! How's it goin' yo!" (Did I mention the my scrawny white cousin is a DJ?)
"Things are going okay. How was your day? Recouped from your big Montreal adventure?"
"Yeah totally. Thanks again for letting us crash (interesting choice of word) at your place. Did we leave it in good condition? We tried not to touch anything and we cleaned up before we left."
I think about my manic 7-hour cleaning marathon during which I broke a sweat, rubbed holes through 3 rags and ran out of disinfectant. "Yeah, the place looked great. I couldn't even tell you were here!"
"So...did you check out the photos on your desktop?!"
"Yeah, I sure did. Wow. Seems like you guys had quite the time with Kelly. However, I think I am more interested in the story behind the photos."
"What do you mean?"
"Come on, I want full deets, starting from the very beginning. Don't leave anything out."
John then begins to recount his version of the weekend. I prompted a bit here and there, but didn't tell him about my encounter with Kelly until the very end. Here now, is what you have all been waiting for: the weekend's events according to John.
December 30, 2005
Stuck outside with no keys the boys decide to start ringing random apartments at 3am hoping to find someone who will let them in. The pothead in apartment 3 (I kid not - however there will be no My Neighbour The Pothead thread. Just not interesting enough - "oh, he is running to the convenience store for snacks again!" Nah) is the one who answers their plea for help. Once inside, they realize that the second key doesn't work either. A few phone calls with me and the boys are pleased to hear the super-intendant, Richard, is on his way.
And then the taxi showed up and their weekend took that fateful turn.
As Kelly stumbled her way towards the door, the boys let her in. She asked who they were and why they were hanging out in the hallway at 3h15am. She reeked of booze and her painted squinty eyes were partially glazed over. John explained that he was my cousin and they were waiting for Richard to arrive with my keys.
"Well its too cold to wait out here in the hallway," Kelly told the boys, "come in my apartment and wait. We can have a drink together." She then proceeded to pick up some of their luggage and drag it into her den. John's three friends followed Kelly inside, while John waited for Richard. Upon receiving the key, John joined his friends inside the love-pit. These first-year university students watched in awe as Kelly rolled joint after joint, smoking and drinking, all-the-while maintaining her ability to remain upright. Then she asked one of John's friends if he would like to have sex with her. He refrained and hurriedly, the boys decided to leave.
December 31, 2005
Using my keen advice, the boys ordered some pizza and hung out at my place until it arrived. A feeding frenzy of 4 19-year old boys and 4 X-large pizzas ensued. It was now about 9:00pm. Without warning, there is a knock on the door.
John opens it and there stands Kelly in all her glory. And when I say, "all her glory," I use the term, "glory" very loosely.
She is wearing a lamine glitter bra, a pair of matching underwear and her pleather boots. She accessorized with a wine glass of beer and a cigarette.
John's X-large double pepperoni pizza almost ends up regurgitated on my door mat.
"What are you boys doing?" she asks as she tries to open my door up further.
"Uh, hold on!" John stammers and quickly shuts the door on her. He rushes to his buddies.
"The crackwhore is at the front door almost naked. Get your asses up and go talk to her. I promised my cousin I wouldn't let her in her place." (good boy)
The object of Kelly's affections from the previous night goes to the door and opens it up again.
"Hey Kelly."
"Why don't you boys come over and have a New Year's drink with me?"
"Um, okay. Sure. We'll be over in a few minutes."
They all share a good laugh, grab John's camera and head over to Kelly's place. Once inside, she offers them some whiskey. They take her up on her offer, but decline once again from partaking in her professionally-rolled joints.
They are very surprised to see another man already in her apartment, sitting on her mattress/sofa and sipping beer from a wine glass. They all introduce themselves to Maurice, a relatively dapper looking fellow, dressed all in black with a fresh haircut. Once the pleasantries are exchanged, Maurice tells Kelly to cover herself up and hands her his jacket. She puts it on, but her stylish lamine lingerie is still visible. The six of them talk and drink and then start posing for pictures together. The boys don't dare join Kelly and Maurice on her living room mattress, opting instead to sit on the floor.
Suddenly, Kelly jumps up off the bed and starts yelling at Maurice.
"Get the fuck out my apartment you asshole! You never fucking pay me and I don't need your shit! I've got 4 boys here tonight and I don't need your sorry ass at all, so fuck off!"
John and his three friends quickly look at each other and do the math in their heads. Shit. She means them.
Maurice just stands in her apartment as Kelly goes nuts on the guy, hitting him, cursing at him, kicking him. The boys are now very sorry that they agreed to come over and celebrate good health and happiness with Kelly. Finally, after about 10 minutes of screaming and fighting, Maurice turns and leaves, but then stands outside in the hall for another 30 minutes. The boys stay with Kelly who is so trashed she can barely stand upright. They help to get her sitting and wait inside her apartment with her until Maurice, the cheap non-paying bastard, leaves - thankful that he didn't walk into my unlocked apartment.
When the coast is clear, the boys turn to Kelly who is pretty much passed out on her mattress,
"Uh thanks, Kelly. We've had a real swell evening but we're going to leave now. We have tickets to go to a party downtown. So, yeah. Happy New Year."
Shaken and a bit puzzled, the boys return to my place, shit, shave & shower and head downtown for their 3-floor, 4500-person extravaganza. They drank, danced and had a brilliant time until the place closed at 3am. They then joined the party outside on the streets and started to walk from Sherbrooke & St-Laurent to Ste-Catherines & Atwater. This is a fairly long trek; at least a good 45 minutes. John talked about all the people outside still having a great time...people stopping to talk to each other, people woo-hooing...He said that walk in frigid temperatures was the best part of the whole weekend.
As he is telling me this, I start to do the time figures in my head. My guess is that they should have arrived at Atwater around 4h30 am.
"What time did you get to Atwater?"
"Oh, it was probably about 4h45 or so"
Hm. Truthful so far I'd say.
"So then what?"
"We finally found a cab and went back to your place."
"Oh yeah, how did you get in? Did you go in the front door?"
"Well no. We didn't have a main door key so we had to walk behind your building to use the direct access straight into your kitchen. But now I have to confess something to you."
"Oh yeah. What's that?" Fuck. I know what it is. I'm going to kill him.
"Well, that walk outside totally sobered us up, but when we got home we were really wired because we were seperated in the club and wanted to tell each other everything that had happened. So we went into your living room and put on some hip-hop...but I guess it was really loud for 5h30am."
"Why is that?"
"Well there was a knock on your door...someone called the cops on us."
"Really? Hm. What happened? Did they come inside?"
"No. They asked who I was and if I lived there. I told them I was your cousin and had to show I.D. They asked how long we had been home; I told him about 30 minutes. He asked if we had been knocking on Kelly's door, I said no, that we entered throught the back. He stuck his head in and saw all our boots at your back door. Then he left."
"He left?"
"Yeah. I'm really sorry. I can't believe that we were so loud that someone would call the cops on us! And it was so fast too. And like, seriously, it was New Year's. Your neighbours must be a bunch of stiffs."
At this point, I decided to tell him about my encounter with Kelly earlier that day. He was (or at least acted) totally dumbfounded. He swore that he knew nothing about her door and that the last time they saw her was about 9h30pm.
"John, seriously, I don't care if you did break down her door. If you were drunk and thought you'd get some shits and giggles harassing Kelly, just tell me. I swear, I just need to know the truth."
"I swear, we did not go near her door. I promise you."
I hung up the phone, believing in John but still with my intial dilemma. Kelly wanted an "explanation," and now I didn't have one.
My best guess was that she passed out shortly after 9h30, only to be woken up later by Maurice. Perhaps he found a late-night pawn shop, or stole from some kids somewhere so he could pay his dues. I know from first-hand experience that some of these men really bang on her door when they want in (because one of them had mistaken my door for hers!). She told me that the police took ages to arrive, yet John was only at my house for about 30 minutes. And I also believe the cops would have done something if he had in fact caused property damage.
Ah yes. New Year's with Kelly the CrackWhore. A magical experience that we will remember fondly and reminisce about for years to come.
