Seeking Tips for Easing into Anal Play Comfortably

[Vivian251]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve been together for over two years now. But sometimes during intimacy, I get really anxious—especially when he goes all the way out and back in quickly. We’ve had a couple of ‘slips’ in the past where he’s accidentally slipped out and then gone back in too hard. Every time that happens, it’s insanely painful, and I’ve ended up almost passing out or even throwing up afterward. It’s such an instant mood-killer.

So, I’m wondering if anyone else has felt this kind of anxiety about it? Is it normal to be this afraid of it happening again?

We’ve talked about it, and he’s really understanding, but I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed. I’ve noticed that there are some plugs available to buy, and I’m wondering if it might be worth trying out—would starting with the smallest size be the best way to go for training myself a bit?

 

[magic_rat]

There's only one thing you need - a considerate boyfriend.

If you're already doing anal and he's not doing it right, and you've talked about it, he's not as understanding as you think he is. You need to train him, not you.

 

[Boat1]

There's only one thing you need - a considerate boyfriend.

If you're already doing anal and he's not doing it right, and you've talked about it, he's not as understanding as you think he is. You need to train him, not you.

^^^ What he said!!! ^^^^

 

[subdudeme13]

Get a strapon and show him how it feels!

 

[Boat1]

Get a strapon and show him how it feels!

^^^^ and this too! ^^^^

 

[Treeview]

I learned a long time ago that with anal the Lady sets the timing and tone

She is in control. Not in any sort of D/s way. She is the Captain of the team and guys are expected to follow

 

[UtilityCurve]

Unacceptable. You're supposed to be enjoying it, not crying or puking.

I don't criticize you for wanting to do more by yourself to try to fix it (it often seems like the easier route) but this really does sound like an "us" problem, maybe even just a "him" one.

In fact, I'm going to reassure you: That you let him back in means you're giving as much as a recipient ought.

Sorry if you wanted a magic bullet, but there's none I see. You deserve his devotion--you've already paid for it. (Ow.)

 

[Cardinal]

If I hurt my wife during anal I would feel so bad and I’d never try it again, if it’s not great for both then it’s not worth doing.
I have no desire for her to do something painful or uncomfortable for me because it’s something I wanted to try.
Also anal sex isn’t that spectacular, not worth her not enjoying it.

 

[Britva415]

I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed

You can feel more relaxed, but nothing is going to prepare you for the battering ram you're describing or allow you to "ease" it in there when it's hammering like that.

Don't make this your job. He needs to get it under control. I can't believe he's still doing this after seeing you repeatedly pass out and puke from it.

 

[magic_rat]

Get a strapon and show him how it feels!

A lady that I play with at the moment is very wary of anal but was happy for me to do the deed because I have a lot of experience but primarily because I've been fucked and I know how it feels from the other end.

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve been together for over two years now. But sometimes during intimacy, I get really anxious—especially when he goes all the way out and back in quickly. We’ve had a couple of ‘slips’ in the past where he’s accidentally slipped out and then gone back in too hard. Every time that happens, it’s insanely painful, and I’ve ended up almost passing out or even throwing up afterward. It’s such an instant mood-killer.

So, I’m wondering if anyone else has felt this kind of anxiety about it? Is it normal to be this afraid of it happening again?

We’ve talked about it, and he’s really understanding, but I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed. I’ve noticed that there are some plugs available to buy, and I’m wondering if it might be worth trying out—would starting with the smallest size be the best way to go for training myself a bit?

I've had two horrible experiences with anal and I've never been able to get past the mental block. It's ok to not like anal sex for whatever reason. And if your bf is pressuring you even though it hurts you enough to make you pass out/throw up, then he sucks and you should move on.

 

[magic_rat]

It's ok to not like anal sex for whatever reason.

Totally so. Or any other sex act for that matter. Sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable fun, not an ordeal for one to please the other

And if your bf is pressuring you even though it hurts you enough to make you pass out/throw up, then he sucks and you should move on.

Absolutely.

 

[Britva415]

A lady that I play with at the moment is very wary of anal but was happy for me to do the deed because I have a lot of experience but primarily because I've been fucked and I know how it feels from the other end.

I have a story like this, basically an "I will if you will" type scenario.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Find a willing partner. Research from both male and female perspective.

Have fun!

 

[Shiska8487]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve been together for over two years now. But sometimes during intimacy, I get really anxious—especially when he goes all the way out and back in quickly. We’ve had a couple of ‘slips’ in the past where he’s accidentally slipped out and then gone back in too hard. Every time that happens, it’s insanely painful, and I’ve ended up almost passing out or even throwing up afterward. It’s such an instant mood-killer.

So, I’m wondering if anyone else has felt this kind of anxiety about it? Is it normal to be this afraid of it happening again?

We’ve talked about it, and he’s really understanding, but I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed. I’ve noticed that there are some plugs available to buy, and I’m wondering if it might be worth trying out—would starting with the smallest size be the best way to go for training myself a bit?

First get some numbing lube and next make sure he knows that you control what happens if you want to stop stop. Talk about what feels good. I now love anal sex and at first was really not into it but over time and a loving husband that always respected my stops and gos and let’s try this I have become a real anal pro. Don’t give up it can change your sex life for the better but if he can’t understand he needs to listen to you and your body maybe you do need to take it off the table.

 

[Mrs_and_mr]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve been together for over two years now. But sometimes during intimacy, I get really anxious—especially when he goes all the way out and back in quickly. We’ve had a couple of ‘slips’ in the past where he’s accidentally slipped out and then gone back in too hard. Every time that happens, it’s insanely painful, and I’ve ended up almost passing out or even throwing up afterward. It’s such an instant mood-killer.

So, I’m wondering if anyone else has felt this kind of anxiety about it? Is it normal to be this afraid of it happening again?

We’ve talked about it, and he’s really understanding, but I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed. I’ve noticed that there are some plugs available to buy, and I’m wondering if it might be worth trying out—would starting with the smallest size be the best way to go for training myself a bit?

My wife is the same way. Getting it in to her ass is painful, the after it’s in I stop for a second until she’s ready. Then she loves it. But I’m not ok with hurting her so I don’t ask to do it. Every once in a while mostly when drinking she will ask me to. We use lots of lube. We have a lube injector that we use also.

 

[Z2e9P3]

Having been lucky enough to have my husband of over a quarter century, we have begin relearning anal play after a brief stint or two some years ago.

Our suggestions are simple and easy to implement.
1. Communication is most important. Verbal feedback or hand signals are necessary for the man to understand what you are experiencing.
2. Lube! When you think you have enough, add more! The exception being numbing lube. Don't get me wrong, it's great at the start to take the edge off, but it will affect HIM too. You could easily get poked painfully if he's too numb to feel where he is on the out/in stroke. The lube I prefer in quantity is the Wicked gel relaxant lube. It works to relax the rings so that they're not so tight and subsequently painful. The 3rd lube we like, esp once things get rolling, is Wicked Hybrid. It's less prone to drying out.
3. Toys in first! Start on the smaller side with toys. But toy in before boy. My husband enjoys watching me take the toy, and he switches them out for the next size up at his discretion. He them checks if I'm ok, assuming I have a shown negative reaction. We use a combo of verbal and hand signs for me to communicate with him.

4. On those times where the angle for penetration is not right for me and I lurch fwd, he knows something is wrong and stops moving and asks me. Once he adjusts the angle of penetration, it stops hurting.

You mention the problem for you is when he pulls out completely and then slams back into you. Does he slip out accidentally? Or is it possibly deliberate and he likes the powerslam re-entry? Or is he just too excited and focused on his feelings/impending orgasm? Two of those you both can work together to resolve. One of them would make me refuse anal with that person.

 

[curioustxn]

I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, and we’ve been together for over two years now. But sometimes during intimacy, I get really anxious—especially when he goes all the way out and back in quickly. We’ve had a couple of ‘slips’ in the past where he’s accidentally slipped out and then gone back in too hard. Every time that happens, it’s insanely painful, and I’ve ended up almost passing out or even throwing up afterward. It’s such an instant mood-killer.

So, I’m wondering if anyone else has felt this kind of anxiety about it? Is it normal to be this afraid of it happening again?

We’ve talked about it, and he’s really understanding, but I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed. I’ve noticed that there are some plugs available to buy, and I’m wondering if it might be worth trying out—would starting with the smallest size be the best way to go for training myself a bit?

 

[curioustxn]

It sounds like he is thrusting to hard and hitting your cervix, which can be extremely painful. If this is the case, he is going to have to learn to discipline himself to be more gentle. If he can't do this, it will likely continue to hurt no matter what you do.

It is possible his cock is longer than you can take. A common problem - big is not always better!

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

I am re-writing my earlier response . . .

My research (I am not a doctor) indicates the best approach for anal is:

1. Evacuate (or enema) first.

2. Make sure that the penis involved and the anus have been cleansed.

3. The partner should use a gloved hand with lot of lube to tease the opening of the anus.

4. The partner should use the gloved hand to insert a finger into the anus to condition the sphincter muscles.

5. A butt plug with lots of lube should be inserted into the anus.

6. Leave the butt plug in, and use touching and clitoral stimulation to arouse her towards a state of euphoria. This makes it easier for her to take the penetration. An anal orgasm is really a G-Spot orgasm. The G-Spot is being stimulated by the penis pressing on the rectum wall, which presses on the vagina wall next to it; and this presses on the G-Spot, which is along the vagina wall. This is another reason for getting the right angle of penetration.

7. Apply a condom with lots of lube to the penis, insert the penis into the anus, and slowly push in. Increase the speed of penetration slowly, and follow through with the whole shaft of the penis. Speed up the penetration and pumping to excite the G-Spot. Since this is G-Spot stimulation, squirting can occur.

This is based on my research from several sources. I hope it helps with your anal experience.

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

It sounds like he is thrusting to hard and hitting your cervix, which can be extremely painful. If this is the case, he is going to have to learn to discipline himself to be more gentle. If he can't do this, it will likely continue to hurt no matter what you do.

It is possible his cock is longer than you can take. A common problem - big is not always better!

She says, "I just want to find something that might help me feel more relaxed." I think she is talking about anal sex, and not vaginal sex. Note that the cervix is at the end of the vaginal canal, not at the end of the rectum.

 

[LittleMissLandmine]

I hate anal. Hate it. It’s not for everyone.

it’s certainly not right for your boyfriend to be pushing boundaries like that.

 

[LittleMissLandmine]

I am re-writing my earlier response . . .

My research (I am not a doctor) indicates the best approach for anal is:

1. Evacuate (or enema) first.

2. Make sure that the penis involved and the anus have been cleansed.

3. The partner should use a gloved hand with lot of lube to tease the opening of the anus.

4. The partner should use the gloved hand to insert a finger into the anus to condition the sphincter muscles.

5. A butt plug with lots of lube should be inserted into the anus.

6. Leave the butt plug in, and use touching and clitoral stimulation to arouse her towards a state of euphoria. This makes it easier for her to take the penetration. An anal orgasm is really a G-Spot orgasm. The G-Spot is being stimulated by the penis pressing on the rectum wall, which presses on the vagina wall next to it; and this presses on the G-Spot, which is along the vagina wall. This is another reason for getting the right angle of penetration.

7. Apply a condom with lots of lube to the penis, insert the penis into the anus, and slowly push in. Increase the speed of penetration slowly, and follow through with the whole shaft of the penis. Speed up the penetration and pumping to excite the G-Spot. Since this is G-Spot stimulation, squirting can occur.

This is based on my research from several sources. I hope it helps with your anal experience.

Have you had anal sex?

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

I am not trying to advocate anal sex, but I have researched it. Since I have researched it, I wanted to share my findings with the forum. My comments are based on my notes from YouTube videos.Here are my notes:

Note: What follows are notes taken from YouTube videos in order to research anal sex. Each video title is listed here, and this document is not meant in any way to copy the original content of the videos. It only outlines them. In an effort to conform to forum rules about not advertising sources, I have removed the source names. If you want to learn more, you will have to visit YouTube.

Epic Anal Sex in 7 easy steps!!
1. Prepare what you need - (a) butt plug, (b) penetrative sex before anal sexto help relax the muscles of the anus, (c) lube, (d) baby wipes, (e) a wand to play externally and a little in and out, and (f) communicate to feel safe.
2. Get aroused - (a) touch breasts, (b) kiss, (c) give a blow job, and (d) do what turns you on.
3. Feel safe - keep tension away, or anus will close up.
4. Massage externally and stimulate the anus on the outside before going inside - (a) lick anus and (b) use the tip of a butt plug to trace in a circle, or up and down
5. Conscious entry - (a) ask the other partner if the partner is to be entered and (b) whether you are ready or not.
6. Play with variety - (a) deeper or shallow penetration and (b) have rhythm to maximize stimulation.
7. Conscious exit - (a) slowly remove penis, very slowly and (b) don't go from the butt to the vagina.

Pain Free Anal Sex Guide
1. Warm up - get aroused and turned on.
2. Double the lube needed.
3. Push out on the sphincters - makes entry easier.
4. Go slow - do not rush.
5. Don't thrust too much - (a) micro thrusts, (b) stay at the same depth, and (c) don't thrust in and out.

How to Have Anal Sex: Ana Sex Tips for Beginners
1. Choose a trusted partner.
2. Get to know the area beforehand - 2 sphincters, external and internal.
3. Go slow.
4. Think outside of the box of penetration - (a) stimulate the entrance, (b) lick around it, (c) and run around it with a vibrator.
5. Lube - do not use saliva.
6. Be willing to stop - have a safe word.
7. Accept possibilities of poop - (a) use enemas in moderation and (b) go to the bathroom beforehand.
8. Have a clit join party - involve the clit in anal play.
9. Don't go back to the vagina - vagina first, and then anus.

Preparing For Anal Sex
1. Evacuate your bowels - go to the bathroom an hour before.
2. Wash - (a) penis, (b) your finger, or (c) anything else to be inserted.
3. Safe sex - protect yourself with latex gloves, finger cots, and/or condoms
4. Groom yourself - maintain short nails.

How to Prep for Anal Sex: First Time Tips and Tricks For
1. Get Clean - (a) enema over the counter can cause crack and bleeding, (b) using isotonic solutions is better, (c) use TUSHY bidet to wash your booty
2. Eat what is right for you.
3. Train that booty - (a) fingers and (b) butt plug.
4. Get lube and a towel - use silicon-based lube.
5. Breathe and find a good position.
6. Communicate with your partner.

Tips for anal sex
1. Go slow - reduce chances of tearing.
2. Lube - silicon-based.
3. Relax - open up anus.
4. Massage the external sphincter.
5. Avoid cross contamination - (a) where does lube end up? and (b) use a condom.

Tips for First Time Anal Sex
1. Work your way up - (a) well-lubed finger or (b)well-lubed butt plug.
2. Use lube.
3. Go Slow - work your way up.
4. Use a condom.

Anal Sex Prep
1. Hepatitis A and HPV vaccinations
2. STI testing result
3. Flushable baby wipes
4. One-handed lube
5. Gloves and condoms
6. Safe words
7. Consciously clean your anus

Anal Sex
1. Schedule another day as a backup
2. Pick the size to insert - (a) pinky, (b) dildo, etc.
3. Use a glove.
4. Choose a comfortable position.
5. Dry first, lube later - (a) barely touch with dry finger of glove or butt plug, (b) then put the lube in, and (c) go in until the anus puckers.
6. No drugs.
7. Wait until insertion is comfortable, and then move in.

 

[LittleMissLandmine]

I am not trying to advocate anal sex, but I have researched it. Since I have researched it, I wanted to share my findings with the forum. My comments are based on my notes from YouTube videos.Here are my notes:

Note: What follows are notes taken from YouTube videos in order to research anal sex. Each video title is listed here, and this document is not meant in any way to copy the original content of the videos. It only outlines them. In an effort to conform to forum rules about not advertising sources, I have removed the source names. If you want to learn more, you will have to visit YouTube.

Epic Anal Sex in 7 easy steps!!
1. Prepare what you need - (a) butt plug, (b) penetrative sex before anal sexto help relax the muscles of the anus, (c) lube, (d) baby wipes, (e) a wand to play externally and a little in and out, and (f) communicate to feel safe.
2. Get aroused - (a) touch breasts, (b) kiss, (c) give a blow job, and (d) do what turns you on.
3. Feel safe - keep tension away, or anus will close up.
4. Massage externally and stimulate the anus on the outside before going inside - (a) lick anus and (b) use the tip of a butt plug to trace in a circle, or up and down
5. Conscious entry - (a) ask the other partner if the partner is to be entered and (b) whether you are ready or not.
6. Play with variety - (a) deeper or shallow penetration and (b) have rhythm to maximize stimulation.
7. Conscious exit - (a) slowly remove penis, very slowly and (b) don't go from the butt to the vagina.

Pain Free Anal Sex Guide
1. Warm up - get aroused and turned on.
2. Double the lube needed.
3. Push out on the sphincters - makes entry easier.
4. Go slow - do not rush.
5. Don't thrust too much - (a) micro thrusts, (b) stay at the same depth, and (c) don't thrust in and out.

How to Have Anal Sex: Ana Sex Tips for Beginners
1. Choose a trusted partner.
2. Get to know the area beforehand - 2 sphincters, external and internal.
3. Go slow.
4. Think outside of the box of penetration - (a) stimulate the entrance, (b) lick around it, (c) and run around it with a vibrator.
5. Lube - do not use saliva.
6. Be willing to stop - have a safe word.
7. Accept possibilities of poop - (a) use enemas in moderation and (b) go to the bathroom beforehand.
8. Have a clit join party - involve the clit in anal play.
9. Don't go back to the vagina - vagina first, and then anus.

Preparing For Anal Sex
1. Evacuate your bowels - go to the bathroom an hour before.
2. Wash - (a) penis, (b) your finger, or (c) anything else to be inserted.
3. Safe sex - protect yourself with latex gloves, finger cots, and/or condoms
4. Groom yourself - maintain short nails.

How to Prep for Anal Sex: First Time Tips and Tricks For
1. Get Clean - (a) enema over the counter can cause crack and bleeding, (b) using isotonic solutions is better, (c) use TUSHY bidet to wash your booty
2. Eat what is right for you.
3. Train that booty - (a) fingers and (b) butt plug.
4. Get lube and a towel - use silicon-based lube.
5. Breathe and find a good position.
6. Communicate with your partner.

Tips for anal sex
1. Go slow - reduce chances of tearing.
2. Lube - silicon-based.
3. Relax - open up anus.
4. Massage the external sphincter.
5. Avoid cross contamination - (a) where does lube end up? and (b) use a condom.

Tips for First Time Anal Sex
1. Work your way up - (a) well-lubed finger or (b)well-lubed butt plug.
2. Use lube.
3. Go Slow - work your way up.
4. Use a condom.

Anal Sex Prep
1. Hepatitis A and HPV vaccinations
2. STI testing result
3. Flushable baby wipes
4. One-handed lube
5. Gloves and condoms
6. Safe words
7. Consciously clean your anus

Anal Sex
1. Schedule another day as a backup
2. Pick the size to insert - (a) pinky, (b) dildo, etc.
3. Use a glove.
4. Choose a comfortable position.
5. Dry first, lube later - (a) barely touch with dry finger of glove or butt plug, (b) then put the lube in, and (c) go in until the anus puckers.
6. No drugs.
7. Wait until insertion is comfortable, and then move in.

Yeah I didn’t read any of that. I’m a woman. I hate anal sex. All the numbered lists in the world won’t change my feelings on it.

OP may be the same.