First story published, looking for feedback

[Bayzapper10]

https://www.literotica.com/s/assignments-ch-01

After lurking and reading for awhile, my first story is on the site. I would like some feedback.

 

[MrMrsMrsMr]

Assignment completed. Well done. Ward against over inventive images. Over all, well written and erotic.

The real test of a writer is how they handle feedback.

 

[AlinaX]

I quite like doing it this way:

Ping!

 

[Bayzapper10]

Assignment completed. Well done. Ward against over inventive images. Over all, well written and erotic.

The real test of a writer is how they handle feedback.

Thank you for your feedback and your nice comment/rating! Having the first one and it being a good one is definitely appreciated.

Ward against over inventive images

Do you mean less descriptive and more “left to the reader’s imagination”?

The “slap” was good but not interspersed with the moans and vocalizations? Or more “facing down she screamed into the sheets” instead of “she was face down and I held one leg in the air while I rammed into her causing her whole body to shake until she orgasmed, screaming into the sheets.”

That was my wife’s concern, too much detail, “Let people imagine more…”.

As far as “twitch and roll” , I wear loose overalls at work, boxers instead of briefs, so there is movement when I am aroused- which has been happening a lot lately!

 

[Bayzapper10]

I quite like doing it this way:

Ping!

Thank you!