Shake My Head. Lol
yeah that was why i apologized, we need to pivot. funny in the moment but can be taken too far.
Best work snacks?
Thanks, Rafe.
Being women doesn’t inherently mean we want to submit, and it absolutely doesn’t mean we want to submit to you
Then why are you laughing as you apologize?im only playing, don't be mad at me mia! i apologize.
because something can be funny and you can still apologize that in the moment someone would take it too far. unintended consequences.
I've made some hellacious "educational aids/implements" if you'd like to borrow them... There's not a doubt in my mind that you can help him "see the light" in short fashion!
ok, there is a clear miscommunication happening here. perhaps its my fault, i dont really know. i wasnt asking holly or you or anyone else to submit to me. i was making a passing joke to you ladies enjoying when a number of the men here try to submit to you. i felt comfortable enough in my interactions with holly to make the joke based on what she had said and was reacting based on her reactions.
I think the issue is, every time I have teased you in turn, about you submitting, you’ve given a terse and seemingly serious response, pointing out you don’t do that
thats fair and i will take it under advisement. although, i wasnt asking anyone to submit to me, wasnt even joking about, i was joking about my submitting to holly. it appears to me that you are fine teasing others about submitting to you but when its reversed or you feel like someone is trying to dominate you it becomes serious and unwelcomed, which again is fine if thats what is happening. dominating and submitting are barely even a part of my sexuality. its a game i am willing to play and find that i can enjoy when i am allowed to be the dominate party. i dont need to rehash or go into further explanation. i am not the least bit misogynistic, show enormous respect for women, just voted for a woman to be president in fact. i am attracted to strong, smart, intelligent women and treat them as such. so all i can do is ask that you reevaluate how you are interpreting me. i will limit my interactions in this thread from now and will try to watch what i say, but i am not going to walk on egg shells or be mischaracterized. im sorry we are even having to have this discussion. i wont make jokes anymore.
Or you could accept the feedback, have a brief think about why what you said got that response, relax and continue enjoying
I think I should start reading to the end of the thread, before I attempt to inject lighthearted (but conceivably dark) humor into the thread, vs the "post as I read" which I've been doing...
i appreciate that liz, as someone who is just starting to understand how and why i communicate so differently than the average person, i become greatly frustrated when these things happen and i have no idea how to rectify it. from my perspective i am being greatly misunderstood, trying to explain that misunderstanding, being judged based on the misunderstanding, and being asked to think about my behavior based on the misunderstanding. when none of the judgements are even valid. how someone perceives me is based on their biases, mood, thought process, opinions etc. i can attempt to be clear about my intentions but if someone isn't willing to hear it or understand that either then i am at a loss. how many people even took what i said the way one other person did? i think the conversation was fine until someone else took it too far and then someone else wanted to weigh in. obviously im flustered but i feel like its justified. and as far as accepting the feedback and moving on, thats not how a neurodivergent brain works...ill probably still be having this conversation in my head tomorrow. ugh.
Rafe, IMHO, you articulate your thoughts EXTREMELY WELL and you come across as very sincere, as well!
Because he uses humor to cover how uncomfortable he is at times. It's a coping mechanism that some people employ in those situations.
i do want to understand, obviously i dont understand the "rules" to "dom/sub" relationships, as a neurodivergent the rules wouldn't make sense to me anyway unless they were logical and rational. how about we just drop any context of bdsm relationships to begin with. in my mind the person receiving is the person submitting, the person acting is the person in control and dominating, if im somehow getting that wrong, ugh. exhausting.I'm very sorry my silly joke set off such unhappiness.
Rafe, I don't want to speak for Mia, but the thing that I noticed that could be interpreted as misogynistic was when you went from teasing about me offering to give a blowjob and you being "willing" to submit. That implies that women are here to perform blowjobs, and you get to decide whether you "submit" to one. It is a complete twisting of anything that has to do with submission in the context of D/s relationships.
I responded with further jokes because I believe you didn't intend offense. But Mia is right - it's important for you to understand why it was offensive. And it seems you DO want to understand, which is a good thing. My tendency to laugh things off isn't always best, and sometimes doesn't really reflect how I'm feeling.
I hope peace can return to our little world. It's a good discussion to have, because we can't have peace if we don't understand the other people in our world.
Is it safe to come out now?
Fair point, thank you. I do the same sometimes
