Cock Talk

[wrodgers89]

What is your preferred method of birth control?

-Condoms. That way I don’t have to worry about someone else’s sexual health or prescriptions.

Does condom use affect women’s enjoyment of sex?

-I obviously cannot speak to that but I like trying new and fun condoms to see what they may like.

For most (all) guys, using a condom is not nearly as enjoyable, in some cases not enjoyable at all, for many women the pill causes problems, so how do you navigate that?

-You just deal with it. Women deal with enough in this world without us needing to say the sex feels good but not *as* good.

Is safe sex boring sex?

-If you’re having boring sex in any context, you’re doing it wrong.

Have you ever found a condom that fits just right?

-Not really. I remember in college, they had a whole bowl at the health center. Took some home, tried to use one and it didn’t fit, unfortunately. Some it’s a length thing, some a girth thing, I guess I’m just the Goldilocks of condoms.

Have you, or your partner, had a vasectomy? Would you/he?

-Nope but I would, I suppose.

If you use condoms, due to sex with a lot of people, are you more afraid of pregnancy or disease?

-Long-term, you worry about those things but in the moment when blood flow is toward the south, you aren’t as thoughtful as you should be.

If you could go back and ask your Sex Ed teacher a question, what would it be?

-Why did they let the gym teachers teach us about dodgeball one day and sex the next?

 

[Bbl87]

What is your preferred method of birth control?

-Hace had a vasectomy, so that pretty much covers it.

Does condom use affect women’s enjoyment of sex?

-It did for my wife when we went back to them pre-vasectomy.

For most (all) guys, using a condom is not nearly as enjoyable, in some cases not enjoyable at all, for many women the pill causes problems, so how do you navigate that?

-I feel like that's up to the couple how you balance the factors.

Is safe sex boring sex?

-I don't think so.

Have you ever found a condom that fits just right?

-Pretty close. Of course it was at the very end of using them, ha. Skyn Elite Larges were far and away the best fit for me. I didn't realize what a proper fitting condom felt like, thought the tight feel was normal all those years.

Have you, or your partner, had a vasectomy? Would you/he?

-I have, a couple years ago.

If you use condoms, due to sex with a lot of people, are you more afraid of pregnancy or disease?

N/A for me, in our context when we did it was all about pregnancy.

If you could go back and ask your Sex Ed teacher a question, what would it be?

-Why is it called birth control, shouldn't it really be called conception control?

 

[darkelf9]

Back in the '70's in the before times, fashion meant that jeans for guys had the bell bottom style jeans, but we called them Flares due to the flared legs, hence the name. The main issue with them was not the fact they covered your shoes and the heals so the bottom seams would drag on the ground, it was in fact the crotch area. It wasn't cool to wear belts back in the '70's even though all jeans had belt loops, so these Flares were tighter around the waist and front panel. Downside was your junk got swashed and when you sat down it was like you were presenting your balls to world. So man spreading was the only real option. And forget trying to cross your legs. If you tried to, the seam around the zip would try to chop your dick off. It was painful. Later they came out with a "relaxed" version around the crotch area. When I was in high school in the '70's the girls not be outdone would shorten the dresses of their school uniform to the point that when they sat down you could see their underwear then they would get aggressive towards any boy that tried to perv. That didn't happen to me cause I worked out if you didn't try to perv they would come and sit next to you, a fact my mates in school never worked out and would ask why those girls would come and talk to me and not them. And of course the other standard bit of clothing worn by the cool girls was black lace chokers and dark black and blue eye shadow to the point it looked like they had been punched in face. Girls these days are much better at make up.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Back in the '70's in the before times, fashion meant that jeans for guys had the bell bottom style jeans, but we called them Flares due to the flared legs, hence the name. The main issue with them was not the fact they covered your shoes and the heals so the bottom seams would drag on the ground, it was in fact the crotch area. It wasn't cool to wear belts back in the '70's even though all jeans had belt loops, so these Flares were tighter around the waist and front panel. Downside was your junk got swashed and when you sat down it was like you were presenting your balls to world. So man spreading was the only real option. And forget trying to cross your legs. If you tried to, the seam around the zip would try to chop your dick off. It was painful. Later they came out with a "relaxed" version around the crotch area. When I was in high school in the '70's the girls not be outdone would shorten the dresses of their school uniform to the point that when they sat down you could see their underwear then they would get aggressive towards any boy that tried to perv. That didn't happen to me cause I worked out if you didn't try to perv they would come and sit next to you, a fact my mates in school never worked out and would ask why those girls would come and talk to me and not them. And of course the other standard bit of clothing worn by the cool girls was black lace chokers and dark black and blue eye shadow to the point it looked like they had been punched in face. Girls these days are much better at make up.

https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ClgaH85ddWY/UxCiZw-UNKI/AAAAAAAAimo/AO86TbltgKw/s1600/BU08e.JPG
They should have called them Dick Splitters!

I’ll take Carpenter jeans over those any day.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Cummunication
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMzk5NjE5Nzc0NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDU0MTgwNA@@._V1_.jpg

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?
It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?
What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?
How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?
What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?
Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?
What steps would you take if they did?
How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?
Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Cummunication
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMzk5NjE5Nzc0NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDU0MTgwNA@@._V1_.jpg

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?

Yes. And because it's essential.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

Offer advice when it's requested. Otherwise just listen and empathize.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

Talk regularly

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

Divorce them.

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

Ex-wife...the "I'm unhappy" talk. Then the final divorce talk.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

Maybe a little. I think I'm okay to talk to but when it comes to talking about myself I have trouble. I kbow what its like to open up and get belittled.

What steps would you take if they did?

Listen, ask what they need.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

Honest to a fault. I hide nothing

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Nothing negative I don't think.

 

[darkelf9]

Cummunication
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMzk5NjE5Nzc0NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDU0MTgwNA@@._V1_.jpg

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?
It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?
What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?
How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?
What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?
Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?
What steps would you take if they did?
How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?
Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Men who have been in a relationship for a number of years get selective deafness. Which ear depends on which side of the couch their partner is sitting.

 

[darkelf9]

Was going to visit a friend of mine and stay at her place interstate. She asked me when I was going to visit so I decided I would visit that particular holiday period. Our Christmas /New Year holidays are during our Summer here in Australia so the typical Summer wear of course is shorts. So since I was going to visit her I thought I would buy some new shorts to sleep in as I don't wear PJ's and don't wear boxers. Haven't worn PJ's since I was a kid. I just find them too restricting. Blokes don't usually try clothes on when out shopping for new clothes. It's a case of you know your size, you find it buy it and get the hell out of there. Some women will say men have the same attitude to shopping as they do to having sex. Just get in and get out. As a bloke, if you haven't completed shopping for clothes within 1hr, you're doing it wrong. So anyway, I got home and washed the new shorts then packed them away in the suitcase.

Got to my friend's place and it was the usual hugs and kisses. We're very close friends but not FWB. So the next morning wearing the new shorts they felt a bit short and thin compared to what I would normally wear and I go commando when sleeping and when at home, so without thinking I walked into her kitchen. For once she was actually up early and sitting on the couch in the open kitchen. It's normal for Aussie homes to have an open plan seating area and kitchen combined. She is a petite woman so compared to my height and size she only comes up to my shoulder. With her position on the couch her head was level with my waist. She blinked, took a look at my shorts then looked up at me then back at my crotch. It didn't register to me as to why the sly grin on her face. Not till I got back to the bedroom and looked in the mirror did I see these shorts were much shorter than I realised and very very thin. The package was well defined. She must of thought I was trying to prank her. Well later that night when we were making dinner, and yes I can cook, she got back at me by coming up behind me and placing a boob against my back whilst I was chopping vegies and she was talking about what we were going to do the next day. Was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. She does have nice boobs as I've observed over the years. She just kept the conversion going and said nothing about her boob pressed against my back. I thought, well you got me.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Cummunication
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMzk5NjE5Nzc0NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDU0MTgwNA@@._V1_.jpg

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?

Yes. 25 years three kids and 1 million other little things makes it so we talk often. Does that mean that he can always give me what I need, no. But that doesn’t mean that I have not communicated with him about it. It also doesn’t mean that he has not communicated back to me about his needs.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

Just listen. There’s this thing called active listening, where you listen to hear not listen so that you can respond. A lot of people only listen so they can say something back to someone else. Don’t do that.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him so I think that makes a difference.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

Now you’re talking about my parents. My dad and Mom could stand staring at each other having a whole conversation and they would each be talking about something different and the other would have no idea. My dad was mildly narcissistic, and my mother was oblivious and it started limiting her life, then she realized that my dad was not a positive positive partner

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

That I was going to leave him. And had enough of being second to everything else and I figured I could at least get him to spend some time with his kids if I wasn’t there all the time. So coparenting and separate households, having my life separate from him other than the kids sounded like a really good idea.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

Yes. Sometimes I err on the side of being quiet rather than talkative and I wait for him to say what he has to say. I guess that can be considered difficult. However, if you look at my face, you can see every thought.

What steps would you take if they did?

Listen. Try to understand why he feels that way. Ask him to say more.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

I used to send him pictures and porn and dirty voice notes, suggestions of what we could do. I still do sometimes. I have never felt like I couldn’t share what I wanted or needed. I know for a fact I have never shamed anything He’s been interested in.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Well, we were swingers for a while.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner?

Yes, I believe that we communicate well.

Why?

As in why have good communication? Because it's a key factor in making relationships work for all those involved.

As in why do I think I have good communication with my partner? Because we make it a priority and check in often with each other. Because we try to learn from our past communication mistakes.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

Be an engaged listener. Don't interrupt. Empathize. Don't offer advice or solutions without asking if they are wanted.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

Checking in with my partner. Asking how he feels or what he thinks about a given situation. Trying to be a good listener.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

Conscious uncoupling

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

Talking to my husband about my desire to chat with other people on Lit.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

I would be surprised if it was for a reason that I didn't already know, as we've been together for 30 years. I'm far from perfect, but I do try to know my problem areas.

What steps would you take if they did?

I would listen to his concerns, work hard not to be defensive about the feedback, and ask him how I could make communicating with me easier.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

Pretty damn honest. This has been tough at times because my needs and desires don't always match up with his.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

I don't believe so.

 

[Mei5ter]

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship

Do we?

This is one of those things which sounds so obvious that we don't even question it.

What does 'communication' mean in this context?

Imagine you're in a relationship which is blissfully happy in all respects, except...say...a mismatched sex drive. It causes some frustration sometimes, but it's always felt awkward to talk about it So, you don't. And you discreetly work out ways of dealing with the situation, quietly, and with minimal fuss. And everything works just fine, and you're still blissfully happy.

Alternatively, because you've read something in Cosmopolitan (because it's still 1997 in my world), you decide that Communication Is Key To A Healthy Relationship. And so you talk to each other with great openness and candour, because you've read that this will make you both happy and will fix everything for you.

Unfortunately, it turns out that you explain to one another, with great openness and candour, that you are utterly sexually incompatible. And, in fact, one of you is curious about something which the other thinks is so icky that they can't see you in the same way ever again.

And you break up. Yay communication.

So sometimes, when everything else is working just perfectly, maybe it's better to shut the fuck up about the 2% which isn't? Or would you rather insist on laying it all out there and risk the whole shooting match for that 2%? Either way, do feel free to communicate your opinion - with great openness and candour, please.

 

[Endless_Night]

Freaky picture, dude.

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?
I mean, I certainly try. I am a verbose little thing.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

So many reasons:

-There's a difference between venting, making a random comment, and asking for advice. If in doubt, ask. That said, you should not have to listen to someone complain endlessly about the same old same old.
-Active listening rather than listening enough to respond, as @MedicalMuse said.
-People get into patterns and just tune out.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open
I'm the sort who says what is on their mind.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?
It's time to exit.

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?
Saying I needed to open the relationship sexually or end the relationship.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?
Not really. Communication is tough. I am as set in my ways as anyone.

What steps would you take if they did?
Listen. Figure out how to deal with the situation.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?
I no longer have those conversations with my SO. We are not sexually compatible. On the rare occasion I've played on Lit, I try to be very honest and open.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?
Shared? No. It rather did blow my mind that he preferred to stay together and open the relationship rather than separate. And that its seemed such an easy decision. He'd been refusing for years.

It was like he sat up and said: Oh. You're serious?

People are so confusing.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Do we?

This is one of those things which sounds so obvious that we don't even question it.

What does 'communication' mean in this context?

Imagine you're in a relationship which is blissfully happy in all respects, except...say...a mismatched sex drive. It causes some frustration sometimes, but it's always felt awkward to talk about it So, you don't. And you discreetly work out ways of dealing with the situation, quietly, and with minimal fuss. And everything works just fine, and you're still blissfully happy.

Alternatively, because you've read something in Cosmopolitan (because it's still 1997 in my world), you decide that Communication Is Key To A Healthy Relationship. And so you talk to each other with great openness and candour, because you've read that this will make you both happy and will fix everything for you.

Unfortunately, it turns out that you explain to one another, with great openness and candour, that you are utterly sexually incompatible. And, in fact, one of you is curious about something which the other thinks is so icky that they can't see you in the same way ever again.

And you break up. Yay communication.

So sometimes, when everything else is working just perfectly, maybe it's better to shut the fuck up about the 2% which isn't? Or would you rather insist on laying it all out there and risk the whole shooting match for that 2%? Either way, do feel free to communicate your opinion - with great openness and candour, please.

I like being open. It’s not for everyone and you should do what works for you. I’m not you, so I expect your perspective to be different from mine. Is that bad or wrong? No. Just different.

That in itself is a form of communication. Understanding your partner enough to know where the hard limits lie…. That’s communication. Knowing you’ll push a boundary too far? Communication. You’ve picked up signals.

Just because you don’t share all aspects of yourself with a partner doesn’t mean you aren’t still incredibly effective at communicating with each other.

I definitely don’t share everything in my head with anyone else. I keep some things for me.

 

[Endless_Night]

Do we?

I do.

Imagine you're in a relationship which is blissfully happy in all respects, except...say...a mismatched sex drive. It causes some frustration sometimes, but it's always felt awkward to talk about it So, you don't. And you discreetly work out ways of dealing with the situation, quietly, and with minimal fuss. And everything works just fine, and you're still blissfully happy.

I found this interesting. I absolutely believe people do feel this way, and practice such. Many people. Maybe most.

It strikes me as having two touchstones. Would you accord this latitude to your partner? Does your partner feel the same way? If the answer to both of those is yes, then perfect! If the answer is no to either one, not so great.

For me, I need honesty. If I am committed to someone, in whatever context, I'll move heaven and earth to find a way for them to be happy. Even if I'm not committed, that might be true, if there were good reasons to maintain the relationship.

If it's not something that can be worked out? Well, then I want to have my choice as to whether as to move on. And I want them to have their choice.

Everyone has different priorities in what makes a relationship work for them. For me, honestly, openness, communication are paramount. If I found out a partner had, "discreetly worked out ways of dealing with the situation," without discussing it with me first? That would end things. Period. No higher court of appeal.

 

[Endless_Night]

I definitely don’t share everything in my head with anyone else. I keep some things for me.

This made me laugh. What a terrifying thought. For them, not myself. No one wants to know everything that's going on in my head. Like, ever.


Your signature line is killing me, by the way.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Cummunication


We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?

Sometimes. Because sometimes we put in the effort and sometimes we don’t. Also there are some topics that we do really well discussing, and other things that we just don’t see eye-to-eye about.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

I think that looking at the reason behind why women want to be heard (huge generalization) and why someone offers advice, is a good start. Trying to see things from another persons POV helps to be empathetic and understanding.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

Try to choose a good time to talk about something difficult. Not right after work. Not in the middle of a traffic jam. Not during the best part of a favorite show. Not while they have had a shit day already. Maybe preplan it? “Hey, I’d like to talk about ___. How about tomorrow night when the kids are at soccer?” Or some other time that at least shows some forethought.

And don’t wait until your anger is built up because then your (my) temper erupts and you say things that are not at all helpful.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

This is very frustrating and at this point you need to take measures to take care of yourself. Whether that is leaving, or staying but making sure you have what you need for yourself.

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

That I was unhappy the way things were in our relationship.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

No I would not be surprised.

What steps would you take if they did?

Go to couple and individual counseling- although that was my suggestion, not his. He doesn’t seem to think I’m that difficult.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

This has changed over the years. I started off thinking that what I wanted was not “proper” and so I felt uncomfortable sharing that with him. As I got more comfortable with myself, I was more honest with myself and with him about my interests.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

That he was not at all sexually curious and he is completely satisfied with things as they are. That’s not a bad thing, just very different from how I feel.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

That he was not at all sexually curious and he is completely satisfied with things as they are. That’s not a bad thing, just very different from how I feel.

It's not?!?!

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

It's not?!?!

Him being completely satisfied? No that’s not a bad thing. For him.

Edited to add: my point is not meant to be self-congratulatory; I just mean that he’s happy the way things are.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

Him being completely satisfied? No that’s not a bad thing. For him.

I wasn't worried about him

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I wasn't worried about him

This is such a hard topic to discuss.

On one hand, you don’t want to be insensitive to your partner. On the other, you want to be true to yourself.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

This is such a hard topic to discuss.

On one hand, you don’t want to be insensitive to your partner. On the other, you want to be true to yourself.

I exited my marriage over it

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Cummunication

We seem to agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship, but then why are so many people struggling to communicate?

Do you have good communication with your partner? Why?

About the operations of the house, kids, bills, etc.? Yes. About what we need as people? Nope. She's very much on the extreme side of all things conservative and I am not with an ever widening gap. Also, it's more like I'm raising another child instead of having a mate.

It’s often said that “women just want to be heard”. And when you offer advice (solutions), they look at you like you’re the biggest douchebag on the planet, how do we get around this?

I heard somebody call it the Chick-fil-A Method. At the onset, ask, how are you and what would you like from me? This sets the tone and expectations.

What steps do you take to keep the lines of communication open?

I've been shut down far too many times, I listen, do what I can, but share nothing from within myself. It's the only way we plow on.

How do you deal with a partner who is impossible to communicate with or doesn’t see that there is a problem?

I tried openly talking, we've been in marriage counseling for 4 years, and all it's done is make the machine of the family work more smoothly. There is zero emotional intimacy. I don't really "deal" with anything, just do what I have to and shut up and color.

What was one of the hardest honest conversations you ever had with a partner?

I'm not going to share the hardest one, but we've dealt with the end-of-life topic already. There was a time, in our late 20s, that doctors were going to send my wife home to die before my wife literally talked them into a novel procedure that had never been done before, they weren't even aware of it. She was the subject of the article that was published in the Journal of Neurosurgery in Feb 2016.

Would you be surprised if your partner told you that you were difficult to talk to?

Ha! Nope!

What steps would you take if they did?

I've tried everything I've been told to. Sometimes, you just can't please someone.

How open and honest are you about your sexual needs, thoughts, desires and perversions with your partner?

Not a chance in hell. Nope. I tried to once, it killed an already dying sex life. She knows next to nothing about me, sexually.

Has your partner ever shared something with you that blew your mind?

Nope.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

It was like he sat up and said: Oh. You're serious?

People are so confusing.

I had a very similar experience during a discussion about what I needed to change.

I really don’t like it when I’m not taken seriously.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I exited my marriage over it

There isn’t the right reaction emoji for this.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

There isn’t the right reaction emoji for this.

Yeah, where is the eggplant one when you need it?