Writing From the Opposite Gender's POV

[Flybynite1892]

I'm curious about yall's experience with this, and what worked and what didn't. In non-erotic fiction, I do try to write POV characters who don't have a gender identity I'd identify with, but it feels different in erotica, I guess. Most of my stories here had submissive guy main characters mostly because that's who I am in real life, and I wanted to stay in my lane, I guess; I didn't want to misrepresent something or push a bad stereotype by writing about stuff I don't have lived experience with.

I'm working on a story now though where a fair amount of the story is told from a woman's point of view. That wasn't really intentional, it was just how the story went. So, I guess my question would be what has been your experience writing from the point of a view of a gender that isn't yours? And also...what are some ways that you've seen it go really wrong?

 

[Omenainen]

Personally I don’t believe in opposite genders. I’ve never struggled writing from any gender, and since you’re already doing the same in your other fiction, I don’t see why you should either. Just take a swing and have fun! It’s not so difficult and it’s not so serious.

 

[SimonDoom]

There have been many threads on this subject before, so I'd recommend checking them out to see what's been said before on the subject.

I don't hesitate to write from different POVs. I think it's fun and interesting, and I haven't found it especially difficult to write from the point of view of a woman. My readers seem to be OK with it as well.

I think your best bet to avoid having it "go really wrong" is to focus on characters as people, irrespective of gender.

 

[Flybynite1892]

There have been many threads on this subject before, so I'd recommend checking them out to see what's been said before on the subject.

I don't hesitate to write from different POVs. I think it's fun and interesting, and I haven't found it especially difficult to write from the point of view of a woman. My readers seem to be OK with it as well.

I think your best bet to avoid having it "go really wrong" is to focus on characters as people, irrespective of gender.

Dang, sorry, I didn't see the other threads before I posted this. I'll go give them a read.

And yeah, I generally find just writing interesting people is always the way to a better story. It's good to know readers seemed to be OK with it too.

 

[AG31]

I'm female and all but two of my 11 stories are from the male POV. A couple of well regarded male AH members have told me that the POV sounds genuine.

But it's not something I decided to do or worked at. I just hit a point in my life where almost all my fantasies are male POV and my stories are just records of my fantasies.

 

[Flybynite1892]

I was actually super curious about your take on this, @AG31. I'd seen a previous comment from you where you mentioned writing from submissive guys' point of view and I was wondering if that ever felt strange, or if it all just kind of fell into place naturally.

 

[SimonDoom]

Dang, sorry,

No need to be sorry. We all do this. Every question has been asked before. It's not a reason not to keep asking the questions.

 

[YDB95]

I've written quite a few from a woman's point of view, with few complaints. I'm sure I've gotten some stuff wrong, but if we let that stop us from writing about anyone different from us, our work would get really boring really fast!

Incidentally, one of the few complaints I have received was a comment in response to one of my all time highest-rated stories, Beware the Quiet One: "Nice story, but the way you write about women makes it pretty obvious that you’re not one." Since I am indeed not a woman, I'm sure that's true, but it's worth noting the reviewer did not reveal hir own gender, nor did s/he offer up any examples of what I got wrong!

 

[AG31]

I was actually super curious about your take on this, @AG31. I'd seen a previous comment from you where you mentioned writing from submissive guys' point of view and I was wondering if that ever felt strange, or if it all just kind of fell into place naturally.

It fell into place naturally (no effort on my part), but it was strange. See the afterword to Twelve Maxbridge Street. (I know, I know, I spelled "afterword" wrong. But I don't want to clog up the Lit pipeline with a fix. There are some other details about my writing in my bio.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

what has been your experience writing from the point of a view of a gender that isn't yours?

I wrote a story from the first-person POV of a woman being harassed by a creepy male boss. I had female readers tell me it was realistic enough they found it unpleasant to read. Thanks, I think?

Snowed In with a Predator
Junior analyst turns the tables on her shoe fetishist boss.

what are some ways that you've seen it go really wrong?

https://www.reddit.com/r/menwritingwomen/comments/740ypq/she_breasted_boobily

(That subreddit has many other examples.)

 

[AG31]

I was actually super curious about your take on this, @AG31. I'd seen a previous comment from you where you mentioned writing from submissive guys' point of view and I was wondering if that ever felt strange, or if it all just kind of fell into place naturally.

Another thing, that isn't in my Afterword, that might be relevant to your query, is that while I do, apparently, depict a male POV fairly successfully, I never attempt to describe a male's desire for another, male or female. Well, a couple of sentences in my first book. My MCs are always recipients of the action, 90% BDSM.

 

[lovecraft68]

I wanted to stay in my lane, I guess; I didn't want to misrepresent something or push a bad stereotype by writing about stuff I don't have lived experience with.

If this is a big concern, you may want to stop writing.

Every story is going to have a reader(s) that are put off by it for some reason often even when there really isn't one.

I'll add as long as it's a sincere effort and you're not being over the top insulting in a deliberate way, but otherwise practice and trial and error are the only way to learn.

This is a comment I received yesterday. Take it for what it's worth because this is one opinion.

Anonymous1 day ago

I am exhaustively GOBSMACKED!

This is the best sex story I have EVER read. The story opened in a slow lazy, almost boring way. I feel totally, achingly and slowly seduced into this story. Only a women could have written this story with the sensitivity to detail of Josie's evolution ( in Kenny's eyes) from a loose,untidy unremarkable girl to a gamin that rolled her older brother's eye lids back with eye popping astonishment as she reappeared as a sex goddess before his gobsmacked eyes, tauntingly as she played his body like a violin.

The taboo reinforced the tension of this juicy transformation of Josie's personality engulfing her brother's prudish resistance and fears. This is a rousing 10 star story. I could only dream of cuddling-up in this author's feminine mind

I assure you this guy would want no part of my 'feminine' mind.

When you're writing, your lane is the entire highway where you speed past the concerns and complaints and just keep writing.

 

[SamBomb]

I've even written a story that was half from a man's pov and half from a woman's.

People are way too weird about gender, it's not like they are different species or anything.

 

[StillStunned]

I've even written a story that was half from a man's pov and half from a woman's.

People are way too weird about gender, it's not like they are different species or anything.

I agree. Just write people. My sci-fi series "The Dome" and my fantasy series "The Rivals", and my standalone sci-fi story "Not A Soul" all back and forth between male and female characters (and in "The Dome" even an AI).

(In "The Dome", the principal POV character is the boy Xero; in "The Rivals" it slowly shifted from an equal division to Avilia (female) becoming the default POV, and she's the POV I've used in the various follow-ups I've started.)

 

[Carnevil9]

I wrote a story from a female main character's perspective, in first person, just to see if I could pull it off. What I ended up doing was, I imagined a very good (female) friend of mine, and imagined that she was telling the story to me. Then I wrote what she would say. I think it worked pretty well. Certainly nobody complained about it and it got decent ratings.

 

[AG31]

I agree. Just write people.

Do you describe sexual desire from the female POV? I write from the male POV, but I don't describe desire. I don't understand male desire very well.

 

[StillStunned]

Do you describe sexual desire from the female POV? I write from the male POV, but I don't describe desire. I don't understand male desire very well.

I do (this story is told entirely from a woman's perspective, spread over three weeks: The Walled Garden). Most of my stories deal with more immediate arousal, though.

 

[LonRivers]

Writing from a male or female point of view is a lot easier that you think. It doesn't matter if you are male or female as long as you know how to love and lust. That's all it is. Hate doesn't change either. Desire doesn't change. Those things don't distinguish between sexes. it's what you as an author need to feel when you put "pen to paper".

Let yourself go. Feel your own emotions. It doesn't make you gay or bisexual because you can graphically depict a sex scene with two members of the same sex, and you can put forth to your readers the emotions conveyed within the story.

It makes you a writer.

Men and women can love, desire and lust after the same things. Cars, money, power, sex. It's the same object(s) of want that just happen to come from someone of the opposite sex. But it's all the same.

When you write, set your creative mind to "Bisexual" and run with it.

 

[Blind_Justice]

As a sci-fi/fantasy author, I have to be flexible enough to imagine the mindset of all kinds of alien creatures. Women are almost easy.

I've been told my characters, any gender, are well done.

 

[AG31]

Desire doesn't change.

Really??? I write from a male POV, though I'm female. But I find I don't have a sense for male desire. Unless it's maybe gay male?? Doesn't it matter whether you desire to penetrate or to be penetrated?

 

[MyBareTorso]

I've even written a story that was half from a man's pov and half from a woman's.

People are way too weird about gender, it's not like they are different species or anything.

Like others here, I have written stories where the same "event" is told, Rashomon-style, from the male and female perspectives. I'm sure many may find my female POV stories inauthentic, but I'm okay with that. They were fun to write! I like to write women drooling over my nude male MC! Don't get too hung up on it all.

 

[Voboy]

People are people.

Interesting people are worth writing about.

Their genital plumbing doesn't matter, in my experience. A well-formed character, written in an engaging way, will give readers someone they care about. If your story is better told from a female character's POV? Go with it. Male? Go with that. There's nothing monolithic about either gender's point of view that should disqualify you from writing however you choose.

 

[LonRivers]

Really??? I write from a male POV, though I'm female. But I find I don't have a sense for male desire. Unless it's maybe gay male?? Doesn't it matter whether you desire to penetrate or to be penetrated?

Desire doesn't change just because you are male or female. It is an extreme emotion to want something, sometimes it is so strong that it gets the best of you. Desire lets you know what you want, but maybe can't have or it forces you to work for it so that you can attain it.


Penetration is penetration. What is the difference between a mans penis or finger penetrating a woman's ass than a man's ass except for the amount of body hair or the muscle? Imagine what it would feel like to be a man having sex, what it feels like to penetrate another man or a woman. If you know what you feel like inside, then imagine what it feels like for a man.

The tip of a mans penis is basically the same as the female clitoris, just bigger. Use your imagination when being descriptive with your stories. It can't hurt, and if you are off, people will tell you.

I have written several stories from the female point of view, and not once has anyone corrected me. Male and Female readers. If you aren't sure, there are plenty of people here on LIT more than willing to help you.

 

[Voboy]

Desire doesn't change just because you are male or female. It is an extreme emotion to want something, sometimes it is so strong that it gets the best of you. Desire lets you know what you want, but maybe can't have or it forces you to work for it so that you can attain it.


Penetration is penetration. What is the difference between a mans penis or finger penetrating a woman's ass than a man's ass except for the amount of body hair or the muscle? Imagine what it would feel like to be a man having sex, what it feels like to penetrate another man or a woman. If you know what you feel like inside, then imagine what it feels like for a man.

The tip of a mans penis is basically the same as the female clitoris, just bigger. Use your imagination when being descriptive with your stories. It can't hurt, and if you are off, people will tell you.

I have written several stories from the female point of view, and not once has anyone corrected me. Male and Female readers. If you aren't sure, there are plenty of people here on LIT more than willing to help you.

The other thing is, everyone perceives these sensations differently. Women often don't agree among themselves about what an orgasm feels like. So if my female-POV account of a woman having an orgasm is a little different from what some female reader experiences herself? Who cares?

It still works as a story.

 

[LonRivers]

The other thing is, everyone perceives these sensations differently. Women often don't agree among themselves about what an orgasm feels like. So if my female-POV account of a woman having an orgasm is a little different from what some female reader experiences herself? Who cares?

It still works as a story.

Woman have many more erogenous zones on their body than men, but when it comes to the genitals, it all originates from the same area. The groin. The penis and the clitoris are the main source of that. It sends pleasures upward through the body to the brain and back down. So yes, how one perceives those pleasures depends on the two people involved.

Toes may curl, they may not. Nipples may harden, they may not. The penis, unless the partner is unclean, is always going to get hard if the male is healthy and virile.

Also, Ladies, men NEVER know what is going to turn them on. They may lust after only blondes, but then see a brunette or a red head that has them rushing for the KY. Men may desire younger college girls, but then some older woman turns them on more than any young lady ever has. We're not complex, we're confusing.