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Igor’s Goat
A parable: The Crazy Ivan
Igor was a struggling Ukrainian farmer in the remains of the collective system in the remains of the feudal system built on the barter of the most meager of resources. He was good buddies with Ivan, his dirt-poor, dirt-farm neighbor. They mainly grew beets. One day, a man representing the top boss of bosses in Moscow and the agricultural cultural attaché came to Igor and asked him what the government could do for him in the name of the People’s Seventeen-Year Plan for Agricultural Growth and Development. Igor thought about it for a while and told the man, “I could use a heifer. It would give me milk, cheese, maybe a calf, and eventually, meat and it could live off of this scrub that Moscow calls land.”
The Kremlin, in its benevolence and incompetence, managed to issue Igor a goat which they deemed would be more economical. It was mean, stinky, not a great producer of milk, and not a cow, but, it was a leg up in the world for Igor and all of Igor’s neighbors could see it and they were not happy for him, talking furtively about him and ostracizing his family for being undeservedly “rich” and “lucky.” They were jealous of him and resented him especially when he could afford a goose for a modest Christmas Day feast even though he invited Ivan and his family over to share in his good fortune.
The next spring, the Kremlin’s agricultural agents again selected a farmer to enter as a model for their program because Igor was lobbying for another goat, for breeding, and all they had to offer was a pullet due to budget cuts which reflected decreased tax revenues due to the failure of the Seventeen-Year Plan. So, the new directors of the plan came to Ivan and asked him what the government could do for him in the name of the improved People’s Nineteen-Year Plan for Agricultural Growth and Development. Ivan did not need to think about it.
“Kill Igor’s goat.”
A parable: The Crazy Ivan
Igor was a struggling Ukrainian farmer in the remains of the collective system in the remains of the feudal system built on the barter of the most meager of resources. He was good buddies with Ivan, his dirt-poor, dirt-farm neighbor. They mainly grew beets. One day, a man representing the top boss of bosses in Moscow and the agricultural cultural attaché came to Igor and asked him what the government could do for him in the name of the People’s Seventeen-Year Plan for Agricultural Growth and Development. Igor thought about it for a while and told the man, “I could use a heifer. It would give me milk, cheese, maybe a calf, and eventually, meat and it could live off of this scrub that Moscow calls land.”
The Kremlin, in its benevolence and incompetence, managed to issue Igor a goat which they deemed would be more economical. It was mean, stinky, not a great producer of milk, and not a cow, but, it was a leg up in the world for Igor and all of Igor’s neighbors could see it and they were not happy for him, talking furtively about him and ostracizing his family for being undeservedly “rich” and “lucky.” They were jealous of him and resented him especially when he could afford a goose for a modest Christmas Day feast even though he invited Ivan and his family over to share in his good fortune.
The next spring, the Kremlin’s agricultural agents again selected a farmer to enter as a model for their program because Igor was lobbying for another goat, for breeding, and all they had to offer was a pullet due to budget cuts which reflected decreased tax revenues due to the failure of the Seventeen-Year Plan. So, the new directors of the plan came to Ivan and asked him what the government could do for him in the name of the improved People’s Nineteen-Year Plan for Agricultural Growth and Development. Ivan did not need to think about it.
“Kill Igor’s goat.”
