What Women Want

[Thesunmaid]

Hello all,

So! As we all know...we ladies like to fuck just as much as the gents, (for those guys reading this and rolling their eyes and saying no they don't! sit down I am trying to help you here.)

Also...Women do not have to try as hard to get attention then men..We can just show up in a room and a female sounding name and chances are you will get at least a few pm's with out even having to say anything. Just seem like you might own tits and a vagina. Is it fair? Not really...but is it reality? Absolutely!

As a woman on the internet we will get unwanted pm's and sometimes we have to get aggressive to make them realize we are not interested although I do have some gentlemen when I say no I am not interested, they accept it and move on with their day (points at those guys. You guys keep it the fuck up...you are appreciated even if we are not interested in your rp idea)

Although I am a chat mod/admin I still get pm's from people wanting me to rp and such which yes I am flattered that anyone wants to play with an old lady like me...but other times some do not take rejection well...and they really need to work on it.

So what I want is ladies! tell me....what are you looking in a chat/RP partner? Tell me the things you are looking for....the things that make you immediately go Nope! and what makes you think hmm ok maybe this person is worth talking to? Think of your regular chat partners and the ones you want to play with and make your brain (and body)go mmm yes baby. Guys I really would like to help you out here.

I can start...Don't send me porn or a picture of your dick. Oh you have a huge dick? So do 30 other guys what are you going to do to stand out? Why should I take time out of my day to talk to you?

Read profiles and have a profile I can read..also interact in the room. If you have a blank profile...or start a conversation with me asking all the things I have on my profile which I took the time to write so I don't have to repeat myself over and over telling every pm the same thing I will point you to my profile..its not me saying fuck off...it is me saying make the minimum of effort. Also I want to know about you...what are your kinks and interests?

and if your name is like Texasbob....don't start the conversation with "Hi I am bob from Texas!" Hmm here I thought your name was Steve and you were from Michigan. Or if your kink is in your name...its also not necessary to say if your name is Spankdaddy54 that you are looking for a baby girl who is into spanking and I am 54...

Those are my main ones...oh and one more thing...if we say no to you...don't accuse me of being a man pretending to be a woman...or being a lesbian. First...there is nothing wrong with either of those...But, Understand a lesbian does not want your cock. Get over it...and some people might be trying to figure out their sexuality and or gender...and that's also ok. So while someone might have a real time cock...they can still be a woman. (and I don't wanna hear from the turfs..hush. Trans woman are woman...trans men are men if you don't want to fuck them that's a preference but you don't have to be a fucktard about it. Someone telling you that they are trans is hard and a lot of bad reactions are unnecessary.)

But for me personally...someone sitting in the room pissing and moaning about how we are all actually men pretending to be ladies...yeah sorry but huge red flag. It's not going to make me go ooh I must try harder to prove I have a pussy! I will just move onto the guys who are sexy and awesome.

Also if you are going to go off and name names....don't. Your post will be removed. Keep it anonymous and if it is a really bad interaction my pms are open.


So Yes ladies...please help me help the dudes here...Tell them what will make you want to talk to them and maybe we can all find out what we want and have some nice orgasms and rp's together. And yes I will repeat myself...Ladies like to fuck just as much as men sometimes more..so lets hear what gets your motors running and your lady bits wet.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

@The_Id This thread could be promising in relation to your thread in the How To forum.

 

[Velle_]

Ohhh, the topic post of my dreams!

Number one PM-related annoyance? Any PM that starts with a term of abuse, or assumes that I wish to be referred to as (and this is not by any means a complete list): slut, bitch, whore, cunt, pigfuck, fuckmeat, etc. I don't know you, and there's no reason that you need to start out on that note. I have said this before, and I will probably die with these words on my lips:

Just because we're a bunch of perverts doesn't mean we can't have manners!​

​

Similarly, don't assume that just because I'm on Lit Chat, that I'm available. I know that many of the men reading this realise that the women on Lit are here for their own reasons -- but being sexed up is not always one of them.

95% of the time I'm on Lit, I'm starred up and moderating, which means I'm not really available for chatting, casual or more intense -- I need to be available for people who need a moderator's help. Of course, if you'd read my profile (see @Thesunmaid's excellent point above regarding this), you'd know that the other 5% of the time, I'm still post-menopausal and have zero libido.*

​

​

Stuff that turned me on, back in the day?

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Intelligence (which doesn't always mean "big words," but if you have an excellent vocabulary, I'm into that).​

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Wit (everyone's sense of humour is different, to be sure. But I'm attracted to people who make me laugh).​

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Manners (there's always time to descend into ruder talk later, but you only get to make one first impression).​

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Kindness (which easily can be seen in how you interact with other chatters).​

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Generosity (in terms of being willing to go outside your comfort zone to try something I like a lot, with the understanding that the favour will be returned).​

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Sexual imagination (because even if tiramisu is my favourite dessert, it doesn't mean I won't want cheesecake from time to time).​

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Attention to detail (virtual "listening" -- paying attention to things I've said in chat, and incorporating that information into our play -- if I say that I'm not into breath play, hard limit, and then later you reach up to put your hand around my neck, I know you're either a) inattentive, b) lazy, or c) selfish to the point of pushing past my stated limits).​

​

I'm sure I've left something out, but I'll stop here.


*No, I don't want your condolences. No, I don't want to hear about what worked for your wife's sister's boss' cousin -- I have excellent doctors and the reasons for my course of treatment are private. No, I don't believe that it's just that I've not had "the right dick yet." Thank you for your concern.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

I feel Velle has pretty much said what I would have said, but I will add my own iterations.
I'd say the vast majority of male PMs are politely declined, mostly for red flags, but also for being frankly boring or annoying.

Red flags include but are not limited to:

• A disturbingly aggressive cold RP scenario in lieu of a greeting, detailed enough to churn my stomach.
• A cold greeting in which you refer to me by objectifying names (many of which Velle listed above).
• "May I ask a question?" 9.9 times out of 10, that question is going to be something completely off the chain in the weirdest and creepiest way.
• Doing the thing when you were specifically asked not to do the thing because I am not into the thing that you really, really want to do, apparently. I have told men that dick pics and the like are not my thing. Guess what? Have a dick pic! That's a huge no. Same thing goes with saying, for instance, that I do not like to have Cheetos eaten off my breasts. But then all you want to talk about is that, or worse yet, you slip it into the conversation, trying to be sneaky.
• "How much do you weigh/what's your exact bra size/what's your dress size?" If you are asking these, you probably have some body shaming kink and I am not here for it. Be a little sensitive, for fuck's sake. I am not your fetish vending machine.

Boring/annoying shit includes:

• *smiles*
• Going into RP mode when I am trying to have a conversation with you, viz., emoting stuff that takes me out of the moment because we are going off into fantasy land.
• Iterations of "hi," "hello," or other very generic greeting without anything else.
• Text speak. Dear God, text speak.
• "What do you look like?" with no segue. I mean, it is a text chat. We do not see each other. I don't mind offering a description if I like you and we get to it, but off the bat is so annoying.

Green flags might include:

• Give me some intelligence, please! I love, love, love people who know things! I would love to talk about the thing that you'd like to overshare because you are nerdy. I am a little niche about this, but talking history and philosophy in relation with kink hits a spot for me.
• Ability to converse. I get that at a certain point, you might like to type with one hand, but please be a decent conversationalist.
• A creative greeting. When someone intrigues me with a greeting that is beyond "Hi, how are you?" or their ASL, I find it very, very refreshing.
• Someone who listens and doesn't fall back on, "oh, we're on a sex chat so I can totes exploit you!" Like, if you recognize the humanity of the person on the other side, I adore that!
• Genuinely friendly people who can talk in the rooms and don't confine themselves to PMs, but aren't necessarily part of the room cliques. I love fun banter, and cackling like a witch can lead to other, more pleasant things from time to time.

In short, dear reader, respect goes a long way. Please be kind, thoughtful, and a decent human being.

NB: I do not speak for all women when it comes to my green flags, but I am pretty sure the red flags are pretty annoying to most.

 

[Easygoinggirl]

These are very well put- thank you! My pet peeves are messages that just say ‘Hi I’m Steve’. Nope, you are not getting a minute of my time to reply. Also ones where in the first ten minutes of chatting, I’m told that I would like x,y or z - you have no idea what I’d like , and just because someone said they did once, doesn’t mean it applies to all women!

 

[forgotmyantidepressants]

I really appreciate it when the guy pm-ing me is aware enough to understand that I might not be into whatever he wants just because I'm on Lit. I am a woman who enjoys talking about/having sex. I get that this a sex forum, so my tolerance for raunchy messages is higher than what it normally is, but that does not necessarily mean I want to do either of those things with you.

 

[LoneMilf]

This thread is already full of great advice and should be mandatory reading for anyone joining

I'll just add a couple of my own observations/pet peeves:
- if you're looking for RP, try focusing more on the seduction than the 'action'. We're much more likely to look for an interesting/hot flirt than specific actions
- don't try to be so accomodating that you appear bland. It's better to let us know what you're really hoping for and then scare off a few. If you are passionate about something, that can be a turn-on in itself
- don't start the conversation by telling me that you're bored - it's a small step from bored to boring..

 

[LookingForAMindAtWork]

Ooh where do I start!!

Red Flags:

• Sending the same PM daily. Tip, if I didn't respond to it the first time, I'm not likely to the next 20 times you send it! Particularly if it's an obviously canned message that's sent to the masses in hopes of a 'hit'.
• Repetitive/Predictable jokes about my username. You are not the first, nor will you be the last to make a joke about your mind not being at work, asking if I'm a workaholic, asking if you can put my mind to work etc etc.
• Messaging me information I haven't asked for. I'm sure you are 'Dave, 43, Illinois, but I didn't ask. Please don't randomly PM me with your name, age, gender if I haven't asked for it. Likewise, don't ask me for mine, if I wanted you to have those things, I'd freely offer them.
• Unsolicited porn. Please don't send me random links of porn. If I wanted that I'd Google it and find something more to my own personal tastes than whatever you've decided to send me.
• Not taking 'No' for an answer. No, it's a full and complete sentence. If you ask to PM me, and I say 'No' that means exactly that. It doesn't mean, do it anyway, it doesn't mean send me a ton of abuse for having a preference. It means 'No'. I do not owe you an explanation.
• Treating others badly. I silently observe, a lot. I watch how people interact not only with me, but with each other. If I see you regularly mocking, belittling or being unkind to someone, I won't want to communicate with you.
• Demanding my time. If I want to dedicate all of my time to you whilst online, I'll make that clear. Quite often I'm doing multiple things at once, and will tell you that. Don't say that's okay and then become abusive when I do just as I've said and split my time between multiple jobs. I'm a busy girl!
• Assumptions. Yes, we're on a sex chat. That doesn't mean you can PM me with 'Hi slut/whore/slag/bitch/hoe/fucktoy/cunt.' or 'Come suck this big dick', or, 'Come and help me cum'. I'm a human being not a pay by the minute sex chat line.

Green Flags:

• Reading my profile. And by that, I mean actually reading it not repeating it back to me. Someone who reads my profile and uses that to consider things I may be interested in talking about, big thumbs up. Asking me for definitions of my profile or repeating it back to me verbatim, not so much.
• Remembering things I've told you. Someone who takes the time to remember something I've said in a previous conversation, or that I've said in the main room - then asking about it later. Shows you've actually taken the time to read what I'm saying, and been interested enough to recall it. Very good sign.
• Making me laugh/keeping me on my toes. I love being challenged. Someone who can make me laugh, banter with me, tease me, keep me on my toes - but also make me feel like the most desirable woman you've ever spoken to. Bigggg turn on.
• Showing up. One of the biggies for me is someone who makes the effort. You are far far more likely to gain my attention if you keep showing up. Talk to me regularly. Be there just as much when I've had a hard day and need to vent or relax as you are on days when I want to play. If I know you can handle me at my worst and still show up and have my back, you're far more likely to have me at my best.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

These are all very great. I really resonate with Pia's commentary about using "female" as a noun. If I want that language, I'll watch a David Attenborough documentary.

It's also better to be warmed up than to be dropped in a pan of sizzling grease, like Lone and some others have been saying. When your first message is "Here is my super specfic RP scene in which I graphically insert Tab A into Slot Be while doing a Very Niche Thing to you or me," it can be extremely off putting. You could maybe say hi, indicate you found my profile interesting to your RP interests (if I were an RPer), and offer me some ideas.

Also, like Looking said, making fun of people's names is not in any way endearing. I get a lot of "Daniel Radcliffe/Harry Potter hur dur" jokes, without the person asking about what my name entails. If you are curious about why someone chose their name, why not politely ask?

 

[x_quietshysub]

Ooh where do I start!!

Red Flags:

• Sending the same PM daily. Tip, if I didn't respond to it the first time, I'm not likely to the next 20 times you send it! Particularly if it's an obviously canned message that's sent to the masses in hopes of a 'hit'.
• Repetitive/Predictable jokes about my username. You are not the first, nor will you be the last to make a joke about your mind not being at work, asking if I'm a workaholic, asking if you can put my mind to work etc etc.
• Messaging me information I haven't asked for. I'm sure you are 'Dave, 43, Illinois, but I didn't ask. Please don't randomly PM me with your name, age, gender if I haven't asked for it. Likewise, don't ask me for mine, if I wanted you to have those things, I'd freely offer them.
• Unsolicited porn. Please don't send me random links of porn. If I wanted that I'd Google it and find something more to my own personal tastes than whatever you've decided to send me.
• Not taking 'No' for an answer. No, it's a full and complete sentence. If you ask to PM me, and I say 'No' that means exactly that. It doesn't mean, do it anyway, it doesn't mean send me a ton of abuse for having a preference. It means 'No'. I do not owe you an explanation.
• Treating others badly. I silently observe, a lot. I watch how people interact not only with me, but with each other. If I see you regularly mocking, belittling or being unkind to someone, I won't want to communicate with you.
• Demanding my time. If I want to dedicate all of my time to you whilst online, I'll make that clear. Quite often I'm doing multiple things at once, and will tell you that. Don't say that's okay and then become abusive when I do just as I've said and split my time between multiple jobs. I'm a busy girl!
• Assumptions. Yes, we're on a sex chat. That doesn't mean you can PM me with 'Hi slut/whore/slag/bitch/hoe/fucktoy/cunt.' or 'Come suck this big dick', or, 'Come and help me cum'. I'm a human being not a pay by the minute sex chat line.

Green Flags:

• Reading my profile. And by that, I mean actually reading it not repeating it back to me. Someone who reads my profile and uses that to consider things I may be interested in talking about, big thumbs up. Asking me for definitions of my profile or repeating it back to me verbatim, not so much.
• Remembering things I've told you. Someone who takes the time to remember something I've said in a previous conversation, or that I've said in the main room - then asking about it later. Shows you've actually taken the time to read what I'm saying, and been interested enough to recall it. Very good sign.
• Making me laugh/keeping me on my toes. I love being challenged. Someone who can make me laugh, banter with me, tease me, keep me on my toes - but also make me feel like the most desirable woman you've ever spoken to. Bigggg turn on.
• Showing up. One of the biggies for me is someone who makes the effort. You are far far more likely to gain my attention if you keep showing up. Talk to me regularly. Be there just as much when I've had a hard day and need to vent or relax as you are on days when I want to play. If I know you can handle me at my worst and still show up and have my back, you're far more likely to have me at my best.

Thanks so much for this! I can't agree more. Love the green flag section. Those are the people I come back to talk to.

 

[PiaToTeachYou]

Another thing that doesn't sit right with me is if you PM "nice to meet you". I get that it's hard to navigate the differences between RL and online sometimes, but for me, on the one hand YES do be polite and funny and pleasant as much as you might in RL but on the other hand NO you haven't "met" me any more than if I pick up the phone to a spam sales call. On the surface it seems polite, but it's loaded with assumptions

 

[Thesunmaid]

Another thing that doesn't sit right with me is if you PM "nice to meet you". I get that it's hard to navigate the differences between RL and online sometimes, but for me, on the one hand YES do be polite and funny and pleasant as much as you might in RL but on the other hand NO you haven't "met" me any more than if I pick up the phone to a spam sales call. On the surface it seems polite, but it's loaded with assumptions

I can understand this one...but if its a choice between a dick pic or nice to meet you...I will take this...but yeah one thing I will say is guys...try and be interesting...because even minimal interaction does not mean we are going to go Erm mah gerd! this is the cock for me!" And while I know..fully know there are couples who have met on lit and I think that's amazing...people thinking this is a dating site is a bit weird? Also If I have never spoken to you...don't pm me with you touching me or hugging me as if we have known each other for years. I personally speaking don't like being touched by people I don't know. If i have no idea who the fuck you are...I am not going to hug you even on a website. Now people I have known for years on here...yeah they get hugs...but just because we have spoken before does not mean I am going to be all over you.

Also Nude if you get messages like that...report it...we will ban it. Grab a screen shot send it to a mod and then we will ban and that goes for any of you. It's one thing if people want to do race play in their pm's but presuming someone is going to be ok with that with out asking no...fuck that.

I am also sorry I have not been around. Work and my family have kept me busy as of late.

 

[Velle_]

I'm feeling the need to attach a postscript: Guys, especially young guys --

Porn has no more relationship to reality than the Marvel Movies do. It's fake. It's exaggerated. The plotlines are improbable. Some of it is probably CGI. ​

 

[PiaToTeachYou]

I hadn’t thought about the nuance of “nice to meet you”. I see your point and tbh we really cannot afford to assume positive intent (in this space or any)

If someone says hello and then I say hello back (or whatever) then "nice to meet you" is fine, because then they've met me. Inoffensive, polite, basically a placeholder, a gesture (kinda like "how are you," which never really means "tell me about your bad back and that shit you're going through at work"). If they lead off with it (or string a whole load of useless things about themselves that should be in their profile and then say it), it presupposes that something is underway, and believe me there is no underway, overway, or any kind of "way" about it, except perhaps "go away"