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[AndNowWeRun]

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[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

Description: Sexual attraction to or paraphilia involving the midsection.

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I know this piece of prosetry won't be for everyone. My fetish is a very niche one. It's also going to sound more intense than it actually is in reality. But if you still care to read, then please let me know what you think or ask any questions, good or bad. Thank you.
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I so love the sight of it: her eyes as she stares intently at another woman's abdominal wall – her next victim's – appraising it . . . forming strategies. And I so love the sight of her: the woman in full, her fists raised as she stands before her victim, who has no qualms about hurting her victim, who even wants to hurt her and who would enjoy very much hurting her. You can see it in the woman's eyes.

The woman swings in a precise arc her fist, which speeds forth like a goddess in flight, barrelling towards the abdominal wall as if it were the ornate beautiful steel-cladding of a castle's gate. She flies towards the very centre of that towering mass, her fist the eye in the proverbial storm, the proportions stunning and a statement in the making.

The fist lands, thudding into the slim expanse of flesh, directly in the thickness of well-conditioned ab meat, putting a noticeable dent in the flaunted bare midriff that had, less than a moment before, practically dared to be punched.

The other woman folds like a garden chair, a disbelieving expression on her face as the air gets pulped from her lungs. How could such a thing be possible, she screams in her mind. Her abs are like steel. Steel! It couldn't – shouldn't – be possible . . .

She stares at her aggressor with pained defiance in her eyes, as though daring her to strike again, testing the limits of her aggressor's sadism.

And I so love the sight of it: the second punch, which proves the victim wrong; the first one wasn't luck. Despite all her training and the many social media posts showing off her abs, in truth, deep down she's still just a weak soft little bitch.

Since you ask for all feedback: I oppose perpetuation of the obsolete vocabulary about paraphilia. It is no longer current in psychotherapy. Similarly, I oppose the misuse of the term "fetish," unless one is discussing traditional African and Oceanic art. These notions are used to eradicate trans identity.

( O )( O )

 

[AndNowWeRun]

Since you ask for all feedback: I oppose perpetuation of the obsolete vocabulary about paraphilia. It is no longer current in psychotherapy. Similarly, I oppose the misuse of the term "fetish," unless one is discussing traditional African and Oceanic art. These notions are used to eradicate trans identity.

( O )( O )

Well, I appreciate the response, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. Thank you for the feedback.

 

[butters]

hello

i believe this needs to be taken a little further into the realm of the poetic for me to really view it as poetic prose; you're on the right path, for sure, but perhaps playing a little more with pacing and sound structure would lend it more fluidity.

i found the imagery clear but, perhaps, there's a little too much of the 'tell' as opposed to show in certain areas, such as the ending. Could be why it got rejected as being more 'plot driven' though that in itself is a kind of catch-all phrase. Prose is prose, poetry's poetry, and prose poetry works best when combining the delivery of prose with the aesthetics of imagery, sound and harmony of word-manipulation which hook a reader by having them emotionally invest in a piece.

I'm also thinking this could use greater continuity in your imagery: right now, to my eyes, you're almost throwing the kitchen sink at it. The storm imagery is useful and purposeful, but it gibes less well with the folding deckchair: if you're trying to portray the great power of a natural force, Nature, that then gets stopped (in place) by a folding deck-chair, it plays against weakness. Showing a deck chair being blown away like a leaf (not saying the route to go, just using this as an example) marries better with the power of a storm. But then the folding, canting action of the deckchair works so well as an image to show the opponent. The two just don't tie in well enough for me, personally.

as to structure: present tense works well but try to avoid overing the gerunds; too many 'ing' word endings always becomes a mouthful and rarely serves to improve a piece.

if it's important for you to use the 'weak bitch' idea, maybe incorporate as your title

 

[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

Yes, since weak bitches are the mainstay of Literotica, that should work.

I certainly agree that prose is prose, poetry is poetry. That is thoroughly demonstrated by the literary movements of the past two centuries.

Here's an example:

Maldoror and Poems (Penguin Classics) https://a.co/d/hYAr9uE

( O )( O )