Lord Pmann Wants to Discuss Weird Sex Stuff

[aussiegeekygal]

Mine was 1999. What a time to be alive.

Shudders to think that there may be litsters who were born after this

 

[Taegul]

Shudders to think that there may be litsters who were born after this

Don't you dare discriminate against me...

 

[Lord Pmann]

Shudders to think that there may be litsters who were born after this

And @deefalttwunnyfor is seeking them out with a creepy algorithm.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Don't you dare discriminate against me...

Shudders harder

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

And @deefalttwunnyfor is seeking them out with a creepy algorithm.

SELECT Year, Number
FROM User
WHERE Date of Birth <2005 AS Num
WHERE Date of Birth >1999 AS Num
ORDER BY Date of Birth DESC

 

[Tir_an_Beithioch]

My weird sex stuff is pretty vanilla.

• Risky public stuff.
• Sex in front of others.
• Dated a girl who liked medical play, like latex gloves and being "examined" and "treated".
• My ex-wife had a non-con fantasy that went pretty deep into "am I being set up if I do this?" territory.

Most of the weirdest shit is just funny.

My SO and I started dating about three years ago. She texted me early-ish in the relationship: "I'm coming over and you're putting something in my ass." I was like, "FUCK. YES." Jumped in the shower. Got ready. Turns out, she wanted me to help her with a hemorrhoid oitment. Which was somehow still oddly sexual.

One of my buddies hooked up with a girl that was into rubbing Icy-Hot on her vulva because she got off on the burning sensation. That takes the weird cake for me.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I went into the wrong career

I think we all did.

Don't you dare discriminate against me...

Bull. Shit.

 

[Taegul]

Bull. Shit.

Some of the deepest that a person has ever stepped in.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

The few times I've had it, this was the case. I think if you're getting to voice chat, you're already 80% of the way to the finish

The few times you’ve had phone sex or the few times you’ve paid for it?

 

[hotwords229_A]

It was the same with phone sex. Many of them came as soon as you said hello.

I came as soon as I dialed 1-900! I saved a fortune on phone sex.

 

[Nightspeed]

I saw penis/urethral rods at the sex shop this week and that was where I finally paused and noped.

Everything else looked kind of fun.

I'm sure I would not try something like this on purpose. But about 19 years ago I was hospitalized after an auto accident and had to have a catheter for a couple of days. When the nurse came to remove it, I came like a wildcat with no warning. I apologized profusely and she just laughed and said, "Happens more than you think."

 

[Lord Pmann]

My SO and I started dating about three years ago. She texted me early-ish in the relationship: "I'm coming over and you're putting something in my ass." I was like, "FUCK. YES." Jumped in the shower. Got ready. Turns out, she wanted me to help her with a hemorrhoid oitment. Which was somehow still oddly sexual.

Well. I don’t know what to say about this comment.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm sure I would not try something like this on purpose. But about 19 years ago I was hospitalized after an auto accident and had to have a catheter for a couple of days. When the nurse came to remove it, I came like a wildcat with no warning. I apologized profusely and she just laughed and said, "Happens more than you think."

REALLY?!?! Well, guess who is gonna be driving like an idiot today?

 

[hotwords229_A]

I jerked off in a room with some friends sitting on a bunk bed separated only by a sheet to make little wank cubicles watching this movie. I am well aware of shame exits.

We didn't. The room had enough space and angles that everyone just hid out of eyesight of the others. One on the floor on one side of the couch, another on the other side. No one could make eye contact with anyone so it wasn't weird at all. The sounds were a little weird, but what are you gonna do? It was the early 2000s

At first I thought “I could never do this”, but then I remembered a time my friends and I went to a strip joint during Spring Break. Full nude, Mons Venus in Tampa—I’m sure Pmann is familiar.

Anyway, when we got back to his parents house (we were just stopping in Tampa for Mons) he told us if we had to jerk off to use the bathroom and make sure to clean up. I remember lying in my makeshift bed on the floor pre-gaming it before getting in that bathroom. I’m sure the other guys were too.

Repressed memory?

Anyway, I wonder how many women have masturbated in a room full of their friends (and so openly).

 

[Lord Pmann]

At first I thought “I could never do this”, but then I remembered a time my friends and I went to a strip joint during Spring Break. Full nude, Mons Venus in Tampa—I’m sure Pmann is familiar.

Anyway, when we got back to his parents house (we were just stopping in Tampa for Mons) he told us if we had to jerk off to use the bathroom and make sure to clean up. I remember lying in my makeshift bed on the floor pre-gaming it before getting in that bathroom. I’m sure the other guys were too.

Repressed memory?

Anyway, I wonder how many women have masturbated in a room full of their friends (and so openly).

We need to hear stories about this if they exist. If anyone admits to it, I believe it'll be @vagrantx telling us about a situation where she hooked all their nipples up to car batteries or something.

I've heard of Mons Venus. But I've only ever been to a few strip clubs (maybe 3 or 4). Never one in Tampa. I think they're kind of famous there because I believe the guys are able to touch the women, which seems like it's problematic. I've not had many strip club experiences, but most of them haven't been particularly stellar.

 

[vagrantx]

We need to hear stories about this if they exist. If anyone admits to it, I believe it'll be @vagrantx telling us about a situation where she hooked all their nipples up to car batteries or something.

Oh, you think too highly of me, my lord!

No, I've never masturbated in a room full of people, nor have I been in such a room with someone else having fun (to my knowledge). Threesomes are exotic enough. And I've no desire to add to that number.

 

[hotwords229_A]

We need to hear stories about this if they exist. If anyone admits to it, I believe it'll be @vagrantx telling us about a situation where she hooked all their nipples up to car batteries or something.

I've heard of Mons Venus. But I've only ever been to a few strip clubs (maybe 3 or 4). Never one in Tampa. I think they're kind of famous there because I believe the guys are able to touch the women, which seems like it's problematic. I've not had many strip club experiences, but most of them haven't been particularly stellar.

Yes, it is a famous place. There’s no alcohol, so it’s fully nude and they walk amongst the crowd looking for guys to give lap dances to. That was one of my earlier realizations that my shyness was a superpower (of sorts). I got grabbed by more than a few strippers “wanting” (yes, I understand they want money) to give me a lap dance (more than many of the other guys there). At first, I couldn’t figure out why me, but then I got it. It was because when we made eye contact I smiled and looked away sheepishly (normal reflex, not diabolically). I probably looked to them like a nice guy chump that wouldn’t be too aggressive.

I’m not a strip joint guy, that was my one and only strip club experience, but it was a great time with friends on a college Spring Break road trip.

A great memory! (.) (.)

 

[BongoGal]

But about 19 years ago I was hospitalized after an auto accident and had to have a catheter for a couple of days. When the nurse came to remove it, I came like a wildcat with no warning.

So, you were howling and screeching?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Oh, you think too highly of me, my lord!

No, I've never masturbated in a room full of people, nor have I been in such a room with someone else having fun (to my knowledge). Threesomes are exotic enough. And I've no desire to add to that number.

You make it sound as though we chose to be in a room like it was adding to its sexy style. Incorrect. It was a matter of logistics. I would've much rather masturbated in my own masturbatoreum without any nearby wankers. But this was my wanking situation in 1999.

Yes, it is a famous place. There’s no alcohol, so it’s fully nude and they walk amongst the crowd looking for guys to give lap dances to. That was one of my earlier realizations that my shyness was a superpower (of sorts). I got grabbed by more than a few strippers “wanting” (yes, I understand they want money) to give me a lap dance (more than many of the other guys there). At first, I couldn’t figure out why me, but then I got it. It was because when we made eye contact I smiled and looked away sheepishly (normal reflex, not diabolically). I probably looked to them like a nice guy chump that wouldn’t be too aggressive.

I’m not a strip joint guy, that was my one and only strip club experience, but it was a great time with friends on a college Spring Break road trip.

A great memory! (.) (.)

I love that the rule is if you show a pussy, you can't serve alcohol. Like, just that little piece of cloth across the pussy is keeping the place from pure mayhem.

I don't feel very comfortable in strip clubs. I like the naked girl portion of it, but it's not comfortable. I'm a bit introverted and this is very awkward for me.

The first one I went to was with my mate James the Masturbator (whose house we were at during the collective wanking story). We were on our way skiing and we ran across these famous WE BARE ALL signs that are on Florida highways for a strip club called Cafe Risque. Well there used to be one in Darien, GA. It sounds like a bad idea from the name, right?

We go in and I was pleasantly surprised with the strippers. I didn't know what to expect. But they were pretty nice and very attractive. So Diamond comes over after her stage performance and asks me if i would like a lap dance. Since I had never had that, I agree for $10 a song.

She takes me up these stairs to this very private booth where I lay down on my back. There is a bar that goes across and I am asked to reach up and grab that. So I'm laying down and it looks like I'm about to do a bench press. She takes her shirt off so she is just wearing lacy boy shorts, gets on top and rides me. She smells just like I expected a stripper to smell- Bath and Body Works lotion and liquor. She pulls up my shirt and rubs her boobs all over my chest as the shortest version of Rock You Like a Hurricane plays. All these songs were cut down to like 1-2 minutes by DJ Salty Ballz, in order to maximize profit. So like $80 later, we finally go out.

Up until this point, everything is mostly okay. Nothing was specifically wrong. I enjoyed my time. I'm feeling some shame, but not much. Just the perfect amount. But then the next 60 seconds were confusing as hell.

As we stood next to the bar very awkwardly, she asked, "Did you cum?"

Now that question is not a bad question. It is reasonable. Fair. She was hot. She was riding me. She was more than familiar with the raging hard-on in my pants. But the way she said it just kind of made me a little uneasy. Not too bad. Just uneasy.

So I responded that no, I did not cum in my pantaloons. And it was what happened next that blew my mind.

She said, "Oh. Can I have $10?"

At this point I was ready to get out of there and this question confused me so. I'm normally quick on my feet, but I didn't have time to come up with a reason why I couldn't give her $10. I was just stunned. Completely. So I gave her $10. I got James and we left.

That question boggled my mind. I went over the scenario with James the Masturbator. I sought his sage input. I think that she expected me to say that I had cum and that's normally an extra $10 (which seems like a bargain to me). But I hadn't. So she, being quick on her feet and more of a hustler than I, was bold enough to ask me for the $10 "you didn't cum" fee. Knowing I was not of sound mind, that stripper took advantage of me.

So that was my introduction to strip clubs. I only went to them a few other times. Honestly, my experiences were not really much better. Less memorable, though.

 

[Nightspeed]

So, you were howling and screeching?

It FELT like I was howling and screeching!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

SELECT Year, Number
FROM User
WHERE Date of Birth <2005 AS Num
WHERE Date of Birth >1999 AS Num
ORDER BY Date of Birth DESC

Never in a million years did I expect SQL from you

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

The few times you’ve had phone sex or the few times you’ve paid for it?

Tomato, tomahto

 

[hotwords229_A]

You make it sound as though we chose to be in a room like it was adding to its sexy style. Incorrect. It was a matter of logistics. I would've much rather masturbated in my own masturbatoreum without any nearby wankers. But this was my wanking situation in 1999.




I love that the rule is if you show a pussy, you can't serve alcohol. Like, just that little piece of cloth across the pussy is keeping the place from pure mayhem.

I don't feel very comfortable in strip clubs. I like the naked girl portion of it, but it's not comfortable. I'm a bit introverted and this is very awkward for me.

The first one I went to was with my mate James the Masturbator (whose house we were at during the collective wanking story). We were on our way skiing and we ran across these famous WE BARE ALL signs that are on Florida highways for a strip club called Cafe Risque. Well there used to be one in Darien, GA. It sounds like a bad idea from the name, right?

We go in and I was pleasantly surprised with the strippers. I didn't know what to expect. But they were pretty nice and very attractive. So Diamond comes over after her stage performance and asks me if i would like a lap dance. Since I had never had that, I agree for $10 a song.

She takes me up these stairs to this very private booth where I lay down on my back. There is a bar that goes across and I am asked to reach up and grab that. So I'm laying down and it looks like I'm about to do a bench press. She takes her shirt off so she is just wearing lacy boy shorts, gets on top and rides me. She smells just like I expected a stripper to smell- Bath and Body Works lotion and liquor. She pulls up my shirt and rubs her boobs all over my chest as the shortest version of Rock You Like a Hurricane plays. All these songs were cut down to like 1-2 minutes by DJ Salty Ballz, in order to maximize profit. So like $80 later, we finally go out.

Up until this point, everything is mostly okay. Nothing was specifically wrong. I enjoyed my time. I'm feeling some shame, but not much. Just the perfect amount. But then the next 60 seconds were confusing as hell.

As we stood next to the bar very awkwardly, she asked, "Did you cum?"

Now that question is not a bad question. It is reasonable. Fair. She was hot. She was riding me. She was more than familiar with the raging hard-on in my pants. But the way she said it just kind of made me a little uneasy. Not too bad. Just uneasy.

So I responded that no, I did not cum in my pantaloons. And it was what happened next that blew my mind.

She said, "Oh. Can I have $10?"

At this point I was ready to get out of there and this question confused me so. I'm normally quick on my feet, but I didn't have time to come up with a reason why I couldn't give her $10. I was just stunned. Completely. So I gave her $10. I got James and we left.

That question boggled my mind. I went over the scenario with James the Masturbator. I sought his sage input. I think that she expected me to say that I had cum and that's normally an extra $10 (which seems like a bargain to me). But I hadn't. So she, being quick on her feet and more of a hustler than I, was bold enough to ask me for the $10 "you didn't cum" fee. Knowing I was not of sound mind, that stripper took advantage of me.

So that was my introduction to strip clubs. I only went to them a few other times. Honestly, my experiences were not really much better. Less memorable, though.

That’s a great story! I was really hoping the extra $10 was to finish you off, but it turns out strippers aren’t really about pleasing you, just getting your money.

It really is one of life’s most bizarre professions.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Anyway, I wonder how many women have masturbated in a room full of their friends (and so openly).

We need to hear stories about this if they exist.

I haven’t ever masturbated openly or otherwise in front of friends, but I’ve covertly and openly cum with someone else in a room full of friends (where they were not participants.)

 

[Lord Pmann]

That’s a great story! I was really hoping the extra $10 was to finish you off, but it turns out strippers aren’t really about pleasing you, just getting your money.

It really is one of life’s most bizarre professions.

That's correct. I learned that lesson. Such a sad lesson to learn. Poor Pmann.

I think it just threw me off when I was asked that question. I think I probably looked like someone out of my element and she likely knew I would easily fork over $10 to avoid conflict.

I haven’t ever masturbated openly or otherwise in front of friends, but I’ve covertly and openly cum with someone else in a room full of friends (where they were not participants.)

Well, you have to make up for some lost time.