Anyone from the UK?

[zach20092]

The cold does do weird things to people!!

 

[cutcrystal]

Hello from sunny Dorset

 

[Saltfountain]

Shhhh! We've got to be very quiet...

*Puts on his Attenborough voice*

We're witnessing the courtship ritual between @Saltfountain and @Wriggleitlady... You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.

Awwww... Someone's jealous

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Awwww... Someone's jealous

I am! I admit it.

I was in a relationship with the bacon slicer. But she left me. So I'm all alone.

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Hello from sunny Dorset

Good morning.

 

[cutcrystal]

Good morning.

Hello. Cool screen name.

CC

 

[HornyKatie1979]

I am! I admit it.

I was in a relationship with the bacon slicer. But she left me. So I'm all alone.

You don't want to get too close to a bacon slicer - those blades are lethal!

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

You don't want to get too close to a bacon slicer - those blades are lethal!

Its ok. I like to live dangerously. I can afford to lose an inch or seven.

 

[Saltfountain]

Its ok. I like to live dangerously. I can afford to lose an inch or seven.

Says the gelding

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Says the gelding

You spent way too much time thinking about my nuts.

I can't blame you though. They are magnificent.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Two occasions...

Due to a medical condition and the painkillers I take, I can get very disorientated if I take too much. A girlfriend once requested some pictures and I fell asleep on her (not my proudest moment!). I awoke and sent her a picture - well I thought I sent it. It arrived straight away on my auntie's phone.

I got a phone call probably five minutes after I sent a grovelling message along the lines of "Don't open this. I'm sorry!" She wasn't amused and she threatened to tell my parents but never did.

Second occasion, I accidentally sent my dad a picture of my junk. However I got away with it. I know he goes to bed early because he has job where he has to be up at around 4am. I actually drove up to his house at around midnight and let myself in. I know he keeps his phone downstairs when he sleeps. Thankfully he didn't have a pin on his phone and I deleted it, locked up and drove home. That was a close call.

Pretty sure Auntie loved it really - she's probably still got it!

All are welcome here. Except the Scots.

Maybe the Welsh.

And northerners.

If you weren't so delectable (and lusted after by so many Northerners) I'd have something to say about people from "that London"

Anyway.
I'm in the bath.

#distractiontechniques

Yep, worked for me ... just imagining Wand3r's boobies floating in a sea of bubbles as she waits for her loyal manservant Jeeves to "wash her back"

Morning ... free hot chocolate for everyone who is cold

It's a bloody long way to Bristol from here, but thanks for the offer. I'll probably just call at my nearest franchise of a well-known beverage retailer and spend the equivalent of the fuel cost on one of their "specials"

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Pretty sure Auntie loved it really - she's probably still got it!

Nah, I think I'm safe. She's a lesbian.

*Stops*


..


Did I make her a lesbian?!

 

[Saltfountain]

Actually it was Captain Oates.

*doffs cap appreciatively*

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Nah, I think I'm safe. She's a lesbian.

*Stops*


..


Did I make her a lesbian?!

Maybe she's seen bigger clits?

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Maybe she's seen bigger clits?

*Crosses @KeenVoyeur off his Christmas Card list and adds him to the "Shit List 2024" before sobbing uncontrollably.

 

[Saltfountain]

*Crosses @KeenVoyeur off his Christmas Card list and adds him to the "Shit List 2024" before sobbing uncontrollably.

Shit list 2024 is where all the cool kids hang

 

[KeenVoyeur]

*Crosses @KeenVoyeur off his Christmas Card list and adds him to the "Shit List 2024" before sobbing uncontrollably.

Proud to be among such esteemed company!

Apologises for not having any tissues handy

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Proud to be among such esteemed company!

Apologises for not having any tissues handy

It's ok, I just wiped my nose on your shirt.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

It's ok, I just wiped my nose on your shirt.

Feel free ... I'm at Wand3r's enjoying some duvet time and she'll do my laundry later (because she's that kind of person )

 

[KeenVoyeur]

Feel free ... I'm at Wand3r's enjoying some duvet time and she'll do my laundry later (because she's that kind of person )

I would have said I'm at Katie's but she'll be off on the school run soon and there's nothing like an interruption to dampen a man's ardour

 

[HornyKatie1979]

I would have said I'm at Katie's but she'll be off on the school run soon and there's nothing like an interruption to dampen a man's ardour

My girls are walking themselves home from school. It's not raining and it's too cold for me to go out too

 

[Btq97]

I would have said I'm at Katie's but she'll be off on the school run soon and there's nothing like an interruption to dampen a man's ardour

condensation in the shed?

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Feel free ... I'm at Wand3r's enjoying some duvet time and she'll do my laundry later (because she's that kind of person )

Oh aye. I'd love to be the fly on that wall when @Wand3rlust smacks you round the head.

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

Anyways, I'll be off for probably a good few hours. Don't miss me too much. I know I've had to give @Saltfountain my number because he pines when he hasn't got me to take the piss out of.

Later skaters.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

My girls are walking themselves home from school. It's not raining and it's too cold for me to go out too

I'm guessing that's code for "feel free to come and join me under my duvet" but then I don't work for GCHQ or one of those Government departments we're not supposed to know about ...

Oh aye. I'd love to be the fly on that wall when @Wand3rlust smacks you round the head.

I have already used my Amazon Prime to order the appropriate safety wear