The first part of my first series. Putting it out there (gulp) 💋

[CurvyMrs]

https://literotica.com/s/tiff-notes-of-a-submissive-whore

For those that choose to give it a read. I truly hope you enjoy.

CurvyMrs

 

[AlinaX]

It's something of a pet peeve, but I really don't like stories that have a very short intro and then abruptly dive back in time. For this device to work, that intro really needs to excite the reader's interest. When I'm writing, I often alternate passages between story-now and story-in-the-past, and I generally avoid explicit sign posts like "8 days earlier".

ETA:
There's a few minor grammar issues, so getting a beta reader is probably worth it.

Just musing on this:

The words were imprinted in my subconscious. Unbeknownst to me, my journey had begun.

The 'unbeknownst' is a little distracting, I feel, and it might work better if kept simple:

The words were imprinted in my soul. My journey had begun.

lol - I like that 'Mom' is now a day of the week. That needs an incest spin-off series.

The situation once again hit me. ... Kelly Collins was was becoming a whore. Well Tiffany was, I thought.

Using 'I thought' like this in first person narratives can be a little redundant.

The situation once again hit me. ... Kelly Collins was becoming a whore.
Well, Tiffany was.

But it works here:

Remember Wyn’s advice I thought to myself.

perhaps because it removes an ambiguity, or because the thought is more explicit.

Really enjoying reading something that reads so British.

“Oi Kelly. I’ve said yes to a chap called Simon for Monday at 1pm, hope that’s ok. He’s a bit dom, but just wants 3-hole sex for an hour, you good with that hun?”

Genuine lol

 

[CurvyMrs]

It's something of a pet peeve, but I really don't like stories that have a very short intro and then abruptly dive back in time. For this device to work, that intro really needs to excite the reader's interest. When I'm writing, I often alternate passages between story-now and story-in-the-past, and I generally avoid explicit sign posts like "8 days earlier".

thanks for the feedback

 

[AlinaX]

It's just a note, don't take it the wrong way. What I *really* hate is when authors have a short intro that's basically five lines of OTT sex without start or finish, and suddenly say, "But, wait, let me first tell you how I came to be fucking this gorgeous piece of ass," or words to that effect.

It comes across as a cheap and blatant trick to snag the reader's interest.

 

[CurvyMrs]

I am a fan of your works having read your ‘pierced’ series last week. Thank you for giving me a little of your time.

 

[LarryTee50]

https://literotica.com/s/tiff-notes-of-a-submissive-whore

For those that choose to give it a read. I truly hope you enjoy.

CurvyMrs

Just read and stroked to your story.....looking forward to further adventures........

 

[Vintage_DM]

https://literotica.com/s/tiff-notes-of-a-submissive-whore

For those that choose to give it a read. I truly hope you enjoy.

CurvyMrs

good story all in all, am I correct is saying you're on the east side of the pond?

 

[CurvyMrs]

I had to think about that then, bimbo brain . Yes I’m in Plymouth, England

 

[AlinaX]

It's funny. I always mix up east and west.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Okay, so I read the story, and I think it was a decent start.

I also think I have a few helpful pointers.

First off, I think the NC/R category isn't a perfect fit for this story. The sex presented was clear consensual, so I guess that makes it Reluctance? But for me, Reluctance requires a bit more internal struggle. The clear, intense focus on mental turmoil is what makes Reluctance stories leap off the page for me. (Here is a an example of how I personally write Reluctance)

Erotic Coupling might be a more appropriate category for your tale, but I would definitely stay away from Loving Wives, in spite of the hotwife angle (more on that momentarily).

Also, the grammar stuff is a little bit of an issue. I'd suggest using an advanced grammar checker like ProWritingAid's free version. [Although, you should avoid using its Sentence Rewrite feature, because people have been getting false flagged as AI quite a bit recently]

Also, (and this is a personal idea) I feel like it would have benefitted the story if you had formatted her "Profile" section in a manner different than the rest of the text. Bold, Italics, or both would have made that section pop, imo. Like this:

83 mins of starting, stopping, checking, rechecking and cursing later. It was complete.
…
Submissive, curvy, innocent looking, educated and filthy. Limited availability but worth it, I assure you x

Mom, Weds, Thurs and Friday 12-2pm. Incalls only

New here. The one few suspect. Short and cutesy but filthy, submissive and very naughty. I enjoy older men and genuinely dominant men, of all shapes and sizes. I’m a woman who can provide the girlfriend experience, or be used and played with.

If you like your girls genuinely submissive, big-chested (34G) and filthy. Then I’m your lady, slut, degradee, baby girl or whatever you need me to be

I do everything I say on my profile, and there are no hidden extras.

Do you see how it separates the text above from her profile? Just a preference, but it adds a lot imo

Lastly, this story is clearly an extramarital excursion, but there is nothing about that in the Tags. Some people (myself included) find that to be a big turn off, and so warning them aways is always advisable imo. In addition, people looking for that will be drawn to it. Win-win.

In that same vein, it might seem like I'm encouraging you to post this story in Loving Wives category (LW), but DON'T do that. LW is a mad-land where stories struggle to break 3 stars. It's rather infamous for being a harsh place for authors (especially new ones).

I hope this info was helpful.

 

[CurvyMrs]

Okay, so I read the story, and I think it was a decent start.

I also think I have a few helpful pointers.

First off, I think the NC/R category isn't a perfect fit for this story. The sex presented was clear consensual, so I guess that makes it Reluctance? But for me, Reluctance requires a bit more internal struggle. The clear, intense focus on mental turmoil is what makes Reluctance stories leap off the page for me. (Here is a an example of how I personally write Reluctance)

Erotic Coupling might be a more appropriate category for your tale, but I would definitely stay away from Loving Wives, in spite of the hotwife angle (more on that momentarily).

Also, the grammar stuff is a little bit of an issue. I'd suggest using an advanced grammar checker like ProWritingAid's free version. [Although, you should avoid using its Sentence Rewrite feature, because people have been getting false flagged as AI quite a bit recently]

Also, (and this is a personal idea) I feel like it would have benefitted the story if you had formatted her "Profile" section in a manner different than the rest of the text. Bold, Italics, or both would have made that section pop, imo. Like this:


Do you see how it separates the text above from her profile? Just a preference, but it adds a lot imo

Lastly, this story is clearly an extramarital excursion, but there is nothing about that in the Tags. Some people (myself included) find that to be a big turn off, and so warning them aways is always advisable imo. In addition, people looking for that will be drawn to it. Win-win.

In that same vein, it might seem like I'm encouraging you to post this story in Loving Wives category (LW), but DON'T do that. LW is a mad-land where stories struggle to break 3 stars. It's rather infamous for being a harsh place for authors (especially new ones).

I hope this info was helpful.

Your advice is graciously welcomed. Thank you. I will try to make improvements and will seek support I’ve been offered re editing before I submit. I was not great at school so my grammar is admittedly not perfect

 

[CurvyMrs]

It's funny. I always mix up east and west.

I love bimbo brain when I’m being played with but it’s not helpful in the literature world

 

[CurvyMrs]

Just read and stroked to your story.....looking forward to further adventures........

Yey