What are people looking for when they want a dom?

[Soma99]

I peak around here and I guess I'm kinda confused on what people are looking for when they say they want a "Dom".

It doesn't seem like most people want to be just told to sexual things- so what is that they want?
Is it a life coaching thing that also includes their sex life?

Also it seems like the word "bratty" is used often- is that shorthand for something?

Anyways- I'd love to write more non con stories, but I try not to do the "oh you were caught taking post it notes home from the office- now you have to fuck 78 guys or I will have you arrested and jailed for the rest of your life" kinda story.

Anyone that wants to PM me with what they have enjoyed from this type of relationship- as a sub or dom - I owuldlove to hear it.

Cheers!
Soma

 

[todd8314]

For me, it’s about sexual domination. Either By guy or girl. I am In charge of people in my career and it’s a great release to be dominated or humiliated and told what to do. In person or verbally through sext.

 

[Bunnyseason]

In my view, there are “bedroom” doms and “real” doms. Anyone can be a bedroom dom. Spanking, hair pulling, bondage, whatever gets you going. In my experience, most guys who say that they are doms fall into this category. And a lot of people are perfectly content to limit the D/s relationship to the bedroom-which is absolutely ok, don’t get me wrong.

But what I crave is that intangible “it” factor. It’s a combination of chemistry, quiet confidence, knowledge and attraction. A true dominant doesn’t need to advertise it. You just know it. There’s just something about him that makes you trust and feel safe with him. It’s that feeling of knowing that you can completely let go with him, follow his lead, mentorship and guidance without question. You are confident that he knows how to make the “right” decisions and you trust him to do so. You understand that he knows you better than you know yourself-and that he knows what’s best, even when you aren’t sure.

Being able to embrace that (for me) is the most liberating feeling in the world. There’s a level of contentment in a D/s relationship that I just can’t get from a vanilla dating. I am truly at my happiest and most content when when I’m able to focus my time on making him happy. Does it extend to the bedroom? I sure hope so But it’s far more all-encompassing than just kinky sex.

 

[thetiesthatbindme]

I think it means different things to different people. Its a shorthand to describe a relationship where one person is dominant and the other submissive, but within those broad categories there is a lot of nuance.

Some people want just sexual domination, others want a more inclusive domination, including their partner making decisions for them. I think it would be better if people were more specific but sometimes you don't really know until you explore that kink with someone.

On non-con, there is plenty of scope for imagination and creativity, anything from strangers to even people in loving, trusting relationships. There are non-con opportunities everywhere lol.

Why don't you leave this question to b answered by ACTUAL submissives and stay in your lane.

 

[Lady2020]

I know what I'm looking for. Doms are a dime a dozen on here. Fake doms.

 

[After_dark_I_feel]

In my view, there are “bedroom” doms and “real” doms. Anyone can be a bedroom dom. Spanking, hair pulling, bondage, whatever gets you going. In my experience, most guys who say that they are doms fall into this category. And a lot of people are perfectly content to limit the D/s relationship to the bedroom-which is absolutely ok, don’t get me wrong.

But what I crave is that intangible “it” factor. It’s a combination of chemistry, quiet confidence, knowledge and attraction. A true dominant doesn’t need to advertise it. You just know it. There’s just something about him that makes you trust and feel safe with him. It’s that feeling of knowing that you can completely let go with him, follow his lead, mentorship and guidance without question. You are confident that he knows how to make the “right” decisions and you trust him to do so. You understand that he knows you better than you know yourself-and that he knows what’s best, even when you aren’t sure.

Being able to embrace that (for me) is the most liberating feeling in the world. There’s a level of contentment in a D/s relationship that I just can’t get from a vanilla dating. I am truly at my happiest and most content when when I’m able to focus my time on making him happy. Does it extend to the bedroom? I sure hope so But it’s far more all-encompassing than just kinky sex.

This.

 

[MagicFlute]

In my view, there are “bedroom” doms and “real” doms. Anyone can be a bedroom dom. Spanking, hair pulling, bondage, whatever gets you going. In my experience, most guys who say that they are doms fall into this category. And a lot of people are perfectly content to limit the D/s relationship to the bedroom-which is absolutely ok, don’t get me wrong.

But what I crave is that intangible “it” factor. It’s a combination of chemistry, quiet confidence, knowledge and attraction. A true dominant doesn’t need to advertise it. You just know it. There’s just something about him that makes you trust and feel safe with him. It’s that feeling of knowing that you can completely let go with him, follow his lead, mentorship and guidance without question. You are confident that he knows how to make the “right” decisions and you trust him to do so. You understand that he knows you better than you know yourself-and that he knows what’s best, even when you aren’t sure.

Being able to embrace that (for me) is the most liberating feeling in the world. There’s a level of contentment in a D/s relationship that I just can’t get from a vanilla dating. I am truly at my happiest and most content when when I’m able to focus my time on making him happy. Does it extend to the bedroom? I sure hope so But it’s far more all-encompassing than just kinky sex.

What yiu are looking for sounds like a Total Power Exchange (TPE). This is where the Dom makes life decisions for his Sub. From what to wear, what to eat, when to go to bed through to when to shower and toilet through to financial control. This is on top of the bedroom domination.

I'm glad you realise that there are "play" Doms/subs and "lifestyle" Doms/subs. There is nothing wrong with either but recognising the difference and knowing which one yiu want is important.

 

[MagicFlute]

I know what I'm looking for. Doms are a dime a dozen on here. Fake doms.

Yes. As well as fake subs too.

 

[nyc_cutie]

In my view, there are “bedroom” doms and “real” doms. Anyone can be a bedroom dom. Spanking, hair pulling, bondage, whatever gets you going. In my experience, most guys who say that they are doms fall into this category. And a lot of people are perfectly content to limit the D/s relationship to the bedroom-which is absolutely ok, don’t get me wrong.

But what I crave is that intangible “it” factor. It’s a combination of chemistry, quiet confidence, knowledge and attraction. A true dominant doesn’t need to advertise it. You just know it. There’s just something about him that makes you trust and feel safe with him. It’s that feeling of knowing that you can completely let go with him, follow his lead, mentorship and guidance without question. You are confident that he knows how to make the “right” decisions and you trust him to do so. You understand that he knows you better than you know yourself-and that he knows what’s best, even when you aren’t sure.

Being able to embrace that (for me) is the most liberating feeling in the world. There’s a level of contentment in a D/s relationship that I just can’t get from a vanilla dating. I am truly at my happiest and most content when when I’m able to focus my time on making him happy. Does it extend to the bedroom? I sure hope so But it’s far more all-encompassing than just kinky sex.

Very well said!