First story with a male protagonist

[LessThanAWord]

Squeezed

This is an older woman/younger man story involving some coercion/reluctance, an authority figure, and pornographic anatomy.

I've pretty much exclusively written women so far so this is slightly new territory for me. I hope that you'll enjoy, and be willing to share your thoughts

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I'm not going to read your story and I thank you for providing the content warnings to let me make that decision.

 

[LessThanAWord]

I'm not going to read your story and I thank you for providing the content warnings to let me make that decision.

You're welcome, that's what they're for!

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Squeezed

This is an older woman/younger man story involving some coercion/reluctance, an authority figure, and pornographic anatomy.

I've pretty much exclusively written women so far so this is slightly new territory for me. I hope that you'll enjoy, and be willing to share your thoughts

I read it and left a comment. Great job.

I'm not going to read your story and I thank you for providing the content warnings to let me make that decision.

Having read the story, I disagree with joy_of_cooking. I think (though I'm not certain) that your content warning was too aggressive, and it scared off joy_of_cooking when it shouldn't have.

Let's look at the warning.

--This story features depictions of a mature woman and a young man, coercion by an authority figure, unrealistic penis size, body shaming, and objectification--

In this story:

Mature woman in this context means 30's to 40's... I know I'm getting old, but I feel like "Mature" often implies older than that.

Coercion by an authority figure is a valid warning. But then again I love that (to be fair though, it's a woman coercing a man which many readers deem less icky)

Unrealistic penis size is a 10" penis. That is quite unrealistic, but not for erotica.

Body shaming and objectification means his classmates joked about his massive dick. The mockery is not sexualized, and the councilor used him for his penis size.

---

Now I could be wrong, but I'm going to assume that @joy_of_cooking was imagining a story with a 70yo woman fucking an 18yo with a 17in cock while she ridicules him for the size of his tiny testicles or something. Or else she cock shames some other guy at the same time. Am I correct, joy?

If so, you should give this story a read. It's actually fine and pretty fun.

---

Case in point, content warning are an excellent tool, but overusing them is dangerous. When readers see a continent warning in a story, they get the impression that the content must be so harsh that it warrants a WARNING!

This story did not warrant a warning, and I'm afraid you may have scared away fans who would have loved this story.

Just my thoughts.

 

[LessThanAWord]

Case in point, content warning are an excellent tool, but overusing them is dangerous. When readers see a continent warning in a story, they get the impression that the content must be so harsh that it warrants a WARNING!

This story did not warrant a warning, and I'm afraid you may have scared away fans who would have loved this story.

Just my thoughts.

Thank you for this, this is helpful - generally when treading into noncon and bad boundaries territory I do want to make sure people know of potentially difficult or unwanted content. I've had a case of a friend reading something I wrote and enjoying it except for something they really needed CW'd, and I didn't think much of it ahead of time because in and of itself it didn't seem obviously bad.

I might try and modify or clarify future preambles to try and address the ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK-ness of it. I don't want to put people off, of course.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I might try and modify or clarify future preambles to try and address the ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK-ness of it. I don't want to put people off, of course.

That seems wise.

My thought process is that you only content warn against things that might surprise people.

Aggressive, forceful rape in NC/R might warrant a warning.

Gentle, coercive sex with mild resistance like this story? Not at all. (If it's in the NC/R category)

I'd put "Resistance" and "Coercion" in the tags and call it good.

 

[LessThanAWord]

I read it and left a comment. Great job.

Your comment is also very welcome re the cheating aspect, I am interested in growing the dynamic between Sam and Mary in a couple of future stories and I wanted to throw his girlfriend in the mix to include the possibility of her being drawn into it. The idea of this possibility being as completely out of Sam's control as anything else depicted is a lot of fun to me.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Your comment is also very welcome re the cheating aspect, I am interested in growing the dynamic between Sam and Mary in a couple of future stories and I wanted to throw his girlfriend in the mix to include the possibility of her being drawn into it. The idea of this possibility being as completely out of Sam's control as anything else depicted is a lot of fun to me.

I understand. I just thought I'd mention it. Cheating of any kind is a huge turn-off for me, and while I know I'm not alone in that... tons of people disagree.

I just like to be honest and open in my reviews

(PS: the fact that they had only been dating a short time and hadn't had sex yet, went a long way to smooth things over with me, personally)

 

[AwkwardlySet]

An interesting story. You write well, there is no doubt about it, although I have some criticism to share as well. I might do it later if you wish to hear it. One thing I can safely say, though. This isn't really a NC/R story. I think Fetish would have been more appropriate.

 

[LessThanAWord]

An interesting story. You write well, there is no doubt about it, although I have some criticism to share as well. I might do it later if you wish to hear it. One thing I can safely say, though. This isn't really a NC/R story. I think Fetish would be more appropriate.

Always up for hearing criticism. There is a reluctant protagonist and a person sexually manipulating someone under their care, which I think earns this story the NC/R category. It's not particularly strong, but if it ended up in court or at tribunal, well.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

An interesting story. You write well, there is no doubt about it, although I have some criticism to share as well. I might do it later if you wish to hear it. One thing I can safely say, though. This isn't really a NC/R story. I think Fetish would have been more appropriate.

This story is dub-con, which is a brand of resistance.

I know you think the NC/R crowd are all pro-rape perverts, but this is honestly pretty standard fare for NC/R.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Your comment is also very welcome re the cheating aspect, I am interested in growing the dynamic between Sam and Mary in a couple of future stories and I wanted to throw his girlfriend in the mix to include the possibility of her being drawn into it. The idea of this possibility being as completely out of Sam's control as anything else depicted is a lot of fun to me.

One last thing on the excessive content warnings: It could possibly draw in people who want to see worse than what you've presented.

But as such, I couldn't help but show this:

 

[LessThanAWord]

One last thing on the excessive content warnings: It could possibly draw in people who want to see worse than what you've presented.

But as such, I couldn't help but show this:View attachment 2269192

lmao.

This is the kind of response that makes me much more likely to write more of these.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I am feeling unusually lazy today, so I'll try to be very brief in my criticism. Don't take it the wrong way.
I might expand on it at some later moment.

1. Still claiming it doesn't belong in NC/R. I didn't feel any real pressure on your MC to engage in sex. Her actions were manipulative, yes, but hardly forceful and there was no attempt at blackmail or anything like that. There was also no real reluctance on his part.

2. Your MC feels kind of unrealistic to me. That is not how a guy's brain functions in my experience. His sense of being objectified sounds silly to me, no offense. Now, if he had had plenty of sexual experiences and if many or all the girls he had sex with always focused on his cock only, I might have bought his feeling of being objectified. But he had zero prior sexual experiences if I understood it right, so his sense of being objectified comes from nowhere, especially since guys in general rarely feel objectified the way women do. That is my opinion as a guy. Furthermore, your narration often feels at odds with what is transpiring in the scene. My vibe of the scene clashed with what you were describing as MC's inner thoughts and feelings.

3. The sex scene doesn't really work well, assuming you wanted it to be hot. You are breaking the flow of the sex scene too many times with too much narration, thus messing with the immersion. You could have let it flow and then at the end describe the feelings in more detail.

These are once again my thoughts only. I also think that you write well and I believe you will be quite successful here.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

lmao.

This is the kind of response that makes me much more likely to write more of these.

People love it. Check out this comment I got on the second chapter of Women's World (not a great story, but whatever):

Anonymous 8 months ago
If you could just keep writing stories of predatory women stealing the cherries of scared boys forever that would be just….. just incredible. Sincerely, Someone Deeply Into That

On that note, part of what people liked about that series (and what your story seems to be lacking slightly) is nervousness and apprehension.

Your MMC did not consent, but he was mostly just confused about the proceedings. If he was more nervous about getting caught while simultaneously more afraid to say no, I feel the story would be more dramatic, more consistently NC/R, and also spicier (imo).

Would his actions be realistic? As (@AwkwardlySet pointed out) Perhaps not, but erotica need not be believable necessarily, as long as it is fun.

 

[LessThanAWord]

On that note, part of what people liked about that series (and what your story seems to be lacking slightly) is nervousness and apprehension.

Your MMC did not consent, but he was mostly just confused about the proceedings. If he was more nervous about getting caught while simultaneously more afraid to say no, I feel the story would be more dramatic, more consistently NC/R, and also spicier (imo).

Ah that's a shame - I was absolutely going for nervousness, but implied rather than the result of threats. To an above feedback, I'd disagree that there wasn't an element of blackmail, for instance; there is also a strong fear of saying no. But I don't think this Counsellor has any particular *need* to become adversarial or put hostile pressure on him because of the situation he's already in. He's been fighting back against this objectification and it's only served to put him in this room: how much worse is it going to get if he keeps resisting now?

So, I don't think Mary needs to offer an ultimatum. She knows she can keep it nice, and affectionate, gentle, tender; she doesn't need to face or override the displeasure of him rejecting her. She can take what she wants. He's under duress the second he walks in.

Another way to put this is: it's a story about social and authoritative pressure rather than strong-arming and overpowering. The things we acquiesce to because we can't find the word No.

But as I say, I have sequels planned that actually do include more emphatic elements of duress for Sam, and hopefully I can take your notes in to writing those. For me, I wanted it to be founded on a "well if you didn't want to you should've said something" premise that both feeds his guilt and keeps him locked in.

It's difficult to respond to the rest of the criticism listed without getting personal - I mentioned in another thread that there is usually an autobiographical element to my stories. Sometimes it's the sex act, sometimes emotional or psychological, but I am yet to write a grounded story that doesn't feature something I've witnessed or gone through, even if it's just a detail. What I will say is that people aren't monolithic - if one person's experience doesn't match another's, it means that they're hearing about a different type of person to them. I want to write outwardly ordinary people who find themselves sliding into sexually grotesque experiences - that means trying to write people who contain contradicting judgements and inclinations, but fall to depravity anyway. I'm writing *a* guy, not *all* guys, YMMV.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

So, I don't think Mary needs to offer an ultimatum. She knows she can keep it nice, and affectionate, gentle, tender; she doesn't need to face or override the displeasure of him rejecting her. She can take what she wants. He's under duress the second he walks in.

I agree with this 100%.

I actually prefer it when all threats are implied, rather than overt. That's A+ dub-con.

That said, I feel like highlighting a bit more the extent of his mental distress and showing exactly what he wants and fears in the moment would have helped me relate to the characters better.

Many guys fantasize about sex with an authority figure, but the MMC clearly did not. That's fine, but the more you explain his thoughts, the better we know and understand him.

Ultimately, unfortunately, you're writing a female dominant story, and from my experience, those tend have fewer fans in NC/R than their maledom counterparts. But you will still get diehard fans, and they will love it. And you got a nice red H for good reason.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Sounds like it's right up my alley. I'll check it out today.

 

[RoperTrace]

I read it and left a comment. Great job.

Having read the story, I disagree with joy_of_cooking. I think (though I'm not certain) that your content warning was too aggressive, and it scared off joy_of_cooking when it shouldn't have.

Let's look at the warning.

--This story features depictions of a mature woman and a young man, coercion by an authority figure, unrealistic penis size, body shaming, and objectification--

In this story:

Mature woman in this context means 30's to 40's... I know I'm getting old, but I feel like "Mature" often implies older than that.

Coercion by an authority figure is a valid warning. But then again I love that (to be fair though, it's a woman coercing a man which many readers deem less icky)

Unrealistic penis size is a 10" penis. That is quite unrealistic, but not for erotica.

Body shaming and objectification means his classmates joked about his massive dick. The mockery is not sexualized, and the councilor used him for his penis size.

---

Now I could be wrong, but I'm going to assume that @joy_of_cooking was imagining a story with a 70yo woman fucking an 18yo with a 17in cock while she ridicules him for the size of his tiny testicles or something. Or else she cock shames some other guy at the same time. Am I correct, joy?

If so, you should give this story a read. It's actually fine and pretty fun.

---

Case in point, content warning are an excellent tool, but overusing them is dangerous. When readers see a continent warning in a story, they get the impression that the content must be so harsh that it warrants a WARNING!

This story did not warrant a warning, and I'm afraid you may have scared away fans who would have loved this story.

Just my thoughts.

I actually read it because of the warning, LOL. And I like it when a 'guidance' counselor takes a hands-on approach in her sessions.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I actually read it because of the warning, LOL. And I like it when a 'guidance' counselor takes a hands-on approach in her sessions.

Double edged sword, I suppose. Did you see the meme I made? Here:

View attachment 2269192

 

[Rob_Royale]

I quite enjoyed it. Well done.

 

[RoperTrace]

Double edged sword, I suppose. Did you see the meme I made? Here:

Yes, I did, and had a good laugh when it appeared.

 

[LessThanAWord]

Part 2, for anyone who's interested in following along.

 

[cdstefi]

I thought it was really well done and maintained my interest throughout. As I commented, I like how you subtly ramped up the language from descriptive and anatomical to more traditionally pornographic as it progressed, and while the premise of a counsellor using Sam's unfeasibly sized penis for her own pleasure is pretty unlikely in a professional setting, it made for a good transgression story.

 

[cdstefi]

Also liked part 2 although the premise of professionals overcome by lust is still highly unfeasible. Still, that's what fiction is for