Sexless Marriages

[adamISOeve]

@Strixaluco , You can consider yourself damned lucky, mature Finish Owl, for having been born a woman. For I bet you never spent a moment of your time looking at your lucky situation from your new partner’s point of view. Important is only how YOU feel, right?

And just as much YOU know what is best for ICM and his wife, correct? I just love so much a woman who always understands everything. like you. May you never have any doubts about anything you are doing!

 

[ICM8781]

Sorry to be hear she hasn't been able tp overcome the mental side of it. But I absolutely lovet that you've been able to discuss it all!

I didn't feel too sexy still a year ago - I had a gained weight since I met my late husband, and then the sexless period took my confidence. Some comments here (after his death) made all the difference, though... Even more the online relationship. And now having a partner to practically worship my body. He has literally changed the way I see myself in the mirror.

Thank you for sharing. I hope she will get there; preferably without my death (JK). Things have been improving, and we are working on it.

 

[Strixaluco]

@Strixaluco , You can consider yourself damned lucky, mature Finish Owl, for having been born a woman. For I bet you never spent a moment of your time looking at your lucky situation from your new partner’s point of view. Important is only how YOU feel, right?

And just as much YOU know what is best for ICM and his wife, correct? I just love so much a woman who always understands everything. like you. May you never have any doubts about anything you are doing!

Why are you so hostile? You attack something that isn't in my post. Or maybe it's just because I am woman, and not even sexless anymore. (And under 45 isn't usually considered mature, FYI. But at this point most people still offer me condolences after that sexless cheating bastard.)

I didn't claim to know what's best for ICM, even less everything. That's in your head only. He seemed very happy about having being able to discuss the issue with his wife - is there something wrong being happy for him about it? Or to wish his wife could overcome the mental issue causing her not to want sex? Which he had just described...

I'm not trying to guess what my new partner thinks - we rather communicate often, thank you very much, but as my new relationship isn't sexless at all, it is isn't something for this thread to discuss. Even less for you to guess.

 

[Strixaluco]

Thank you for sharing. I hope she will get there; preferably without my death (JK). Things have been improving, and we are working on it.

Well, duh, obviously without your death In your case I'd guess you are the source of her affection! I hope you it has the desired effect on her. I would have been very envious of the kind communication you have been able to have, as it's what my late husband was never willing to have.

 

[openyourleg]

Why are you so hostile? You attack something that isn't in my post. Or maybe it's just because I am woman, and not even sexless anymore. (And under 45 isn't usually considered mature, FYI. But at this point most people still offer me condolences after that sexless cheating bastard.)

I didn't claim to know what's best for ICM, even less everything. That's in your head only. He seemed very happy about having being able to discuss the issue with his wife - is there something wrong being happy for him about it? Or to wish his wife could overcome the mental issue causing her not to want sex? Which he had just described...

I'm not trying to guess what my new partner thinks - we rather communicate often, thank you very much, but as my new relationship isn't sexless at all, it is isn't something for this thread to discuss. Even less for you to guess.

Some people are naturally bitter, best u avoid them. This people are known as keyboard warriors,(troy) meet them face to face n them will act like the victims

 

[Lady2020]

Your choice of music is..,ok

Care to expand on that?

 

[Mtnmike]

If you're in a sexless marriage and just need to chat, my inbox is always open. I can't imagine what it's like being in a relationship without any passion.

It Sucks and not in the Good way

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Care to expand on that?

It was a post in the wrong thread. Sincere apologies.

 

[Lady2020]

It was a post in the wrong thread. Sincere apologies.

Ok. That makes sense. Kind of.

 

[RobDownSouth]

I can't decide which is worse, sexless marriage or being single.

Anyone who thinks being single is worse than a sexless marriage should go over to reddit to the r/deadbedrooms forum. 398 thousand subscribers!

 

[Lady2020]

Anyone who thinks being single is worse than a sexless marriage should go over to reddit to the r/deadbedrooms forum. 398 thousand subscribers!

I've experienced a relationship that turned sexless. It didn't take me long to figure out it wasn't something I could endure long term, although I'm probably in the minority. My point is being single or in a relation where there is no sex or intimacy is hard. They both suck. Sure, being single you don't have to deal with a partner rejecting you. Maybe if I hadn't received a deluge of pms from married men looking for a fantasy sex partner I wouldn't feel as inclined as I do to think maybe they should do something more than complain about it and looking for a fantasy sex partner.

 

[PapaRomantic]

I think many have said this - being single and sexless is not fun, but being married and sexless where one person in the marriage has made an un-discussed unilateral decision that affects both seems to me to be worse. Just my opinion from reading through some of the recent responses of this thread.

 

[LustyScribe]

Actually had sex with my spouse today for the first time in over 6 months. I think it's probably just because I have some grim medical issues. She's just doing charity work, so she sees it as she's doing her good deed one last(?) time. I'm trying my best to keep bitterness and anger out of my heart; I don't want that to be my parting image if this turns out bad. But it's hard. "For better or worse" became "until I don't feel like it."

 

[portionforfoxes]

So my feelings are a bit hurt and figured here was a safe place to share.
As mentioned here before, my wife had a conversation with me a few weeks back that she isn't interested in sex, just no drive, ok that isn't fun but I am not going to try and force myself on her, no matter how much higher my drive is than her. Then a couple of days ago,I noticed in the shower that her toy is there now, so I guess it really is just me she isn't attracted to and just a bit of a gut punch.

 

[DuvessaNight]

So my feelings are a bit hurt and figured here was a safe place to share.
As mentioned here before, my wife had a conversation with me a few weeks back that she isn't interested in sex, just no drive, ok that isn't fun but I am not going to try and force myself on her, no matter how much higher my drive is than her. Then a couple of days ago,I noticed in the shower that her toy is there now, so I guess it really is just me she isn't attracted to and just a bit of a gut punch.

I understand how you feel. Years ago (before our sex life completely dried up) I caught him watching porn a few times. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t want to have sex with me but would jerk off yo videos. It hurt, a lot, and really hit my confidence hard. But I think a lot of it was he didn’t want to disappoint me, and then after it’s been X amount of time- there’s the fear of disappointing the other person, especially with men I think. My advice from someone who hasn’t been intimate with her partner in YEARS, get it out in the open ASAP. The longer it goes unsaid the harder it becomes to figure out the why.

Much love

 

[LustyScribe]

I understand how you feel. Years ago (before our sex life completely dried up) I caught him watching porn a few times. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t want to have sex with me but would jerk off yo videos. It hurt, a lot, and really hit my confidence hard. But I think a lot of it was he didn’t want to disappoint me, and then after it’s been X amount of time- there’s the fear of disappointing the other person, especially with men I think. My advice from someone who hasn’t been intimate with her partner in YEARS, get it out in the open ASAP. The longer it goes unsaid the harder it becomes to figure out the why.

Much love

Good, good words of advice. I wish I had stood up for myself 15 years ago.

 

[silky52]

Communication is so important for a healthy marriage. Sometimes we are afraid to talk about our desires with a partner. It might be hard, but its healthy, and mostly rewarding. My wife and I after 25 years are trying so many new things after talking with someone about this. Be open, it works. And the rewards are worth it

I love your idea, however that does really depend on the two people, don't you think? It's impossible to talk to someone who does not want listen! I know, believe me, I've tried. I've also talked and talked, and asked him to talk to, but to no avail!

 

[Mtnmike]

I love your idea, however that does really depend on the two people, don't you think? It's impossible to talk to someone who does not want listen! I know, believe me, I've tried. I've also talked and talked, and asked him to talk to, but to no avail!

Same here, after 6 year's of talking to a brick wall, I give up and quit. She's never brought it up once, that was 8 year's ago.

 

[silky52]

Same here, after year's of talking to a brick wall, I give up and quit. She's never brought it up once, that was 8 year's ago.

But you stay?

 

[Mtnmike]

But you stay?

I have, yes. Question myself bout everyday why, comes down to finances, i'd most likely be homeless with our divorce law's.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

I have, yes. Question myself bout everyday why, comes down to finances, i'd most likely be homeless with our divorce law's.

I get that. I've been told that, because my husband is profoundly disabled (MS) that if I leave and he needs to hire help to replace the service I provide him for free, I'd likely be on the hook for that spousal support. Now, here's the crazy part. I'm also disabled, though not as profoundly as he. His disability check is about... 50% more than mine. His is not considered income in a divorce, but mine is. He's also been abusive, so having to pay him spousal support after he's been physically and very emotionally abusive for 25 years would be the cherry on the crap cake.

I am hoping to see a lawyer soon to see if this is my fate. If that's my case, I might be stuck having a long-distance affair with the true love of my life, and caring for this aromantic fuckwad until I'm dead, or he is.

 

[Mtnmike]

I get that. I've been told that, because my husband is profoundly disabled (MS) that if I leave and he needs to hire help to replace the service I provide him for free, I'd likely be on the hook for that spousal support. Now, here's the crazy part. I'm also disabled, though not as profoundly as he. His disability check is about... 50% more than mine. His is not considered income in a divorce, but mine is. He's also been abusive, so having to pay him spousal support after he's been physically and very emotionally abusive for 25 years would be the cherry on the crap cake.

I am hoping to see a lawyer soon to see if this is my fate. If that's my case, I might be stuck having a long-distance affair with the true love of my life, and caring for this aromantic fuckwad until I'm dead, or he is.

I feel ya and sorry for you. I found all the horrible stuff when I saw a lawyer, my surprise and shock floored me, I hope your visit turns out better, maybe your state law's are different than ours.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

I feel ya and sorry for you. I found all the horrible stuff when I saw a lawyer, my surprise and shock floored me, I hope your visit turns out better, maybe your state law's are different than ours.

It seems the ultimate punishment to stay miserable because the other spouse can cause your financial ruin, and everything you've spent a lifetime working to attain and achieve.

I'm so sorry. No one deserves that.

 

[Mtnmike]

It seems the ultimate punishment to stay miserable because the other spouse can cause your financial ruin, and everything you've spent a lifetime working to attain and achieve.

I'm so sorry. No one deserves that.

I agree, unfortunately the law's punish us to.

 

[eomerson]

Well, This Thread has been so eye-opening. I would love to be able to speak to my wife about this but just get shut down every single time. She acts frustrated and totally closes the entire topic. Now the best part is is that I know years ago she's had a couple of affairs. I made the mistake of staying for the kids. What an idiot but I wanted to make sure she didn't move my kids somewhere unsafe for them. I just get the feeling after listening to a lot of people that she's probably a narcissist and me looking through Rose Colored Glasses for too many years didn't allow me to see this. I am 60 and a divorce would kill me financially and I would end up having to work till I'm 75 to pay alimony. The dangers of living in the state of New york. My advice for any of you and your 30s or early 40s is get out now. Good luck to everyone though and know that you all have my best wishes and hopes.