Sexless Marriages

[RoperTrace]

It has been over 3 years since my husband and I have been intimate, I can totally relate unfortunately

It's like living with a brother, or in my case a sister.

 

[LuxIgnis]

It makes you want to look for fun, any kind of fun, elsewhere. In my case, I kind of like the thrill that accompanies sneaking around AND getting away with it, even if it is only online. I've had a few partners in the past, but they usually have a significant change in their lives that forces them to stop. I always support them, but it sucks when I'm left alone again, with my unattentive wife

 

[wp2004]

Been over 5 years for me. Thankfully my dog likes me to be around and to pet him.

 

[WandererLost]

It kind of crept up on us. We were very active for quite a few years. About three years after our final child, wife developed anxiety which seemed to be an extension of her being quite body conscious after the last pregnancy.
So that anxiety dulled her sexual appetite a bit, but we still got in what we could when we could....she then got diagnosed with IBS and went through loads of different diets and allergy tests which just took it out of her.
It's been three months since we last had sex, prior to that it had been almost half a year.
It sucks for both of us (this it not me moaning) she enjoys/enjoyed sex but getting everything to align right can be tough.
Internet has been a go to for sometime now, I can indulge in porn or in chats, indulge in fantasy and desires.
I am guilty of two and almost a third one night stand in our marriage, but I have no desire to sleep around again, perhaps that will become a desire at some point but for now that's too much of a headache.

Anyway......not sure what my point was but, ah, there you have it.

 

[adamISOeve]

It kind of crept up on us. We were very active for quite a few years. About three years after our final child, wife developed anxiety which seemed to be an extension of her being quite body conscious after the last pregnancy.
So that anxiety dulled her sexual appetite a bit, but we still got in what we could when we could....she then got diagnosed with IBS and went through loads of different diets and allergy tests which just took it out of her.
It's been three months since we last had sex, prior to that it had been almost half a year.
It sucks for both of us (this it not me moaning) she enjoys/enjoyed sex but getting everything to align right can be tough.
Internet has been a go to for sometime now, I can indulge in porn or in chats, indulge in fantasy and desires.
I am guilty of two and almost a third one night stand in our marriage, but I have no desire to sleep around again, perhaps that will become a desire at some point but for now that's too much of a headache.

Anyway......not sure what my point was but, ah, there you have it.

@WandererLost and others in a similar situation, I am firmly convinced, we as societies could lighten the load on you and your wife considerably, by overhauling and redefining prevalent norms imposed on individuals. Let’s face it, a married couple with identical needs & desires for sexual intimacy in both – is NOT the general case but rather an exception.

Not all couples are facing obstacles as strong as you and your wife do, but I bet the vast majority is facing SOME at least. So I ask you to perform a mental experiment for a moment. What if sexual intimacy were NOT required (for moral reasons) to happen inside mariages only? Women who don’t desire it would not be stigmatized – and not men either – and both women and men would be free to seek sex outside their marriages.

You, WandererLost, and hopefully your wife too, would view what you now refer to as shameful ONSs as the pleasure they can be. Not all that different from a fishing trip, but with sex involved. And I bet that with pressure on your wife eliminated, she might find the intimacy you two have – when you have it – tremendously more enjoyable. Not to mention pleasurable “more”-somes which could happen without feeling morally guilty.

I am 100% certain that moralistically exaggerating anything, be it sexual intimacy and many other matters as well, has not done any society any good at all so far. Only the high priests of morality profit from that, but not you and me for sure. …. Any thoughts from anybody on this?

 

[Mtnmike]

It kind of crept up on us. We were very active for quite a few years. About three years after our final child, wife developed anxiety which seemed to be an extension of her being quite body conscious after the last pregnancy.
So that anxiety dulled her sexual appetite a bit, but we still got in what we could when we could....she then got diagnosed with IBS and went through loads of different diets and allergy tests which just took it out of her.
It's been three months since we last had sex, prior to that it had been almost half a year.
It sucks for both of us (this it not me moaning) she enjoys/enjoyed sex but getting everything to align right can be tough.
Internet has been a go to for sometime now, I can indulge in porn or in chats, indulge in fantasy and desires.
I am guilty of two and almost a third one night stand in our marriage, but I have no desire to sleep around again, perhaps that will become a desire at some point but for now that's too much of a headache.

Anyway......not sure what my point was but, ah, there you have it.

I know how you feel, your story is just like mine, kids, weight gain, her libido and nothing has helped.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

@WandererLost and others in a similar situation, I am firmly convinced, we as societies could lighten the load on you and your wife considerably, by overhauling and redefining prevalent norms imposed on individuals. Let’s face it, a married couple with identical needs & desires for sexual intimacy in both – is NOT the general case but rather an exception.

Not all couples are facing obstacles as strong as you and your wife do, but I bet the vast majority is facing SOME at least. So I ask you to perform a mental experiment for a moment. What if sexual intimacy were NOT required (for moral reasons) to happen inside mariages only? Women who don’t desire it would not be stigmatized – and not men either – and both women and men would be free to seek sex outside their marriages.

You, WandererLost, and hopefully your wife too, would view what you now refer to as shameful ONSs as the pleasure they can be. Not all that different from a fishing trip, but with sex involved. And I bet that with pressure on your wife eliminated, she might find the intimacy you two have – when you have it – tremendously more enjoyable. Not to mention pleasurable “more”-somes which could happen without feeling morally guilty.

I am 100% certain that moralistically exaggerating anything, be it sexual intimacy and many other matters as well, has not done any society any good at all so far. Only the high priests of morality profit from that, but not you and me for sure. …. Any thoughts from anybody on this?

Totally agree. To piggyback off this, I would also like to add the decriminalization of prostitution. If there were clean, safe places for men (or women) to go and get relief, I’m willing to bet we’d have happier marriages assuming the societal norms move in a different direction and possible lower crime in certain segments of society.

I think there is a shift going on in society as a whole but mainly for women. Maybe the end result would be something along the lines you describe.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

I’ve posted my on again-off again, marital travails in other threads. Nowhere near as long as some but long enough to where I’m questioning is it worth putting my life on hold. I sympathize with my my sexless brothers and sisters. May we all find relief and peace.

 

[doc9696]

I’m looking for provocative talk with a sexual, sexy female. That’s it. Is that too much to ask?

 

[adamISOeve]

Totally agree. To piggyback off this, I would also like to add the decriminalization of prostitution. If there were clean, safe places for men (or women) to go and get relief, I’m willing to bet we’d have happier marriages assuming the societal norms move in a different direction and possible lower crime in certain segments of society.

I think there is a shift going on in society as a whole but mainly for women. Maybe the end result would be something along the lines you describe.

Thank you for yor comment, Horatio. I agree with your words on commercial sex work. Luckily I live again now on a continent where the laws have become quite cilvilized regarding that profession. in most countries, at least. And I recall a few truly great experiences, because the money involved was merely a fee for "easy access" to each other. Certainly with a sex worker whose attitude is more than only commercial, what can get to happen is as joyful as love-making without any money involved.

But it helps tremendously when neither party must fear unpleasant consequences. And when meeting up happens casually and without complicarions. Good luck to you, BTW, on whatever you decide to do.

 

[Storm1752]

I might as well admit, wife died five years, moved to remote cabin, hired handyman, started hanging out, one night he went down on me. Only happened twice since, mostly porn.

 

[lc69hunter]

Was married for 32 years. she was ill the last 20 or so, and the last 7 years was Alzheimer's. Took me a while to get myself back together after her death, but am making up for it now

 

[TemptationTango]

I can pay a reasonable amount to have an attractive female put her hands on my body for an hour and that massage is socially acceptable(these I do enjoy just for the human touch). But, in the eyes of the law, God forbid she touches my nether region for even more therapeutics....ridiculous isn't it?

 

[artconsim]

Interesting. I went thru a rough personal patch and neglected sex with my lusty wife for a long time. I finally got my shit together, lost a bunch of weight, got onto an HRT program, ready to go! Almost zero interest. She does masturbate me sometimes and we have sex 2 times a month. But her drive was off the charts in the early part of our marriage, then we had my 'issues'. Hence I'm here, learning about new ways to satisfy my needs.
I hope all of you find the release you want and need.

 

[LonelyInMIssouri_007]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Right there with you. It has been just under 2 years aince my hisband has had any interest and all he has are excuses. Blah. Im over it. I told him if he wont fuck me I will find someone who will.

 

[Analsexlover]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Definitely right there with you. I have a hot wife and we used to have a adventurous sex life but she's worried I'm gonna turn gay so everything has stopped which only makes me more dependent on male sex and porn

 

[Analsexlover]

Oh probably more women lose their libido I should think. But actually loss of libido is a well documented side effect of going through the menopause ..... you can read a lot about it.HRT can help a lot. There’s very little information about sex surge so when it arrives and knocks you over like a train there’s very little information around to explain it. If I could kill my libido stone dead I would - because one day i’ll be discovered and branded a whore forever more.

Good for You! The world needs whores

 

[Strixaluco]

Definitely right there with you. I have a hot wife and we used to have a adventurous sex life but she's worried I'm gonna turn gay so everything has stopped which only makes me more dependent on male sex and porn

Errmmm.... does anyone else find her reasoning weird and totally illogical?

 

[AspiringAuthor]

It's like living with a brother, or in my case a sister.

Or, in my case, a roommate that I no longer find funny, or cute, or remotely sexual. Maybe I'm more like a nurse than a roommate. I've done more things that I shouldn't HAVE to put up with in a partner at such a young age. Maybe if he wasn't such a soul-sucking, narcissistic d-bag, I'd be a little more amenable to "in sickness and in health."

 

[adamISOeve]

Errmmm.... does anyone else find her reasoning weird and totally illogical?

Since nobody has answered you for 24 hours: YES, I agree with you. This reasoning was totally nuts. But keep in mind: it was how a man claims he understood his wife's reasoning. So multiple chances for misunderstanding something

 

[Britva415]

Errmmm.... does anyone else find her reasoning weird and totally illogical?

I feel like we haven't gotten the whole story.

 

[silky52]

We were together for 5 years. Moved in and lived together for a year. Then got married. It isn't that I don't love her; I absolutely do. She's my emotional support and she's transformed my life in countless ways. And I don't want to ever consider leaving her. But she's a total sub in the bedroom; I'd argue she's a pillow princess. Whereas I am a switch, so I like to have that balance of sub and Dom experiences.

That's the problem with just getting married to have kids! You really need to talk to her, if she does not know what you need, she can't help. Good luck.

 

[tnhardon]

Not in what I would call a “sexless marriage” but far less sex than I need/prefer. About to hit 3 weeks since last time having sex. This is longer than we usually go, but I’d say our average is once every two weeks at this point. (I know, people in this thread might kill for that much action.)

Similar to what others have posted, a lot of this is because of reasons outside the bedroom. She’s had some health stuff (nothing major) that is hampered her mood. She also works a draining job and we have kids who take a lot out of both of us. I do a lot around the house and with the kids, but by the time we get to the bedroom she is ready to crash (if she doesn’t crash before we even get there).

When we were dating/newlywed we had sex at least once a week, often times 2-3 times a week. This matches my libido but over the years hers has begun to fall off. This has led to me coming to places like this to find ways to let out my sexual energy between times she is ready.

 

[Mtnmike]

That's the problem with just getting married to have kids! You really need to talk to her, if she does not know what you need, she can't help. Good luck.

Over our time together we've had many conversations over a wide range of things, as couple's should but you never think about what if one of us loses our libido, just not something that ever crosses your mind. That being said, we had many talks the first 6-7 year's after she decided no more sex, she refused to get help, saying nothing's wrong and can live with it, yea but what about me? Finally told me if I wanted or needed it, that i'd have to go elsewhere to get it but she doesn't want to know anything and don't bring nothing home. I have this documented and notarized, just in case and yes should has said before that she never said that, walla, here it is.

 

[drobert44]

Over our time together we've had many conversations over a wide range of things, as couple's should but you never think about what if one of us loses our libido, just not something that ever crosses your mind. That being said, we had many talks the first 6-7 year's after she decided no more sex, she refused to get help, saying nothing's wrong and can live with it, yea but what about me? Finally told if I wanted or needed it, that i'd have to go elsewhere to get it but she doesn't want to know anything and don't bring nothing home. I have this documented and notarized, just in case and yes should has said before that she never said that, walla, here it is.

Mike, I think it's time for an affair.