Litiquette VII

[hotwords229_A]

I wasn’t thin skinned, but, like you, I had (still have?) a certain obsession with activity in my question threads.

I assume my questions should be the most important ones asked and therefore they should receive the most attention and therefore the views/responses should be through the roof.

Very often, there are no responses at all and it can be frustrating. Eventually, I realized that the problem may be that I ask super personal and or embarrassing questions that people may not be all that quick to share. But these are the questions that most excite or interest me, so . . .

I still find it interesting what questions garner the largest response (usually not the ones I expect) and that keeps me coming back for more.

I also find myself infinity entertaining, so sometimes I’m just posting things to make people go “oh, Hotwords . . .” —at least, in my imagination that’s what they are thinking!

 

[may_I_please]

Oh hotwords

 

[LadyLascivious1]

I wasn’t thin skinned, but, like you, I had (still have?) a certain obsession with activity in my question threads.

I assume my questions should be the most important ones asked and therefore they should receive the most attention and therefore the views/responses should be through the roof.

Very often, there are no responses at all and it can be frustrating. Eventually, I realized that the problem may be that I ask super personal and or embarrassing questions that people may not be all that quick to share. But these are the questions that most excite or interest me, so . . .

I still find it interesting what questions garner the largest response (usually not the ones I expect) and that keeps me coming back for more.

I also find myself infinity entertaining, so sometimes I’m just posting things to make people go “oh, Hotwords . . .” —at least, in my imagination that’s what they are thinking!

I always love your questions, it’s usually a function of if I see them when I have time for a thoughtful response or will I remember to go back later when I have time. Lit needs a reminder system.

@default24 please add that to your improvements list!

 

[LadyLascivious1]

When Aussie was joking about the stamina it takes to keep a thread like this going, yesterday was a perfect example. LonelyWife did her part but this was a topic that generated 0 interest. Back when I first started the thread this would have bothered me. Why didn’t anyone respond? Was the question bad? Do people think the thread itself is lame? All these thoughts would have rushed into my head. I’d have likely tried to jump in and pump life into the thread, hoping that at a minimum my listing would put it back on the front page. From that perspective, a thread like this, one that required engagement and involvement in order to survive, can be exhausting.

But overtime I realized it’s okay. People’s lives are busy, responding to my thread isn’t their top priority, every topic isn’t revelatory. I get it and I developed a thicker skin. So now I post a topic and just let it breathe for good or bad.

Which, brings me to today’s topic. What with Lit have you grown a thick skin over? What things used to bother you but now no longer does? Was it a slow reckoning or a lightening strike type of change? At what point do you just utter a virtual “fuck it” and move on?

Manners always count even if the obviously heartfelt ones resonate more. I will continue to employ them regardless of popularity or whatnot because it’s really about the standards I hold myself to and what allows me to sleep at night in how I treat others.

I think when I first became more active in the forum I felt bad when I posted and didn’t get a response. Part of that is sheer luck in timing and there’s also an aspect of being someone who posts often enough that people are excited to see you aside from the content of your comment. It didn’t take me long to get over that and now I post without a thought to any following interaction or lack thereof.

 

[MedicalMuse]

Which, brings me to today’s topic. What with Lit have you grown a thick skin over? What things used to bother you but now no longer does? Was it a slow reckoning or a lightening strike type of change? At what point do you just utter a virtual “fuck it” and move on?

Carelessness. Thoughtless words sent by other without thinking how the other party takes it. I’ve watched so many people have their feelings trampled, that I have adopted a “grain of salt” attitude. A total turn off is still carelessness, but if it’s because it’s thoughtless, not intentional, no harm, no foul.
No lightning strike. It was a realization that people don’t actually suck most of the time. This place can be overwhelming in its excitement factor, and people realizing that they are actually someone worth knowing or spending time with sometimes causes the carelessness by virtue of sheer volume of interest.
Every day is a virtual fuck it
Some people I’d like to get to know this time around, some people were so mean the first time, I just don’t have it in me to forget, even if I have forgiven. Most of the time, they haven’t got a clue that they did anything.

Quality over quantity at this point.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

One thread about wore me out trying to maintain/police/keep the peace, I ended up asking for it to be closed. It was draining me so much!

To answer the thank you question, my parents beat good manners into me. So much so that I have beaten them into my husband. His culture doesn't say thank you for every little thing, but I do.

I've said "f it" and tried to move on from some things that bother me, but I always circle back, so why lie to myself? lol But I am doing much better at ignoring the people who irritate me or I don't like (thicker skin). I'm also doing much better at avoiding Lit when I'm in a crappy mood.

Something that will ALWAYS bother me is how people treat others on here... telling them that they're paranoid and/or need psychological help, when the person is very clearly seeing the signs of a relationship ending. Because it's easier to gaslight someone than to be honest and say "I've moved on"? Just straight out dump someone, don't pull away slowly and act like nothing is wrong, then tell them they're crazy on top of that. Why the need to cause more damage when you already know you're going to break their heart? That I'll never understand.

Carelessness. Thoughtless words sent by other without thinking how the other party takes it. I’ve watched so many people have their feelings trampled, that I have adopted a “grain of salt” attitude. A total turn off is still carelessness, but if it’s because it’s thoughtless, not intentional, no harm, no foul.
No lightning strike. It was a realization that people don’t actually suck most of the time. This place can be overwhelming in its excitement factor, and people realizing that they are actually someone worth knowing or spending time with sometimes causes the carelessness by virtue of sheer volume of interest.
Every day is a virtual fuck it
Some people I’d like to get to know this time around, some people were so mean the first time, I just don’t have it in me to forget, even if I have forgiven. Most of the time, they haven’t got a clue that they did anything.

Quality over quantity at this point.

Also these. I don’t think there’s any need to be cruel or careless with others. I generally don’t enter the fray when there’s drama because I really don’t feel the need to pile on unless I think I have something new and productive to say, but I notice and will remember. No need to call it out or make people feel bad about it, but I also will not have any inclination to get to know the person at a later date. How you treat anyone is how you will eventually treat everyone.

 

[Lord Pmann]

When Aussie was joking about the stamina it takes to keep a thread like this going, yesterday was a perfect example. LonelyWife did her part but this was a topic that generated 0 interest. Back when I first started the thread this would have bothered me. Why didn’t anyone respond? Was the question bad? Do people think the thread itself is lame? All these thoughts would have rushed into my head. I’d have likely tried to jump in and pump life into the thread, hoping that at a minimum my listing would put it back on the front page. From that perspective, a thread like this, one that required engagement and involvement in order to survive, can be exhausting.

But overtime I realized it’s okay. People’s lives are busy, responding to my thread isn’t their top priority, every topic isn’t revelatory. I get it and I developed a thicker skin. So now I post a topic and just let it breathe for good or bad.

Which, brings me to today’s topic. What with Lit have you grown a thick skin over? What things used to bother you but now no longer does? Was it a slow reckoning or a lightening strike type of change? At what point do you just utter a virtual “fuck it” and move on?

Papa Chained returns and is on a posting streak! Sorry, I’ve been away or I would’ve supported your previous questions. You’ll be happy to know that, even when you were gone, I made sure to police the fun and shenanigans around these parts. And when I was not active, there were tons of people here ensuring no one was enjoying themselves.

Normally I’m quite thick skinned. I am like elephant taint, honestly. The words of a stranger on the internet mean absolutely nothing to me, unless I’ve gotten to know you. And if I get to know you and you’re someone who holds a special place in my little black heart, then I do give a fuck what you say. Lots of fucks, even.

I can hop in and out of debates and drama here with no feelings hurt at all. It just doesn’t mean much to me. I enjoy watching drama here, because it fascinates me. Sometimes I even like to pee on the fire a bit. However, almost nothing on Lit actually bothers me, unless it’s someone whose opinion matters.

And as @LadyLascivious1 says, manners do matter. Just be polite. Kind. Gentle. Not like some of these rude dickheads who roam about. AMIRIGHT?!?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

pmann said taint.

He's flirting. Quick! Spank him, Papa Chained

 

[Dribble]

pmann said taint.

He's flirting. Quick! Spank him, Papa Chained

Is that part of being moist?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

What with Lit have you grown a thick skin over? What things used to bother you but now no longer does? Was it a slow reckoning or a lightening strike type of change? At what point do you just utter a virtual “fuck it” and move on?

I've gone the opposite and gotten softer in my old age...

I've started to care about what other people think in a way I never used to. And I'm okay with that.

I have typically always posted for me and trying to bring others into the fold was downright exhausting. I tip my hat to the conversation starters and those who keep their threads going. I didn't take it personally when there wasn't action, but losing that momentum is hard to recover from.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Is that part of being moist?

A moist taint?

I'm intrigued...

 

[Dribble]

A moist taint?

I'm intrigued...

Well it is pmann right?

 

[Endless_Night]

Chained! You're alive!!

I’ll agree with no such thing as an unacceptable thank you but aren’t there unnecessary thank yous?

I don't know if it's being raised in the South, but I was taught to be polite. There really was no other option, you said "please" and "thank you". Ubiquitous? Idk. Seems normal to me. I find it odd, and occasionally off-putting, when people don't bother to be courteous in the small things.


I am now curious as to what you would term and "unnecessary" thank you?

 

[Endless_Night]

When Aussie was joking about the stamina it takes to keep a thread like this going, yesterday was a perfect example.

I always realized how much it took to keep this type of thread going. This thread in particular, as it's continued so long. Not just the questions, but managing the personalities. It's so easy for personal clashes to get out of hand and crash a thread.

Which, brings me to today’s topic. What with Lit have you grown a thick skin over? What things used to bother you but now no longer does? Was it a slow reckoning or a lightening strike type of change? At what point do you just utter a virtual “fuck it” and move on?

Lit was something of a sensory overload for me in the beginning.

Too much noise, too much people, too much emotion, all that crashes my zone. Off the board, I micromanage my private space so I don't become overloaded. On Lit, at least for the first few years, it was tough to shut out the over-stimulation.

Two or three times there's been a person who (for whatever reason) start spewing constant negativity. Hate for the board, or a gender, or a particular person. Their own issue, of course, but it became problematic when it was someone who frequented the same threads. Just…too much.

I didn't want to block them, because…same threads. What if I missed something pertinent? What if they addressed me?

Eventually I just started blocking, no matter what threads we shared. Improved my experience greatly.

(I guess I'm not always polite. )

 

[Lord Pmann]

pmann said taint.

Did you mean to say, “Pmann is a saint”?

 

[ChainedUp]

Glad to see “the gang” come sauntering back in. No sense rushing, I mean it’s not like this thread was voted best new thread in the very first Litties or anything.

I touched on nostalgia in my first post and this time of the year is likely the most nostalgia filled time on the calendar. Whether it’s pushed to us with Hallmark holiday movies, memories from our childhood, or times as adults. It’s all around us.

But when did the holiday start not living up to the nostalgia for you? Or does it still? Are you still making fond memories or are you living in the past.

Or maybe this time of year is just hard for you, that happens and should be acknowledged, too.

Nostalgia, are we for or against?

 

[investor2020]

"You morons ! How can you be so dumb? !"

No, that's not my post . . . just a reminder of the type of comment that flamers post to disrupt threads. That's my primary complaint about Lit . . . the flamers.

But nostalgia? Nothing wrong with sitting back and enjoying good memories. Just don't dwell on them too much and let them cloud your interests/activities today. They can be a distraction, or an incentive to do something better tomorrow. Make the best choice.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

https://external-preview.redd.it/fwbygAUpRYBNWwM4evCZgLvpcgCkj7V11_BMDEUXaNk.png?auto=webp&s=3632b6d18aba1f66b42c039769c1e1c8a311c80d

 

[aussiegeekygal]

But when did the holiday start not living up to the nostalgia for you? Or does it still? Are you still making fond memories or are you living in the past.

Or maybe this time of year is just hard for you, that happens and should be acknowledged, too.

Nostalgia, are we for or against?

When it was me that was responsible for creating the magic.

I actually loved creating that magic before I had kids. I tended to channel my holiday energy into work and threw amazing Christmas parties and bought kick ass gifts on the company dime. Christmas is way more fun when you get to spend someone else's money

Seeing Christmas through my kid's eyes has lit a fire in me again. I don't particularly care if my home feels like Christmas, but I LOVE being the one to create that magic for others. And my kiddos ate it up. We didn't have a tree and we blended holidays to try out things we want, like solstice, and it was amazeballs. And I had to pull from serious emotional reserves to get this done. I've been stretched across so many different responsibilities of late, so it felt even more incredible that I found a way to drop the ball evenly across all aspects of my life just enough to pull this off #mamagetsshitdone

We will be celebrating new year's this year and then I think I'm going to hibernate for a couple of months.

Again with the stamina.
I've got none left

Totally worth it, though.

 

[Mrtenant]

Carelessness. Thoughtless words sent by other without thinking how the other party takes it. I’ve watched so many people have their feelings trampled, that I have adopted a “grain of salt” attitude. A total turn off is still carelessness, but if it’s because it’s thoughtless, not intentional, no harm, no foul.
No lightning strike. It was a realization that people don’t actually suck most of the time. This place can be overwhelming in its excitement factor, and people realizing that they are actually someone worth knowing or spending time with sometimes causes the carelessness by virtue of sheer volume of interest.
Every day is a virtual fuck it
Some people I’d like to get to know this time around, some people were so mean the first time, I just don’t have it in me to forget, even if I have forgiven. Most of the time, they haven’t got a clue that they did anything.

Quality over quantity at this point.

And when it's your own carelessness that causes harm to others? What then? Is that still a fuck it attitude? (Not talking about you and me personally)

 

[Mrtenant]

Glad to see “the gang” come sauntering back in. No sense rushing, I mean it’s not like this thread was voted best new thread in the very first Litties or anything.

I touched on nostalgia in my first post and this time of the year is likely the most nostalgia filled time on the calendar. Whether it’s pushed to us with Hallmark holiday movies, memories from our childhood, or times as adults. It’s all around us.

But when did the holiday start not living up to the nostalgia for you? Or does it still? Are you still making fond memories or are you living in the past.

Or maybe this time of year is just hard for you, that happens and should be acknowledged, too.

Nostalgia, are we for or against?

Changes in so many things. At my home, the children have grown into adults. This is the first year where they really are exploring other avenues than time with me and mom. We are adjusting. Sucks the spirit right out of things. I have been taking MrsT out on christmas dates as a result to engender a little more spirit for the season. It helps, but then this is all a first for us. I'll be better prepared next year.

 

[may_I_please]

Changes in so many things. At my home, the children have grown into adults. This is the first year where they really are exploring other avenues than time with me and mom. We are adjusting. Sucks the spirit right out of things. I have been taking MrsT out on christmas dates as a result to engender a little more spirit for the season. It helps, but then this is all a first for us. I'll be better prepared next year.

How does one become an empty nester (asking for a friend)

 

[ToPleaseHim]

When it was me that was responsible for creating the magic.

This rings true for me. As a young mom, I did all the things. It all fell on my shoulders and it was exhausting. I know it isn’t universal, but why are things like this so often the responsibility of moms? My current partner would have been so amazing when my kids were little and I know men who help and participate fully, but I was with one of the ones that is the subject of so many memes. He had no idea what the kids were getting for Christmas, he didn’t help with the planning of family visits or grocery shopping or food prep or getting the house ready, etc. I put up with it, but I shouldn’t have. So holidays were stressful. I loved seeing the happiness and joy in my kid’s faces, though.

As the years passed and I lost a lot of loved ones, and left the marriage, a new holiday pace formed. My kids are adults and our holiday pace is slow and peaceful and predictable and we love it. I miss my grandparents and do yearn for some of the nostalgia with regards to them; we keep them with us in the form of stories and certain foods, etc.

 

[Mrtenant]

How does one become an empty nester (asking for a friend)

It's all new to me. I'm probably not the one to ask.

 

[MedicalMuse]

And when it's your own carelessness that causes harm to others? What then? Is that still a fuck it attitude?

I own it. If I have screwed up and someone tells me I have hurt them with carelessness, I own it. I apologize. Doesn’t make it right, but I will try to.

If you’re someone I just don’t want to talk to, I just tell you I’m not interested. That’s far easier than pretending for a long time.

Because I have been hurt by carelessness, I try very hard not to be.

The fuck it attitude is my own response to other people’s carelessness.