When your marriage has 2 very different sexual appetites, what to do

[LTMMC]

re: debate between Katie and WB in posts 151, 153, 154

I find your brief debate above, is a rather fitting illustration of the transactional nature of sex in many long-term marriages. In marriages between two typical partners, with only one of them truly enjoying the sexual part of it.

And to me it illustrates also my following thesis: once sex has become transactional between two spouses, a far better transaction partner for the willing spouse who truly desires sex, better be a sex professional. Rather than a wife, who needs loads of bribes and coaxing for finding sex with her husband enjoyable. In many such cases the fee the professional charges, is minimal, compared to all the fuss required for getting a wife in the mood.

The same applies to husbands also, who never learned to enjoy sex right. Who never learned the arousal part of it, and the mutuality it offers, and the very much bonding kind of bliss that making love can gift to two partners who are open to it.

We are really talking about an OPEN attitude toward what sex can offer, to BOTH partners, providing the woman learns how to enjoy it. Katie seems to forget that. And so seemingly does the wife of WB, and the ex-wife of votadini. Learning to enjoy what erotic intimacy has to offer is not rocket science, but one must throw prudery overboard, first of all, and embrace one’s own sexuality wholeheartedly.

And if there isn’t much sexuality to start with, in one partner, developing it can be learned as well. If she is open to it. A woman who never learned to masturbate, for instance, and enjoyably so, belongs in a school where that is being taught. And not on the couch of a shrink. Or of a typical run-of-the-mill type marriage counselor.

And it is by no means the husband who is responsible for his wife’s orgasms, but the wife herself. Trouble is: most mothers don’t teach their daughters how to cumm; instead they teach them how to manipulate their husbands for their own benefit. And when a woman allows herself to be indoctrinated by her mother, on how many precious tributes of one kind or another she better extract from her husband, before she opens her legs for him, SHE is the one to blame, and not he.

The transactional nature of sex has been a highly successful business model for millenia of human existence (with the exception of those fortunate couples who BOTH enjoyed their sexuality always). And the business model only began to falter during the 20th century, when more and more women started believing they no longer needed to live up to their side of the bargain. … I know my position sounds a bit harsh, but I always find realism more helpful than wishful thinking.

 

[KatieDoes]

Any man that ever finds themselves agreeing with the deranged and misogynistic rantings of the endlessly unfuckable lmttc or any of his passel of alts would be well served to seek professional help and do a lot of self examination.


Women enjoy sex You having never witnessed a woman enjoying sex is not the flex you seem to think it is.

 

[KatieDoes]

re: debate between Katie and WB in posts 151, 153, 154

I find your brief debate above, is a rather fitting illustration of the transactional nature of sex in many long-term marriages. In marriages between two typical partners, with only one of them truly enjoying the sexual part of it.

And to me it illustrates also my following thesis: once sex has become transactional between two spouses, a far better transaction partner for the willing spouse who truly desires sex, better be a sex professional. Rather than a wife, who needs loads of bribes and coaxing for finding sex with her husband enjoyable. In many such cases the fee the professional charges, is minimal, compared to all the fuss required for getting a wife in the mood.

The same applies to husbands also, who never learned to enjoy sex right. Who never learned the arousal part of it, and the mutuality it offers, and the very much bonding kind of bliss that making love can gift to two partners who are open to it.

We are really talking about an OPEN attitude toward what sex can offer, to BOTH partners, providing the woman learns how to enjoy it. Katie seems to forget that. And so seemingly does the wife of WB, and the ex-wife of votadini. Learning to enjoy what erotic intimacy has to offer is not rocket science, but one must throw prudery overboard, first of all, and embrace one’s own sexuality wholeheartedly.

And if there isn’t much sexuality to start with, in one partner, developing it can be learned as well. If she is open to it. A woman who never learned to masturbate, for instance, and enjoyably so, belongs in a school where that is being taught. And not on the couch of a shrink. Or of a typical run-of-the-mill type marriage counselor.

And it is by no means the husband who is responsible for his wife’s orgasms, but the wife herself. Trouble is: most mothers don’t teach their daughters how to cumm; instead they teach them how to manipulate their husbands for their own benefit. And when a woman allows herself to be indoctrinated by her mother, on how many precious tributes of one kind or another she better extract from her husband, before she opens her legs for him, SHE is the one to blame, and not he.

The transactional nature of sex has been a highly successful business model for millenia of human existence (with the exception of those fortunate couples who BOTH enjoyed their sexuality always). And the business model only began to falter during the 20th century, when more and more women started believing they no longer needed to live up to their side of the bargain. … I know my position sounds a bit harsh, but I always find realism more helpful than wishful thinking.

I’m just quoting this because it’s the most spectacular self own and I don’t want it to vanish.

If women only ‘enjoy’ sex with you if you bribe them or pay them, then YOU ARE A DREADFULLY BAD FUCK.





I can’t believe someone actually wrote that out and then posted it in public.

 

[LTMMC]

Hello to you, dear Katie; always at a loss of words. And at a loss of understanding also. When one decides to become a feminist, one no longer needs rational arguments; simply accusing a man of "behavior that's not befitting women" is plenty enough.

And Katie, just in case yu have failed to notice: before YOU showed up here, this was a reasonable and rational debate between intelligent parties, who have some genuine interest in this subject.

 

[Wishingbox]

Things are derailing a here.

I think most of agree on some major points.

1. Sex doesn’t happen in isolation in relationships but is influenced by all the other contexts surrounding the relationship. If you’re a shitty person your spouse is going to give you shitty sex even if they’re the one with the higher drive.

2. Whether you are the lower or higher sex drive partner you have some degree of responsibility to own your you’re desire and drive and can’t fix the other person. Be more sexual or be less sexual are unhelpful as command or demands.

3. Sex aught to be awesome and fun for both parties as much as possible. I get sometimes you can be guilty of going through the motions are struggle to know how to please your partner.

4. It’s shitty to weaponizing or use other behaviors as leveraging whether it’s sex, intimacy, time together, life support, etc. conditional aspects to marriage are rarely helpful and often do more harm than good.

5. If you’re not in it to see your partner grow and be better today than they were yesterday you’re probably the problem.

6. We all cary shit into our relationships some we know, some we don’t and it negatively impacts how we think about ourselves and others. So try to be a little gracious toward yourself and your partner.

7. Everyone has some communication issues. Communication should always be evaluated as a major contributor to conflict.

We’ve gotten into some overly generalized spaces around sex and genders and roles which although might be very indicative of many people doesn’t seem like its the issues many are sharing on this specific thread.

 

[LTMMC]

WishingBox, all your points sound agreeable to me. Even #1. Some people might argue that two high-sexdrive partners cannot possibly have shitty sex with each other, but maybe if one has a shitty personality, it will "shine through" to his way of making love.

 

[Wishingbox]

Yesterday my wife as cuddly and it’s been a little over a week so we both know this is about the time that I start looking forward or anticipating and her being open to sex again.

I’m not expecting anything but starting to hope right. So throughout the day she’s more cuddly than normal coming in for a few really long hugs and nuzzling as well as startling my lap while I was working on the computer.

So I’m thinking ok she might be open. But I’m trying not to get my hopes up or get emotionally invested in the idea of something happening.

The kids finally go down. I come down and she sun the tv room. We’re queueing up a show but before we do I ask. “Are you open for a little something later?”.

And here face scrunches up for a second in the “I’m uncomfortable with the question” expression. It looked like a painful expression or a wince for a second. Then she said “sure”.

I wanted to ask why the pained expression but I didn’t want to get into a discussion that would kill any potential.

So we ended up having sex and it was excellent. Relaxing, drawn out and she lead some which was refreshing. We both orgasmed so all in all seemingly enjoyable night for the both of us.

So why the pained expression?

I’m trying better to not to respond emotionally to the body language or my projections but it brings up all the the years of confusion around rejection and underlying insecurities.

https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f937-2642.png

 

[adamISOeve]

@ WishingBox, Congratulations first of all. Followed by more unsolicited advice: Try not to overthink matters too much now. You ought to know really: aiming to understand a woman fully is pretty near impossible.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

My wife is starting to thaw a little too. I do not expect years of issues to be gone in a month, so I am just being patient. I have also passed the task of scheduling our therapist apointment to her. That way, she has some skin in the game too. Since she knows that we are going, she is trying harder to communicate and take interest. After all, she does not want to be put 'on the line' when the therapist starts asking questions.

KatieDoes...without quoting you, you mentioned about all the extra work that the wife does while hubby is at work. I break your mold. My wife is the one at work. I take care of the household. I cook all meals, clean the kitchen, make all beds, wash and fold the clothes, sweep and mop the floors, clean the toilets and bathrooms, transport my son for school/daycare or other activities....blah blah blah. My wife comes home from work and food is hot on the counter ready to be served. She gets a bit of peace time-to-herself afterwards while I clean up.
So, if anyone is ragged at the end of the day, it is me. I think what you said has some merit, but comes mostly from a personal point of view.

I for one truly care for my spouse and it sounds like Wishing Box cares for his too. I pay attention to my wife, care for her well being and needs. She asks for a massage, she gets it. She needs her bike fixed...done. Forgets her phone at home, I bring it to her at work...etc. I just notice that her desire for sex and eroticism has gone away, and replaced by being quite prudish. I think that she is overthinking life too much and worried too much about what other people think about whatever. She also needs to stop keeping our child in the center of the household.

We are going to try reading some of our 'Foundations' cards again. We did that a few years ago and it helped break the ice. We need to start, then keep it up regularly to keep the communication flowing.

 

[Wishingbox]

I for one truly care for my spouse and it sounds like Wishing Box cares for his too. I pay attention to my wife, care for her well being and needs.

And we doing these things for our spouses. The majority of the time is has little to nothing to do with being an exchange for sex but after a week + of really giving of ourselves in ways we genuinely know bring pleasure and support to our spouses it can’t but feel one sided. And to top it off it baffles me because it’s not like we’re asking for something really difficult and its really pleasurable for them.

I’m really glad your wife is opening a bit more. Hoped you two continue to be honest and open.

I almost bought a 3001 would you rather book from barns and noble yesterday to open up conversations

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I saw a card game like that online, but wanted to pick it up locally and not order it. Basically you each get a certain amount of cards and then each lay one down. Then you say which you would rather do. Supposed to open up conversation. I am going to go with what I already have now, as it is a bit less about sex and more personal things. We can progress higher after we get better at the "Foundation" of it.

 

[KatieDoes]

My wife is starting to thaw a little too. I do not expect years of issues to be gone in a month, so I am just being patient. I have also passed the task of scheduling our therapist apointment to her. That way, she has some skin in the game too. Since she knows that we are going, she is trying harder to communicate and take interest. After all, she does not want to be put 'on the line' when the therapist starts asking questions.

KatieDoes...without quoting you, you mentioned about all the extra work that the wife does while hubby is at work. I break your mold. My wife is the one at work. I take care of the household. I cook all meals, clean the kitchen, make all beds, wash and fold the clothes, sweep and mop the floors, clean the toilets and bathrooms, transport my son for school/daycare or other activities....blah blah blah. My wife comes home from work and food is hot on the counter ready to be served. She gets a bit of peace time-to-herself afterwards while I clean up.
So, if anyone is ragged at the end of the day, it is me. I think what you said has some merit, but comes mostly from a personal point of view.

I for one truly care for my spouse and it sounds like Wishing Box cares for his too. I pay attention to my wife, care for her well being and needs. She asks for a massage, she gets it. She needs her bike fixed...done. Forgets her phone at home, I bring it to her at work...etc. I just notice that her desire for sex and eroticism has gone away, and replaced by being quite prudish. I think that she is overthinking life too much and worried too much about what other people think about whatever. She also needs to stop keeping our child in the center of the household.

We are going to try reading some of our 'Foundations' cards again. We did that a few years ago and it helped break the ice. We need to start, then keep it up regularly to keep the communication flowing.

No…. I never said she does that while he’s at work. You assumed that if a woman is taking on the bulk of the household that it’s because she doesn’t also work. It‘a demonstrably provable that in the majority of households, women do the majority of the household work and child rearing, regardless of their employment status.
If you’re taking care of the household while not working outside the home, that’s you and your life. It’s not the majority.


Except here on lit, of course….. every single man to ever log into lit is a generous lover that does all of the household management, singlehandedly raises all the children, works full time in an important job providing everything for everyone in their family, is an expert pussy eater, has a giant rock hard dick, always makes every woman they touch cum harder than they ever have before, and could make me cum so hard baby if I’d just talk dirty to them with my tits out while they stroke. So what would a woman know about anything?

 

[Mtnmike]

I hear you both. And I totally realize there are plenty of men out there who show up exactly as you described.

I’m not one of those guys. I’m an outstanding father and spouse emotionally and responsibility wise.

Expecting a spouse to be a mind reader is complete BS. It would be awesome if we didn’t need lists or need to vocalize our needs whether it’s sex, intimacy, quality time, compliments, co-parenting, cleaning, free time etc.

We both constantly go out of our way to help and try to anticipate the needs of the other however at the end of the day each person has to vocalize their needs.

Being frustrated that you want someone to help you but not vocalizing is self distractive. Everyone enters relationships with social baggage and false expectations as to what they should do and be. I can say it a million times let me help but at the end of the day if you choose to silently play hero and suffer I can’t help.

And to be clear that’s not been expressed as the issue within my marriage and I check in on this regularly to make sure she doesn’t feel pressured in her role and that she knows I’m here to help and willing to make any changes necessary to assist etc.

In my case it’s become clear she is more demisexual with a responsive sexual type where I’m a spontaneous sexual type.

She doesn’t get sexually activated by typically sexual things and doesn’t and never has fantasized about sex. She relies on connection and me to physically activate her drive.

We are the same in our marriage, nothing has worked, so unfortunately I have given up.

 

[Mtnmike]

No…. I never said she does that while he’s at work. You assumed that if a woman is taking on the bulk of the household that it’s because she doesn’t also work. It‘a demonstrably provable that in the majority of households, women do the majority of the household work and child rearing, regardless of their employment status.
If you’re taking care of the household while not working outside the home, that’s you and your life. It’s not the majority.


Except here on lit, of course….. every single man to ever log into lit is a generous lover that does all of the household management, singlehandedly raises all the children, works full time in an important job providing everything for everyone in their family, is an expert pussy eater, has a giant rock hard dick, always makes every woman they touch cum harder than they ever have before, and could make me cum so hard baby if I’d just talk dirty to them with my tits out while they stroke. So what would a woman know about anything?

No I have never said I was perfect, I know i'm not but a man gives & gives till till there's nothing left. Yea there are some of us out there weather you believe it or not.

 

[Wishingbox]

No…. I never said she does that while he’s at work. You assumed that if a woman is taking on the bulk of the household that it’s because she doesn’t also work. It‘a demonstrably provable that in the majority of households, women do the majority of the household work and child rearing, regardless of their employment status.
If you’re taking care of the household while not working outside the home, that’s you and your life. It’s not the majority.


Except here on lit, of course….. every single man to ever log into lit is a generous lover that does all of the household management, singlehandedly raises all the children, works full time in an important job providing everything for everyone in their family, is an expert pussy eater, has a giant rock hard dick, always makes every woman they touch cum harder than they ever have before, and could make me cum so hard baby if I’d just talk dirty to them with my tits out while they stroke. So what would a woman know about anything?

That is why I wanted to try and stead clear of generalizing as much as possible. I realize we’re going to get all kinds of guys her on Lit some more aware/honest about their involvement and capabilities others not so much.

And no one here is dismissing your experience with Lot guys either. It’s a valid point about perception of support vs actual support.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

No…. I never said she does that while he’s at work. You assumed that if a woman is taking on the bulk of the household that it’s because she doesn’t also work. It‘a demonstrably provable that in the majority of households, women do the majority of the household work and child rearing, regardless of their employment status.
If you’re taking care of the household while not working outside the home, that’s you and your life. It’s not the majority.


Except here on lit, of course….. every single man to ever log into lit is a generous lover that does all of the household management, singlehandedly raises all the children, works full time in an important job providing everything for everyone in their family, is an expert pussy eater, has a giant rock hard dick, always makes every woman they touch cum harder than they ever have before, and could make me cum so hard baby if I’d just talk dirty to them with my tits out while they stroke. So what would a woman know about anything?

I am sorry Katiedoes, it sounds like you have been hurt and you are taking it out here. No one is talking about rock hard dicks, and making you cum...etc. You must be confused with another thread and with other people.

We are posting CONSTRUCTIVE advice to each other on this thread. If you wish to bash men and call them dishonest, then please open up your own 'men-bashing' thread. Otherwise, you are free to post helpful suggestions to us here. They may even help us out.

I know you find it hard to believe that women lose their interest in sex and affection, but I bet if you do a google-search, you will see how prevalant this issue is.

 

[KatieDoes]

I am sorry Katiedoes, it sounds like you have been hurt and you are taking it out here. No one is talking about rock hard dicks, and making you cum...etc. You must be confused with another thread and with other people.

We are posting CONSTRUCTIVE advice to each other on this thread. If you wish to bash men and call them dishonest, then please open up your own 'men-bashing' thread. Otherwise, you are free to post helpful suggestions to us here. They may even help us out.

I know you find it hard to believe that women lose their interest in sex and affection, but I bet if you do a google-search, you will see how prevalant this issue is.

LOL, I’m not ‘hurt’ I’m bemused.

I don’t need to go to the Google to hear women‘s perspective. I am a woman, and Ive talked about this issue with countless woman friends, at length.

Women don’t ‘lose their interest in sex and affection’ in a vacuum without influence and cause.

Almost every single adult married woman that I know that doesn’t want to fuck their husbands any more has stated the reason as some version of: ‘He stopped being a competent partner and became a chore. Instead of rising to the occasion and taking on the responsibilities that came with parenthood and adulthood, he acted like another child. I‘m not attracted, sexually, to a man baby. He was dismissive of my needs when I was juggling too many things and needed his help. All while behaving as though he was entitled access to my body. So I don’t really care about his needs and his pouting about how he’s not getting laid.”

Y’all don’t want to hear it, and that’s fine. Keep on talking to other men about how confusing and mysterious women are.

 

[Elite_Goblin]

I am afraid that there must be more to women losing interest in sex than the issues that your married friends have discussed. Open up your mind a little more. However, if you wish not to believe it, then leave with your full cup.

Has it ever ran through your mind that there could be other reasons? Has it ever ran through your mind that there are actually mature and respectful men that "man the fuck up". Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it is the woman sometimes that needs to "woman the fuck up"?

It is not that you do not need to 'Google' the issue (from your wisdom), it is that you simply want to believe that your experiences are the only ones that can possibly contribute to this issue.

If I were a woman, I would lose interest too, if my man started to behave like a child. It actually becomes a mother-child relationship at some point. The hubby acts more immature and does childish things and the wife acts more like a mommy. We are not talking about that. Sorry.

What we are going through is not what you are talking about.

For one, I don't consider my wife "fucking" me. As you like to say. Using that term, it sounds like you are detached from feelings during sex. I don't think the guys here have ever talked like that. If so, not recently that I know of.

In the USA, I earned a 6 figure income. I provided for my wife and family! My wife was free to work, or not, as she wanted. We both took care of the household duties, although she did more than I, as she was at home. She did not have to clean up after me as I take care of myself. Of course, in your mind this is a fairytale. Reading your posts and even your signature suggests that you are a bit rough and insensitive.

Please be encouraged to provide helpful advice. Again, open up your own thread about men that behave like children then complain about their porky wives not 'fucking' them.

 

[adamISOeve]

Of course, Katie, you are entitled to your own opinions and conclusions. And in this post your opinion is based on many observations too, so at first glance it appears fact-based even. But permit me to disagree with your conclusions anyway, because you neglected to assess a most significant fact, when you talked to all these married women.

I grant you the possibility that in fact all the women you have talked to had been married to “man-children”, as you claim. Even though it seems very unlikely to me, that 10 husbands in a row, or 20 would ALL have identical personalities. But even IF this were so – I mean if a husband does not measure up to high standards, which happens, I know that – I bet that every woman who had genuinely enjoyed her own sexuality, and had been craving the joys of love-making, will develop a simple NEED for having sex.

Even with a sub-standard husband. Possibly because she realizes that her own behavior does not constantly measure up to the very highest standards.

The MAIN question is, IMHO: does a wife have a healthy relationship with HER OWN sexuality, or does she not. If yes, she cannot avoid making love with her husband.

But when her own sexuality never developed right, because it had been repressed in one way or another, when she grew up, or because she never received enough encouragement from her partners, then she’ll be bound to feel sex with her husband is something she must ration out, very carefully. Because it is merely doing HIM a favor.

The point I am making, Katie: for sex between maried folks to be truly enjoyable, and become something to look forward to, for BOTH, the right prerequisites must be available in HER too. And whether she feels a desire for sex, is far far more dependent on her own self, and far far less on who carries out the garbage. Or who cleans out the diapers of his kids. You see, I became a father when Pampers were not available yet.

 

[KatieDoes]

I am afraid that there must be more to women losing interest in sex than the issues that your married friends have discussed. Open up your mind a little more. However, if you wish not to believe it, then leave with your full cup.

Has it ever ran through your mind that there could be other reasons? Has it ever ran through your mind that there are actually mature and respectful men that "man the fuck up". Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it is the woman sometimes that needs to "woman the fuck up"?

It is not that you do not need to 'Google' the issue (from your wisdom), it is that you simply want to believe that your experiences are the only ones that can possibly contribute to this issue.

If I were a woman, I would lose interest too, if my man started to behave like a child. It actually becomes a mother-child relationship at some point. The hubby acts more immature and does childish things and the wife acts more like a mommy. We are not talking about that. Sorry.

What we are going through is not what you are talking about.

For one, I don't consider my wife "fucking" me. As you like to say. Using that term, it sounds like you are detached from feelings during sex. I don't think the guys here have ever talked like that. If so, not recently that I know of.

In the USA, I earned a 6 figure income. I provided for my wife and family! My wife was free to work, or not, as she wanted. We both took care of the household duties, although she did more than I, as she was at home. She did not have to clean up after me as I take care of myself. Of course, in your mind this is a fairytale. Reading your posts and even your signature suggests that you are a bit rough and insensitive.

Please be encouraged to provide helpful advice. Again, open up your own thread about men that behave like children then complain about their porky wives not 'fucking' them.

Cool. You should ignore everything the only woman here was willing to offer, and follow adamisoeve, and his multiple lmttcmmwinslonelyhubbyneedleseeker alts, as they are telling you what you want to hear. Best of luck.

 

[adamISOeve]

Katie, you are NOT the only woman who posted here. But you seem to be only one unable and unwilling to listen to anyone other than yourself.

 

[Wishingbox]

LOL, I’m not ‘hurt’ I’m bemused.

I don’t need to go to the Google to hear women‘s perspective. I am a woman, and Ive talked about this issue with countless woman friends, at length.

Women don’t ‘lose their interest in sex and affection’ in a vacuum without influence and cause.

Almost every single adult married woman that I know that doesn’t want to fuck their husbands any more has stated the reason as some version of: ‘He stopped being a competent partner and became a chore. Instead of rising to the occasion and taking on the responsibilities that came with parenthood and adulthood, he acted like another child. I‘m not attracted, sexually, to a man baby. He was dismissive of my needs when I was juggling too many things and needed his help. All while behaving as though he was entitled access to my body. So I don’t really care about his needs and his pouting about how he’s not getting laid.”

Y’all don’t want to hear it, and that’s fine. Keep on talking to other men about how confusing and mysterious women are.

Lol no we’re happy to talk to woman about the situation. You don’t represent all woman jus like we don’t represent all men. And there is some value to be gained from what you’re saying even if it’s less relatable to Elite and me.

Maybe the woman you talk with suffer from the exact thing you’re accusing men of. Oh they’d be all awesome sexy lovers in bed if their man just helped out around the house without their having to ask.

Im very aware that there are plenty of shitty men out there but at the same time for every shitty man there’s a wife who doesn’t own her own sexual responsibilities and expects their husband to regulate it when they don’t even understand it themselves.

We can’t read each others minds and we can’t even understand their needs if they don’t understand what they are themselves.

I’m not saying all or even any of this is indicative of the woman you talk with. But the reality plenty of wives try to be the home hero because they self impose outdated sexual roles on themselves and then blame the husband for not helping.

I constantly am asking how I can help and try to find ways to help and I’m met with “but I like doing this and that” but then I’m told “this and that take up all my energy for thinking about sex” that’s because she expects to magically wake up and be horney or expects me to read her brain.

 

[Wishingbox]

Woman don’t want men to show up and be super dad / husband out of obligation or because they had to ask which totally makes sense and is very reasonable.

But becoming this kind of partner and father takes a tremendous amount of self work to find what dives you to love and how to find joy doing these things. But no man magically becomes a great father/husband without that work and growth.

It’s the exact same ask from many men and sex. We don’t want wives to just put out and read our minds. We want them to find their own drives and seek their own pleasure. We want them to know what being a healthy wife looks like when sexual wellness is a core part of their lives.

And these are gender stations types.

No one wants their spouse to make them eat salads or exercise because they’re unhealthy. They desire for their partner to grow and discover how they can want to be healthy for their own sake.

My wife just doesn’t prioritize sex for herself so she’s going to ballance her workload in a way that it’s a chore or obligation exactly how some see obligations exercise because they haven’t figured out how to love it exercising for their own sake. Then that chose is going to turn into resentment for me not helping enough to wake up her sexual desire.

That’s not my fault I’m here and ready to help.

 

[KatieDoes]

I’m not going to continue this. I’ve said what I can say, and it’s being dismissed. I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to try to help those that already have all the answers.


I adore good men, and sex, and sex with good men. Unfortunately, most of the men that proclaim themselves to be good men are barely doing the bare minimum. Yet they feel entitled to women, and to sex with women. And when they don’t get what they think is rightfully theirs, they look for ways to blame it on women. Rarely do men here look for advice on how to make themselves more attractive and desirable to their wives. They look for advice on how to get her to give them what they think is theirs.


You might take a moment to consider why my point of view is the one that needs to be pointed out as inaccurate, but the person stating that women simply don’t know how to enjoy sex unless they’re being bribed or paid to just gets a pass.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicebroster/2020/07/31/what-is-the-orgasm-gap/amp/

Women are sexual beings. Orgasms feel good. Women enjoy sex, when their needs are being met. Do with that what you will. I’m done here.

 

[Meeh81]

I read a lot about sexless marriages, and found it depressing. My apologies to those who are in that situation. Here lies what I think most of us might be in. 2 Very different sex drives.

I have been married for 28 years, been with my wife for 32 years. We love each other, have a great life together, financially and are compatible in most ways, but.....I really like sex and she, well not nearly as much as I would really like.

I really could use a release almost every day, and do, via masturbation and sex once a week, but would settle for a couple times a week. My wife is good with it every 10-12 days. She is good in going along with me waking her up with a hard on and does seem to enjoy it, but after we had a rough patch, where I reversed the tables on her and cut her off and slept in separate rooms. We had frank discussions about initiating, feeling wanted, attractive, desired etc. It opened up communication on something that she really wasn't that comfortable in discussing. We now talk more about it and at least have an understanding that when we have sex, its not, hurry up and lets get it over with.

As I also said, I do jerk off like a teenage boy, and really find it satisfying. Self love and knowing what makes you feel good is a wonderful outlet. The problem I face is feeling bad about doing it. I do watch porn, cams and read here. I know chatting is something my wife is not on board with for fear of cheating. I have come close to looking for a fwb, but in reality, I don't think I could look at my wife and not feel like I betrayed her.

Just looking to see what others have to say.

Wow its like reading my own story. Unfortunately i do the same, masturbate everyday to get my release. My husband is not sexually active we do it atleast once a week but i want more i even want it minimum twice a day. I love playing with my nipples and i want my husband to make me cum atleast once before we do it because he always leaves me hangging. I find myself more satisfied in masturbating then doing it