Chaotic Coffee Klatch (tea also available)

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

SAME!!!! I was hot to trot in 07

I blame 30s and the whole carrier a watermelon for 9 months thing, but truth, I did also just become a slacker lol. Found out I like that slacking thing. oh, and food. food was good.

 

[MsNatalie99]

SAME!!!! I was hot to trot in 07

You hot AF now. Very spankable. Most Fap worthy.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

oh god it was funny really. I was trying to figure out how to leave gracefully...he was a nice guy, and we're still friends sort of tangentially. I had another friend in town, and she was my backup plan anyway (because when you travel a distance to meet someone, you should always have a backup plan!). So I was in the middle of creating some reason why she needed me when it turned out that his (supposedly poly) girlfriend was a whole lot less ok with me being there than had been previously apparent, and so it was kind of a mutual, see you later thing.

haha. I knew there had to be a story, there is always a story. lucky you on girlfriend.

 

[MsNatalie99]

But...I do think that whatever your choice is should be, let's say, intentional.

Backstory: some years ago I was friends with a guy who I'd met through a dating site, was single in those days. Eventually he invited me to go see a play and spend the weekend with him; he lives about a four hour drive from me. And I discovered the thing that you can't really tell from talking/video...he was just filthy, and not in a good way. His place looked like he had literally never cleaned. The towels in the bathroom were solid. Not sure when the shower was last used. This is a professional guy, and you could see the rings of dirt on his arms. None of this seemed remotely like a kink thing; it seemed entirely like a "I do not even notice that I am really, really dirty" kind of thing. Not intentional. Very off-putting.

The play was good, though, and I chose not to stay the whole weekend.

IDK if that was a kink thing... honestly, I probably wouldn't have played with him myself.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I'm very self-conscious about my voice. Appearance-wise I'm passable, but I have a deep voice, and severe speech problems. I much prefer communicating by word

I feel like I have 9 chins on camera and I say dumb shit. A lot more “like” and “umm” in my vocabulary when I’m speaking

 

[cascadiabound]

I want to read this book because I’m sure there are millions of things I overlook on the daily in how women are living in a world designed by and for men.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41104077

Adding to my must read list

 

[MsNatalie99]

I feel like I have 9 chins on camera and I say dumb shit. A lot more “like” and “umm” in my vocabulary when I’m speaking

I'd still have wood talkin to you

 

[Mika1215]

haha. I knew there had to be a story, there is always a story. lucky you on girlfriend.

There's always a story, isn't there?

I often think this song is the story of my life.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I feel like I have 9 chins on camera and I say dumb shit. A lot more “like” and “umm” in my vocabulary when I’m speaking

haha, downward angle, always the downward angle. worst thing is forgetting your phone is on selfie in your lap.

As for saying dumb shit, well I just write some dumb shit too, lower that standard right from the start. haha.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

There's always a story, isn't there?

I often think this song is the story of my life.

lol. but hey the stories are the best part. I plan to complete embarrass my grandkids every holiday.

 

[MsNatalie99]

haha, downward angle, always the downward angle. worst thing is forgetting your phone is on selfie in your lap.

As for saying dumb shit, well I just write some dumb shit too, lower that standard right from the start. haha.

It would be hard for me to get along with someone who never said dumb shit.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I feel like I have 9 chins on camera and I say dumb shit. A lot more “like” and “umm” in my vocabulary when I’m speaking

Oh god, same!! It helps me to practice first, but of course that’s not always possible

 

[Mika1215]

lol. but hey the stories are the best part. I plan to complete embarrass my grandkids every holiday.

It's all about the stories, really.

 

[Mo_Bandy]

We

There's always a story, isn't there?

I often think this song is the story of my life.

I often think this is the Story Of My Life.

 

[cascadiabound]

I’m ALL about good hygiene…like if you smell funky or dont brush or shower regularly or have stinky feet … hard limit.

Agreed. Many years ago when I was young, I worked with a woman I had a lot of respect for. She had grown up in poverty. I remember her saying, it doesn't cost money to be clean. Obviously you do need running water and soap (a difficult bar to hit if you are homeless), but you can be very poor and have a tidy home, good personal hygiene and clothes that are clean and mended.
I feel very old quoting her....

 

[Diosax]

It’s stupid how we consider clothing “professional” … as if someone who is qualified has to look a certain way to be taken seriously.

Sure. It is just good to remember that what you wear is always interpreted as a message, whether you like it or not. Just like the way you speak and otherwise behave. I think some people forget that.

I try to. It's not even hard to do - I have mainly just given thought to it while buying stuff. No 5€ t-shirts unless that's the 2nd hand price. Only clothes that actually do fit me and make me look good, I am super picky about colours, cuts and fit. I for example know that neither loose or tight ones make me look good, it should be fitted or semi-fitted, and I know which shades look good on me. (Knowing that actually makes it faster to browse through shops. I can often "disqualify" 3/4 of many shops in an instant, sometimes all of it.) The tones I use almost all go together.

And my wardrobe isn't super big either if I don't count the items waiting for my weight to get back to normal. My clothing budget isn't that big, and I prefer quality over quantity.

I know what colors work, the problem is finding clothes that fit correctly and that I actually like. The last time I went shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding, everything was SO ugly.

I am so uncomfortable in dresses… it’s always shorts or pants for me.

a Friend of O/ours (yes the One with the gf near chicago) studied translation and cultural studies and He always says that clothes are part (and He very much emphasizes on this word) of communication as they're part of first signals (together with body language): say you're going to your local bank to open an account there (and you've never been there before) and the person who is supposed to take care of your account is wearing very comfy clothes such as say a much too small t-shirt and some overly tight swim trunks (that leave nothing to guess) and flip-flops so would you trust them to handle your money?

But still … why do we interpret some clothing as “professional” … to me it’s just so strange. I’m just as capable or intelligent as my coworker regardless of what we’re wearing

and now i wonder with so many of you having adhd if that might be part of the reason for your clothes issues

I see and lot of clothing and image talk… what do you all think about piercings and tattoos for professional dress?

Btw, just did this today!
View attachment 2162674

I was gonna respond to all these but since it's all the same topic I'm just gonna respond to them as a whole. I actually know why there are all these "rules" about what "professionalalism" is and "professional" attir

And the answer is...drum roll please... (hold on let me find a gif)

It's because of white Supremacy and anti-Blackness.

Are those of you saying we should dress a certain way and what not racist? I hope not, probably not. But you (and I and most ppl) have been raised in this culture so there is a lot of internalized racism and anti-Blackness. Are you a bad person for thinking/judging what professional attire and what not? No! But you do have a lot of internal work to do. And SO DO I!

Same things with dresses, it's all a tool of the patriarchy! That we (women) have to dress a certain way TO APPEAL TO MEN...guess what? We don't have to do any of that. My existance is not to appeal to men (or anybody)...and just like that, we have to challenge what we think professionalism looks like. Because at the end of the day, professionalism is the skills and experience necessary to complete the job. Is not what I wear, it's not my hairdo etc.

And I'll prob get some eyerolls and pushback. That's ok. You can google this. I could find an article that talks about it but google is free

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I blame 30s and the whole carrier a watermelon for 9 months thing, but truth, I did also just become a slacker lol. Found out I like that slacking thing. oh, and food. food was good.

I can’t blame carrying a watermelon, but I can blame being a slacker. Who enjoys eating.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

You hot AF now. Very spankable. Most Fap worthy.

Schwing!
Only from certain angles baby. But you tickle me pink by thinking I’m sexy

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I'd still have wood talkin to you

Making me blush! Now I’m in full fledge goober mode

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

haha, downward angle, always the downward angle. worst thing is forgetting your phone is on selfie in your lap.

As for saying dumb shit, well I just write some dumb shit too, lower that standard right from the start. haha.

Yes! The lap selfie mode is the most frightening camera angle ever. Might have something to do with my love of the missionary position lol. At least dudes can keep their boners like that

 

[Mika1215]

It's because of white Supremacy and anti-Blackness.

Are those of you saying we should dress a certain way and what not racist? I hope not, probably not. But you (and I and most ppl) have been raised in this culture so there is a lot of internalized racism and anti-Blackness. Are you a bad person for thinking/judging what professional attire and what not? No! But you do have a lot of internal work to do. And SO DO I!

Same things with dresses, it's all a tool of the patriarchy! That we (women) have to dress a certain way TO APPEAL TO MEN...guess what? We don't have to do any of that. My existance is not to appeal to men (or anybody)...and just like that, we have to challenge what we think professionalism looks like. Because at the end of the day, professionalism is the skills and experience necessary to complete the job. Is not what I wear, it's not my hairdo etc.

And I'll prob get some eyerolls and pushback. That's ok. You can google this. I could find an article that talks about it but google is free

So...I don't really disagree with this at all on a fundamental level. (Plus I'm really interested in the history of clothing, etc., and you can't study that much without seeing the effect of class and race and gender on clothing norms).

But on the other hand, I love wearing dresses.

And I personally think that everyone should wear what she/he/they want on their own time, and that everyone should choose professions in which the clothing norms fit well with one's own clothing desires if at all possible.

But I also think that while one may want to smash the patriarchy, and hey, who doesn't?, you have to pick your battles, and clothes signal something about you, especially when you're young and just establishing yourself as what you want to be. If I were an artist, I would not wear a business suit because that would be out of place. If I'm going to work on Wall St, I'm going to wear that suit.

I'm for practical patriarchy-smashing, and one of the things that I do is contribute both financially and with clothes to a couple of organizations that provide professional clothes for young women (mostly) who can't afford them. And then when they all get their cool jobs, we can smash the patriarchy from inside.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Oh god, same!! It helps me to practice first, but of course that’s not always possible

If only we could predict every response. I even try to rehearse phone calls I have to make and I always forget something I want to say or sound like a moron

 

[Mika1215]

Yes! The lap selfie mode is the most frightening camera angle ever. Might have something to do with my love of the missionary position lol. At least dudes can keep their boners like that

If anyone remembers the old Golden Girls episodes, there's an epic moment when Blanche realizes that missionary makes her face look great but her boobs look awful. Truth!

 

[MsNatalie99]

Yes! The lap selfie mode is the most frightening camera angle ever. Might have something to do with my love of the missionary position lol. At least dudes can keep their boners like that

That's so mean to yourself. You are boner worthy from any angle. Dick punch anyone who says differently. And stop putting yourself down.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

I was gonna respond to all these but since it's all the same topic I'm just gonna respond to them as a whole. I actually know why there are all these "rules" about what "professionalalism" is and "professional" attir

And the answer is...drum roll please... (hold on let me find a gif)

It's because of white Supremacy and anti-Blackness.

Are those of you saying we should dress a certain way and what not racist? I hope not, probably not. But you (and I and most ppl) have been raised in this culture so there is a lot of internalized racism and anti-Blackness. Are you a bad person for thinking/judging what professional attire and what not? No! But you do have a lot of internal work to do. And SO DO I!

Same things with dresses, it's all a tool of the patriarchy! That we (women) have to dress a certain way TO APPEAL TO MEN...guess what? We don't have to do any of that. My existance is not to appeal to men (or anybody)...and just like that, we have to challenge what we think professionalism looks like. Because at the end of the day, professionalism is the skills and experience necessary to complete the job. Is not what I wear, it's not my hairdo etc.

And I'll prob get some eyerolls and pushback. That's ok. You can google this. I could find an article that talks about it but google is free

I’m not gonna lie, I feel like my comment you are quoting doesn’t apply to this response. Mostly because I’m just saying I don’t like the way I look in most clothes. I’m too self absorbed to even fathom what other people are thinking. But while I’m here I will say I agree that our appearance should not be an indication of our skills! If one is so shallow to judge based on appearance, one’s judgement is rather invalid imho.
On the flip side, looking appealing to “the patriarchy” or men in general, brings in more dick Diosa! Sure I’m delicious when you take a bite, but you don’t want to bite me if I look like ocra