Can't Decide Which Direction To Go

[Ctus]

I'm torn on which direction to take my next chapter.

The basis of the story is a multi-decade age gap love story between an 18 year old and her high school's janitor.

Part of me wants to write a happy, relatively pain free story where the drama they run into on their pathway to marriage and a baby is societal demands and her parents getting angry. I see them running off to get married and her being secretly married and pregnant when she graduates from high school.

On the other hand...part of me wants to write a massive blackmail angle where someone (likely the male principal) finds out about the naughty relationship and tricks the couple and takes massive advantage of her in particular. This would be a darker turn of events for sure.

So, I'm interested in feedback and any thoughts. I appreciate anyone taking a look!

Cheerleader and Janitor

 

[JohnEngelman]

The basic premise of this story is implausible. A high school cheerleader is unlikely to fall in love with a janitor. I say this as one who spent part of his adult life in low pay, low prestige jobs.

To make the story plausible the cheerleader has to fall in love with one of her teachers.

 

[Ctus]

The basic premise of this story is implausible. A high school cheerleader is unlikely to fall in love with a janitor. I say this as one who spent part of his adult life in low pay, low prestige jobs.

To make the story plausible the cheerleader has to fall in love with one of her teachers.

Appreciate the thoughts.

I wrote this story for the janitor simply because there are so many teacher/student stories plus I love perceived social status gap stories.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Nothing stopping a school hiring a janitor or groundskeeper who's in his early 20s, from the wrong side of the tracks...

The blackmail sounds like a different story. Mixing too many strands into a story often makes it less powerful, or at least appeal to fewer readers.

 

[Ctus]

Nothing stopping a school hiring a janitor or groundskeeper who's in his early 20s, from the wrong side of the tracks...

The blackmail sounds like a different story. Mixing too many strands into a story often makes it less powerful, or at least appeal to fewer readers.

Thanks for the comment.

I think in my head I know adding blackmail would make the story flow poorly. I appreciate the good feedback.

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't agree it's implausible. I knew a girl in high school who had a fling with the school maintenance man. She was the daughter of a doctor. He was a great guy -- very smart, with a wry, mischievous sense of humor. I don't know why he was a maintenance man. People take all kinds of strange paths in life. You can't always tell what a person is like just by knowing what job they have. There are many smart, interesting people who don't identify with their jobs and do things you wouldn't expect them to do. The premise is a good one because the difference in their ages and positions creates conflict with their romance.

I agree with Kumquatqueen, though, that you have to be careful about trying to do too much. I think you can make this concept work, but think about what sort of tone you want. If the predominant tone is a romance between the girl and the janitor then it might not work if there's a kinky/blackmail/non-con thing going with the principal. Maybe the girl and the janitor are able to get dirt on the principal and turn the blackmail against him and make him go away, or disgrace him.

 

[JohnEngelman]

I don't agree it's implausible. I knew a girl in high school who had a fling with the school maintenance man. She was the daughter of a doctor. He was a great guy -- very smart, with a wry, mischievous sense of humor. I don't know why he was a maintenance man. People take all kinds of strange paths in life. You can't always tell what a person is like just by knowing what job they have. There are many smart, interesting people who don't identify with their jobs and do things you wouldn't expect them to do. The premise is a good one because the difference in their ages and positions creates conflict with their romance.

It would be easy to write in a short story, "The janitor was nineteen years old, and had movie star good looks."

The author could not simply say, "The janitor was also very charming and witty." Charm and wit would need to be demonstrated, rather than asserted.

 

[HectorBidon]

Write both.

I haven't read your first three chapters, but I see that they've been well received and have garnered quite a few positive comments. Several of the comments speak of the story's romanticism. So I think if you keep on with option 1, it will better fit the story's current trajectory and will be well received. Romance fits well into the "Mature" category.

But if you've got another story in your head as well, there's no reason why you can't write it too. You could present it as an alternative ending to your existing chapters, or write a whole new story with new characters in a similarly socially-not-well-looked-upon romantic situation.

Good luck, and have fun writing.

 

[gunhilltrain]

It would be easy to write in a short story, "The janitor was nineteen years old, and had movie star good looks."

The author could not simply say, "The janitor was also very charming and witty." Charm and wit would need to be demonstrated, rather than asserted.

I'd say that neither of the OP's concepts is plausible. She might indeed have a fling with him, but it is highly unlikely that they'd get married. Blackmail stories seem popular on this site, but I wonder how often it happens in real life.

That leaves the possibility of a relationship of a few months at the most. A student-teacher relationship is more likely, but I doubt that would last a long time either. I've written a couple of those, and the implication at the end is that their affair has a shelf-life of maybe ten to twelve months.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I'd say that neither of the OP's concepts is plausible. She might indeed have a fling with him, but it is highly unlikely that they'd get married. Blackmail stories seem popular on this site, but I wonder how often it happens in real life.

That leaves the possibility of a relationship of a few months at the most. A student-teacher relationship is more likely, but I doubt that would last a long time either. I've written a couple of those, and the implication at the end is that their affair has a shelf-life of maybe ten to twelve months.

I didn't mean to imply that plausibility is the only way to judge an erotic story or any fiction. It depends I suppose on how the writer handles it. The blackmail angle has probably the best chance of being successful. I would still go with a teacher rather than a janitor. I remember at least one of those relationships from my college days.

 

[Comshaw]

I'm torn on which direction to take my next chapter.

The basis of the story is a multi-decade age gap love story between an 18 year old and her high school's janitor.

Part of me wants to write a happy, relatively pain free story where the drama they run into on their pathway to marriage and a baby is societal demands and her parents getting angry. I see them running off to get married and her being secretly married and pregnant when she graduates from high school.

On the other hand...part of me wants to write a massive blackmail angle where someone (likely the male principal) finds out about the naughty relationship and tricks the couple and takes massive advantage of her in particular. This would be a darker turn of events for sure.

So, I'm interested in feedback and any thoughts. I appreciate anyone taking a look!

Cheerleader and Janitor

Lean back, close your eyes and listen real hard and you'll hear it. What? Why, your characters telling you their story, of course.

Comshaw

 

[Handley_Page]

I'm torn on which direction to take my next chapter.

The basis of the story is a multi-decade age gap love story between an 18 year old and her high school's janitor.

Part of me wants to write a happy, relatively pain free story where the drama they run into on their pathway to marriage and a baby is societal demands and her parents getting angry. I see them running off to get married and her being secretly married and pregnant when she graduates from high school.

On the other hand...part of me wants to write a massive blackmail angle where someone (likely the male principal) finds out about the naughty relationship and tricks the couple and takes massive advantage of her in particular. This would be a darker turn of events for sure.

So, I'm interested in feedback and any thoughts. I appreciate anyone taking a look!

Cheerleader and Janitor

I think that the age difference is far too much.

 

[Voboy]

Which would you rather read?

Write that one.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I think that the age difference is far too much.

For long term, yes, that's the way it is in our culture. (Ever see Ryan's Daughter? Well, that didn't go so well either.) But short term, anything is possible.

 

[KeithD]

Pick one and devise a new story to follow the other trail.