Let me know what you think. Please be nice, this is a first attempt.
https://literotica.com/s/a-dildo-suprise
https://literotica.com/s/a-dildo-suprise
This is my first attempt at writing. Looking for feedback.
- Thread starter shy1one
- Start date
Mastered_again
Another Wordy Bitch
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2022
- Posts
- 518
Congratulations on publishing your first story. It's both invigorating and scary at the same time (at least it was for me). Please take my comments as constructive as I hope you continue to write as it's the only way to.improve.
First, the are some common language errors ( such as 'to' instead of 'too'). Unfortunately, spell check won't catch these. I find it best to set the story aside for a couple of days so that your eyeball memory clears and they see what's written, not what they want to see.
For the most part the grammar was good, although I picked up a few errors. Again, grammar check may not always pick up on these. There was nothing major.
My biggest criticism is on your description s of using the dildo. I didn't get the feel for it. It all seemed clinical instead of emotional. If it wad as big as you indicate, I would have expected more of a struggle with the first try and then a certain triumph at succeeding.
Additionally, the descriptions of each session get redundant. Sure, different locations and positions, but essentially the same reactions.
Lastly, don't give up. Keep writing. Some of my earlier works were far less polished than yours.
Good luck!
Mrs. Mastered
First, the are some common language errors ( such as 'to' instead of 'too'). Unfortunately, spell check won't catch these. I find it best to set the story aside for a couple of days so that your eyeball memory clears and they see what's written, not what they want to see.
For the most part the grammar was good, although I picked up a few errors. Again, grammar check may not always pick up on these. There was nothing major.
My biggest criticism is on your description s of using the dildo. I didn't get the feel for it. It all seemed clinical instead of emotional. If it wad as big as you indicate, I would have expected more of a struggle with the first try and then a certain triumph at succeeding.
Additionally, the descriptions of each session get redundant. Sure, different locations and positions, but essentially the same reactions.
Lastly, don't give up. Keep writing. Some of my earlier works were far less polished than yours.
Good luck!
Mrs. Mastered
samnylons00
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2019
- Posts
- 280
That was hot!!
StoriedPast
Virgin
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2022
- Posts
- 40
Good on you for publishing 
I’m sure it’s a bit nerve wracking putting your work out there.
The story is well written and is pretty hot, though a bit “dry” for lack of a better word.
Solid work though; keep it up.
I’m sure it’s a bit nerve wracking putting your work out there.The story is well written and is pretty hot, though a bit “dry” for lack of a better word.
Solid work though; keep it up.
RipleNStllWtr
Bi-Cur Stone
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2021
- Posts
- 609
Good Story and created a nice visual. Thank you.
allo_again
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2018
- Posts
- 429
Great story! So hot
RoperTrace
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2003
- Posts
- 979
For a first story, I thought it was pretty good. I was half expecting the dildo to come alive, or something super-natural as she became more obsessed with it. Or worse, Darci and her husband had CCTV, and got a kick out of watching their dog-watcher pleasuring herself. So your ending kind of surprised me.
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