Santa Claus

pecksniff

Literotica Guru
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I think we should tell our children the truth: There really is a Santa Claus. And he really does know if you've been bad or good. And he has this really mean side nobody ever talks about.
 
I can think of about 100 Christmas songs I wouldn't mind never hearing again. :)
 
The War on Christmas should be fought with guns.

Have a holly-jolly, motherfucker!
 
"To crush your enemies, drive them screaming before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women -- that is the True Meaning of Christmas!"

-- Santa the Barbarian
 
I think we should tell our children the truth: There really is a Santa Claus. And he really does know if you've been bad or good. And he has this really mean side nobody ever talks about.

I agree.

*note the store-bought pounding a certain naughty type is receiving beneath your initial post*

*additional note: this is not meant to encourage misbehavior amongst you... more vanilla types. Santa does not have the time for all of you. Some get lucky. Stay the course*

How do I transition from that to what I meant to say...um, I can't. Lawl. I was gonna tell a super awesome nephew story about belief but, nope - that can't happen now.

*bailing out like #14*
 
I remember an old National Lampoon piece, "How to Tell a Kid His Parents Died." In one of the panels, the kid is sitting on the lap of the adult, in a Santa suit, and he says, "Well, your Dad hadn't paid my bill, so I came by with a couple of big elves, and things kind of got out of hand. It was a lot like A Clockwork Orange."
 
Not santa related, but a way to tell bad news:

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, “I’m so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died.”

The man was very upset and yelled, “You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn’t come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.”

The brother thought about it and apologized.

“So how’s Mom?” asked the man.

“She’s on the roof and won’t come down.”
 
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"To crush your enemies, drive them screaming before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women -- that is the True Meaning of Christmas!"

-- Santa the Barbarian
 
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