Looking for feedback for my new story "Good Lovers, Better Romance"

[WW2Mike]

Hey everyone

I just got started with a new story called "Good Lovers, Better Romance". This is my attempt to strive for improvement. I actually thought about this new story from the perspective of a boyfriend/girlfriend couple in their 20s. If you like to give feedback for my new story, that would be appreciated, and thanks.

http://literotica.com/s/good-lovers-better-romance

 

[Lifestyle66]

Feedback

I'm not an experienced writer, author, editor, or even very good at English compositions. But, I've been a reader on this site for years, so this is from a reader POV..

Your story is very short, and would probably be too short (less than 750 words), if you removed all of the redundancy ("dialog saying something", then repeating what was said.) It seems very rushed, as if you have a scene in mind and quickly threw out a lot of words without revision or re-reading it to see if it makes sense. And much of the dialog seems simplistic, and doesn't grab my attention to relate to the characters

The basic scene concept of bodily fluids on food (including sucking feet sweat) has a very limited audience.

I'd recommend taking some time with your next story to contact a volunteer editor (that might take a week or two) to get their feedback before posting. They provided me with good feedback after my first few stories, which caused me to start from scratch.

 

[WW2Mike]

I'm not an experienced writer, author, editor, or even very good at English compositions. But, I've been a reader on this site for years, so this is from a reader POV..

Your story is very short, and would probably be too short (less than 750 words), if you removed all of the redundancy ("dialog saying something", then repeating what was said.) It seems very rushed, as if you have a scene in mind and quickly threw out a lot of words without revision or re-reading it to see if it makes sense. And much of the dialog seems simplistic, and doesn't grab my attention to relate to the characters

The basic scene concept of bodily fluids on food (including sucking feet sweat) has a very limited audience.

I'd recommend taking some time with your next story to contact a volunteer editor (that might take a week or two) to get their feedback before posting. They provided me with good feedback after my first few stories, which caused me to start from scratch.

After months of ignoring it, I think I should look at a volunteer editor to go through with feedback before posting any more upcoming chapters of Good Lovers, Better Romance.

 

[WW2Mike]

I know for a fact that a plate of pancakes, four slices of wheat garlic toast (all coated with avocado spread), two hash browns, nine whole eggs and a cup of coffee each sounds like an appealing breakfast.