Anyone else?

[curvyjae]

****update***
I am now divorced. We made the decision After a very open, candid discussion about our entire marriage. I work too much and he doesn’t think affection and sex should be that big of a deal. Many other things came out (none bad, it was very much agreed upon that we had been friends the entire time but never in love). Everyone needs to do what’s best for them, but for me, being able to find what I truly need, if it exists, was what’s best for me.

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

 

[Bpar721971]

hello

yes i know the feeling. i’ve been in that type of relationship for the past 10yrs. sucks

 

[Elder_Grimm]

I was in a loveless marriage due to this. It started off fine, but after a while we drifted apart. Then she started cheating, and I found out. The hurt that caused was terrible. I would suggest talking to your partner and explaining the situation. Decide with them how to proceed best.

 

[curvyjae]

Sad but nice

Sad but nice I’m not the only one. Starting to feel like marriage is not what we were told as kids

 

[youneedatonguelashing]

More than you know

Jae,

Lit is full of folks with similar stories, there are threads about it, it is sadly too common. If you need to talk about it, I for one would understand, feel free to PM me. I know there are others. I wish you and all of them the best.

Coit

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1503158

 

[Series 6]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

I felt that way at one point, but things deteriorated and my wife ended up leaving. It took me a long time to get to the point of not wanting her back and realizing that I had the opportunity to find a much more fulfilling relationship.

I think a lot of relationships have a shelf life. A couple is right for each other at a certain point in their lives, but they get what the need from each other to grow and find what they want in life. Unfortunately, sometimes that growth means that couple has to part.

I'm not saying that you should divorce. Maybe you need to assess what you need to find connection and real happiness and see if your partner can grow to meet your needs.

 

[Series 6]

Sad but nice I’m not the only one. Starting to feel like marriage is not what we were told as kids

It is heartbreaking and I truly empathize with how you feel. I've been there too. You are not alone.

I'm not sure if marriage has changed from what our parents and grand parents had, or if they dealt with the feelings of quiet desperation by pushing them aside and just plodding on. I sometimes think our generation refuses to plod along and live with staleness and divorce has become a rite of passage for our generation in our path of growth.

 

[StrongMaster7]

Jae, here is my take.

I love my wife. She is beautiful. We have a great life. Enough money. Great grown kids. Friends. Vacations. Extended family. All great. Day in, day out, we are happy.

But then there is sex. I'm not as bad off as some others here. But once a week for ten minutes is simply not enough for me. And it's plenty for her.

I love her and will not cheat. So, I use internet porn and take care of my own needs.

As I see it, those are your choices. Do without. Cheat. Or do it yourself.

Like lots of other men here, I'd be happy to chat with you about it, and help each other out with option 3. Good luck.

 

[clevermoniker]

Jae, here is my take.

I love my wife. She is beautiful. We have a great life. Enough money. Great grown kids. Friends. Vacations. Extended family. All great. Day in, day out, we are happy.

But then there is sex. I'm not as bad off as some others here. But once a week for ten minutes is simply not enough for me. And it's plenty for her.

I love her and will not cheat. So, I use internet porn and take care of my own needs.

As I see it, those are your choices. Do without. Cheat. Or do it yourself.

Like lots of other men here, I'd be happy to chat with you about it, and help each other out with option 3. Good luck.

If it weren't for the "grown kids" part, I would have thought you're describing my life to an exact T! Our kids are still pretty young, but otherwise I'm in the exact same boat.

 

[QuickWit]

Jae, here is my take.

I love my wife. She is beautiful. We have a great life. Enough money. Great grown kids. Friends. Vacations. Extended family. All great. Day in, day out, we are happy.

But then there is sex. I'm not as bad off as some others here. But once a week for ten minutes is simply not enough for me. And it's plenty for her.

I love her and will not cheat. So, I use internet porn and take care of my own needs.

As I see it, those are your choices. Do without. Cheat. Or do it yourself.

Like lots of other men here, I'd be happy to chat with you about it, and help each other out with option 3. Good luck.

I can very much relate to this too.

 

[Hubby2woopigslutwife]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

You aren’t the only one! I’m mostly happy in my marriage. Been married for almost 15 years. The passion has always been one sided, except when procreation was desired. There are so many times I question what to do, but don’t know what the right decision is. At times things are better in the passion realm, but mostly things remain the same. The drive just isn’t matched. For those that have spouses with similar sexual tastes or passion levels, I’m envious!

 

[curvyjae]

Makes you wish for a free pass to do whatever you want a few nights a year!

 

[Smoothshavendad]

Anyone else mostly happily married? Like your life is good- have good jobs, don’t fight, all appears well, but there’s just nothing there. No spark. No passion. Literally like living with a roommate that you share a bed with? You try and try to initiate things, go on dates, do special things for them hoping they’ll return it or there will be a spark or passion, yet nothing happens. What do you do? Stay? Leave? Stay and just find someone on the side to fulfill those needs?

I can’t be the only one?!?

Right there with you.

 

[QuickWit]

Makes you wish for a free pass to do whatever you want a few nights a year!

Would be ideal, and probably all I'd really need.

 

[Hubby2woopigslutwife]

Makes you wish for a free pass to do whatever you want a few nights a year!

Yes it does!!

 

[Sundayschild]

Makes you wish for a free pass to do whatever you want a few nights a year!

That's called not getting caught...

 

[curvyjae]

That's called not getting caught...

That is one way to look at it.

 

[Sundayschild]

That is one way to look at it.

I know its not really like that for many. I just enjoy playing the devil on one's shoulder.

 

[Mtnmike]

Makes you wish for a free pass to do whatever you want a few nights a year!

This would be wonderful but it'll never happen, unfortunately.

 

[quasimodm]

I look at marriage in terms of a happiness quotient (i.e. what are the components of a relationship that add up to 100% happiness for an individual).

I have a lot of those components: financial security, a good co-parent (although we certainly don't agree on all aspects of parenting), a friend, a decent travel partner. The romance and physical intimacy are lacking, but I would say I'm roughly 75% to 80% happy overall.

I had a previous long-term relationship where the sex and passion were incredible, but there were too many of the other components lacking to commit to marriage.

So we eventually broke up and I found my current partner.

With the gf, I had a solid 25% of the components for complete happiness at baseline, with another 10-20% for other aspects. With my wife, I have 75%. Quantitatively, it's a much better relationship, but I do find myself REALLY missing the 25%.

I think that a relationship that can provide 100% of anyone's happiness must be incredibly rare, if it exists at all. But does it make sense to throw away 75% for a chance (unlikely) of finding 100% or even more than 75? I don't think so.

If monogamy wasn't the standard for socially-acceptable relationships, it would be an easy decision to find a complementary partner for the the 25%. I think ethical polyamory makes sense, but obviously both partners have to agree for it to be ethical. Unethical polyamory is very tempting, but obviously risky.

 

[Funmango]

I feel this way sometimes, that's why I'm trying to find someone to chat and flirt with, maybe exchange some photos here and there and take care of it myself without physically cheating. It sucks because I love her but I also have a high sex drive that makes me want it all the time

 

[quasimodm]

society frowns so much on ethical polyamory. Why is that? Is it fear of something different?

I'm not an expert in either human or animal behavior. But it seems that the majority of people frown on any non-traditional relationship. I'd say biblical, but the bible condoned slavery, so ...

Thankfully marriage equality is growing, and with it the hope for a greater recognition of other ways to partner with other people for both the individual and communal good.

 

[Shuttermaster65]

Interesting thread.

Let me first say that I was in a similar situation as most of the men in this thread. However, I choose the option of having an affair(s) without ever experiencing a twinge of quilt or remorse. Maybe I'm a sociopath, but my reasoning was this: I never clung to conventional societal norms anyway such as monogamy and at the end of the day I was always here for my wife and kids. They always came first as any meeting I had with another woman was well planned out. Luckily for me, I was always doing things that took me away from home for a day or two, so it wasn't to suspicious.
Also, never poop where you eat - you know what I mean.
Long story short, I've been married for 30 years now.
Since someone will eventually ask, I'll answer it here. I don't know if my wife knows, I'm sure she may have had her suspicions, but her catholic background kept her from asking.
My way may not be the way you want to go, you have to find a solution that works best for you and what you can handle emotionally.
Hang in there gentleman.

 

[Armyvet23]

Sounds exactly like my life!

 

[Licks4kinks]

Same

Yeah, just got out of an eight year relationship like that. My ex was good to me, like real good, but we just couldn't bring it back. She got a bit too tipsy at a party once and made out with a buddy of mine. We talked bout it and decided we wanted other things. Works though cuz I'm into kink and that wasn't ever her thing so I feel like I'm finally gonna explore that side. Take chances though feels weird after being in a relationship so long. Kinda sad too but sometimes gotta let go