I don't know which category will be perfect for this thread but anyways I'm posting it here. It has happened to me more than a few times, people whom I consider my friends especially female (atleast used to), would message me when they are down and want to get something off their chest. They would talk to me about that thing or person which is upsetting them, it will go on for a few weeks and as soon as they're feeling good about themselves they just cut themselves off from me. No messages, DMs nothing. And if I have a favor to ask from them, they suddenly become more busy than ever. I mean on one hand it feels good that they trust me enough with their secrets and vulnerabilities, but on the other hand I'm not a psychologist who is only being paid to hear them out. What could be the reason for their indifferent behaviour ? Anyone has any solution or suggestion about what I should do, you're welcome to offer them.
What should I do?
- Thread starter Maxpro201
- Start date
RoryN
You're screwed.
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 60,528
You are not in the friend zone. You are in the doormat zone.
I suggest you take some "you" time and turn off your ears for awhile. Figure out what you'd like out of your relationships on a mutual level, and then jump back in once you know. It's more fair to yourself and to others.
I suggest you take some "you" time and turn off your ears for awhile. Figure out what you'd like out of your relationships on a mutual level, and then jump back in once you know. It's more fair to yourself and to others.
Brains_N_Boobs
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2006
- Posts
- 33,795
Firstly when a lady friend wants to "get something off their chest", start with the shirt and then proceed immediately to the bra. Once the lady is bare-chested you will have a much better picture of what to do.
Secondly, charge them the going psychologists' rate of $350 per hour. Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Mam can be a god send as there are usually no strings attached. YAWIA
dolf
Ex porn
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2004
- Posts
- 78,942
Define "favour"?
Is there a chance that you gave the impression of wanting more? You don't have to ask for a gratitude boink for a person to pick up on you thinking they might be a potential fumble.
Do you leak information to other people?
When people overly expose their underbelly, it creates vulnerability and can also create embarrassment. It's normal for people to pull away slightly afterwards... are you overreacting to a temporary withdrawal, thus making it permanent?
Gotta say though, the common denominator in all these experiences is you. Either you have terrible luck with friends, or you say/do something that makes people uncomfortable enough to ghost you permanently.
Good, supportive listeners are few and far between, but life stresses are common. Most people value someone who is supportive, so why do they all run?
Is there a chance that you gave the impression of wanting more? You don't have to ask for a gratitude boink for a person to pick up on you thinking they might be a potential fumble.
Do you leak information to other people?
When people overly expose their underbelly, it creates vulnerability and can also create embarrassment. It's normal for people to pull away slightly afterwards... are you overreacting to a temporary withdrawal, thus making it permanent?
Gotta say though, the common denominator in all these experiences is you. Either you have terrible luck with friends, or you say/do something that makes people uncomfortable enough to ghost you permanently.
Good, supportive listeners are few and far between, but life stresses are common. Most people value someone who is supportive, so why do they all run?
What I meant by favour was when it's my turn for wanting to talk to them to get their perspective on what I should do, they just vanish. And as far as leaking info goes they all know each other so if I'd leak infront one of them, they'll ultimately know who the culprit is. Who knows maybe my problems aren't intresting enough for them to be considered as problems.
JohnnySavage
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2008
- Posts
- 44,472
Get a dog and whine to that.
Champakian
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
- Posts
- 13,119
Just this one. Don't pay attention to anything that Rory says.
He's the board idiot.
Champakian
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2020
- Posts
- 13,119
Also, another point comes to mind.
Stop trolling for attention.
It's a Rory move...
Stop trolling for attention.
It's a Rory move...
Conager
¿Que? Cornelius!
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2014
- Posts
- 18,282
Emotional investment. You are invested, they are not.
We value that which we invest in. People do not appreciate people who do things for them; people appreciate people that they are able to do things for. If the exchangeis not mutually beneficial, it breeds indifference or resentment within the person doing the taking. It is not fulfilling to be on the receiving end. There is a sense of unwanted obligation.
When you give without benefit, people question your motives and you are signaling that you have little going on and little value. You are giving off a vibe that you are "earning" their attention by giving them yours. This feels needy. Needy is not attractive.
We value that which we invest in. People do not appreciate people who do things for them; people appreciate people that they are able to do things for. If the exchangeis not mutually beneficial, it breeds indifference or resentment within the person doing the taking. It is not fulfilling to be on the receiving end. There is a sense of unwanted obligation.
When you give without benefit, people question your motives and you are signaling that you have little going on and little value. You are giving off a vibe that you are "earning" their attention by giving them yours. This feels needy. Needy is not attractive.
This is the best advise or suggestion I've recieved regarding this matter so far. Thank you sir/mam or whoever you are.
lustylikes
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2021
- Posts
- 112
Well I told a girl I worked with long ago but one that would take me on bi lezbian pleasure vacations like it was pouring a glass of water. She never really offered me that info but in a raunchy messenger char we had we she said she would have let me do as I please with her and wanted to turn me into . I fucked it up by getting too aggressive with my expressed desires. So since I been stewing on fantasy alone for atleast five years. I'm probably back to willingly take a gut for a good encounter if it gets me looked at with attraction and some soft caressing before the aggressive groans of what I hope goes down , does
