How do you write a good short description?

[kittybunny]

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[ScrappyPaperDoodler]

I wouldn’t use character names in the description for the first part. Brevity is also good.

How about:

"An innocent girl is kidnapped." (You can add by a mysterious man if you feel it’s critical)

You could also sex it up a little? Make it feel like the front covers of those old pulp novels. From a novel called Sorry Wrong Corpse: "She walked a tightrope of terror while death stood with open arms."

 

[Rob_Howard]

I'm about to upload my story but can't decide what to make of the short description. Do i describe the characters or mention their names?

title: Out of the Bag, Out of the Hat Ch. 01

Short description:
- An innocent young woman is kidnapped by a mysterious man.
- Kedi is kidnapped by Macan.
- Kedi is caught by Macan.
- Macan kidnaps Kedi.
- etc.

It's a multi parts story and maybe better to mention the names so I can use it for the next chapters? So the short descriptions for the next chapters would be:
ch2 Macan interrogates Kedi.
ch3 Kedi escapes.
ch4 Macan confesses.
etc.

From the above options, I personally liked the first one

- An innocent young woman is kidnapped by a mysterious man.

But I too struggle with short descriptions for my stories. You can start mentioning the names from the second part as readers get familiar with the characters. When you mention the words 'young woman' and 'mysterious man', it catches the eyes of readers.

I'm not a native English speaker and I'm not sure if you're too, but I've never heard the names 'Macan' and 'Kedi', and I couldn't figure out their genders. Though, in most of the stories, it's a man who kidnaps the woman and not the other way round.

 

[kittybunny]

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[kittybunny]

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[ElectricBlue]

I'd use the first one. The others add nothing - you need to hook in readers, not bewilder them.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

My first thought when I saw the names: "I don't know these people." Followed closely by, "and their names look weird to me."

After Chapter 1 introduces the characters and we fall slightly in love with them, then use their names in the description. Your fans will recognize them and be excited.

 

[AlinaX]

I occasionally use character names, but sparingly.
You have 60 characters for the description.

 

[SimonDoom]

Of those, go with the first.

But if I were you, I'd try to spice it up a bit.

Innocent woman is kidnapped and . . . what? Is there something more to say? Does she get stripped naked? Tied up? Covered in baby oil? Something that plays to the category kink. "Mysterious man" doesn't mean much or add much. If an innocent woman is kidnapped, then we can guess it's by a mysterious man.

 

[MillieDynamite]

The problem with tagline length descriptions is how short it must be. I hate writing them, I use the word hate about writing tagline descriptions. Trying to write a catch phrase for an entire story, what can be more difficult than summing up, in less than ten words, something, which makes a person want to read a story?


You'll never go in the water again. followed two years later with, Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. But the best tagline for jaw's was "As if God created the Devil... and gave him.... jaws!"

"Relax. Take a shower," for Psycho wasn't a clear grab for those who hadn't read the book.

I sometimes just put the premise of the story, and hope it portrays something they want to read. As an example for a story in the loop, "Erotic encounter between a middle-aged man and a hot twink," is the tag for Brief Moments with a Hot Twink

 

[SimonDoom]

The problem with tagline length descriptions is how short it must be. I hate writing them, I use the word hate about writing tagline descriptions. Trying to write a catch phrase for an entire story, what can be more difficult than summing up, in less than ten words, something, which makes a person want to read a story?


You'll never go in the water again. followed two years later with, Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. But the best tagline for jaw's was "As if God created the Devil... and gave him.... jaws!"

"Relax. Take a shower," for Psycho wasn't a clear grab for those who hadn't read the book.

I sometimes just put the premise of the story, and hope it portrays something they want to read. As an example for a story in the loop, "Erotic encounter between a middle-aged man and a hot twink," is the tag for Brief Moments with a Hot Twink

You only have 60 characters for your tagline, but the way I look at it is you have a title, category, tags, and tagline to titillate and draw interest from readers. You actually have quite a lot to work with. Use them together, in a complementary way. For instance, if your title has an artsy and nondescriptive character, then make sure the tagline is descriptive.

I do some research on what are the most popular tags for certain categories. I want to know what words will draw interest from readers, and I try to use those words in my title and tagline.

For instance, in a mom-son incest story, I will ALWAYS use the word "Mom" in the title. I know some people think that's cheesy, but it works for getting readers, and that's what I care about.

I think it works to tease in the tagline. Sometimes I use ellipses. I used this tagline for Late Night On The Loveseat With Mom:

"Mom and son get under the blanket, and, well . . ."

That story has over one million views.

So for the OP's story, I might try something like:

"Innocent woman is kidnapped. She's not innocent for long."

Make it titillating and salacious and suggestive. Leave an open-ended question that the reader will want to answer by reading the story.

 

[Panty Wrangler]

I agree with Simon, Make it complimentary to your title, and make it titillating. You want to draw readers in - get them curious. You also want to hint at what kind of fun things lay in store for them if the open and read your story!

 

[LAHomedog]

The description is a single sentence advertisement for your story. You have to divorce yourself from your story, look at it arms length and think, "What description would get you to read it?"

"An innocent young woman is kidnapped by a mysterious man." Is the one that would interest me. I wonder though if it's too many letters to fit and be excepted. In my opinion, if that is the case, you could lose "innocent" and it would still work.

 

[Panty Wrangler]

The description is a single sentence advertisement for your story. You have to divorce yourself from your story, look at it arms length and think, "What description would get you to read it?"

"An innocent young woman is kidnapped by a mysterious man." Is the one that would interest me. I wonder though if it's too many letter to fit and be excepted. In my opinion, if that is the case, you could lose "innocent" and it would still work.

That one's good for sure, and would help sell, but I think Simon's "Innocent woman is kidnapped. She's not innocent for long." is more of a grabber.

 

[LAHomedog]

That one's good for sure, and would help sell, but I think Simon's "Innocent woman is kidnapped. She's not innocent for long." is more of a grabber.

Different strokes for different folks. But it's not my thread. It's Kittybunny's thread and the comments should be direct at her not at me.

 

[AlinaX]

Is that a new rule?

 

[lovecraft68]

A young woman is abducted

I prefer abducted over kidnapped, same meaning but sounds more ominous to me. Just my opinion.

I used to have some issues with this. How do I describe a story in a few words.

Then I started publishing for sale and it was How do I describe a 150k novel in 400 characters.

Now the one sentence story description seems a little easier

 

[LexxRuthless]

Aside from the tagline, you might consider leaving "Ch. 01" off the title. YOU know it's going to be a series, but it will get more views if you leave that bit off the title. Many readers won't want to invest their time in a new series, but will be compelled to read the follow-up chapters if they like that first installment.

As for the tagline, I'd go with something that spells out a bit of what you have in mind for the "Hot" part of the story. "An innocent woman is abducted into a world of sexual slavery" or "An innocent woman is abducted and seduced." Something along those lines. Guessing that the "Out of the Hat" part of your title refers to a magic act, perhaps "An innocent woman is abducted into a magical new world."

 

[AlinaX]

Aside from the tagline, you might consider leaving "Ch. 01" off the title. YOU know it's going to be a series, but it will get more views if you leave that bit off the title. Many readers won't want to invest their time in a new series, but will be compelled to read the follow-up chapters if they like that first installment.

Not sure I agree with that. I'm very attracted to "Ch. 01" stories when browsing.

As for the tagline, I'd go with something that spells out a bit of what you have in mind for the "Hot" part of the story.

Good advice there... Looking at a couple of mine:
- Abducted and transformed for a billionaire's harem.
- They are abducted and used by gang of robbers.

 

[LAHomedog]

A young woman is abducted

I prefer abducted over kidnapped, same meaning but sounds more ominous to me. Just my opinion.

Choice word. Very nice. I like wordsmiths.

 

[LAHomedog]

Is that a new rule?

Seems proper and polite doesn't it? Do manners not count on threads anymore? I'm old school. In my book, they do Aren't we all trying to help and answer Kittybunny's question?

That's what I am trying to do.

Why does it feel as if you are picking a fight with me over nothing but trying to help another writer? Or am I totally misreading your post?

 

[AlinaX]

Seems proper and polite doesn't it? Do manners not count on threads anymore? I'm old school. In my book, they do Aren't we all trying to help and answer Kittybunny's question?

That's what I am trying to do.

Why does it feel as if you are picking a fight with me over nothing but trying to help another writer? Or am I totally misreading your post?

Not picking a fight... just amused, because threads here are always getting derailed and going off at tangents.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Not picking a fight... just amused, because threads here are always getting derailed and going off at tangents.

Part of that, for us old blatherers who have been here a long time, is that most threads are repeat repeats, so we throw shit in to mix it up. It's being helpful, passing on our collective ignorance and wisdom to grasshoppers, but not being rigorous about it. It's only a derailment if you think there's only one right track .

 

[LAHomedog]

Not picking a fight... just amused, because threads here are always getting derailed and going off at tangents.

I apologize, It did not read that way. You might want to look at that.

You have me a bit riled up. How was my comment going off tangent. I was posting to help her. Sorry, nothing personal, but his kind of post pushes my buttons.

We are all writers and that involves words. Yet, frequently in the forums and the posts the writer either don't read the words or understand what their words mean in their posts.

I sense you didn't mean do to it. but you insulted me and pissed me off. Sorry.

 

[AlinaX]

I apologize, It did not read that way. You might want to look at that.

~ (don't, AlinaX! resist the sarcastic response! resist!) ~

You have me a bit riled up. How was my comment going off tangent. I was posting to help her. Sorry, nothing personal, but his kind of post pushes my buttons.

We are all writers and that involves words. Yet, frequently in the forums and the posts the writer either don't read the words or understand what their words mean in their posts.

I sense you didn't mean do to it. but you insulted me and pissed me off. Sorry.

Well, clearly there's a whole context here that went over my head. I just saw Panty Wrangler reply innocently enough to you, and you made it into an issue.