When you're the kinky one in a relationship...

[lil_jenni]

So, in the "Challenge! BDSMTest" thread, I posted my top-five a few weeks ago:

100% Degradee (not a shocker...)
99% Rope bunny
97% Slave (thought it would be 100%)
97% Brat (I thought I preferred being a good girl/slave/slut over being a brat, but I guess not)
94% Submissive

For me, "Vanilla" was a higher than expected 43% but still pretty far down my list.

I had Hubby do the test over the weekend. Here are his top-six:

76% Vanilla
62% Daddy/Mommy
61% Master/Mistress
59% Degrader
53% Rigger
52% Dominant

Okay, so other than his #1, we match pretty well I guess... the thing is, I think Vanilla would have been a lot higher for him back before we met. And most of the reason the rest of his top results match me is probably because I've steered him in those directions through what I want/need. In other words, he loves me and wants to please me/satisfy me, so he plays how I want to play. But I know I take him outside of his comfort zone a fair amount (less so than when we were first together, but still true). Hubby and I have met in the middle a lot (probably why my vanilla score is as high as it is--I bet it would've been much lower before Hubby), but sometimes I worry I'll push him too far and he'll end of resenting me because of all this.

So, what I'm wondering is how many of you all are the "kinky one" in your relationship, and how do you handle the disparity between what you want/need and what your partner is able to give?

 

[Cthulhu1138]

I am definitely the kinky one.

I made a pair of restraints for my wife when we were dating because, well, I REALLY misunderstood a conversation we had once.

The look on her face should have been enough of an indication to just walk away, knowing that she did not share my kink.

But everything else was so nearly perfect, I kept hoping/thinking/praying that she would come around to appreciate bondage.

As for how I handle it?

Well, I am here...

 

[t_platz4]

me too

Yeah, I'm the kinky one too.... it can be a pain.

My issue is that I feel like I'm toping from the bottom, which isn't what I'm looking for. How I deal with it is often getting the toy box out... sometimes tying myself up so when she comes home she sees me ready to play.

However, rejection sucks. And constantly being the one that pushes for more than vanilla, despite the fact she says she enjoys the kink after.

We make it work, but I really think it could be better. It could just be that I have a greater sex drive than she does...

I also find other safe outlets, which basically means playing alone.

 

[lil_jenni]

Giving this a bump.

 

[Iris_66]

Giving this a bump.

Yes I'm the kinky one

And yes, it is a pain being the initiator who always has to plan, make the effort and sometimes not get much in return

When it syncs, it works well though

 

[Shi_One81]

I definitely corrupted the hubby

 

[roseburgsteve]

kink

i am the kinky one in my relationship.

 

[KinkyLaughs]

The only kinky one in it.

 

[Sage51]

I'm the kinky one in it ..

 

[Darkhand98]

Ahead in with kinkiness by a fair way

 

[hulmule]

lol yes I'm the one . Remember times trying to get my wife early in marriage to try things. "No, i dont know how you think of these things.."

 

[twister947]

My kink resides in my brain; it fits in there, and never gets rejected.

 

[Drillerbm]

I'm way more kinky than my wife. It wasnt that way at first but its progressed. I guess I'm hypersexual and it's not normal to be hirny daily. If anyone has the secret recipe for fixing this I'd love to know.

 

[hanban24]

I’ve been on both ends, the more kinky one and the less kinky. It’s fun to be the more kinky one if you can convince the other person to step out of their comfort zone, but if you can’t, I’d rather be the less kinky one.

 

[Bigfan1952]

I feel your pain

lol yes I'm the one . Remember times trying to get my wife early in marriage to try things. "No, i dont know how you think of these things.."

Same words almost exactly... I hate rejection.

 

[lil_jenni]

Just had this come bite my ass last weekend. I love Hubby, and I've led him to some of my kinks. But he's still much more vanilla, especially about anything beyond one-on-one sex.

 

[Mihunt54]

in my current relationship, I would have to say I'm the kinkier one. She will do many things for me, and she seems to enjoy them, but for as far as what I can do to her... much more vanilla.
I hate seeing summer come to an end. I will miss being out in the crowded lake and her going down on me with boats passing by, or her riding me and waving to the boats passing.
Guess maybe her kink is strong on exhibitionistic. Just vanilla on outside the norm sex acts.

 

[lil_jenni]

in my current relationship, I would have to say I'm the kinkier one. She will do many things for me, and she seems to enjoy them, but for as far as what I can do to her... much more vanilla.
I hate seeing summer come to an end. I will miss being out in the crowded lake and her going down on me with boats passing by, or her riding me and waving to the boats passing.
Guess maybe her kink is strong on exhibitionistic. Just vanilla on outside the norm sex acts.

Exhibitionism is another hard line for Hubby. He'd never go for anything close to public sex. Hell, I stupidly told him I thought we were being watched when we got naughty in our hot tub, so now there is no more hot tub BJs or sex. And he was even uncomfortable last time I took my bikini top off in the hot tub.

 

[Mihunt54]

Exhibitionism is another hard line for Hubby. He'd never go for anything close to public sex. Hell, I stupidly told him I thought we were being watched when we got naughty in our hot tub, so now there is no more hot tub BJs or sex. And he was even uncomfortable last time I took my bikini top off in the hot tub.

I have to admit it is a huge turn on for me, knowing someone might see or figure out what's going on.
While I hope to get her a little kinkier yet (anal play of any sort is completely off the table so far) I count myself lucky for what she does do.

 

[tonyreid]

50/50

my wife and I are both on second marriages and and probably as kinky as each other , My wife is 12 years younger than me but has way more experience with kink . She is open to everything and anything with the usual exceptions no blood scat or underage . We told each other loads of our kinks before we met in person . We met via Literotica chat 13 years ago and just love getting our kink on especially with other couples.

 

[techiedude71]

I am my wife’s first and she is as vanilla as can be. It’s ok though. She’s a great human being and all, loving and caring and a great wife and amazing mom.. but awful in bed and I’ve tried everything. Awful isn’t fair. Just no imagination and doesn’t like a lot of stuff mostly every other lover I’ve ever had normally digs. I’m not even all that crazy. She has no gag reflex and treats my dick like a fresh turd off the street, and I trim and clean and all that. She used to think me taking her from behind was treating her like a whore.. but I didn’t base my falling in love with her off the sex. She’s caught me cheating a couple times. We are still married. I’ve been a good boy of late as our focus is the kids and immediate other family.

Marriage is a lot more than just sex. As you can see I’ve convinced myself pretty well!

 

[Lovethefox]

I am my wife’s first and she is as vanilla as can be. It’s ok though. She’s a great human being and all, loving and caring and a great wife and amazing mom.. but awful in bed and I’ve tried everything. Awful isn’t fair. Just no imagination and doesn’t like a lot of stuff mostly every other lover I’ve ever had normally digs. I’m not even all that crazy. She has no gag reflex and treats my dick like a fresh turd off the street, and I trim and clean and all that. She used to think me taking her from behind was treating her like a whore.. but I didn’t base my falling in love with her off the sex. She’s caught me cheating a couple times. We are still married. I’ve been a good boy of late as our focus is the kids and immediate other family.

Marriage is a lot more than just sex. As you can see I’ve convinced myself pretty well!

It sounds amazingly like my first wife.

 

[Lovethefox]

It sounds amazingly like my first wife.

But I wasn’t as convinced as you are.

 

[Mihunt54]

For curiosities sake...
If you had your way, what would you want him to do? I'm hard for the details

 

[Erosfan]

Exhibitionism is another hard line for Hubby. He'd never go for anything close to public sex. Hell, I stupidly told him I thought we were being watched when we got naughty in our hot tub, so now there is no more hot tub BJs or sex. And he was even uncomfortable last time I took my bikini top off in the hot tub.

Exhibitionism is my kink. My wife learned to enjoy (it took q long time to get her to work with me) this and pushed my limits on many occasions. One time while she was giving me oral sex in a semi public situation, I told her we should stop because we were attracting a few onlookers.
She stopped briefly, looked up and said let them enjoy the show. She then went on to finish me with her mouth. That was fun.

After she accepted my kink, she helped make some of my fantasies come true. She called me her slut and I love that.