Feedback Please - My Cousin's Insatiability

[EmperorKhagan]

Hello, my fellow writers. I just published my first story, and so far the ratings have been wonderful and encouraging but not enough comments to give me feedback.

Please give feedback to on what you think of the story. You will not regret reading it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/my-cousins-insatiability-ch-01

 

[VilHaMer]

OK, not too bad. I'll structure this like I do for my students - a point or two of the good things and also some pointers for improvements in the future, okay?

- I think the general scenario is pretty hot; cousins fucking while they have the house to themselves, that's a classic. It's a fairly safe choice for an author to make.
- I also think the dirty talk between them is exciting. That said, I do think the girl talks a bit too tough for her experience level. If she's never had a cock before, it might be seen as a little unlikely for her to be so vocal and dirty.
- The build-up might have been a little bit longer, I think. For instance, there could have been a bit more on why she has chosen him in particular.

 

[dmallord]

Feedback from a Fellow Writer

Hello, my fellow writers. I just published my first story, and so far the ratings have been wonderful and encouraging but not enough comments to give me feedback.

Please give feedback to on what you think of the story. You will not regret reading it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/my-cousins-insatiability-ch-01

I thought the intro and the build up was good - up to the porn discovery. It took a whole different tone and seemed so rushed after that point. It seems a bit difficult to accept how going to live in Florida as a 'hotel maintenance person' fits in with an acceptable job by his parents considering their high expectations for a twenty-four-year-old job seeking son.

And what's up with sleeping on the floor in his hot-as-hell cousin's bedroom for months? That, too is a bit hard to swallow. They were expecting him to arrive, so an uncle who manages a hotel surely could come up with a bed. Nothing wrong, however, with permitting a virile college graduate to sleep in an eighteen-year-old girl's room month after month.

'Ten inches as thick as a bottle?' [Should have tried out for a job in California's porn industry!] That size seems much too over done in Literotica verbiage. Might want to get realistic in future writings. She took all of that so easily down her throat and up her cunt in one swift plunge? And immediately wanted more?

I thought his attitude turned on a dime when she caught him viewing her porn folders. No transition there, just mean spirited action followed even if she wanted it that way. Kind of changed my attitude toward favoring him getting into her panties. But, hey, it was consensual and it's your storyline!

All in all, I thought you did a good job. Perhaps a more plausible plot line could have made it a bit more believable. I rated this average. Good effort! Your style of writing seems very natural.