She’s absolutely perfect…except in the bedroom

[Brandnewbuddy]

So our lead has found a girl who lights up their life, is gorgeous, and gets along great with their family and friends. She also is pretty horny and suddenly our lead finds out that their perfect partner has a serious flaw.

So first off, no transphobia, no matter what she has in her pants is fine.

But what if you met someone who was just your type, you took them home and then the moment she comes into the bedroom you realize you made a horrible mistake.

1. Maybe she’s just really bad in bed. I won’t mention who but there was a certain small Internet personality who posted her blowjob vid to Twitter and it was the saddest thing you’d ever see. Like there was no sucking involved and I think her boyfriend’s dick was actually drier after it.

2. She has a fetish that she needs to have to get off…and it is completely incompatible with what our lead wants. For example: age play. Our lead is a little uncomfortable when she wants to call him daddy…then she comes out in pigtails…then she talks about how she made an oopsie in her diaper and thinks something is wrong with her “kitty.”

Our lead nopes right out of there.

Or: “Oh a little uniform cosplay? Interesting…wait are those-“
“it’s an authentic SS uniform. My great grandpa wore it!”

“I’m a sexy car and I need a tuneup!”
“How do…did you just turn into a car?”

3. Girlfriend has a conjoined twin who is a face on her belly who really is the one wanting to get laid. Girlfriend will just pass out and let her twin take care of things

4. Girlfriend will only sleep with someone who beats her in combat. Our lead is tossed a sword and his partner charges

 

[sirhugs]

a sword is kind of terminal...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

... or she just lays there staring at the ceiling yet tells him to fuck her hard and fast but doesn't move a muscle. Shouts I'm coming but still nothing. Won't touch him at all.

I ran into a woman like that... it was a one and done kind of experience for me, yet she really liked me. Yet just laid there not even making a sound. And dry as a bone. Needed lube to get inside.

Now I'm not the kind of person to just outright dump a girl, I'm really too nice. I was told that by a friends girl. She was the one that told me about what the girl I was going out with said. She wanted me to fuck her some more and I was hesitant so I finally told her goodbye.

 

[LupusDei]

... or she just lays there staring at the ceiling yet tells him to fuck her hard and fast but doesn't move a muscle. Shouts I'm coming but still nothing. Won't touch him at all.

I ran into a woman like that... it was a one and done kind of experience for me, yet she really liked me. Yet just laid there not even making a sound. And dry as a bone. Needed lube to get inside.

Yeah, what I thought too. Have had similar, only she wasn't dry, in contrary, she was absolutely drenched instantly and so relaxed I didn't feel anything. I mean, well, I'm not the biggest monster dick in town, but come on. She was kind of convenient cuddle at certain life situation and very devout to me, even when I frankly admitted it's a temporary limited affair, so I tried to train her, with limited success, but significant. I inferred that she had been abused, from what she didn't say more than from what she did, or at least I pegged such possibility as explanation for her behavior (together with feeling guilt for using her too). Last I heard she a year later married a guy who had interest in her even before I went by, and then had a child with him, so perhaps it worked for them, perhaps out of where I left things, as little as it might have helped.

 

[Carnevil9]

The girlfriend has a full set of teeth in her vagina.

"I'm not sticking my dick in there!"

"Why not? You put it in my mouth for a blowjob."

"That's different!"

"How is it different?"

"Ummm..... it just is, okay?"

 

[sirhugs]

The girlfriend has a full set of teeth in her vagina.

"I'm not sticking my dick in there!"

"Why not? You put it in my mouth for a blowjob."

"That's different!"

"How is it different?"

"Ummm..... it just is, okay?"

or maybe her mouth has dentures?

 

[JaxRhapsody]

... or she just lays there staring at the ceiling yet tells him to fuck her hard and fast but doesn't move a muscle. Shouts I'm coming but still nothing. Won't touch him at all.

I ran into a woman like that... it was a one and done kind of experience for me, yet she really liked me. Yet just laid there not even making a sound. And dry as a bone. Needed lube to get inside.

Now I'm not the kind of person to just outright dump a girl, I'm really too nice. I was told that by a friends girl. She was the one that told me about what the girl I was going out with said. She wanted me to fuck her some more and I was hesitant so I finally told her goodbye.

If she's trash in bed I'll dump her in a heartbeat. Somebody would really need to suck to turn me away from wanting sex.

 

[Hypoxia]

or maybe her mouth has dentures?

That's like the ornery fellow who tells a redneck guy, "Pull out you teeth and grow a beard, then you can be my girlfriend."

Anyway, a partner who is lousy is bed must have *some* redeeming qualities. Lots of money is the usual balance for poor performance.

 

[sirhugs]

That's like the ornery fellow who tells a redneck guy, "Pull out you teeth and grow a beard, then you can be my girlfriend."

Anyway, a partner who is lousy is bed must have *some* redeeming qualities. Lots of money is the usual balance for poor performance.

controlling the stash of incriminating evidence is another.