My new story dropped today

[RichardWark]

My first story in over 6 months dropped today (life was intervening). Obviously, feel free to offer feedback.

"...I begin thrusting inside her, my cock soaking in her warm juices. Her hips thrust back against me ..."

"Morning Beauty"

https://literotica.com/s/morning-beauty-1

One man, two women, and the beginning of something special

Richard Wark
Wark2002

My other stories:

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5430653&page=submissions

 

[8letters]

I'm trying out a new style of giving feedback, which is to ask questions instead of saying "I didn't like this."

Why would Asami agree to having Lee at the restaurant and particularly at the hotel? You give reasons as to why Gabi would want to have Lee present, but not for Asami.

What personality were you striving to give Asami?

 

[RichardWark]

I'm trying out a new style of giving feedback, which is to ask questions instead of saying "I didn't like this."

Why would Asami agree to having Lee at the restaurant and particularly at the hotel? You give reasons as to why Gabi would want to have Lee present, but not for Asami.

What personality were you striving to give Asami?

These are legitimate questions; I'll be happy to respond (at risk of making this a running discussion lol) Why would Asami agree to having Lee at the restaurant and the hotel? I suppose a line from Gabi like "I asked if a friend could join us and she said she would be into it" would have sufficed but I thought that had been implied, or maybe adding it to the dinner conversation. I don't really consider this a drawback but definitely could go back and add it to make things clearer.

More important is your second question. At the risk of losing ratings and positive comments, since the story seems to be doing fairly well at this point, I will admit that Asami's character could be better developed. She began intentionally as a one-dimensional character; essentially the stimulus to emotionally and physically bringing Gabi and Leo together. As the story developed, I got to like her and see definite character traits. Going back and rewriting, I feared, would interfere with the love story between Leo and Gabi, which is the main story, so even though I added a few things I chose to keep her more of a question mark. However, I have been nursing the idea of a follow-up, something I avoid with my writing in general (with the exception of the Huck's Place stories), that will flesh out Asami - and Gabi - a bit more.

 

[8letters]

More important is your second question. At the risk of losing ratings and positive comments, since the story seems to be doing fairly well at this point, I will admit that Asami's character could be better developed. She began intentionally as a one-dimensional character; essentially the stimulus to emotionally and physically bringing Gabi and Leo together. As the story developed, I got to like her and see definite character traits. Going back and rewriting, I feared, would interfere with the love story between Leo and Gabi, which is the main story, so even though I added a few things I chose to keep her more of a question mark. However, I have been nursing the idea of a follow-up, something I avoid with my writing in general (with the exception of the Huck's Place stories), that will flesh out Asami - and Gabi - a bit more.

That reminds me of another question - why the switching back and forth between "Leo" and "Lee"?