Sexless Marriages - How does it happen?

[Series 6]

I've read comments from several posters here on Lit that they are in a sexless marriage. I think it's sad, but I will admit that I was in a sexless marriage before I got divorced. I know the reasons why my marriage was sexless, but why do many of you who have insight into it believe so many people are in sexless marriages? If you prefer to PM me with your personal situation, feel free. No judgment from me.

 

[Jasmine12345]

Sex with the same person after a while gets old quickly. Routine and mechanical. The bottomless abyss constantly yearns to be fulfilled. Writing erotic stories/RP could be energizing.

 

[Uneklensane]

Options

You also have to consider 1 party may have a condition that requires medication which adversely affects their sexual desire or responses. Unfortunately that could be long term or for life. And there is also the normal aging effect.

 

[10169kek]

In my case, my wife made the unilateral decision. “ I have no interest, no desire, you have a hand, take care of it yourself” was her statement. Has been unwilling to discuss the whys ten years burning down the road.

 

[Hanksville]

Sexless Marriage

I am in one. The universe plays awful jokes on us sometimes.

My wife is 14 years younger than me. Before we got married she was a hot lady with me. We married 14 years ago and she quickly tapered off to next to nothing with sex. Now, it is absolutely nothing. The horrible joke? She is amazingly beautiful, very very smart, has a killer body, tall, and everybody thinks she is hot. But, she is not at all interested in sex and I don’t know what to do. I have turned to Literotica to live through others stories. She won’t talk about it and considers it my issue. I’m not into cheating. No sex is simply driving me crazy.

Before we were married, she told me stories of her sex life with ex boyfriends. Now, when I ask her she says she is just dead in the pants. It makes no sense.

Any suggestions?

 

[paul__2345]

I have been in one for years. I think where everything else becomes more important. Work kids and all that else that goes with it. It's the easiest thing to lose.

 

[Bbee99]

My.marriage isn't sexless, but that spark has clearly disappeared.
I have tried allsorts to try reignite, but he just seems either oblivious or uninterested.
I have no desire just to end a perfectly good home life over a lack of hot sweaty sex, but I still have the desire and drive to fulfill the need by other means

 

[Uneklensane]

In my case, my wife made the unilateral decision. “ I have no interest, no desire, you have a hand, take care of it yourself” was her statement. Has been unwilling to discuss the whys ten years burning down the road.

That leaves a lot to interpretation. Your hand or someone else's... same result...yes?
"Take care of it yourself"... the "it" being your hard cock I assume. But again... someone else taking care of it removes that burden from her.

 

[Uneklensane]

I am in one. The universe plays awful jokes on us sometimes.

My wife is 14 years younger than me. Before we got married she was a hot lady with me. We married 14 years ago and she quickly tapered off to next to nothing with sex. Now, it is absolutely nothing. The horrible joke? She is amazingly beautiful, very very smart, has a killer body, tall, and everybody thinks she is hot. But, she is not at all interested in sex and I don’t know what to do. I have turned to Literotica to live through others stories. She won’t talk about it and considers it my issue. I’m not into cheating. No sex is simply driving me crazy.

Before we were married, she told me stories of her sex life with ex boyfriends. Now, when I ask her she says she is just dead in the pants. It makes no sense.

Any suggestions?

Private detective.

 

[Uneklensane]

My.marriage isn't sexless, but that spark has clearly disappeared.
I have tried allsorts to try reignite, but he just seems either oblivious or uninterested.
I have no desire just to end a perfectly good home life over a lack of hot sweaty sex, but I still have the desire and drive to fulfill the need by other means

What alternatives have you considered to fulfill those needs?

 

[HusbandNextD00r]

For me it was a bit different. I withheld sex because it was the only thing I felt I had control over. It was withheld because of resentment, and now she withholds because of the resentment from me withholding to begin with. Now, it almost feels unnatural or almost forced to be intimate.

 

[topleaseus]

How do you deal?! Mine has done the same thing only under the guise of "Menopause". Which i was/am totally wiling to support ad be understanding throughout but its been YEARS now! With no resolution in sight and she refuses to se a Doctor or counselor! That tells me if SHE"S not willing to fix the issue then you dont really want to and it IS about not being attracted to me anymore...

 

[topleaseus]

That sucks dude! But thats what happens when we ever think we have control.. LOL!

 

[Wonderer67]

My prior marriage was sexless. With kids, work and everything me both just drifted apart. We had different friend circles, different attitudes and different perspectives. Like an earlier poster, we began to resent each other. I never would have filed for divorce, but was hurt when she did.

Towards the end, we were just going thru the motions. We had no connection. I sort of new she was fucking someone else…

Now I am glad, because I’m happy and have a new life and am in a terrific relationship.

 

[Chillygirl]

It’s been brought up...kids, jobs, bills, life...everything else becomes more important. Then resentment, or boredom, or just taking each other for granted.

My first question for guys is always do you treat your wife the way you treat me? All the compliments and the excitement to talk and flirt with me?

And I’ve realized I don’t flirt with my husband the way I used to. I don’t appreciate his quirks and personality the way I used to.

It’s a two way street.

 

[10169kek]

That sucks dude! But thats what happens when we ever think we have control.. LOL!

Women control sex pure and simple.

 

[TheAudacity]

It’s been brought up...kids, jobs, bills, life...everything else becomes more important. Then resentment, or boredom, or just taking each other for granted.

My first question for guys is always do you treat your wife the way you treat me? All the compliments and the excitement to talk and flirt with me?

And I’ve realized I don’t flirt with my husband the way I used to. I don’t appreciate his quirks and personality the way I used to.

It’s a two way street.

That happens. Life gets in the way of love. Or love changes from lust. You may not lust after your SO the way you used to. Love is a many faceted being

 

[10169kek]

It’s been brought up...kids, jobs, bills, life...everything else becomes more important. Then resentment, or boredom, or just taking each other for granted.

My first question for guys is always do you treat your wife the way you treat me? All the compliments and the excitement to talk and flirt with me?

And I’ve realized I don’t flirt with my husband the way I used to. I don’t appreciate his quirks and personality the way I used to.

It’s a two way street.

I did all the right stuff, compliments, flirt, I even created a book of tickets that offered time away, a quick massage, day spa, great sex, flowers, etc. Never was one cashed in. When I bought flowers they were never nice enough and what did I do wrong.

Yes it is a two way street.

 

[Chillygirl]

I did all the right stuff, compliments, flirt, I even created a book of tickets that offered time away, a quick massage, day spa, great sex, flowers, etc. Never was one cashed in. When I bought flowers they were never nice enough and what did I do wrong.

Yes it is a two way street.

It’s not just the romantic things....for my husband it’s the knight that comes in to save the damsel in distress. She calls...my lawn mower won’t start , I don’t know what to do...boo hoo...he runs to save her. I call our dishwasher line failed and we now have a waterfall in our basement and I’m told well take care of it...I can’t come home to fix it.

Like I said resentment...it shows in the daily things and that’s what women really notice. Yeah flowers and romantic promises are nice but how about helping with the kids, cooking dinner or doing the damn dishes.

And I’m not bashing men or you personally 10169kek....like I said it’s a two way street.

 

[jerryb1966]

It is a two-way street Chillygirl. Besides the flowers and the cards, I do more than my fair share around the house. I cook, shop, do dishes and pay all the bills and plan date night. Date nights end normally with a kiss on the cheek good night. We’ve had discussions, she knows it’s important to me and admits that age and menopause have taken away her desire and need for any sexual activity. So my choice is easy. Stay and find a way to survive or go and have a messy ugly split that spills over to family, friends, and grown children.

 

[Chillygirl]

It is a two-way street Chillygirl. Besides the flowers and the cards, I do more than my fair share around the house. I cook, shop, do dishes and pay all the bills and plan date night. Date nights end normally with a kiss on the cheek good night. We’ve had discussions, she knows it’s important to me and admits that age and menopause have taken away her desire and need for any sexual activity. So my choice is easy. Stay and find a way to survive or go and have a messy ugly split that spills over to family, friends, and grown children.

Agreed...it’s a two way street.

For years I was doing fertility treatments which left my hormones a mess and then had a partial hysterectomy in my mid 30s. Early premenopause...no sex and he strayed. It sucked cause it wasn’t my fault but I kind of understood. Tables turned and I got my sex drive back but he started having erectile dysfunction issues and refused to see a doctor so back to no sex. The difference is I didn’t stray.

And yes there’s been huge discussions about staying, leaving, waiting til our daughter is in college to leave, how to divide things up if we decided to split. None of its easy.

And I’m not saying it’s always the mans fault. I’m giving a woman’s perspective.

 

[jerryb1966]

Thanks Chillygirl...and I respect your sharing and your perspective. We are both on a journey we did not expect at this point. Here is hoping for better days for us both...

 

[ChaffII]

lost

Well I concede that a( my meds have had a daning effect. B) the testosterone in a 64 year old male aint what it used to be. C) Getting yelled at one second then sweetness the next does not really fire up the old jucies And not having the balls to divorce yet is another.

 

[ElliottEden]

It’s been brought up...kids, jobs, bills, life...everything else becomes more important. Then resentment, or boredom, or just taking each other for granted.

My first question for guys is always do you treat your wife the way you treat me? All the compliments and the excitement to talk and flirt with me?

And I’ve realized I don’t flirt with my husband the way I used to. I don’t appreciate his quirks and personality the way I used to.

It’s a two way street.

Really no context as I've not had the pleasure oh chilled one.

I treat my wife with respect. We're civil. We take care of the other important things.

It's - well. Once you accumulate things - have children. It's a corporation. You may not like aspects of it but life is bigger than the individual.

 

[ElliottEden]

Really no context as I've not had the pleasure oh chilled one.

I treat my wife with respect. We're civil. We take care of the other important things.

It's - well. Once you accumulate things - have children. It's a corporation. You may not like aspects of it but life is bigger than the individual.

And so to continue on. As to how it happens? One of a couple says that's it. No more. It's not important...

Does it hurt? Obviously.

Does it matter? Now that's the more important question.

Will I go to hell because I sinned? Oh hell now THERE is the real question!

Hurts? Yes. Can I endure? You to answer.

Does it matter? Well... do you have kids and property? Are you a selfish bitch / bastard that does not give a royal shit? Cause...

Will I go to hell because I sinned? Oh there matey. My sins are... Better question. Did I on the balance do better than not? Hmmm... Okay. Did my actions - in what I knew then - bettered or worsened things? And did I persevere in my path?

Heavy. Souls are like that. Can I spit St. Peter in the eye and say screw you on my judgement day? I did my best now?!? That's the answer one needs to have a question to.