How to be a Mistress help

[pineapple1469]

I’m really interested in how to be a Mistress my boyfriends all down for it but we’re not sure where to start. We’ve dabbled here and there.
We’re wanting to know Proper Punishments? Cock cages? Rules? Etc?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Hello and welcome to Lit

I saw that you posted on the BDSM Talk forum. I would encourage you to read threads over there and to jump in. There are a few threads on FemDom and male submissiveness as well as a lot of pro-kink discussion.

Here’s a resource you may like: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Domination.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Many people find it helpful to start with a quiz like this: BDSM Test. It would be fun and eye opening for you each to take the quiz and then compare your results. You’ll probably get some ideas from that, too. I’m going to bump a thread over in BDSM Talk for you, too.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I’m really interested in how to be a Mistress my boyfriends all down for it but we’re not sure where to start. We’ve dabbled here and there.
We’re wanting to know Proper Punishments? Cock cages? Rules? Etc?

The threads TPH posted will be a good start.

Basically it comes down to a few things:

Figuring out what you want
Figuring out what he wants
Getting the two of you on the same page and figuring out what works for both of you
Learning how to do that stuff safely.

There are many different styles of BDSM. Some people are into mind games, some are into physical pain, some into bondage. Some people like to play harder, some don't. Like TPH said, checklists are a good way to start that "figuring out" process.

 

[pineapple1469]

Hello and welcome to Lit

I saw that you posted on the BDSM Talk forum. I would encourage you to read threads over there and to jump in. There are a few threads on FemDom and male submissiveness as well as a lot of pro-kink discussion.

Here’s a resource you may like: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Domination.

THANK YOU this helped

 

[CabanaJack]

I’m really interested in how to be a Mistress my boyfriends all down for it but we’re not sure where to start. We’ve dabbled here and there.
We’re wanting to know Proper Punishments? Cock cages? Rules? Etc?

Georgia Ivey Green published some ebooks a few years ago that might be of interest. I came across them when looking for info on how to get the most out of our part-time chastity lifestyle.

We've read A Keyholder's Handbook, Tips and Tricks for Keyholders, and The Ultimate Tease and Denial Guide. These assume chastity play, but there's a lot of general ideas that would apply even if you don't start off with that. They offer some light BDSM that would help give you and idea of where you want to go with that aspect as well.

Searching can lead to PDF files for a couple of her books, but we had to purchase the Ultimate Tease and Denial Guide. Smashwords is one possible purchase source.

 

[njlauren]

I think the biggest thing I can suggest is you guys start by talking about what you both are interested in/curious about. Outside safety rules in things like scene play and doing things the other person has definitely said they can't/won't do, there really aren't rules, you kind of make your own up as you go. Most relationships around D/s that I have seen grow and change as the people do. There will be people that will tell you "as a mistress you should...." or "shouldn't" do, but honestly that is b.s. The big thing is that it is something you both are into, you want, and you get something out of it as the mistress as he does as the sub. It is very easy where he ends up topping from the bottom or is getting you to do what he wants, make sure that it is both ways and that you are truly getting what you need, too (it is one of the big differences between a professional domme and one lifestyle). You can have fun with it, try things like having a rule that when you go out to eat, he isn't to talk unless you tell him to, and then you order the food, etc, and also you get to do the talking (if your BF is like a lot of guys, tends to take up the oxygen in conversations *lol*). It can be things like before sex, however you guys decide to handle that, he has to give you a long massage then has to worship you for x orgasms until he can start having fun (and that is a suggestion, not a rule). In the end it is the rules you guys make that matter, and it will come and evolve.

I would recommend start small, have it be in the bedroom, whether you do sensation play, bondage, etc, then maybe do it where the weekends or a specific night you are in that mode..and let it evolve. You don't need to go to the point where you have a contract or ever, it is all up to you.

I would recommend checking out Greenery Press, they are still around, they used to have some really great books on BD/SM, Ds and the like that were aimed at beginners, they were fun and pretty informative and lacked the 'you should do this" crap, plus they also are mindful of pitfalls in relationships in this area. They also I think have videos these days, I have been around long enough I remember when their first books were new. I don't know where you live, but you might want to see if there is a bd/sm group near you, like TES in New York City and Knot for Me in NJ or the like (Fetlife has listings, but you can also search online). Groups like that often have what are called "munches", which are non pressure filled events usually at restaurants or whatever, very low key, and they often have seminars and such that are open to non members that could be valuable. Very much worthwhile if you guys find you want to explore more. In the end, it is all about you guys, you set the rules based on what your heart and lust tells you