Female-Led Relationships

[eroticspank]

It's quite literally different strokes for different folks IMHO... I'm in the smaller camp you mentioned i.e. "I know this is not true for all men..."

My Wife has started menopause, so much of the menu is kinda off the table... I've always been the amorous type anyway, so we're still affectionate/intimate, close, and always communicating in an open, honest way (I'm more communicative than my Wife in the matters of our relationship, funnily enough).

I appreciate the other aspects of your post, as I see it all around me. Certain friends I speak to, and family members I know. Relationships (certainly the intimate/soul sharing aspects) just breakdown. The couples are together, but its almost by virtue, rather than by desire or for want.

For lots of people its almost like (and I'm generalizing) if there is no sex in their relationship, they respond unkindly. So they become two islands, instead one harmonious one.

I've said it time and time again, I'm not/we're not perfect... I'm here (to express my kinky thoughts, ideas), as my Wife isn't kinky. But she knows I'm here, because I've told her... I've told her, in no uncertain terms, she can have my login details anytime she likes, and have a look at all my posts. I have absolutely nothing to hide, or be ashamed of. I guess that's an example of the transparency I have with my Wife.

Certainly, her Dominant traits (not kinks) remain, but they are intermixed with a more relaxed (not submissive, because she's not kinky, but similar) approach to life. So my relationship still has shades of FLR, as that term is very much open to interpretation.

Great comments. Yes, I would agree to different strokes for different folks. I find the whole discussion fascinating. Another aspect of the FLR that seems to be thrown in is that the woman is "supposed" to be mean to her husband/sub. Maybe with the description of some of the acts---some actually mentioned in this thread---they seem like the Domme is mean from an outsider looking in the room. And we all see different things in the same scene. What is most important is the people involved are enjoying themselves and are happy.

ES

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Great comments. Yes, I would agree to different strokes for different folks. I find the whole discussion fascinating. Another aspect of the FLR that seems to be thrown in is that the woman is "supposed" to be mean to her husband/sub. Maybe with the description of some of the acts---some actually mentioned in this thread---they seem like the Domme is mean from an outsider looking in the room. And we all see different things in the same scene. What is most important is the people involved are enjoying themselves and are happy.

ES

Thank you ES

 

[Justplatonic]

Great comments. Yes, I would agree to different strokes for different folks. I find the whole discussion fascinating. Another aspect of the FLR that seems to be thrown in is that the woman is "supposed" to be mean to her husband/sub. Maybe with the description of some of the acts---some actually mentioned in this thread---they seem like the Domme is mean from an outsider looking in the room. And we all see different things in the same scene. What is most important is the people involved are enjoying themselves and are happy.

ES

This great advert I watched many years ago comes to mind, with regards to not seeing the big picture... I concur eroticspank... Taken out of context many things can be misinterpreted.

So yes, an outsider(s) looking in to my relationship would surmise I'm under my Wife's thumb. But actually after around 15 years together, we agree on a great many things, so hence my Wife will often lead the way with many decisions. I find that agreeable to my kinks, so we're both happy in that context.

 

[SFCTaleSpinner]

As a writer, this topic interests me, as it is pertinent to my characters.

Particularly, I'm interested in the process of how a strong woman comes to realize she really likes dominating a beta male.

My lead woman starts off in a relationship with an alpha male. She's not exactly submissive, but she's certainly not dominant. For her, it's largely a relationship of tolerance and mild frustration, buoyed by exhilarating sex and the fact that he's loaded, going places, and that it's expected that a classic beauty like herself ought to be with a successful alpha.

But she's ultimately destined to end up with my beta man.

Getting them in to bed together for a casual fling is no problem. But where I start to struggle is the process of my woman coming to realize that she likes being in full control; and that she's actually better suited to a relationship with this beta, where she isn't locked in a power struggle and he is eager to please her. In particular, there will be mental obstacles for her to overcome, such as the general perceptions that getting involved with this beta would be a "step down" for her, and that "she could do better".

I also struggle with the process of balancing out their sexual relationship as things progress. For example, the man's biggest desire is to titfuck her; but she has no interest in having her chest splattered with sticky jizz and I don't see my man being assertive enough to actually ask her to titfuck him. So how do they get there? And once they get there, how do they maintain it as part of their relationship?

In a more compromising relationship, I could see how this would work. i.e., "I know it's a nuisance chore, honey. But if you do this for me, I'll give you a lovely titfuck." But with my couple, the woman is so firmly in control I don't see her ever needing to buy the guy off like this. But I still like to think of them having the sort of relationship where the guy's titfucking desires are adequately satisfied.

 

[pplwatching]

Particularly, I'm interested in the process of how a strong woman comes to realize she really likes dominating a beta male.

People and relationships are much too complex to put in "alpha", "beta", or whatever other box sells porn or fuels fantasies. I'm sure that there are people who enjoy dominating or being dominated, but would venture to guess that many people in an FLR wouldn't describe themselves the way that porn would have us believe.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

People and relationships are much too complex to put in "alpha", "beta", or whatever other box sells porn or fuels fantasies. I'm sure that there are people who enjoy dominating or being dominated, but would venture to guess that many people in an FLR wouldn't describe themselves the way that porn would have us believe.

Well said

 

[policywank]

As a writer, this topic interests me, as it is pertinent to my characters.

Particularly, I'm interested in the process of how a strong woman comes to realize she really likes dominating a beta male.

My lead woman starts off in a relationship with an alpha male. She's not exactly submissive, but she's certainly not dominant. For her, it's largely a relationship of tolerance and mild frustration, buoyed by exhilarating sex and the fact that he's loaded, going places, and that it's expected that a classic beauty like herself ought to be with a successful alpha.

But she's ultimately destined to end up with my beta man.

Getting them in to bed together for a casual fling is no problem. But where I start to struggle is the process of my woman coming to realize that she likes being in full control; and that she's actually better suited to a relationship with this beta, where she isn't locked in a power struggle and he is eager to please her. In particular, there will be mental obstacles for her to overcome, such as the general perceptions that getting involved with this beta would be a "step down" for her, and that "she could do better".

I also struggle with the process of balancing out their sexual relationship as things progress. For example, the man's biggest desire is to titfuck her; but she has no interest in having her chest splattered with sticky jizz and I don't see my man being assertive enough to actually ask her to titfuck him. So how do they get there? And once they get there, how do they maintain it as part of their relationship?

In a more compromising relationship, I could see how this would work. i.e., "I know it's a nuisance chore, honey. But if you do this for me, I'll give you a lovely titfuck." But with my couple, the woman is so firmly in control I don't see her ever needing to buy the guy off like this. But I still like to think of them having the sort of relationship where the guy's titfucking desires are adequately satisfied.

Consider the scenario in which she dominates her partner to satisfy his needs, then later comes to understand her own enjoyment of it.

We often tend to think of a Dom or lead in a relationship as acting primarily on their own self interest. But if they are really leading they will also be very much aware of their submissive's needs and desires. It is easy to imagine that your character gets fed up with her so called "alpha" boyfriend due to his selfishness and is drawn to another more sensitive man then realizes that he wants to be led and/or dominated. If she starts out by doing it for him rather than to indulge herself she is actually laying the ground work to be an effective leader at the same time as she is realizing her own propensity and suitability for the role.

Often in life those who crave leadership do so because they crave power for its own sake. Those people are frequently too selfish to be effective leaders. The good leaders are the ons that come to it with caution and a sense of obligation towards those that they lead. That doesn't mean they can't indulge the trappings of leadership and/or enjoy dominating a submissive partner - it just means that their motivations go beyond selfish indulgence.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Thank you for that, policywank, I agree wholeheartedly

 

[Justplatonic]

People and relationships are much too complex to put in "alpha", "beta", or whatever other box sells porn or fuels fantasies. I'm sure that there are people who enjoy dominating or being dominated, but would venture to guess that many people in an FLR wouldn't describe themselves the way that porn would have us believe.

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F-STQBQ40Geec%2FUVmyKBSVJzI%2FAAAAAAAALK4%2FFcCZkz7q5LU%2Fs1600%2Fclap.gif&f=1&nofb=1

 

[Justplatonic]

Consider the scenario in which she dominates her partner to satisfy his needs, then later comes to understand her own enjoyment of it.

We often tend to think of a Dom or lead in a relationship as acting primarily on their own self interest. But if they are really leading they will also be very much aware of their submissive's needs and desires. It is easy to imagine that your character gets fed up with her so called "alpha" boyfriend due to his selfishness and is drawn to another more sensitive man then realizes that he wants to be led and/or dominated. If she starts out by doing it for him rather than to indulge herself she is actually laying the ground work to be an effective leader at the same time as she is realizing her own propensity and suitability for the role.

Often in life those who crave leadership do so because they crave power for its own sake. Those people are frequently too selfish to be effective leaders. The good leaders are the ons that come to it with caution and a sense of obligation towards those that they lead. That doesn't mean they can't indulge the trappings of leadership and/or enjoy dominating a submissive partner - it just means that their motivations go beyond selfish indulgence.

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2F78.media.tumblr.com%2F7e558ce3c3299559983390129d2225d0%2Ftumblr_pc5oq9TmBf1qe8lb8o1_640.gif&f=1&nofb=1

 

[SFCTaleSpinner]

Consider the scenario in which she dominates her partner to satisfy his needs, then later comes to understand her own enjoyment of it.

We often tend to think of a Dom or lead in a relationship as acting primarily on their own self interest. But if they are really leading they will also be very much aware of their submissive's needs and desires. It is easy to imagine that your character gets fed up with her so called "alpha" boyfriend due to his selfishness and is drawn to another more sensitive man then realizes that he wants to be led and/or dominated. If she starts out by doing it for him rather than to indulge herself she is actually laying the ground work to be an effective leader at the same time as she is realizing her own propensity and suitability for the role.

Often in life those who crave leadership do so because they crave power for its own sake. Those people are frequently too selfish to be effective leaders. The good leaders are the ons that come to it with caution and a sense of obligation towards those that they lead. That doesn't mean they can't indulge the trappings of leadership and/or enjoy dominating a submissive partner - it just means that their motivations go beyond selfish indulgence.

Thank you! Certainly food for thought. I don't know if I can see my woman starting out so selflessly; it's just not in her character, as I see it, to begin with my main male character's feelings at the forefront of her mind. I think her unhappy initial relationship (among other things) has hardened her by the beginning of the story.

But it gives me some reference for how she "comes around" to caring about her new lover's needs.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Thanks to all who continue to share on this thread

 

[Kitschshaman]

Thanks to all who continue to share on this thread

Lady, it's one of my joys to visit you whenever I'm on here to see what views, visions and new information I can glean...

 

[Scareltt]

The future needs to be MORE female..

Consider the scenario in which she dominates her partner to satisfy his needs, then later comes to understand her own enjoyment of it.

We often tend to think of a Dom or lead in a relationship as acting primarily on their own self interest. But if they are really leading they will also be very much aware of their submissive's needs and desires. It is easy to imagine that your character gets fed up with her so called "alpha" boyfriend due to his selfishness and is drawn to another more sensitive man then realizes that he wants to be led and/or dominated. If she starts out by doing it for him rather than to indulge herself she is actually laying the ground work to be an effective leader at the same time as she is realizing her own propensity and suitability for the role.

Often in life those who crave leadership do so because they crave power for its own sake. Those people are frequently too selfish to be effective leaders. The good leaders are the ons that come to it with caution and a sense of obligation towards those that they lead. That doesn't mean they can't indulge the trappings of leadership and/or enjoy dominating a submissive partner - it just means that their motivations go beyond selfish indulgence.

Every line of this is correct, on so many levels.

 

[Twalter22]

Consider the scenario in which she dominates her partner to satisfy his needs, then later comes to understand her own enjoyment of it.

We often tend to think of a Dom or lead in a relationship as acting primarily on their own self interest. But if they are really leading they will also be very much aware of their submissive's needs and desires. It is easy to imagine that your character gets fed up with her so called "alpha" boyfriend due to his selfishness and is drawn to another more sensitive man then realizes that he wants to be led and/or dominated. If she starts out by doing it for him rather than to indulge herself she is actually laying the ground work to be an effective leader at the same time as she is realizing her own propensity and suitability for the role.

Often in life those who crave leadership do so because they crave power for its own sake. Those people are frequently too selfish to be effective leaders. The good leaders are the ons that come to it with caution and a sense of obligation towards those that they lead. That doesn't mean they can't indulge the trappings of leadership and/or enjoy dominating a submissive partner - it just means that their motivations go beyond selfish indulgence.

AMEN. Now if only I could find a way to present this. I think my situation would be back on track. Thank you.

 

[Kitschshaman]

A bump for the Lady J...this deserves to be on the first page...always...

 

[KinoKe]

We met for the first time at a business meeting with four or five other people. I can still picture the windowless conference room. The meeting began at ten. When we emerged, shortly before midday, the late-spring day (which had started out disappointingly-grey) had turned into sunshine and butterflies and bumblebees.

‘What are you doing now?’ she asked.

‘I’ll probably go and find a sandwich,’ I told her.

She glanced at her watch and nodded. ‘Come and see my garden,’ she said. ‘It’s only a short drive. And then I’ll make you a cup of tea.’

It was not a large garden, but it had been beautifully designed and it was dominated on one side by a magnolia that was in full bloom. The creamy-white flowers of the magnolia were echoed by the smaller white flowers drifting around in the jasmine tea that she made.

And then we fucked.

That was the beginning of a relationship that lasted for the best part of five years. It was only after she had died – somewhat unexpectedly – that I realised that, pretty much from the start, she had called the shots. The clever thing was: it never really felt that she was calling the shots.

 

[irishblade]

Every line of this is correct, on so many levels.

How can we get more women to see that the future needs to be more female? I’m in a male-dominated, macho field but when I come home, I long to be in an FLR. My partner isn’t interested though it’s her personality. I’m sure there’s millions of women like this who refuse to try because society (or whatever other factors) have defined gender roles for them.

 

[Justplatonic]

How can we get more women to see that the future needs to be more female? I’m in a male-dominated, macho field but when I come home, I long to be in an FLR. My partner isn’t interested though it’s her personality. I’m sure there’s millions of women like this who refuse to try because society (or whatever other factors) have defined gender roles for them.

My Wife sounds similar to your partner? She has to be dominant at her work (has been in previous jobs for many years). Though some of this spills in to home life, it's not always as you'd like it. My Wife isn't kinky (still similar?), but I appreciate her expectations of me, and within those I'm able to express myself (to a degree (a work in progress), but it's way better than nothing). It is like spitting in the wind when you're trying to make it work for both of you. Compromise and honesty is essential if you both want to stay together. You'll find a way(s) eventually, if your hearts desire it (I know... tacky). It won't be perfect, but it'll be damn close when you hear her giggle, and see her smile again.

 

[littlecordelera]

...it's not always as you'd like it.

I was trying to get our taxes completed, and I had been after Jason to get me a 1099 from an online account. I had been after him for weeks, but he kept putting it off. I was about to pull rank and go make him do it, but just then, he told me of a little excursion he was planning with some guys. So I waited.

The morning came that he stepped into my office (home office) to kiss me on the cheek and head out the door. He was all dressed for his excursion, all his equipment stuff was ready, and he was in a hurry to leave. Jason hates to be late.

"I'll be home around five," he said as he turned from the kiss and hastily started toward the door.

"Jason," I called, and he turned back to me. "Where's my 1099?" I had that look on my face.

"Haley, not now! Are you serious? I'll get it when I get back!" he said. "I promise!"

"You'll get it now."

He knew I meant now or he would pay dearly. His face turned to anger, and he spat, "You fucking waited until now! Goddammit, Haley! Goddammit!" and he stormed out my office door. About 10 minutes later, and now late for his excursion, he stepped into my office and slapped the freshly printed 1099 down on my desk.

"You're a real bitch sometimes, you know that?" he said, and he walked out.

He got home around 5:00, just as he said, but we didn't talk much, mostly because I worked late. He stayed downstairs and watched Netflix. I took a shower around 9:00 PM, dried my hair, put on a sleep shirt, and stepped into the upstairs hallway. The hallway looks down into our family room where Jason was watching TV.

"Jason," I called, and he looked up at me. "Come to bed," I told him, and I walked back to our bedroom.

Our four-poster bed faces the doorway to our bedroom. There is an upholstered accent bench at the foot of our bed that matches the width of the bed. It is an elegant bench, somewhat firm, with a tufted back.

When Jason entered the room, I was bent over the bed on my side of the bed, perusing the Internet with my tablet lying on the bed in front of me. I was not showing anything suggestive in being bent over. Jason was to my left as he entered the room, and the sleep shirt is long enough to just cover my ass.

I didn't pay any attention to him as he entered, but I could see he paused. He knew that he was going to have to make amends for his earlier behavior, or I would make his life miserable. When he finds me in that position, he knows that I expect him to follow through with an unspoken ritual between us.

He went into the master bath, got ready for bed, and then entered our bedroom with a bit of hesitation. I still didn't pay any attention to him. I flipped through Instagram. He knew I was waiting for him to admit that I am the boss, he's the pussy boy, and he better fucking do what I tell him.

Without a word spoken, he stepped over behind me, knelt on the floor, lifted my sleep shirt, and began kissing my bare ass. I let him kiss for a while, all over, with great dedication he did, and I completely indulged the fact that my husband, who had been so rude to me earlier, was now kissing my ass. His kisses got a little braver and deeper, and I opened my legs a bit more to give him access to where I expected his tongue to end up.

"Get your face in there, boy," I told him, and the good boy that he is, buried his face so deep in the flesh of my ass he could no longer breathe. He licked my forbidden spot with adoration, and I pulled on his hair to keep him in place, and to let him know that I am the boss. He is the bitch.

Eventually I ended up seated on the bench at the foot of our bed, my legs spread, and Jason's obedient and well trained mouth bringing me to a wonderful, crying-out orgasm.

Once I calmed down, I told him to put my tablet away. I climbed under the covers, and he got into bed and cuddled up next to me. I could feel his little erection was hard as a brick.

Comfy, warm, and satiated, I drifted off to sleep.

That's one way in which I keep the peace around here.

 

[gregy70]

Wow

My hearts beating fast from reading that recollection Thankyou littlecordelera.
I’ll admit my bits swelled.

 

[Scareltt]

Lovely

I was trying to get our taxes completed, and I had been after Jason to get me a 1099 from an online account. I had been after him for weeks, but he kept putting it off. I was about to pull rank and go make him do it, but just then, he told me of a little excursion he was planning with some guys. So I waited.

The morning came that he stepped into my office (home office) to kiss me on the cheek and head out the door. He was all dressed for his excursion, all his equipment stuff was ready, and he was in a hurry to leave. Jason hates to be late.

"I'll be home around five," he said as he turned from the kiss and hastily started toward the door.

"Jason," I called, and he turned back to me. "Where's my 1099?" I had that look on my face.

"Haley, not now! Are you serious? I'll get it when I get back!" he said. "I promise!"

"You'll get it now."

He knew I meant now or he would pay dearly. His face turned to anger, and he spat, "You fucking waited until now! Goddammit, Haley! Goddammit!" and he stormed out my office door. About 10 minutes later, and now late for his excursion, he stepped into my office and slapped the freshly printed 1099 down on my desk.

"You're a real bitch sometimes, you know that?" he said, and he walked out.

He got home around 5:00, just as he said, but we didn't talk much, mostly because I worked late. He stayed downstairs and watched Netflix. I took a shower around 9:00 PM, dried my hair, put on a sleep shirt, and stepped into the upstairs hallway. The hallway looks down into our family room where Jason was watching TV.

"Jason," I called, and he looked up at me. "Come to bed," I told him, and I walked back to our bedroom.

Our four-poster bed faces the doorway to our bedroom. There is an upholstered accent bench at the foot of our bed that matches the width of the bed. It is an elegant bench, somewhat firm, with a tufted back.

When Jason entered the room, I was bent over the bed on my side, perusing the Internet with my tablet lying on the bed in front of me. I was not showing anything suggestive in being bent over. Jason was to my left as he entered the room, and the sleep shirt is long enough to just cover my ass.

I didn't pay any attention to him as he entered, but I could see he paused. He knew that he was going to have to make amends for his earlier behavior, or I would make his life miserable. When he finds me in that position, he knows that I expect him to follow through with an unspoken ritual between us.

He went into the master bath, got ready for bed, and then entered our bedroom with a bit of hesitation. I still didn't pay any attention to him. I flipped through Instagram. He knew I was waiting for him to admit that I am the boss, he's the pussy boy, and he better fucking do what I tell him.

Without a word spoken, he stepped over behind me, knelt on the floor, lifted my sleep shirt, and began kissing my bare ass. I let him kiss for a while, all over, with great dedication he did, and I completely indulged the fact that my husband, who had been so rude to me earlier, was now kissing my ass. His kisses got a little braver and deeper, and I opened my legs a bit more to give him access to where I expected his tongue to end up.

"Get your face in there, boy," I told him, and the good boy that he is, buried his face so deep in the flesh of my ass he could no longer breathe. He licked my forbidden spot with adoration, and I pulled on his hair to keep him in place, and to let him know that I am the boss. He is the bitch.

Eventually I ended up seated on the bench at the foot of our bed, my legs spread, and Jason's obedient and well trained mouth bringing me to a wonderful, crying-out orgasm.

Once I calmed down, I told him to put my tablet away. I climbed under the covers, and he got into bed and cuddled up next to me. I could feel his little erection was hard as a brick.

Comfy, warm, and satiated, I drifted off to sleep.

That's one way in which I keep the peace around here.

I love how your day ended..

When you leave him like that, will he go right to sleep?

My husband used to toss and turn, but I adjusted his night time meds and it’s been better.

 

[gregy70]

Feels right

I love visiting this thread .
You ladies are amazing.

 

[littlecordelera]

I love how your day ended..

When you leave him like that, will he go right to sleep?

Thank you. I love how my day ended, too!

No, he will not go right to sleep, and whenever this particular ritual happens, the next day I make it a point to tell him how good I slept, because I know he didn't sleep well.

When this thing first started, sometimes he would quietly slip out of bed in the middle of the night to go jerk off. I caught him a few times and made him regret his decision. I haven't caught him in recent years, but he may have simply gotten better at hiding it. He has certainly gotten better at performing oral sex, and I always sleep well after a good orgasm. So who knows, maybe he has been slipping out of bed all along, and I have been sleeping too soundly to notice he has left the bed.

Either way, that moment just before he kneels down behind me, when he hesitates because he knows he has to make a choice between standing his ground or admitting to me that he answers to me, is so delicious and enjoyable. I love making him squirm, and I love making him kiss my ass - literally. He may bitch and complain, but in the end, it seems he loves it, too.

 

[Scareltt]

I love watching the conflict in his mind.

Thank you. I love how my day ended, too!

No, he will not go right to sleep, and whenever this particular ritual happens, the next day I make it a point to tell him how good I slept, because I know he didn't sleep well.

When this thing first started, sometimes he would quietly slip out of bed in the middle of the night to go jerk off. I caught him a few times and made him regret his decision. I haven't caught him in recent years, but he may have simply gotten better at hiding it. He has certainly gotten better at performing oral sex, and I always sleep well after a good orgasm. So who knows, maybe he has been slipping out of bed all along, and I have been sleeping too soundly to notice he has left the bed.

Either way, that moment just before he kneels down behind me, when he hesitates because he knows he has to make a choice between standing his ground or admitting to me that he answers to me, is so delicious and enjoyable. I love making him squirm, and I love making him kiss my ass - literally. He may bitch and complain, but in the end, it seems he loves it, too.

I have no idea what my husbands inner dialogue is, but it probably goes like this.

“I don’t have to do this! I shouldn’t have to do this! Why does she insist on me doing this? God why do I still want to do this?

I should stand firm and be quiet to her. I should tell her to take a cold shower. I can’t apologize, she needs to apologize. I can’t believe I’m about to apologize and beg to kneel before her.

I hope she doesn’t make me create another PowerPoint on how I should apologize for my bad attitude.”

That’s probably not it, but it can’t be too far off.