Looking for editor for already published story

[deepedia]

Looking for editor for already published story (Mind control genre)

Aspiring writers here who had published several stories, unfortunately, every single one was submitted without an editor previously.

English isn't my first language, but I usually run my work through grammar checker like Grammarly until they show zero error, even so, from some feedback I got, even Grammarly isn't enough to bring satisfactory reading experience to my reader.

I eager to work with editor and learn some things to help me improve my works. Your help and suggestion will fall into willing ear.

I was especially concerned about my latest work, the one titled "There Is No Way You Did It" (https://www.literotica.com/s/there-is-no-way-you-did-it) because of how negative the feedback for it make me realize that it maybe really bad writing but I don't know where should i start fixing it.

Long story short for one who doesn't want to bother opening the link before their interest piqued: the story was about an interrogation of a young boy by a policewoman, the boy insist that he has a reality changing power to transform people but the policewoman dismissed it, at first the boy was unable to prove his power because his power only triggered when he is high and drunk, at the end of stories, he accidentally changed his city to his twisted fantasies.

All help will be appreciated,and i beg your forgiveness if somewhat people found this rude

 

[surferjake]

So, the request is fair. Grammerly definitely did not help you here.

The language is choppy, yes. The sentence structure is not "smooth." And the dialogue is very choppy/uneven/does not flow well.

From a story progression, the transitions are abrupt/sudden, so it is hard to figure out what is going on. I imagine you are trying to do a slow "reveal" like pealing an onion and slowly developing/revealing what is going on to the reader. But it's not working well.. not sure if that is purely a language thing, though.

A good start would be an outline - #1 happens, which leads to #2. And then leads to #3. And then focus on how those story progressions occur and make sense. You can leave foreshadowing for later parts, but some of what you do is very "this is going to happen" then you drop it, and suddenly have it occur later.

I'd suggest an outline first, then ask for an editor that can help review the structure, then the text for each part written based on the outline.

Aspiring writers here who had published several stories, unfortunately, every single one was submitted without an editor previously.

English isn't my first language, but I usually run my work through grammar checker like Grammarly until they show zero error, even so, from some feedback I got, even Grammarly isn't enough to bring satisfactory reading experience to my reader.

I eager to work with editor and learn some things to help me improve my works. Your help and suggestion will fall into willing ear.

I was especially concerned about my latest work, the one titled "There Is No Way You Did It" (https://www.literotica.com/s/there-is-no-way-you-did-it) because of how negative the feedback for it make me realize that it maybe really bad writing but I don't know where should i start fixing it.

Long story short for one who doesn't want to bother opening the link before their interest piqued: the story was about an interrogation of a young boy by a policewoman, the boy insist that he has a reality changing power to transform people but the policewoman dismissed it, at first the boy was unable to prove his power because his power only triggered when he is high and drunk, at the end of stories, he accidentally changed his city to his twisted fantasies.

All help will be appreciated,and i beg your forgiveness if somewhat people found this rude

 

[deepedia]

So, the request is fair. Grammerly definitely did not help you here.

The language is choppy, yes. The sentence structure is not "smooth." And the dialogue is very choppy/uneven/does not flow well.

From a story progression, the transitions are abrupt/sudden, so it is hard to figure out what is going on. I imagine you are trying to do a slow "reveal" like pealing an onion and slowly developing/revealing what is going on to the reader. But it's not working well.. not sure if that is purely a language thing, though.

A good start would be an outline - #1 happens, which leads to #2. And then leads to #3. And then focus on how those story progressions occur and make sense. You can leave foreshadowing for later parts, but some of what you do is very "this is going to happen" then you drop it, and suddenly have it occur later.

I'd suggest an outline first, then ask for an editor that can help review the structure, then the text for each part written based on the outline.

Thank for your feedback, It clear some of my confusion, and give me a clue where I should start.
Can I ask you to elaborate some thing?
1. The language is choppy, the sentence structure is not smooth, and dialogue don't flow well.
- Is this referring to my bad grammar, or more to bad dialogue? I mean, bad dialogue as in nobody should speak like that.
2. The transitions are abrupt/sudden, so it is hard to figure out what is going on.
- Should I add more dialogue tags and exposition to clarify what currently happen will help to fix this problem?
3. Outline.
- Darn, this hit hard, as a pantser writer I rarely write an outline and just write what on my mind. I guess I will try to write the outline.

 

[surferjake]

I'll start with outline.. yes, I also tend to write without an outline. But once it's done, looking at the result, and it needing structure, going back and doing an outline will help uncover holes and problems in transitions.

2. Transitions.. and this is where the outline will help where the gaps are.

Language.. it's likely the translation.. you are trying to say something expressive, but direct literal translation is making it unintelligible. But it won't make sense to fix that until you fix the overall structure and flow.

Thank for your feedback, It clear some of my confusion, and give me a clue where I should start.
Can I ask you to elaborate some thing?
1. The language is choppy, the sentence structure is not smooth, and dialogue don't flow well.
- Is this referring to my bad grammar, or more to bad dialogue? I mean, bad dialogue as in nobody should speak like that.
2. The transitions are abrupt/sudden, so it is hard to figure out what is going on.
- Should I add more dialogue tags and exposition to clarify what currently happen will help to fix this problem?
3. Outline.
- Darn, this hit hard, as a pantser writer I rarely write an outline and just write what on my mind. I guess I will try to write the outline.

 

[deepedia]

I'll start with outline.. yes, I also tend to write without an outline. But once it's done, looking at the result, and it needing structure, going back and doing an outline will help uncover holes and problems in transitions.

2. Transitions.. and this is where the outline will help where the gaps are.

Language.. it's likely the translation.. you are trying to say something expressive, but direct literal translation is making it unintelligible. But it won't make sense to fix that until you fix the overall structure and flow.

Thank you for the feedback.
Had contact with editor a few days ago, and now currently rewriting this piece to fix the flow of the story, if you do have times later, please do check when I republished my work.

with appreciation,
Deepedia