OralFan1968
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2009
- Posts
- 23
That would explain a lot 
Sexless Marriages
- Thread starter PornStache75
- Start date
Lost_Yonder
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Posts
- 16,927
Only 8 years??? surely you jest...
I don't even know when the last time was, but it was a number of years before we moved, and that was 11 years ago!It really sucks...
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2019
- Posts
- 5,511
And three times zero...is STILL zero!
I haven't been through long of a dry spell as you have, but it seems the longer we go...the longer we go. It crushes the spirit.
Polranny
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2018
- Posts
- 7,853
It's why we have Lit, and where there's Lit there's hope
We are a band of brothers ( and sisters)
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2019
- Posts
- 5,511
Absolutely. I've had good people help, and (I hope) I've helped a couple of good people.
Lost_Yonder
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2008
- Posts
- 16,927
Yes, the longer we go... it would almost be awkward being intimate with her again. At least in my situation, there isn't the creeping negativity - we still cuddle and hug and laugh. But god how I miss a long, wet, passionate kiss full of anticipation and desire...
KeenVoyeur
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2018
- Posts
- 8,765
You're just a beginner!
I haven't had sex with my wife for over 14 years now ... admittedly the last 13 and a half are as the result of my extra-marital dalliance with someone my wife doesn't have a particularly high opinion of (and didn't even before she found out I'd been there) but it's not good that she still shares the marital bed and apart from a chaste kiss Good Night (usually me kissing her and not the other way round) that's it!
I don't want to apportion blame - 60/40 on me? - but for her to just put up the barricades like that has only driven me to look for some more extra-marital adventures although I admit that there has been nothing apart from a few web-based exchanges so far.
I'm hoping for the end of lockdown so I can explore some opportunities that I have been given for no strings sex if only to show me that I can still satisfy a woman and that there is life after death (metaphorically speaking).
dpga4625
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2020
- Posts
- 1
I keep trying to start something to no avail here myself. MWM in the south too, near Atlanta. Wife has not wanted sex for the last 12 years, blames menopause.
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2019
- Posts
- 5,511
Just a suggestion: Find threads that particularly appeal to you, & start being active in them. I don't think there's a Swedish goat porn thread, so I haven't found EVERYTHING I was looking for, but it's a big, BIG world here in the Lit Boards.
(It's a JOKE, folks. I'm not really into SWEDISH goat porn...
Just in case somebody accuses me of having...baaa-d taste.
)
JDredd711
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2003
- Posts
- 1,059
Signal
We seem to have a lot more people with this in common than I imagined. What we need is some universal signal or code words to let others like us discreetly know that we may be interested. I keep singing the Rolling Stones song, I can't get no... satisfaction..., but I just look silly if it's not karaoke night.
Seriously though, I'm open to suggestions. Something that is innocuous and innocent enough, but can be a clear signal that it's on like Donkey Kong...
Maybe something like grabbing your elbow with your opposite hand when looking at someone you are interested in and is giving you that FWB vibe.
We seem to have a lot more people with this in common than I imagined. What we need is some universal signal or code words to let others like us discreetly know that we may be interested. I keep singing the Rolling Stones song, I can't get no... satisfaction..., but I just look silly if it's not karaoke night.
Seriously though, I'm open to suggestions. Something that is innocuous and innocent enough, but can be a clear signal that it's on like Donkey Kong...
Maybe something like grabbing your elbow with your opposite hand when looking at someone you are interested in and is giving you that FWB vibe.
JDredd711
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2003
- Posts
- 1,059
Just a suggestion: Find threads that particularly appeal to you, & start being active in them. I don't think there's a Swedish goat porn thread, so I haven't found EVERYTHING I was looking for, but it's a big, BIG world here in the Lit Boards.
(It's a JOKE, folks. I'm not really into SWEDISH goat porn...
Just in case somebody accuses me of having...baaa-d taste.
And I am SOOOO into Swedish Goat porn... lol jk. Funny stuff!!!
KeenVoyeur
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 12, 2018
- Posts
- 8,765
Just a suggestion: Find threads that particularly appeal to you, & start being active in them. I don't think there's a Swedish goat porn thread, so I haven't found EVERYTHING I was looking for, but it's a big, BIG world here in the Lit Boards.
(It's a JOKE, folks. I'm not really into SWEDISH goat porn...
Just in case somebody accuses me of having...baaa-d taste.
You should take an interest in American Goat Porn - everything's bigger in America!
(And yes that's a joke too ... the nearest I want to get to being involved with an animal is doing it doggy style - with a woman!)
Zodiakdiver
Virgin
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Posts
- 7
Hormones of squelched her desires, mine still burning hot.
So we have not been intimate in 10 years. She is willing to concede, but I don't feel right, "just getting it without mutual desire," so there has been none.
I would love a naughty pen pal to explore my options with.
I can even write some pretty good erotica if you want to explore that option.
Zodiakdiver@gmail.com if you'd like to play.
So we have not been intimate in 10 years. She is willing to concede, but I don't feel right, "just getting it without mutual desire," so there has been none.
I would love a naughty pen pal to explore my options with.
I can even write some pretty good erotica if you want to explore that option.
Zodiakdiver@gmail.com if you'd like to play.
Male4Strapon
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2020
- Posts
- 454
I worry about that too. When/if we have sex again, I can already sense the awkwardness that will exist.
I don't think the partner refusing sex in relationships truly understand the psychological impact they are putting on their partner. This is much more than simply wanting to get off. There's a huge mental component as well.
PleasePeesMe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2015
- Posts
- 5,909
I agree
with both of you. It's sad.
with both of you. It's sad.
Missing connection
My wife is awesome, intelligent, attractive and super awkward. Her awkwardness is why I was so attracted to her. That awkwardness extended to the bedroom. I thought it would smooth out over time...it hasn't. After a few bumps in the road we ended up in marriage counseling. She was diagnosed as having Aspergers (it isn’t called that anymore). Finally, everything made sense. My wife is the way she is, I love her and not leaving but she isn’t changing much (we have been married 10 years). I miss having a deep connection with someone.
My wife is awesome, intelligent, attractive and super awkward. Her awkwardness is why I was so attracted to her. That awkwardness extended to the bedroom. I thought it would smooth out over time...it hasn't. After a few bumps in the road we ended up in marriage counseling. She was diagnosed as having Aspergers (it isn’t called that anymore). Finally, everything made sense. My wife is the way she is, I love her and not leaving but she isn’t changing much (we have been married 10 years). I miss having a deep connection with someone.
DanbyDrive
Been There
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2013
- Posts
- 85
So true. It's like neuropathy, wanting desperately to feel again but gradually unable. After while you reluctantly accept that there's no interest on the other person's part in reciprocating, so the tendency is to give up.
And yet. . .
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2019
- Posts
- 5,511
I'm over American goats; not to BAA-sh them, but they just don't have that accent thing working like Swedes. They just get me...HORNy.You should take an interest in American Goat Porn - everything's bigger in America!
(And yes that's a joke too ... the nearest I want to get to being involved with an animal is doing it doggy style - with a woman!)
Seriously, though, I have not been on the Boards long, but I have met people whose desires and needs mesh with mine, and we have FUN. I'm so very grateful for the ability to let off some steam with them AND, (this is critical), I get to help THEM release theirs. That's crucial! Half the battle of dealing with this is trying to redeem your self-esteem. You find somebody who will scratch your itch, you scratch theirs, and the goats can scratch each others.
Frustratedbutfascinated
Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2021
- Posts
- 55
I appreciate this
Reading through this has been nice, not that we are in similar positions but that I am not alone, just knowing that is some very important moral support for me. I just want to say thank you to everyone who shared that openly.
Reading through this has been nice, not that we are in similar positions but that I am not alone, just knowing that is some very important moral support for me. I just want to say thank you to everyone who shared that openly.
Last edited:
Amazing feeling when you know that you are not alone in a struggle.
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2019
- Posts
- 5,511
Agreed. Just to have another voice, and better, sympathetic ears. Open your mind, & you may find some allies here to ease the load.
SubbyMcSubface
Mischief
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2021
- Posts
- 13
Sexless marriages
So of course I instantly lose my link to this thread! My box would be delighted to receive your messages
Why aren't they? I'd love to exchange messages with you ... I'll have to see how full your PM box is (always presuming you have it turned on)
So of course I instantly lose my link to this thread! My box would be delighted to receive your messages
MorpheusLunar
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2021
- Posts
- 119
All of it is just so incredibly painful.
Agreed. So very painful to read...... still reading, wait till you read mine.
MorpheusLunar
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2021
- Posts
- 119
The pain of it all
So for the last 1 1/2 hours I have been reading through the thread, and do find much pain in it, and I am identifying with it. My sexual complaint is not so much about frequency (although certainly I can use more and more and more) as it is about the intimate dialog of sex itself. So instead of complaining or explaining I rather embark on a letter never to be read to my Wife... hoping to find some therapy in it.
Dear K:
There is so much I am thankful for. You have been a life partner and walked with me through some very difficult times in our life together. I wouldn't change that. Ever. You have given me a posterity that many men will never know. We have made our mistakes parenting and our politics may be different but I feel like we are one person. But there remains in our marriage great brokenness and we cannot talk about it because it becomes an entrenched fight to the death every time, and it is and will be always about our joint sexuality.
You seem to be content to give me a handjob in the shower now and then again, an occasional blow job when I stand before you with my flag waving as you do your hair, and you think I should be able to go on like that and be happy with what you do. As I read some of the other guys (and women too) on this thread ..perhaps I should be as there are certainly worse cases than mine.
You were gorgeous as a women back then. You were confident, you were capable, you were extrovert, you engaged people. You were also a wall. An impenetrable wall that hid all kinds of things. You would reason out solutions to issues in your mind, engage the solution in business yes, but also in our personal lives, and by the time your solution was in place and running along smoothly - I didn't even know there had been an issue.
Point in fact was your physical sexual abuse by your father / brother. You would not let me go down on you because it produced latent memories. But you didn't tell me about it, you did a work around that changed tracks every time. Until that television program showed what was going on in another couples life, and it all became clear to me and I asked you and you did tell me truth. Now it wasn't that you felt dirty or that you were guilty, it was that you didn't trust your husband to know. Again and again you didn't trust your husband to know really inside what was going on.
Yes I know I'm a shit, and I really didn't pay attention to your psychological wholeness like I should, I didn't build you up like I should, I didn't stroke you like I should, but you seemed to be getting all that feel good from work anyway and always our whole life did. Everyone you worked for loved you because you were fucking gorgeous and worked like a slave to do the good job.
But when you went to California for that summer so long ago with your job and set up your department that was moving locations to the silicon valley that wall you built destroyed me. You wouldn't install a phone in your long term apartment - and you couldn't / wouldn't talk to me hardly at work all your feel good was coming from work and you wouldn't let me give you any feel good. The kids were at your folks house and I was literally stranded as I built our house.
There was no communication, no intimacy, no emotional gratification, no love. And then your term there in California would come to an end. On the last evening of your junket, out of gratification to the crew you had such great comradery with, you fucked your boss. 25 years older than you. I was in the absolute prime of my sexual life and you fuck around with some guy 25 years older than you. You let him play with your tits as he undressed you and he caressed your pussy and you made out with him and you led him to your room. Because he was such a good guy. He was so kind to you. He affirmed how hard you worked. He built you up. He rewarded you with the possibilities of new opportunity. You gave him a hand job to get rid of him you say because the reality of his naked body and your naked body who no one else had ever seen hit you hard.
So you made an immediate, deliberate, intentional and rational decision. You would never allow yourself to be sexually tempted by the power of sex again. Secondly you would lie to me about what had happened for over 10 years. I'm not sure if the act or the lie were worse frankly. But gradually your conscience bore you out and you had to confess to me what had happened. But of course by this time I was being a bad husband. I had a profile on Fetlife, I had had several sexual affairs seeking that intimacy lost or really never gained. It was a joint confession - we met each other in the midst of our division.
What I heard was that George was a better person than I was. I heard that the women at the office told you they wouldn't put up with a shit like I was. I heard that I never cared about giving you pleasure first (that one really hurt). I heard that my actions and behaviors really produced your affair. I heard that I was really the one to blame.
I say fuck that shit. I know you have apologized. You would never again. But in so many ways I feel like you didn't come back because you loved me. I feel like you came back because you didn't want to be the adultress that broke up our marriage and face the humiliation of family and friends. It had more to do with you than it did with me. Again you reasoned out the problem created a solution and work around and engaged it moving forward.
All this time we had active sex life, as long as it was on your back or you on top. The dialogs I tried having with you regarding sex were met with disregard or disdain. Like when I tried early on to introduce some easy sex manuals with pencil drawings showing different techniques or positions you claimed they were nothing but porn with pencil and we didn't need that. Even though secretly you were masturbating and wrote it all off as having allergies and intercourse was frequently painful. Of course my masturbation was sick and disgusting. You didn't want to talk about a joint intimate sexuality that might have included mutal masturbation because that topic was morally offensive to you.
As time has progressed sexually we are just so separated, though emotionally connected by life. My sexual proclivities are sin you say. Oral sex is what hookers and slut do. You told me 30 years ago if I wanted a blow job then I would have to go pay for it. So I did. You want me to initiate some Mr Darcy like sex everytime and cover the bed with rose petals everytime, ride in on some white fucking horse everytime, because if I don't then all I want is a fuck, and you hate that term fuck because it fucking turns you completely off, even though years ago while we were making love you would say oh yes fuck me yes fuck.
Our bodies are different now. My dick can awaken and put on Mr. 7.25 hat, but sometimes he's just content just to squirt. But my mind is still deviantly horney and wants to be wanted and wants to continue to explore human sexuality. You know I have been active outside our marriage, and I know there is more so much more. It is not all for me, not all for you, I am willing to discover more together, or at least just find contentment with your contentment, but again you refuse to allow me to give you pleasure because emotionally you just don't want to lower the wall and allow me in.
Here is what I put out as my hopeful expectations.
1. You will again pursue sexual satisfaction with me. With my dick, with my fingers with my tongue with a vibrator... anything but I must be able to approach your satisfaction.
2. You can be boss of your satisfaction. You can say I am not comfortable doing that. But you cannot say that that is what sluts and whores do. Please please take morality out of our bedroom. What we agree to we can agree to and it is moral.
3. I can be the boss of my satisfaction. I can say I need you to suck my cock like a good little girl. I can pretend this or pretend that. I'm the boss. Now you can still say - I don't like this or that because it makes me feel like you are demeaning me, or whatever - but lets have some dialog over it. I might press you through it but I will always take you into account in it.
4. We will mutually seek to enhance our sexuality. Please look for things that make you look sexual sensual attractive and that enlarge your thinking of joint pleasure together. I have always tried to be clean and well put together for you. I have both dressed up and dressed down. Of late I have enjoyed not being dressed at all around the house. But I will try to set the sexual table in new ways also.
5. Understand that it's ok for you to be an object of my desire. I am not objectifying you by saying let me see your titties... (at least I don't think so). I am visually stimulated by not just naked female bodies, but in particular by the female body that says - here this is for you ... drink me in with your eyes. Look at how erect my nipples are.. they are thinking of you, look at all the serrations in the folds of my labia, they wait to surround you stiff dick and swallow your manseed.
6. You don't have to tell me that most women don't find the sight of a stiff cock or a soft cock stimulating. You don't have to tell me that most men are jackoff assholes that only want to cheat and lie. Please don't tell me that sex is for procreation. You don't have to tell me that God didn't intend for oral sex. You don't have to tell me about the morality of sex.
7. Please tear down the walls and quit solving problems unilaterally. If you want to have a full sexual and emotional life with me you must do this. If this is too big a step please realize that I need an open fully mutual sexual reality and if you cannot do this, that is fine - but understand I will have intimacy with females of the human race and you have been invited to dine with me in this. The choice is yours.
6. Regardless of the road you travel you will remain my wife. I will care for you as you need. I will remain your husband. The question that remains unanswered or perhaps actually answered is 'will you care for me as I need'. You cannot demand fidelity while at the same time abandoning sexual intimacy.
So for the last 1 1/2 hours I have been reading through the thread, and do find much pain in it, and I am identifying with it. My sexual complaint is not so much about frequency (although certainly I can use more and more and more) as it is about the intimate dialog of sex itself. So instead of complaining or explaining I rather embark on a letter never to be read to my Wife... hoping to find some therapy in it.
Dear K:
There is so much I am thankful for. You have been a life partner and walked with me through some very difficult times in our life together. I wouldn't change that. Ever. You have given me a posterity that many men will never know. We have made our mistakes parenting and our politics may be different but I feel like we are one person. But there remains in our marriage great brokenness and we cannot talk about it because it becomes an entrenched fight to the death every time, and it is and will be always about our joint sexuality.
You seem to be content to give me a handjob in the shower now and then again, an occasional blow job when I stand before you with my flag waving as you do your hair, and you think I should be able to go on like that and be happy with what you do. As I read some of the other guys (and women too) on this thread ..perhaps I should be as there are certainly worse cases than mine.
You were gorgeous as a women back then. You were confident, you were capable, you were extrovert, you engaged people. You were also a wall. An impenetrable wall that hid all kinds of things. You would reason out solutions to issues in your mind, engage the solution in business yes, but also in our personal lives, and by the time your solution was in place and running along smoothly - I didn't even know there had been an issue.
Point in fact was your physical sexual abuse by your father / brother. You would not let me go down on you because it produced latent memories. But you didn't tell me about it, you did a work around that changed tracks every time. Until that television program showed what was going on in another couples life, and it all became clear to me and I asked you and you did tell me truth. Now it wasn't that you felt dirty or that you were guilty, it was that you didn't trust your husband to know. Again and again you didn't trust your husband to know really inside what was going on.
Yes I know I'm a shit, and I really didn't pay attention to your psychological wholeness like I should, I didn't build you up like I should, I didn't stroke you like I should, but you seemed to be getting all that feel good from work anyway and always our whole life did. Everyone you worked for loved you because you were fucking gorgeous and worked like a slave to do the good job.
But when you went to California for that summer so long ago with your job and set up your department that was moving locations to the silicon valley that wall you built destroyed me. You wouldn't install a phone in your long term apartment - and you couldn't / wouldn't talk to me hardly at work all your feel good was coming from work and you wouldn't let me give you any feel good. The kids were at your folks house and I was literally stranded as I built our house.
There was no communication, no intimacy, no emotional gratification, no love. And then your term there in California would come to an end. On the last evening of your junket, out of gratification to the crew you had such great comradery with, you fucked your boss. 25 years older than you. I was in the absolute prime of my sexual life and you fuck around with some guy 25 years older than you. You let him play with your tits as he undressed you and he caressed your pussy and you made out with him and you led him to your room. Because he was such a good guy. He was so kind to you. He affirmed how hard you worked. He built you up. He rewarded you with the possibilities of new opportunity. You gave him a hand job to get rid of him you say because the reality of his naked body and your naked body who no one else had ever seen hit you hard.
So you made an immediate, deliberate, intentional and rational decision. You would never allow yourself to be sexually tempted by the power of sex again. Secondly you would lie to me about what had happened for over 10 years. I'm not sure if the act or the lie were worse frankly. But gradually your conscience bore you out and you had to confess to me what had happened. But of course by this time I was being a bad husband. I had a profile on Fetlife, I had had several sexual affairs seeking that intimacy lost or really never gained. It was a joint confession - we met each other in the midst of our division.
What I heard was that George was a better person than I was. I heard that the women at the office told you they wouldn't put up with a shit like I was. I heard that I never cared about giving you pleasure first (that one really hurt). I heard that my actions and behaviors really produced your affair. I heard that I was really the one to blame.
I say fuck that shit. I know you have apologized. You would never again. But in so many ways I feel like you didn't come back because you loved me. I feel like you came back because you didn't want to be the adultress that broke up our marriage and face the humiliation of family and friends. It had more to do with you than it did with me. Again you reasoned out the problem created a solution and work around and engaged it moving forward.
All this time we had active sex life, as long as it was on your back or you on top. The dialogs I tried having with you regarding sex were met with disregard or disdain. Like when I tried early on to introduce some easy sex manuals with pencil drawings showing different techniques or positions you claimed they were nothing but porn with pencil and we didn't need that. Even though secretly you were masturbating and wrote it all off as having allergies and intercourse was frequently painful. Of course my masturbation was sick and disgusting. You didn't want to talk about a joint intimate sexuality that might have included mutal masturbation because that topic was morally offensive to you.
As time has progressed sexually we are just so separated, though emotionally connected by life. My sexual proclivities are sin you say. Oral sex is what hookers and slut do. You told me 30 years ago if I wanted a blow job then I would have to go pay for it. So I did. You want me to initiate some Mr Darcy like sex everytime and cover the bed with rose petals everytime, ride in on some white fucking horse everytime, because if I don't then all I want is a fuck, and you hate that term fuck because it fucking turns you completely off, even though years ago while we were making love you would say oh yes fuck me yes fuck.
Our bodies are different now. My dick can awaken and put on Mr. 7.25 hat, but sometimes he's just content just to squirt. But my mind is still deviantly horney and wants to be wanted and wants to continue to explore human sexuality. You know I have been active outside our marriage, and I know there is more so much more. It is not all for me, not all for you, I am willing to discover more together, or at least just find contentment with your contentment, but again you refuse to allow me to give you pleasure because emotionally you just don't want to lower the wall and allow me in.
Here is what I put out as my hopeful expectations.
1. You will again pursue sexual satisfaction with me. With my dick, with my fingers with my tongue with a vibrator... anything but I must be able to approach your satisfaction.
2. You can be boss of your satisfaction. You can say I am not comfortable doing that. But you cannot say that that is what sluts and whores do. Please please take morality out of our bedroom. What we agree to we can agree to and it is moral.
3. I can be the boss of my satisfaction. I can say I need you to suck my cock like a good little girl. I can pretend this or pretend that. I'm the boss. Now you can still say - I don't like this or that because it makes me feel like you are demeaning me, or whatever - but lets have some dialog over it. I might press you through it but I will always take you into account in it.
4. We will mutually seek to enhance our sexuality. Please look for things that make you look sexual sensual attractive and that enlarge your thinking of joint pleasure together. I have always tried to be clean and well put together for you. I have both dressed up and dressed down. Of late I have enjoyed not being dressed at all around the house. But I will try to set the sexual table in new ways also.
5. Understand that it's ok for you to be an object of my desire. I am not objectifying you by saying let me see your titties... (at least I don't think so). I am visually stimulated by not just naked female bodies, but in particular by the female body that says - here this is for you ... drink me in with your eyes. Look at how erect my nipples are.. they are thinking of you, look at all the serrations in the folds of my labia, they wait to surround you stiff dick and swallow your manseed.
6. You don't have to tell me that most women don't find the sight of a stiff cock or a soft cock stimulating. You don't have to tell me that most men are jackoff assholes that only want to cheat and lie. Please don't tell me that sex is for procreation. You don't have to tell me that God didn't intend for oral sex. You don't have to tell me about the morality of sex.
7. Please tear down the walls and quit solving problems unilaterally. If you want to have a full sexual and emotional life with me you must do this. If this is too big a step please realize that I need an open fully mutual sexual reality and if you cannot do this, that is fine - but understand I will have intimacy with females of the human race and you have been invited to dine with me in this. The choice is yours.
6. Regardless of the road you travel you will remain my wife. I will care for you as you need. I will remain your husband. The question that remains unanswered or perhaps actually answered is 'will you care for me as I need'. You cannot demand fidelity while at the same time abandoning sexual intimacy.
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