Worst Erotic Sentence Ever?

[NotWise]

You don't need to apologise. If it was up to me, I'd lock up all the buglers and throw away the key.

Where I live, I don't think we have a law against bugling. Is that a thing? I mean, if that's a thing, then my neighbors have a rooster that should be locked up, too.

 

[jaF0]

You don't need to apologise. If it was up to me, I'd lock up all the buglers and throw away the key.

I imagine some of them might give a toot about that.

 

[RetroFan]

On this subject, have you ever written a line or made a mistake that made you cringe afterwards?

For example in one of my fat fetish stories the male narrator has lusted over his best friend's overweight older sister for years, and after they finally have sex he reflects that it was so hot and definitely 'worth the weight.'

I never picked up this Freudian slip until somebody pointed it out in a comment on the story.

 

[mynameisben]

For example in one of my fat fetish stories the male narrator has lusted over his best friend's overweight older sister for years, and after they finally have sex he reflects that it was so hot and definitely 'worth the weight.'

That's a real head-slapper of a screwup. I hope you went back and corrected it.


Ben

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The one I remember was in a Danielle Steel novel I read when I was about 14. The prose was pretty banal but when I got to 'the warm sun made her feel sexy', and sexy being a hugely overworked adjective in the book, I chucked the book aside and vowed to read whatever the next author on the shelf was.

Which was how I got into Solzhenitsyn.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The one I remember was in a Danielle Steel novel I read when I was about 14. The prose was pretty banal but when I got to 'the warm sun made her feel sexy', and sexy being a hugely overworked adjective in the book, I chucked the book aside and vowed to read whatever the next author on the shelf was.

Which was how I got into Solzhenitsyn.

Wait, what? You shelve books alphabetically backwards?

Still, that's better than a friend in high school who had his books on the shelf arranged by spine colour, all perfectly aligned with the front edge of the shelf. I'd fuck with his head by pushing books back a quarter of an inch, completely at random.

 

[mynameisben]

The one I remember was in a Danielle Steel novel I read when I was about 14. The prose was pretty banal but when I got to 'the warm sun made her feel sexy', and sexy being a hugely overworked adjective in the book, I chucked the book aside and vowed to read whatever the next author on the shelf was.

Which was how I got into Solzhenitsyn.

You went from Danielle Steel to Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn? Talk about a 180 degree mind shift!


Ben

 

[AlinaX]

books on the shelf arranged by spine colour

We had this for a couple of years. The number of conversations that went along the lines of, "I'm pretty sure it's red..."

 

[Kumquatqueen]

The school library books were supposed to be in alphabetical order, but (possibly because shelving was the job of someone in detention), they didn't tend to be accurate beyond the first letter. Cancer Ward was amazing.

I've finally built my own library - floor to ceiling shelves on 2 sides of a room and starting to order books. Mostly by size, other languages clumped together, certain authors. Still got about 20 boxes to unpack. Spouse thinks we won't need any double-shelving and my making horizontal piles of small paperbacks is unnecessary. Spouse does not comprehend how many books are hidden around my room...

 

[galaxygoddess]

On this subject, have you ever written a line or made a mistake that made you cringe afterwards?

For example in one of my fat fetish stories the male narrator has lusted over his best friend's overweight older sister for years, and after they finally have sex he reflects that it was so hot and definitely 'worth the weight.'

I never picked up this Freudian slip until somebody pointed it out in a comment on the story.

I would have thought it was intentional on your part and laughed about it. lol


On my own mistake that I cringe over, is I introduced the warlock Wenrietta to my character, and I had this whole set up going that the big reveal with her "naughty secret" was her obsession with her demons, and then I backed out at the last moment and had her confess her love to another character. It was poor timing, badly written, and not what I wanted to do at all. I actually had a fan call me out on it and write a particularly long rant about other "missteps" and honestly I agreed with them.

 

[galaxygoddess]

The one I remember was in a Danielle Steel novel I read when I was about 14. The prose was pretty banal but when I got to 'the warm sun made her feel sexy', and sexy being a hugely overworked adjective in the book, I chucked the book aside and vowed to read whatever the next author on the shelf was.

Which was how I got into Solzhenitsyn.

I once had someone compare my writing to Danielle Steel and I was so proud of that comment until I read one of her books. Then I vowed to do better.

Not that I think they're terrible, just, problematic. I personally love Nora Roberts and think she's a superior writer. (not all of them, she has a couple of stinkers)

 

[jehoram]

Many years ago, George Axelrod wrote a very funny book called "Where am I Now-When I Need Me?" The MC was a failed writer and poet, currently working as a teacher for those taking a correspondence course at the Best Selling Writers School of Condon Heights, Connecticut. When he's not writing suicide notes, he's reviewing the work of a student, who describes a woman in passion of having a "pulsating virginia." "Self-pity overwhelms me," thinks the MC.

 

[NoJo]

On this subject, have you ever written a line or made a mistake that made you cringe afterwards?

For example in one of my fat fetish stories the male narrator has lusted over his best friend's overweight older sister for years, and after they finally have sex he reflects that it was so hot and definitely 'worth the weight.'

I never picked up this Freudian slip until somebody pointed it out in a comment on the story.

Lol That would have made a great story title!

 

[NoJo]

I've just proofread my current story as a final check before submitting it here. My character, during a meal, "sipped his Cock" once, and later on, "gulped down the last of his Cock."

It's probably because I type "cock" a lot more often than "Coke" when I'm writing.

 

[KeithD]

What you really have to watch out for is that if you do a find/replace on a word, you really have to rescan to make sure that words you didn't intend to get replaced were replaced.

 

[lovecraft68]

I've just proofread my current story as a final check before submitting it here. My character, during a meal, "sipped his Cock" once, and later on, "gulped down the last of his Cock."

It's probably because I type "cock" a lot more often than "Coke" when I'm writing.

I switch cock/coke all the time. One of my characters had a cock addiction, which I suppose could work, just not in context. There has been a six pack of cock. Snorting cock, doing lines of cock...

You know, maybe those typos could be reshaped into a group sex story

 

[galaxygoddess]

I switch cock/coke all the time. One of my characters had a cock addiction, which I suppose could work, just not in context. There has been a six pack of cock. Snorting cock, doing lines of cock...

You know, maybe those typos could be reshaped into a group sex story

My character Elunara is taking notes over here...

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I celebrated recently when my autocorrect finally started replacing 'duck' with 'fuck' rather than the other way round.

Then I had to write something about ducks...

 

[NoJo]

I celebrated recently when my autocorrect finally started replacing 'duck' with 'fuck' rather than the other way round.

Then I had to write something about ducks...

You quack me up

 

[mynameisben]

I celebrated recently when my autocorrect finally started replacing 'duck' with 'fuck' rather than the other way round.

Then I had to write something about ducks...

My autocorrect must have been written by Puritans. Every time I wrote the word "cock" it would autocorrect it to the word "clock." I authored such nasty lines as "She sucked on my clock!" and "I slipped my clock into her waiting posse!" No wonder I never knew what time it was. The autocorrect was so puritanical, it wouldn't even let me write the name Charles Dickens. When I quoted a line from A Tale of Two Cities, it had to be attributed to Charles Chickens.

Software!


Ben

 

[AlinaX]

Makes you wonder about grandfather clocks, really.

 

[XerXesXu]

Witty?

For example in one of my fat fetish stories the male narrator has lusted over his best friend's overweight older sister for years, and after they finally have sex he reflects that it was so hot and definitely 'worth the weight.'

I never picked up this Freudian slip until somebody pointed it out in a comment on the story.

I wish my Freudian slips came out as witty word-play.

 

[Lady2020]

My cock is a snake. My snake wants to fuck you. Snakes like pussies.

 

[lovecraft68]

My cock is a snake. My snake wants to fuck you. Snakes like pussies.

Alter, a you tube channel that promotes independent horror shorts, released this on National Woman's Day...there are stories here....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgpoc5tEGvM&t=12s