Female-Led Relationships

[lady_jennaxx]

I am really liking this thread.

Glad you do

 

[Mav Unlimited]

Glad you do

Reading different perspectives and how an FLR may not be identical for every couple is interesting. I can’t help but compare some of the aspects read here to my own relationship and realize the similarities. The differences are far more but a guy can continue to dream.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

Reading different perspectives and how an FLR may not be identical for every couple is interesting. I can’t help but compare some of the aspects read here to my own relationship and realize the similarities. The differences are far more but a guy can continue to dream.

Your dreams belong to you. Never give them up

 

[littlecordelera]

I guess we are very different.

I do almost all the cooking in our house, and I don't want him in the kitchen during that time either. I cook him a breakfast most mornings, and if he is not working from home, I make him a lunch, too. If I don't, he will eat fast food or some other awful junk.

The way I see it, and I am quite convinced I am correct about this, women are just better at "doing life" than guys are. A guy would fuck himself to death if it were an option, and it would be some of the most boring, unexciting sex of his life. Someone needs to control those urges. Someone who knows how to nurture and direct. Someone who knows how to be assertive but caring. Someone who can show him that less, metered out in proper doses, can be far more arousing and pleasurable than always satisfying the urge to ejaculate.

Women have always been the ones to "meter it out." Some do it better than others, and some know that this sort of oversight is necessary in all aspects of a guy's life. Most guys need a woman to make decisions for him; otherwise, guys are just too controlled by their ego. When the woman can handle him properly, with regard to his best interests, it makes him so much happier.

Most people do whatever they think helps them fit in with their social group. I can't imagine living is such a suffocating cage.

 

[Floridafun4everyone]

I like a strong independent confident woman .

 

[littlecordelera]

I think that we don't give enough attention to the difference between being a boss and being a leader.

If the "head of household" is following somebody else's roadmap of how to manage the household then they aren't a leader. They are a boss channeling that other party's leadership - regardless of whether that other party is a priest from the 1950's or a feminist from the 2020's or anything in between.

A leader understands the specific dynamics and needs of those she/he leads and charts a course that is uniquely suitable. That course need not be different for the sake of being different. But a strong leader can see other people's perspectives with an open mind yet feel no compulsion to comply or reconcile differences in approach. A strong leader will always put the well being of those that they lead and their 'mission' above the opinion and biases of others.

A leader has the authority to decide the activities and roles of each party and exercises that power wisely. One who exercises that power for their own aggrandizement or convenience is merely a boss. There are no skills or capabilities required to be a boss aside from being sufficiently selfish and ruthless to protect that status. Leadership requires talent, empathy and the right temperament.

From a woman's point of view it is surely tempting to want to turn the tables on a male dominated world. But most of the tables we want to turn are filled with examples of oppression, misogyny and bossiness. That won't make us leaders anymore than the men who exhibited those traits.

Policywank, I have read your above comments probably ten times and reflected on them considerably. They are well written and very prudent. But to be honest to the group, I must admit that I do not heed such sage advice, and I am afraid that I may be painting myself as a better person than I might actually be.

In my marriage and in my business, I am the boss, and that is just how it's going to be. It's just that I have a vision for my future and a plan to get there, and I have no intentions of letting anyone or anything get in the way. And as awful as all that probably sounds, I am not a bitchy person. I am driven. There's a difference.

I want Jason to be in my future, and I love him to death. If he came to me and told me that he wanted a different future for us, I would sincerely consider whatever that future might be. But he never has, and I can honestly say, he never will. I know how to get us where we want to go. I am the boss, the leader, the reigning bitch, whatever you want to call it, but my hopes are to satisfy BOTH our interests. I may not believe in monogamy, but I strongly believe in the word "married."

I am controlling, and sometimes I just enjoy wielding power for no other reason than to wallow in my privilege, but the difference for us is that I do these things with a sexual twist. We like that. It makes all of the above rather enjoyable, quite frankly.

There is an old saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but nothing could be further from the truth. The way to a man's heart is through his dick. I just happen to be one who is not afraid to leverage a guy's sexual desires for my own gain.

God, I probably sound like a menacing bitch.

Am I selfish? Probably. Spoiled? Absolutely. But Jason worships the ground I walk on. I like that, and I fully intend to indulge all the spoils and authority that goes along with his fitting devotion.

 

[Scareltt]

I agree with you..

Policywank, I have read your above comments probably ten times and reflected on them considerably. They are well written and very prudent. But to be honest to the group, I must admit that I do not heed such sage advice, and I am afraid that I may be painting myself as a better person than I might actually be.

In my marriage and in my business, I am the boss, and that is just how it's going to be. It's just that I have a vision for my future and a plan to get there, and I have no intentions of letting anyone or anything get in the way. And as awful as all that probably sounds, I am not a bitchy person. I am driven. There's a difference.

I want Jason to be in my future, and I love him to death. If he came to me and told me that he wanted a different future for us, I would sincerely consider whatever that future might be. But he never has, and I can honestly say, he never will. I know how to get us where we want to go. I am the boss, the leader, the reigning bitch, whatever you want to call it, but my hopes are to satisfy BOTH our interests. I may not believe in monogamy, but I strongly believe in the word "married."

I am controlling, and sometimes I just enjoy wielding power for no other reason than to wallow in my privilege, but the difference for us is that I do these things with a sexual twist. We like that. It makes all of the above rather enjoyable, quite frankly.

There is an old saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but nothing could be further from the truth. The way to a man's heart is through his dick. I just happen to be one who is not afraid to leverage a guy's sexual desires for my own gain.

God, I probably sound like a menacing bitch.

Am I selfish? Probably. Spoiled? Absolutely. But Jason worships the ground I walk on. I like that, and I fully intend to indulge all the spoils and authority that goes along with his fitting devotion.

I don’t disagree with anything you said. The way to a mans head, and heart is through his penis. His desire for orgasm or attention are tools that can be used to lovingly get what we desire.

I’ve said before that if my husband said. “Let go back to a vanilla lifestyle.” I’d do it it. It would be hard but I love him so much I’d make the changes he wants. However I know that won’t happen. He’s excited for me when I’m getting ready for a date. He like to make all the meals. I bake and I also don’t want him in the kitchen whenever I’m baking.

I encourage anyone (woman and men) to read Lucy Fairbournes Femdom for Nice Girls, even if you don’t want a Wife Led Marriage, it will give you insights on how to handle your male partner. It will make your life easier, and you’ll have a better understanding of the male mind..

 

[dontneedone]

Doesn't this sort of mean that you aren't really in control, though? If all it takes is for the man to say he wants to go to a more normal lifestyle, it just feels like they still hold the ultimate 'power' in all this.

 

[Scareltt]

“Control is an illusion” another red headed woman said that.

Doesn't this sort of mean that you aren't really in control, though? If all it takes is for the man to say he wants to go to a more normal lifestyle, it just feels like they still hold the ultimate 'power' in all this.

In every D/s type of relationship the true power is held by the submissive. All they have to do is simply say “stop”, utter a safe word, or lose their desire.

So you do the math.

 

[Kitschshaman]

Doesn't this sort of mean that you aren't really in control, though? If all it takes is for the man to say he wants to go to a more normal lifestyle, it just feels like they still hold the ultimate 'power' in all this.

Just as a note, I would posit to say that only means that what they do in the relationship is mutually consentual. To indulge in truely non-consentual intimacy, i.e. true coercion into things the other person actually does not want to do is pretty despicable. The power to any Domme/Dom/sub relationship is that the sub wants to be there, actively desires to be there and do those things. Must have full consent, period.

 

[littlecordelera]

I’ve said before that if my husband said. “Let go back to a vanilla lifestyle.” I’d do it it.

We've never had a vanilla lifestyle, so there wouldn't be anything to go back to. On the other hand, if Jason said he wanted to be considered as an equal partner in our marriage, I would not be OK with that.

 

[whenagain]

We've never had a vanilla lifestyle, so there wouldn't be anything to go back to. On the other hand, if Jason said he wanted to be considered as an equal partner in our marriage, I would not be OK with that.

From what you've written to date, it would seem he'd be too intimidated to do that.

 

[littlecordelera]

From what you've written to date, it would seem he'd be too intimidated to do that.

I doubt that. Jason and I can talk about anything. He may not get his way, but I can't imagine he has ever been afraid to approach me about a concern. And besides, it takes a lot to make me angry.

I become stern when he doesn't follow through with something or he does something stupid, but to me, stern and angry are very different things.

 

[Scareltt]

“When you have to become stern”

I doubt that. Jason and I can talk about anything. He may not get his way, but I can't imagine he has ever been afraid to approach me about a concern. And besides, it takes a lot to make me angry.

I become stern when he doesn't follow through with something or he does something stupid, but to me, stern and angry are very different things.

On the very rare occasions that I have to punish my husband, I’ll usually take a hands off approach. Corner time. or him kneeling on rice on the tile floor of our bathroom. The cold shower will always be a favorite of mine, more so in the winter because that water is so cold. I need all his behavior correction to be something I can remove myself from because it’s my attention he craves.

A new tool I’ve implemented is the clothespin. I’m trying to correct his snarkyness. Not to me but in general. So I keep track and point out the behavior. Then when the house is quiet he’ll get the clothespin on his tongue. It’s not painful but it’s uncomfortable.

What about everyone else?

 

[Justplatonic]

I just thought I'd weigh in, my thoughts about my FLR, and how its come about not just by choice, but rather mostly by situation.

I was attracted to my wife because, yes, she came across dominant. My wife is 100% vanilla, and has a soft subtle approach. No whips, or punishments involved (not that'd mind). I'd consider myself mostly submissive (as of six months ago, but more about that later), but some of the time not so. So I'm no doormat.

When we adopted our kids, we decided I was the best candidate to stay home (I was on the lower wage). So the reversal of traditional roles further defined our FLR.

As a stay at home dad, five years later, I cook the supper five/six days a week when my wife comes home from work to join us. My family loves my cooking which fills me with pride every evening. I have other duties at home as you'd expect (my wife does help out, which is nice, as would a counterpart I would hope), and surprisingly (as I couldn't say this a couple of years ago), I really enjoy it. Further definition of FLR.

Does my wife make all the decisions? Most of them, but we know each other so well, in fact empathically, her decisions mirror my own. If they occasionally don't, I'll say so. It becomes a compromise, or occasionally my decision sticks. Further definition of FLR.

Its a whole other topic, but as much as women are oppressed by a male dominated society, men are too. Looking back, I thought I had to be an alpha male to impress women. All the movies, shows on TV, or other media (all influenced by the same BS) told me so. So that's what I was when I met my wife, but I was always attracted to dominant women. I didn't understand why back then. I came to terms with being a submissive type about six months ago. A weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt better about myself, and my wife felt better about me. As our roles fit together so much better. Far less opposition. More definition of FLR.

Neither my wife or I made a conscious choice when we met to become an FLR, it kind of happened as you've just read. Do I like it? Heck yes. Would I like it more if my wife was kinky? How can I state it without sounding too needy... But you get the picture.

I state ...with shades of FLR in my signature, as I expect a proper FLR would involve kink, and the supremacy of the dominant woman with full unwavering control of her man. That's not my wife, never in a month of Sundays. I know this though; life isn't perfect, and neither am I. I love my wife for who she is, not what I would like her to be.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I just thought I'd weigh in, my thoughts about my FLR, and how its come about not just by choice, but rather mostly by situation.

I was attracted to my wife because, yes, she came across dominant. My wife is 100% vanilla, and has a soft subtle approach. No whips, or punishments involved (not that'd mind). I'd consider myself mostly submissive (as of six months ago, but more about that later), but some of the time not so. So I'm no doormat.

When we adopted our kids, we decided I was the best candidate to stay home (I was on the lower wage). So the reversal of traditional roles further defined our FLR.

As a stay at home dad, five years later, I cook the supper five/six days a week when my wife comes home from work to join us. My family loves my cooking which fills me with pride every evening. I have other duties at home as you'd expect (my wife does help out, which is nice, as would a counterpart I would hope), and surprisingly (as I couldn't say this a couple of years ago), I really enjoy it. Further definition of FLR.

Does my wife make all the decisions? Most of them, but we know each other so well, in fact empathically, her decisions mirror my own. If they occasionally don't, I'll say so. It becomes a compromise, or occasionally my decision sticks. Further definition of FLR.

Its a whole other topic, but as much as women are oppressed by a male dominated society, men are too. Looking back, I thought I had to be an alpha male to impress women. All the movies, shows on TV, or other media (all influenced by the same BS) told me so. So that's what I was when I met my wife, but I was always attracted to dominant women. I didn't understand why back then. I came to terms with being a submissive type about six months ago. A weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt better about myself, and my wife felt better about me. As our roles fit together so much better. Far less opposition. More definition of FLR.

Neither my wife or I made a conscious choice when we met to become an FLR, it kind of happened as you've just read. Do I like it? Heck yes. Would I like it more if my wife was kinky? How can I state it without sounding too needy... But you get the picture.

I state ...with shades of FLR in my signature, as I expect a proper FLR would involve kink, and the supremacy of the dominant woman with full unwavering control of her man. That's not my wife, never in a month of Sundays. I know this though; life isn't perfect, and neither am I. I love my wife for who she is, not what I would like her to be.

I would not say a proper FLR would involve kink. You might be happier or wanting it. I see quite a few couples that are a FLR. There’s not one way to eat a Reese’s.

I see couples and people comment on them. They say his wife’s a bitch or she’s real bossy. Jokingly saying “we know who wears the pants in their house”. I think a lot of relationships are FLR but they might not be Female sexually dominant relationships.

I think the FLR has many different shaded. I know women who control their relationship by letting their guy think he’s in control. “Yes honey I think you were right, the walls would look better plaid.

Me and my wife were in the military when we met. She was there for schooling, I was there for a career. I knew I wanted a strong assertive woman as my partner. When I came home from deployment I came home to her house.

 

[Justplatonic]

I would not say a proper FLR would involve kink. You might be happier or wanting it. I see quite a few couples that are a FLR. There’s not one way to eat a Reese’s.

I see couples and people comment on them. They say his wife’s a bitch or she’s real bossy. Jokingly saying “we know who wears the pants in their house”. I think a lot of relationships are FLR but they might not be Female sexually dominant relationships.

I think the FLR has many different shaded. I know women who control their relationship by letting their guy think he’s in control. “Yes honey I think you were right, the walls would look better plaid.

Me and my wife were in the military when we met. She was there for schooling, I was there for a career. I knew I wanted a strong assertive woman as my partner. When I came home from deployment I came home to her house.

Thanks for your feedback Goldenfinger. I appreciate it very much.

Agreed, my FLR, all FLRs are a shade of gray, just like the one in my imagination (and online). It seems to be a recurring theme in this community, and rightly so.

Although since becoming a member here, its made me appreciate what's in front of my eyes, and how important that really is, as opposed to my overactive imagination. I'm very grateful for that, thank you all!

 

[KinoKe]

There's an interesting little FLR story hidden in the current 750-word challenge stories

https://www.literotica.com/s/watching-66

 

[Justplatonic]

There's an interesting little FLR story hidden in the current 750-word challenge stories

https://www.literotica.com/s/watching-66

Thanks for the recommend Kinoke. An enjoyable read. It kind of felt like a erotic episode in... What was that show called again...

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0sPGCZfCslc/UnmsHxCu0sI/AAAAAAAADKI/BU87mlSEDuk/s1600/Twilight+Zone+Logo+1.jpg

 

[Kitschshaman]

just a gentle bump for Lady J, Scarlett and company...

 

[lady_jennaxx]

just a gentle bump for Lady J, Scarlett and company...

Thanks you Kitschshaman

 

[Kitschshaman]

Thanks you Kitschshaman

You're quite welcome, Lady. Your little slice of paradise here to discuss wonderful things is a place I come to not infrequently...I keep looking for you, hoping to hear your experiences and wisdoms...still wishing to learn...

 

[eroticspank]

I don't remember where I read it but this whole theory of controlling a man with orgasms seems to fit here. I think it has been mentioned here once or twice about one way for a woman to approach an FLR.

My thoughts are men tend to be vulnerable and open up at the point of orgasm or just afterward. It is hard to explain but men tend to have no emotional connection or outlet to their partners except during sex. I know this is not true for all men but in general, this is my belief. So, IF there is no sex in the relationship then there is no intimacy.

Women can meet other women and talk about deep concerns, attitudes, and share feelings. Men do not do that. So if there is no sex at home, the closeness of a relationship is gone. BUT, regular sex for a man lets him open up to his partner and feel close. This is where orgasm control comes in. If the Domme or lady in the relationship regulates his orgasms with her encouraging him to let go and give in to his Domme, that results in great orgasms and even better intimacy.

Your thoughts?

ES

 

[Justplatonic]

I don't remember where I read it but this whole theory of controlling a man with orgasms seems to fit here. I think it has been mentioned here once or twice about one way for a woman to approach an FLR.

My thoughts are men tend to be vulnerable and open up at the point of orgasm or just afterward. It is hard to explain but men tend to have no emotional connection or outlet to their partners except during sex. I know this is not true for all men but in general, this is my belief. So, IF there is no sex in the relationship then there is no intimacy.

Women can meet other women and talk about deep concerns, attitudes, and share feelings. Men do not do that. So if there is no sex at home, the closeness of a relationship is gone. BUT, regular sex for a man lets him open up to his partner and feel close. This is where orgasm control comes in. If the Domme or lady in the relationship regulates his orgasms with her encouraging him to let go and give in to his Domme, that results in great orgasms and even better intimacy.

Your thoughts?

ES

It's quite literally different strokes for different folks IMHO... I'm in the smaller camp you mentioned i.e. "I know this is not true for all men..."

My Wife has started menopause, so much of the menu is kinda off the table... I've always been the amorous type anyway, so we're still affectionate/intimate, close, and always communicating in an open, honest way (I'm more communicative than my Wife in the matters of our relationship, funnily enough).

I appreciate the other aspects of your post, as I see it all around me. Certain friends I speak to, and family members I know. Relationships (certainly the intimate/soul sharing aspects) just breakdown. The couples are together, but its almost by virtue, rather than by desire or for want.

For lots of people its almost like (and I'm generalizing) if there is no sex in their relationship, they respond unkindly. So they become two islands, instead one harmonious one.

I've said it time and time again, I'm not/we're not perfect... I'm here (to express my kinky thoughts, ideas), as my Wife isn't kinky. But she knows I'm here, because I've told her... I've told her, in no uncertain terms, she can have my login details anytime she likes, and have a look at all my posts. I have absolutely nothing to hide, or be ashamed of. I guess that's an example of the transparency I have with my Wife.

Certainly, her Dominant traits (not kinks) remain, but they are intermixed with a more relaxed (not submissive, because she's not kinky, but similar) approach to life. So my relationship still has shades of FLR, as that term is very much open to interpretation.

 

[Justplatonic]

Quite frankly, with all the benefits that accrue to women in FLRs, I'm surprised we don't hear more about them

https://i.imgur.com/5oKtwH1.jpg

Thanks for the photo Ranger3753... That's literally me in the background, but my Wife wouldn't be on the couch, as she's busy being the breadwinner. Although I wouldn't mind if she laid on the couch, as she doesn't relax enough IMHO...