Rockymtnman
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Sorry but this sounds like abuse.
Female-Led Relationships
- Thread starter lady_jennaxx
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Sorry but this sounds like abuse.
Kitschshaman
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a gentle respectful bump for Lady Jennaxx...
This fits me perfectly. I am not in a FLR but, I have surrendered my all to my wife a couple of times and loved the results. I have told her that I love her and trust her completely and I know she will ensure my/our safety at all times. My desire to pursue this is more of CFNM kind of thing. She knows I will do anything for or with her, any time, anywhere she wants. We have gone far enough on occasion where one or both of us could have gotten in a lot of trouble. As I said, I will do anything for her and on the occasions I mentioned, she has been the one to hold me back.
policywank
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In my role as Dom, I was hyper-aware of her and whether what I was doing to her and with her, the places I was taking her, were what she wanted. Her intimate willingness, her enthusiasm (non-verbal and subtle as it was) was paramount and an innate requirement for my pleasure. It was not verbal, but the smallest gesture on her part of how she perhaps tilted her head, or the softest sound from her throat, or her stomach quivering were my cues. Watching her, feeling her respond to being taken to those spaces is/was the greatest turn-on for me. My great desire now is, as I have said, to be taken, to be cared for with the same sense of responsibility. How do you sense where your sub is emotionally? What do you watch for? I know it's the most delicate intimate dance there is, to know your partner, how to push and when and where and that takes time to develop. How do you sense your partner?
I certainly look for all of those little physical responses that give away a man's emotional state and he he feels about what I am doing. The pace of his breath, the texture of his skin (i.e. goosebumps), the way his cock twitches or his scrotum bunches up if I hit just the right nerve, the way he yields to my touch, which words induce a physical response.
Overall I watch these things to illicit the responses that I know are evidence of pleasure. But I also watch them to observe stress or hesitation and not necessarily so I can avoid those things. Often the greatest pleasure comes after he has been led away from it. Make him worry and wonder a bit and force him to cede control more fully so that he opens up more and his own obedience is a source of satisfaction. It is sort of the way some of us like to embrace fear or pain up to a point - it generates excitement, exhilaration including the literal release of endorphins or adrenalin. Keeping him off balance so that he is more aware of his own submission and compelled to turn himself over.
I do also enjoy the open verbal discussion of what turns him on and helps him enjoy his submissiveness. Sometimes that may occur while I am dominating him aggressively. But I find that discussing it openly away from a "scene" normalizes his submission and reinforces the idea that his obedience is expected and accepted. Compelling him to engage with it openly can make it more real and lead to a baseline awareness of his sub personality that is constant. Building it into his every fibre increases his craving and enhances the experience.
I want the presence of my dominance to envelope him at all times. Sprinkling the dominance throughout our interactions adds to this. Openly asking him things or pointing out how he reacted to a given activity can be jarring, but it reminds him of his place and I can often see how he experiences a flush of excitement that is all the more intense because it is out of context and therefore unexpected.
I think that expected/unexpected is part of it overall. There are certain things that he expects and looks forward to. For those I am reading his reactions and body language to take him there. But the unexpected sneak up on him and forces him to make the decision to obey without advance warning. The impact can be greater both because of the surprise and because he doesn't have time to contemplate before obeying which adds to the sense of ceding control. I can see it in his eyes when he does as he is told without yet even grasping the consequences - the submission to my will and trust in my leadership is right there in that glance.
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Kitschshaman
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This is quite beautiful. I can see the appeal of keeping your relationship verbal and in the present, it shows that you care for him in all ways and not only accept the flavor of his desires, but enthusiastically play there. To keep your relationship front and center shows him (as opposed to the empty words of those who talk a good game, but do not participate) how you feel. Even the play of denial, the things you do with him that challenge him to consciously cede control, is a deep communication that show him you accept him, that you care deeply. the 'expected/unexpected' has wonderful appeal. To be taken out of one's comfort zone, to not know what's coming has that quickening of the heart, the intake of breath, to consciously, willingly let oneself be led into the unknown is an incredible act of trust and hot blooded will. To have that repeated, yes, would reinforce the form of your relationship and cause the need for those feelings to grow deep roots in each others heart.
Such a lucky man is your mate.
thank you,
Kitschshaman
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just a little bump for a thread that deserves it...
xoxo
G
xoxo
G
JJA122
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I just realised I witnessed a marriage like this when I was younger - possibly why this idea intrigues me now.
The husband took the wife’s surname and was the one that cooked. The wife could be stern sometimes and the husband was slightly passive.
Apart from that it was a, ahem, ‘normal’ marriage, the husband worked full time while the wife worked part time and usually catered to the children.
The husband took the wife’s surname and was the one that cooked. The wife could be stern sometimes and the husband was slightly passive.
Apart from that it was a, ahem, ‘normal’ marriage, the husband worked full time while the wife worked part time and usually catered to the children.
Ranger3753
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Quite frankly, with all the benefits that accrue to women in FLRs, I'm surprised we don't hear more about them
https://i.imgur.com/5oKtwH1.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/5oKtwH1.jpg
Too few leaders like policywank willing to invest and to guide, and too many public personas (read egos) carefully defended. Plus, like most relationships of any kind they are awkward, not easily described or summarized, and stuck wrestling with the rest of life's issues.
Definitely has benefits for both parties in the right relationship, and I could be all wet on the "cone of silence" around the topic. Just tossing out some thoughts.
policywank
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I think that we don't give enough attention to the difference between being a boss and being a leader.
If the "head of household" is following somebody else's roadmap of how to manage the household then they aren't a leader. They are a boss channeling that other party's leadership - regardless of whether that other party is a priest from the 1950's or a feminist from the 2020's or anything in between.
A leader understands the specific dynamics and needs of those she/he leads and charts a course that is uniquely suitable. That course need not be different for the sake of being different. But a strong leader can see other people's perspectives with an open mind yet feel no compulsion to comply or reconcile differences in approach. A strong leader will always put the well being of those that they lead and their 'mission' above the opinion and biases of others.
A leader has the authority to decide the activities and roles of each party and exercises that power wisely. One who exercises that power for their own aggrandizement or convenience is merely a boss. There are no skills or capabilities required to be a boss aside from being sufficiently selfish and ruthless to protect that status. Leadership requires talent, empathy and the right temperament.
From a woman's point of view it is surely tempting to want to turn the tables on a male dominated world. But most of the tables we want to turn are filled with examples of oppression, misogyny and bossiness. That won't make us leaders anymore than the men who exhibited those traits.
SlutAddicted
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^^ THIS
If I showed a picture of a man kicking back laughing and being of no help while his wife toiled in the kitchen in the background we wouldn't call him a leader. Asshole maybe. Lucky maybe. But leader? No. That isn't what this is.
If I showed a picture of a man kicking back laughing and being of no help while his wife toiled in the kitchen in the background we wouldn't call him a leader. Asshole maybe. Lucky maybe. But leader? No. That isn't what this is.
And how many men would defend that picture by asking what the surrounding situation was? Perhaps she just got home from work after a long day and his only job is taking care of her and the house. Would you still call the guy in this situation an asshole? Just saying, context is important before passing judgement. Kind of the policywank was making about differentiating between leadership and being the boss. A leader and the followers have the right to enjoy the perks because there is also a downside to both sides.
Is your husband insane?
lady_jennaxx
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Thanks for the bump.
policywank
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You may be reading a bit too much into that picture. I don't get the asshole reference. But this is not a picture that represents leadership so why is it here?
If this picture is taken on its own one can imagine many scenarios that have nothing to do with who is in charge. But it was posted in this thread so it is reasonable to assume that we have been invited to infer or imagine that the woman in this picture is in charge.
If that is the case I see nothing wrong with the scenario. Could the woman leader in this relationship be watching TV on the couch while her partner prepares dinner? Yes of course, it would be entirely her prerogative and not for him or us to question. However, I also do not believe this represents a useful or informative depiction of leadership.
A leader has the right to enjoy the perks that come with the role but that is not really what being a leader is all about. If someone asked me to show them a picture of a leader that demonstrated that individual's role or leadership characteristics I wouldn't show them a person kicking back and enjoying perks anymore so than I would show you a tall guy surrounded by hot women if you asked me to show you a representative image of an all-star basketball player. The image isn't invalid it just isn't informative or representative of what it means to be a leader (or a basketball player).
One of the things that I do notice on the topic of women as leaders is that we are held to a different standard and presented in a different way than men. It is fair to say that if you showed me a picture of a man kicking back while his wife made dinner I would not infer that had anything to do with him being a leader. That could be the case but it is just one of many possibilities. The image doesn't further the discussion of leadership.
To put this in context, I do not see 'traditional roles' as having much to do with leadership. In the 'traditional household' men claimed certain perks and entitlements. That didn't make them leaders or at least not good ones. It is tempting and easy to indulge in the joy of seeing women turn the tables. That is all fine. But if we want to be leaders we must be held and hold ourselves to the same standard that we would hold a man as leader. And a male leader who sees his role primarily through the lense of his perks is frequently not a leader at all. Women should view ourselves no differently.
If you are the wife in an FLR, by all means kick back while your husband makes dinner at your command. Enjoy the perks. Just don't imagine that indulging in perks is representative of what it means to be a leader.
So while I don't agree with the implied judgment in your comment I do wonder what is this picture doing here? If it is just an innocuous scene at home that is fine but not relevant to the discussion. If it is supposed to be a representation of female leadership that is relevant to the discussion I don't think it tells us much.
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Scareltt
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What we don’t see..
Late to the party, per usual..
What I see is smile of a woman who took the time and energy to nurture her boyfriend/husband and teach him how she likes her meal prepared.
What we don’t see are all the things that people picture when they hear the words female led relationship. No leather, no whip, no feminization. Not even a pink apron. Just a man cooking in the kitchen.
She could be home after a long day of work. Or she could have spent the day shopping, or with another lover.
Everyone decompresses differently.
The picture doesn’t represent what my home looks like. If my husband is cooking dinner. I’m usually in the kitchen with him. That’s how we reconnect at the end of our day. We’ll have a glass of wine, or on Friday’s a pitcher of cocktails, and we’ll talk..
Late to the party, per usual..
What I see is smile of a woman who took the time and energy to nurture her boyfriend/husband and teach him how she likes her meal prepared.
What we don’t see are all the things that people picture when they hear the words female led relationship. No leather, no whip, no feminization. Not even a pink apron. Just a man cooking in the kitchen.
She could be home after a long day of work. Or she could have spent the day shopping, or with another lover.
Everyone decompresses differently.
The picture doesn’t represent what my home looks like. If my husband is cooking dinner. I’m usually in the kitchen with him. That’s how we reconnect at the end of our day. We’ll have a glass of wine, or on Friday’s a pitcher of cocktails, and we’ll talk..
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MRA ( mens' rights activists) have been hammering this point for years now, Bro!!!
Scareltt
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I must admit to be rather amused at the discussion of this. The assumption being that the woman is enjoying herself while the man is working his butt off.
While our FLR relationship is most certainly in tatters at the moment I still do all the cooking when I am home. I have from day one. Why? because I truly enjoy it. My wife not so much. Cleaning up okay not my favorite but a small price to pay. Also the thought of watching TV is more than upsetting.
lady_jennaxx
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Nice to see the thread still has some life to it
Kitschshaman
hanged man of the tarot
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Nice to see the thread still has some life to it
As long as you're here this thread will always come to life...some say you might raise them up...
Mav Unlimited
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I am really liking this thread.
