The female perspective.

[MColton84]

I am a relatively new author. I have been trying to expand on my abilities as a writer and was wanting to do a story from the woman's point of view. I of course have no idea what a woman feels during sex. The emotions, the physical sensations, everything from her perspective is relatively foreign to me. I have tried to bring these questions to my wife, but she couldn't describe it in words. I was wondering what other male authors have done in this situation, or if there was a woman out there who would be willing to answer said questions. I have tried reading other submissions from the female point of view but don't necessarily want to borrow from the work of others. At the end of the day, I just want to do a fair and honest representation. Suggestions?

 

[tomlitilia]

I am a relatively new author. I have been trying to expand on my abilities as a writer and was wanting to do a story from the woman's point of view. I of course have no idea what a woman feels during sex. The emotions, the physical sensations, everything from her perspective is relatively foreign to me. I have tried to bring these questions to my wife, but she couldn't describe it in words. I was wondering what other male authors have done in this situation, or if there was a woman out there who would be willing to answer said questions. I have tried reading other submissions from the female point of view but don't necessarily want to borrow from the work of others. At the end of the day, I just want to do a fair and honest representation. Suggestions?

I also used to refrain from writing in 1st person female perspective (from your post, I assume, like me, you are male). You could try 3rd person limited first if you want to ease yourself into writing from a female perspective. If you want to have a look, I started this story in 3rd person but decided about halfway in to change it to 1st. It's tedious, but the change in voice isn't that massive.

Still, I suggest thinking more about telling the story from the POW of the specific character rather than the sex of the character. Sure, genitals affect some things, but I don't think you need too many specifics about the sensation of cock in cunt. Describing sensations is always quite abstract, so you don't have to be exact.

 

[MColton84]

Thanks, Tomlitilia, for your suggestion. I am really hoping to do a first person submission. I will likely attempt it either way, but always strive for some sense of reality in my writing. Whether or not I achieve it is up to the reader. I appreciate your response. I am currently looking through one of your stories now and can recognize your point. You are an excellent writer and I value your feedback.

 

[Omenainen]

Much more depends on other characteristics than gender. Are you writing someone, who's shy and apprehensive and is maybe doing something for the first time? Or someone confident and experienced who is teaching their partner a trick or two? Do they love their sex partner or is it just a fling? Are they maybe cheating or have some other reason to feel guilt over what they're doing? How sensitive are they in general? There's no such thing as "this is how sex is for women", just as there is no such thing as "this is how sex is for men".

Don't make an issue of it, just write the story. If you find it difficult to get started, write it as a man and then switch the pronouns. If you're unsure about exact physical reactions use more poetic descriptions or just stretch your imagination a little. Ask your wife to peg you if you want first hand experience on what it feels like to be penetrated. When you're done, read it and evaluate if you would believe it if it was written by someone else. Or have your wife read it and tell you her opinion. (And hey - most of the readers are men anyway, so how would they know if you got it right or not...)

Good luck and just have fun with it

 

[MColton84]

Much more depends on other characteristics than gender. Are you writing someone, who's shy and apprehensive and is maybe doing something for the first time? Or someone confident and experienced who is teaching their partner a trick or two? Do they love their sex partner or is it just a fling? Are they maybe cheating or have some other reason to feel guilt over what they're doing? How sensitive are they in general? There's no such thing as "this is how sex is for women", just as there is no such thing as "this is how sex is for men".

Don't make an issue of it, just write the story. If you find it difficult to get started, write it as a man and then switch the pronouns. If you're unsure about exact physical reactions use more poetic descriptions or just stretch your imagination a little. Ask your wife to peg you if you want first hand experience on what it feels like to be penetrated. When you're done, read it and evaluate if you would believe it if it was written by someone else. Or have your wife read it and tell you her opinion. (And hey - most of the readers are men anyway, so how would they know if you got it right or not...)

Good luck and just have fun with it

Thanks a lot. I admit that I am probably over thinking it. Ultimately, I just want it to be believable. I appreciate your honesty and the time you took to answer my question.

 

[Ginlover]

I’ve done it the other way around I wrote first person male character for this year’s winter holidays entry, and I’m most definitely female. I’ve also done deep third person from male perspective. I spoke to a lot of men to get a feel for the common way they describe sex.

The most consistent thing I see men do when talking from a female view is statements outside of sex that make a female reader go ‘oh it’s a man writing’. They say something about their appearance that’s very male and not something a woman would think.

I looked in the mirror and saw my 36C cup breasts, turning sideways let me see the long hard nipples. Putting my bra on I moaned quietly feeling the lace material graze my sensitive flesh. He wouldn’t be looking at Tracey and her little A cups.

No woman looks at her breasts and contemplates the cup size and getting dressed is not physically a turn on.

Looking in the mirror I was pleased my breasts still looked full and high on my chest. The cold had made the nipples more prominent, I smiled to myself reaching for my bra, it pushed my breasts up and together just the right amount. If I wore the sheer cream shirt I knew exactly where his eyes would keep drifting. Tracey and her flat chest had no hope. There was a warmth between my legs as I imagined him unwrapping me later.

 

[Omenainen]

I just want to add that for some reason I've never had difficulty with this. Of my published work about half and half are from male/female perspective, for no apparent reason, they just spontaneously happened that way. So far I haven't had any complaints. If anyone is tempted to read them to evaluate how I've done, there's even a heterosexual first time story that I wrote twice, from each participant's point of view, for easy comparison. If my portrayal of either gender is not believable to someone, I'd be interested to know if the other one is, so is it my writing or characterization in general or the way portray specific gender.

 

[MColton84]

I’ve done it the other way around I wrote first person male character for this year’s winter holidays entry, and I’m most definitely female. I’ve also done deep third person from male perspective. I spoke to a lot of men to get a feel for the common way they describe sex.

The most consistent thing I see men do when talking from a female view is statements outside of sex that make a female reader go ‘oh it’s a man writing’. They say something about their appearance that’s very male and not something a woman would think.

I looked in the mirror and saw me 36C cup breasts, turning sideways let me see the long hard nipples. Putting my bra on I moaned quietly feeling the lace material graze my sensitive flesh. He wouldn’t be looking at Tracey and her little A cups.

No woman looks at her breasts and contemplates the cup size and getting dressed is not physically a turn on.

Looking in the mirror I was pleased my breasts still looked full and high on my chest. The cold had made the nipples more prominent, I smiled to myself reaching for my bra, it pushed my breasts up and together just the right amount. If I wore the sheer cream shirt I knew exactly where his eyes would keep drifting. Tracey and her flat chest had no hope. There was a warmth between my legs as I imagined him unwrapping me later.

Thanks so much for that. So what your saying is that it is more of a matter of the mindset than that of physical sensations? That's fascinating. I guess what I want is for you reader to know its a genuine girl in the story. As you pointed out, it can be obvious at times that the writer is a different gender than the character. That gives me a lot to think about.

 

[Ginlover]

For all genders including non binary the vast majority of sex takes place in the mind, but because we live in a world of accessible porn many writers focus on the physical.

Many men like the idea of filling a partner with their cum. Physically coming in someone might be different but it’s the thoughts of their cum filling someone that’s the turn on. Women tend to focus on the connection. Physically there is a cock inside them but the thoughts go to the bond, fitting together and the connection, that is the mental turn on of the action. Both actions are psychologically and physical but the perspective is slightly different.

 

[MColton84]

For all genders including non binary the vast majority of sex takes place in the mind, but because we live in a world of accessible porn many writers focus on the physical.

Many men like the idea of filling a partner with their cum. Physically coming in someone might be different but it’s the thoughts of their cum filling someone that’s the turn on. Women tend to focus on the connection. Physically there is a cock inside them but the thoughts go to the bond, fitting together and the connection, that is the mental turn on of the action. Both actions are psychologically and physical but the perspective is slightly different.

I can certainly appreciate where you're coming from. In reading through your responses I can surmise that I'm probably approaching this from the complete wrong angle. I try to consider the emotional aspects of sex from the Male perspective. And I should consider those aspects from the female perspective. This definitely seems like something closer to what I could speak with my wife about. I'm a factory maintenance technician by trade, so I tend to focus on the mechanics leaving the software issues to the engineers. It's definitely something that I should be considering.

 

[marriedpervs]

I am a relatively new author. I have been trying to expand on my abilities as a writer and was wanting to do a story from the woman's point of view. I of course have no idea what a woman feels during sex. The emotions, the physical sensations, everything from her perspective is relatively foreign to me. I have tried to bring these questions to my wife, but she couldn't describe it in words. I was wondering what other male authors have done in this situation, or if there was a woman out there who would be willing to answer said questions. I have tried reading other submissions from the female point of view but don't necessarily want to borrow from the work of others. At the end of the day, I just want to do a fair and honest representation. Suggestions?

Hi MColton84 - I'd be happy to help. I've been on here for years and have written many stories. Happy to provide female perspective for you.

 

[Stockholmblondie]

For all genders including non binary the vast majority of sex takes place in the mind, but because we live in a world of accessible porn many writers focus on the physical.

Many men like the idea of filling a partner with their cum. Physically coming in someone might be different but it’s the thoughts of their cum filling someone that’s the turn on. Women tend to focus on the connection. Physically there is a cock inside them but the thoughts go to the bond, fitting together and the connection, that is the mental turn on of the action. Both actions are psychologically and physical but the perspective is slightly different.

I totally agree with this.

 

[SimonDoom]

Writing from a woman's perspective can be daunting, but it's fun, too. I think many men wonder what it's like to have a vagina. To be entered, rather than to enter. It's part of what's fun about writing from that perspective.

The good news is that women have as many different perspectives as men, so if you pay attention to your character you'll probably do just fine.

I have just one piece of advice. Concentrate on making your character a subject rather than an object. Avoid "I ran my hands over my 38DD boobies" kind of thing (as suggested by others), because that sounds like you are writing the character as an object for male lust rather than as an erotic subject. Focus instead on what your character would really think and feel -- what HER erotic experience is.

 

[SyleusSnow]

For all genders including non binary the vast majority of sex takes place in the mind, but because we live in a world of accessible porn many writers focus on the physical.

Many men like the idea of filling a partner with their cum. Physically coming in someone might be different but it’s the thoughts of their cum filling someone that’s the turn on. Women tend to focus on the connection. Physically there is a cock inside them but the thoughts go to the bond, fitting together and the connection, that is the mental turn on of the action. Both actions are psychologically and physical but the perspective is slightly different.

Well put, Ginlover! Everyone is different, but in general I think that's true, and what you find in most erotica and romance aimed at female readers.

MColton84: I did the same thing. To grow as a writer I wrote a story completely from the female perspective ... Speechless and tried hard to focus a little more on feeling and connection. No one's posted a scathing comment of or shamed me on Reddit's MenWritingWomen or @menwritewomen on Twitter, so I guess it kinda worked.

 

[jehoram]

If you read enough erotica by female authors, you'll begin to see the differences in perspective that women have. What you might do is select a female author on this site and see what they list under favorite stories or favorite authors on their author pages. That will give you a clue about what they consider erotic.

I'd go with Ginlover's comment about staying away from comments about 36DD boobs and such.

One thing I've noticed with the stories Athalia writes (and which I edit) is how she approaches each story from a standpoint of that bond that Ginlover spoke of in another post. The characters joke with each other, cry with each other, care for each other's problems, and so on. She fills her stories with people with ordinary bodies and (mostly) ordinary sexual proclivities. The lust is there, and it's what puts them in the sack with each other eventually, but not before some other link is established that lets the women trust the men to do the right thing. And the women are constantly analyzing the effect that these trysts may have on the other women in the story. That's important to them, in a way that I don't see in most of the stories that men write.

 

[KeithD]

Yes, read a lot of female-perspective erotica. Check out clinical aspects on the Internet. Read the "how women are different from me" studies, not buying it all, but looking for common threads of what those authors are saying--that women tend to be more relationship oriented and men more "event" focused and that women examine more/are more introspective, for instance.

(And, yes, although I'm a male, I've written extensively in the marketplace from a female perspective--and seem to have gotten away with it.)

 

[HeyAll]

My view is that sexual pleasure can't be adequately explained regardless, so don't worry about it.

Use your imagination to the best of your ability and a female reader will fill in the blanks themselves.

 

[Monikafotze]

My view is that sexual pleasure can't be adequately explained regardless, so don't worry about it.

Use your imagination to the best of your ability and a female reader will fill in the blanks themselves.

I read male and female authors. The first one for fast and direct porn or erotica. The female ones for longlasting and more intimate stories (for longer evenings alone at home).

 

[Athalia]

One thing I've noticed with the stories Athalia writes (and which I edit) is how she approaches each story from a standpoint of that bond that Ginlover spoke of in another post.

(Edited for brevity)

And the women are constantly analyzing the effect that these trysts may have on the other women in the story. That's important to them, in a way that I don't see in most of the stories that men write.

Thanks for pointing that out, J. It's true that I really can't write a story any other way.

Another thing you have to be sensitive about is deciding who your audience really is. To give an exampled I've mentioned before, pregnancy is a big, big issue for many women. It's such a life changer that when we're making love, it's always at the back of our minds.

Now I understand we're writing mainly for an audience of mostly men, and things like pregnancy and STDs and repercussions with other relationships aren't a part of that. It's strictly fantasy. But as a women, I find that it doesn't ring true, and it often takes me out of the story as fast as a reference to a 36DD bosom.

I like to think that I write for a smaller, more select audience of women who want the stories to be as realistic as erotic fiction can make them. I want them to see themselves in my characters, with all the insecurities, all the concerns about getting pregnant, all the subtexts of the character's having to live with the other characters and be sure nobody's getting hurt. If I can get them to buy into that, I can get them off.

I went into writing erotica specifically to provide the sort of story that I like to read, and that I usually can't find elsewhere. (And if men enjoy my stories, too, so much the better.)

 

[MColton84]

I guess ultimately what I'm going for, is to write something that is believable by women. There are a lot of men that write
from a women's perspective and I think they do a good job. Other times, not so much. I don't see myself as sexist are chauvinistic, but I recognize that I really don't understand the Opposites sex, even after 10 years of marriage. A lot of times when I write something, it is so that I can deal with the problems or issues that I have. Other times, I'm writing so that I can understand something that's currently out of my reach. On Family Guy, Meg is often the butt of everybody's joke. This is because when her character was created they didn't have any writers that could write for a teenage girl. Most of the protagonist in my stories are blue collar white males. That's what I know, that's usually my perspective. And I just don't want to write in another person's perspective in such a way that it proves disrespectful. I've gotten a lot of great feedback off of this thread. And everybody on here has given me some amazing advice, as well as alternative angles to look at this from. Thank you.

 

[MsNatalie99]

I guess ultimately what I'm going for, is to write something that is believable by women. There are a lot of men that write
from a women's perspective and I think they do a good job. Other times, not so much. I don't see myself as sexist are chauvinistic, but I recognize that I really don't understand the Opposites sex, even after 10 years of marriage. A lot of times when I write something, it is so that I can deal with the problems or issues that I have. Other times, I'm writing so that I can understand something that's currently out of my reach. On Family Guy, Meg is often the butt of everybody's joke. This is because when her character was created they didn't have any writers that could write for a teenage girl. Most of the protagonist in my stories are blue collar white males. That's what I know, that's usually my perspective. And I just don't want to write in another person's perspective in such a way that it proves disrespectful. I've gotten a lot of great feedback off of this thread. And everybody on here has given me some amazing advice, as well as alternative angles to look at this from. Thank you.

You're a great guy. Don't worry so much about letting people down. There are hundreds of stories on here about women, written by men. Just give it your best shot. Btw, if you want a character to be believable, then don't worry about what they feel during sex. You have to think about what they are feeling the rest of the time. If someone wanted to understand you as a person in such a way that you would believe it. Then the last thing they should be worried about is how you feel when there is a mouth on your dick. They would likely ask about your upbringing, your insecurities, what you are trying to do with your life. The list goes on and on. Just relax, write your story. Then ask your wife what's right or wrong with it. I am pretty sure I already said this today but most of your readers are only doing so with one hand, so have fun with it. If it turns out to be a mistake then you can learn from that.

 

[JJA122]

I've read a few stories by women where the quite caring guy wants to suddenly and unsafely come inside her. Now from reading this thread, perhaps they were trying to appeal to the male audience...

I think half the battle's over if you can write down some non-physical characteristics you want for the character, and wish to write something good as well as erotic.

 

[Jada59]

For me, orgasms are never the same. For a variety of reasons. How long it has been since I had one. How many I have had. The type of stimulation. Who I am with. What I might have done to or with him prior.

I will describe as best I can recall how it went, the last time I was with one of my BFs.

He caught me unaware. Said he could come over later. I told him to let me know when he was coming. He did not until he was actually here.

I had readied the bed and put on a green (almost a grass green) satin nightie but it was cold so I put on a satin robe in that shade but also shades of blue in a paisley print. It has a zipper in the front. I left just enough unzipped so the lace part of the nightie showed. I wound up falling asleep on the purple satin bedspread, next to my cat.

When the text came that he was here, I scrambled to get up. Satin on satin. Slipping, sliding and laughing.

He came in. We kissed. He's much shorter than me. I tried walking to my room but he stopped me near the couch. He lifted my garments and put his fingers right in my pussy, massaging me gently. He is normally pretty rough but this time, everything he did was gentle.

Normally I would have insisted he stop and we go into the bedroom lest my gardener come in. But I had a feeling that the gardener was not coming in.

I was very wet! My juices were dripping down my legs. I was losing my balance. I put my hand on the back of the couch and spread my legs further for him. I came twice, very quickly. These were the type of orgasms that only involved my pussy. It clenched, I moaned. My legs grew weak.

Off to the bedroom. I had to use the bathroom. Then he had to use it. When he came out, I was wearing only the nightie. Again, he fingered me while standing. Again, two more orgasms, similar to what I had before.

We both got naked and in bed. He continued to finger me, this time a little more intense, but still rather gentle. I came quickly, several times, but harder. My pussy clenched his fingers tightly. My stomach sucked in.

He began sucking my nipples. This caused a steady stream of orgasms, but still not as intense as they might be. These were more soft and soothing. I bucked against his hand, kissing him and moaning.

Then he put his cock in my mouth. I came harder. As in involving almost my whole body. It took over my brain and I couldn't even think to suck him. He made me cum a few times like this. Then he lessened the stimulation so I could suck him more, but it didn't work. I still came very hard and several times. Could not concentrate on his cock.

He stood up, showed me a condom as if to ask permission, put it on, laid down and attempted to fuck me. I can't remember what position we were in. It didn't work because he was losing his erection.

He pulled me to the edge of the bed, shoved my legs back and tried to fuck me again, but again, he was losing his erection. I couldn't hold back though. His soft cock was inside of me. I kept squeezing my pussy around it. This made me cum several times. Again, more of a full body orgasm. He was hard enough to thrust into me three times. Then he pulled out.

Tried to have me suck him with the condom on. I didn't want to but for some reason, this condom didn't taste bad. I did fall off though. He stroked my hair while I took his cock all the way into my mouth, sucking. I came again, just from sucking. This was a small orgasm, again mostly involving my pussy.

He turned his back to me, fished through my toys and got the realistic silicone dildo out. Stroked it over me to tease, then pushed inside me. He asked me later how many times I came. I could only say, "A lot". He thought he counted 30. This time he was totally in control, watching my reaction. I was having full body orgasms, thrashing around the bed and panting until I was thirsty. I think he picked up on that fact and stopped the stimulation.

I took a drink of water and had his cock in my mouth again. He thrust it in and out twice but on the third time, he couldn't hold back and came all over my face and himself. We both laughed. I ran to the bathroom, swiped some water over my face and brought him a wet washcloth. He was trying to use a tissue but it was sticking.

Okay.... That's just one example. I wrote a poem about my most intense orgasm ever. I believe it's posted here. I will look for the link and post it. This happened many years ago.

ETA: Here's the link:

https://literotica.com/p/crescendo-3

 

[MColton84]

Thanks for pointing that out, J. It's true that I really can't write a story any other way.

Another thing you have to be sensitive about is deciding who your audience really is. To give an exampled I've mentioned before, pregnancy is a big, big issue for many women. It's such a life changer that when we're making love, it's always at the back of our minds.

Now I understand we're writing mainly for an audience of mostly men, and things like pregnancy and STDs and repercussions with other relationships aren't a part of that. It's strictly fantasy. But as a women, I find that it doesn't ring true, and it often takes me out of the story as fast as a reference to a 36DD bosom.

I like to think that I write for a smaller, more select audience of women who want the stories to be as realistic as erotic fiction can make them. I want them to see themselves in my characters, with all the insecurities, all the concerns about getting pregnant, all the subtexts of the character's having to live with the other characters and be sure nobody's getting hurt. If I can get them to buy into that, I can get them off.

I went into writing erotica specifically to provide the sort of story that I like to read, and that I usually can't find elsewhere. (And if men enjoy my stories, too, so much the better.)

Thank you. That's another train of thought that I had not even considered

 

[Carnevil9]

I recently gave myself the same challenge: to write a first-person story with a female main character. I agonized over how to make it sound authentic. I went through the same questions and issues that the OP raises. I finally settled on a strategy: I have a very good female friend in real life who is an excellent storyteller. I imagined that she and I were sitting in a bar sharing drinks, and she was telling me the story in her own words. With all of her idioms and favorite phrases and verbal habits. And that's how I wrote it, exactly as if she were relating it to me

I won't claim that the strategy was good or successful, but the story scored well and got lots of views and votes. So I guess it couldn't have been too horrible.