For Authors.

[MColton84]

I have a 17 year old, that recently discovered the type of writing that I do. A large part of me says that I should keep it private and not explain the writing, but that is contrary to how I've raised my child. It was my hope that other authors could give me feedback on how they would deal with such a situation without any undue perversion involved. This isn't an idea for a sexy story this is a father who was horrified that his daughter has found the type of writing that he does, and does not want to ruin a relationship that took 17 years to establish. I was hoping for advice or feedback

 

[Saint_Ann]

I have a 17 year old, that recently discovered the type of writing that I do. A large part of me says that I should keep it private and not explain the writing, but that is contrary to how I've raised my child. It was my hope that other authors could give me feedback on how they would deal with such a situation without any undue perversion involved. This isn't an idea for a sexy story this is a father who was horrified that his daughter has found the type of writing that he does, and does not want to ruin a relationship that took 17 years to establish. I was hoping for advice or feedback

Go back in time and don't be a hypocritical asshole this time.

 

[HisArpy]

Be a parent and not an author.

 

[Comshaw]

I have a 17 year old, that recently discovered the type of writing that I do. A large part of me says that I should keep it private and not explain the writing, but that is contrary to how I've raised my child. It was my hope that other authors could give me feedback on how they would deal with such a situation without any undue perversion involved. This isn't an idea for a sexy story this is a father who was horrified that his daughter has found the type of writing that he does, and does not want to ruin a relationship that took 17 years to establish. I was hoping for advice or feedback

First thing: It appears you woke the trolls. My advice for that is just ignore the stench of their assholish comments.

As far as your daughter and your writing: You can handle it two ways. Tell her it's none of her business and that she will be free to do the same when she's an adult, or try to explain it to her. If you try the explanation route, it depends a lot on how fetish your stories are. If they are straight-up heterosexual with a smattering of groups or bi-sexual content, I'd set her down and explain that erotic writing is an adult hobby that you enjoy, with stress on the adult part. If your stories are a bit more out there, you're still going to have to explain, but be ready for some possible kick back from her.

It's difficult to give advice when your relationship with your daughter is unknown to me so the above is the best I can do without more information.

I hope it turns out alright for you and her.

Comshaw

 

[Saint_Ann]

First thing: It appears you woke the trolls. My advice for that is just ignore the stench of their assholish comments.

As far as your daughter and your writing: You can handle it two ways. Tell her it's none of her business and that she will be free to do the same when she's an adult, or try to explain it to her. If you try the explanation route, it depends a lot on how fetish your stories are. If they are straight-up heterosexual with a smattering of groups or bi-sexual content, I'd set her down and explain that erotic writing is an adult hobby that you enjoy, with stress on the adult part. If your stories are a bit more out there, you're still going to have to explain, but be ready for some possible kick back from her.

It's difficult to give advice when your relationship with your daughter is unknown to me so the above is the best I can do without more information.

I hope it turns out alright for you and her.

Comshaw

^
assholish commentator.

 

[Rustyoznail]

I have a 17 year old, that recently discovered the type of writing that I do. A large part of me says that I should keep it private and not explain the writing, but that is contrary to how I've raised my child. It was my hope that other authors could give me feedback on how they would deal with such a situation without any undue perversion involved. This isn't an idea for a sexy story this is a father who was horrified that his daughter has found the type of writing that he does, and does not want to ruin a relationship that took 17 years to establish. I was hoping for advice or feedback

She’s 17. From a lot of perspectives, she’s pretty much an adult. If she’s found your story, you can bet there’s other stuff she’s already discovered.

Just tell her the truth. You write fiction because of x, y, and z. It just happens it’s erotic, like Fifty shades of blah...

 

[Bramblethorn]

OP's story list is here, for context. No father/daughter incest stories, which makes this a whooooole lot less awkward than it could have been, but a bit of fetish-y stuff in amongst NC content.

My response would be something like this: "Yeah, I have a fantasy life and I write erotic stories as a hobby. If there's anything you saw that you're uncomfortable about or if you have questions, we can talk about it if you'd like. But I'd also like to agree on some boundaries - it's not a good idea for either of us to be too involved in the other one's sex life."

I'd be uncomfortable with a daughter of that age reading my stories, even the more vanilla ones, and "I'll give you privacy for your dates, and I'd like privacy for my writing" seems like a reasonable place to draw boundaries. Given what teenagers are like, it's quite likely that she doesn't want to know anything about her dad's kinks. But if she has already read stuff and been creeped out by it, probably best to give her the option to discuss it.

The distinction between "shame" and "privacy" is important here.

 

[AlexBailey]

It may seem like the end of the world right now, but things like this happen. Plenty of snooping kids have found their parents' sex toys.

Every kid will react differently, but it will be mostly influenced by how you raised them. A child who has been raised without any sex education or with religious stigma that deems it shameful may have some serious issues to work through, while one who has an understanding of their own body and an appreciation of what has been given to them by their creator may shrug their shoulders and just not want to hear anything more about it.

A seventeen year old who has never masturbated is probably an exception. Few kids want to think about their parents in a sexual context, I know I don't. I shudder to think about my stodgy religious parents in the act. I must have been artificially inseminated!

I knew a girl in high school whose parents had an S/M dungeon in their basement. She wasn't a sex-fiend, nor was she any more fucked up than any other normal teen. The kids I knew who were fucked up were the ones whose parents didn't approve of their sexuality because the kids were LGBTQ. I know several of them who were disowned because they fell in love with someone of the same sex.

It's perspective. As long as you haven't sold it as a sin while secretly indulging, your relationship and your daughter's psyche should be fine. Even if you are feeling like a hypocrite, this should not be the end of your relationship.

If you feel that something needs to be said, you can say something along the lines of:

"This is something I do in private. I did not intend for you to ever find out. It's my own private business just as your sexuality (your love life?) is no one's business but your own."

You can offer to talk about it or answer some questions within your own limits. Odds are she will not want to take it any further. If she has trouble, counseling may be a good thing, though it will be better by a sex/relationship counselor rather than a prim religious figure.

Feel free to private message me. I've got experience with some of this and with foster teens who have been exposed to some very inappropriate situations and survived some serious sexual trauma. Your situation sounds very mild by comparison.

 

[MelissaBaby]

OP's story list is here, for context. No father/daughter incest stories, which makes this a whooooole lot less awkward than it could have been, but a bit of fetish-y stuff in amongst NC content.

My response would be something like this: "Yeah, I have a fantasy life and I write erotic stories as a hobby. If there's anything you saw that you're uncomfortable about or if you have questions, we can talk about it if you'd like. But I'd also like to agree on some boundaries - it's not a good idea for either of us to be too involved in the other one's sex life."

I'd be uncomfortable with a daughter of that age reading my stories, even the more vanilla ones, and "I'll give you privacy for your dates, and I'd like privacy for my writing" seems like a reasonable place to draw boundaries. Given what teenagers are like, it's quite likely that she doesn't want to know anything about her dad's kinks. But if she has already read stuff and been creeped out by it, probably best to give her the option to discuss it.

The distinction between "shame" and "privacy" is important here.

All this.

It's exactly as big a deal as you make it into.

 

[gunhilltrain]

How did she find out about it in the first place?

You are under no obligation to discuss the details with her. She can know you're writing about she doesn't have to know the content (although she already does know at least a little). My family knows that I write but they don't know much about the subject matter. I think I've shown them one or two non-erotic pieces. They're not that interested anyway!

By the way, you did get a lot of red H marks in a short period. Congratulations! You must have found an audience.

 

[stickygirl]

Bramblethorn and Alex have good advice. Seventeen means she's still a minor in most countries and while girls mature faster, she's 5 years away from accepting 'my parents have a sex life'.

Here's some maybes, depending on your relationship...
Don't push her away by saying too much.
She may still be processing the information and so try 'Maybe we can discuss this at some point', which puts the ball in her court to ask.
Expect it to be pulled out as a weapon against you.
Yup to the previously mentioned boundaries/respect thing.
Be honest but casual about it - say you enjoy writing for fun and that's all it is.

Start using passwords for god's sake.

 

[eroticstoryspinner]

I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. While I don't have kids, I have struggled a bit with people finding out about my erotica and how it would impact my mainstream writing.

If you feel that you can, I hope that you share how things worked out. Good luck in any case.

 

[SimonDoom]

You've had some good advice already but I think the specifics of the situation matter.

How did she find out? Did she find stories on your computer or did she find this Site and see the stories? It's one thing if she saw stories on your hard drive. It's another if she's logging into this site and regularly reading what you publish.

What was her reaction? What was your initial reaction?

What is your relationship?

How sensitive is she to this sort of thing?

My kids at 17 were pretty aware and had heard and seen things far more adult than that. I don't think they would have been freaked out to find something like that. But your daughter and your relationship with her may be far different.

If it were me, and of course it's not, I'd be honest about the fact that I write these stories, and that it's something personal to me, but I wouldn't share any details about where I publish and I would take steps to keep the stories from her eyes. I would feel no more obligation to share the details of what I do any more than I feel an obligation to tell anyone else in my life about it.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

As far as your daughter and your writing: You can handle it two ways. Tell her it's none of her business and that she will be free to do the same when she's an adult, or try to explain it to her. If you try the explanation route, it depends a lot on how fetish your stories are. If they are straight-up heterosexual with a smattering of groups or bi-sexual content, I'd set her down and explain that erotic writing is an adult hobby that you enjoy, with stress on the adult part. If your stories are a bit more out there, you're still going to have to explain, but be ready for some possible kick back from her.

It's difficult to give advice when your relationship with your daughter is unknown to me so the above is the best I can do without more information.

I hope it turns out alright for you and her.

EDIT: Agreed. It’s a tough age and a tough time to be that age. Add in the complicated relationship between daughter and father and it’s really hard for both of you. Sexuality at that age is a serious mix of enthusiasm and fear. I think honesty is indeed the best option. Perhaps you might also take the line that, while she is an adult woman in almost every way, she hasn’t yet the experience to properly judge your writing. Above all, I would assure her of your love. Good luck.

 

[MColton84]

Thank you for your honest opinion.

I appreciate everyone who has offered their support and thoughts on this issue. I can't thank everyone enough who took the question seriously and offered their objective feedback. Our family has since resolved it privately with patience and understanding. I apologize for using this forum for the problem, in hindsight it probably wasn't the best decision I made. However, it did give me the insight that I needed. For that I am grateful.

-Matt

 

[Rustyoznail]

I appreciate everyone who has offered their support and thoughts on this issue. I can't thank everyone enough who took the question seriously and offered their objective feedback. Our family has since resolved it privately with patience and understanding. I apologize for using this forum for the problem, in hindsight it probably wasn't the best decision I made. However, it did give me the insight that I needed. For that I am grateful.

-Matt

No worries. It’s not the weirdest question that’s been bounced around here, but it is certainly an important one. Probably not many other places you could ask and get a sensible answer either.

Glad it’s sorted.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I appreciate everyone who has offered their support and thoughts on this issue. I can't thank everyone enough who took the question seriously and offered their objective feedback. Our family has since resolved it privately with patience and understanding. I apologize for using this forum for the problem, in hindsight it probably wasn't the best decision I made. However, it did give me the insight that I needed. For that I am grateful.

-Matt

Sometimes an imperfect decision made promptly is better than a perfect decision made too late. Glad to hear you've worked it out.

 

[mfan2112]

It may be too late in your case, but for someone else who might need this thread, sometime when I need to have a difficult conversation with one of my teens, we go for a drive. For one, there are few distractions so we can actually HAVE the conversation. But also I have a good excuse (I'm driving) for not having to look at them. It makes that conversation easier to hold.