What I want

[cocktaildress21]

There are all sorts of fantasies and opinions on what BDSM is - what a dominant man is, how he should behave, how to deal with limits and so on.

I can't speak for everyone, but regardless, I have some experience online and some IRL, and the two match .. so very, very poorly. That has led me to the conclusion that there is precious little overlap between those who practice BDSM in real life, and those who merely dream about it online.

So you may consider this charity - and you're welcome.

The very core concept of dominans is that if you want to dominate me, you will need to make me respect you. This isn't something that can be spanked into me - no, it's the other way around. In order to get to spank me, you need to earn my respect.

Now, I want all the things girls want from men. You're going to have to be fit and good looking - being dom doesn't negate any of that. On top, you will need to be some level of passionate and succesful about something. That's not to say you need to be rich, but you cannot be a couch potato - and you also cannot be merely average.

Average Joe is totally fine, but doesn't get the level of respect needed to get to the spanking bit.

Next you need a basic level of reasoning, thus: If you push me beyond my limits, the game ends, you don't see me again.

So there's a key understanding there: The dom commands everything with the exception of my limits, which are my own, and not to be messed with.

There's a caveat: You can and should push limits - but only to the degree that you understand and read me well enough to know me, know which limits I want challenged, and how much.

As an example, let's just say I really want anal, but I'm afraid of the pain. How far can you go? Well, only to the pain limit I'm willing to accept. Then you have to back off. Also, anal is not one of my limits, it's just an example.

Third, you need to understand the game. It's NOT about you following your dick around, ignoring me - or 'using' me, as the popular term is. Sure, I want to be used, but not as a condom or a vibrator. I want to participate, contribute. *I* want to play, too.

Here's an example to wrap your head around: Most doms feel throatfuck is just about the most erotic thing in the entire world. They'll say things like 'I want to rape your throat until you puke' - and they actually think that's interesting to anyone but themselves.

Here's a much better trick if you're dealing with me: When I'm on my knees, sucking your cock, take a step backwards, and make me crawl after you.

Do you see the difference? Involve me. Make me beg. Command me to keep eye contact with you while I caress the very tip of your cock with my mouth. Make me cum, on my knees, in front of you.

I think that's enough of a picture to illustrate what I want. That's just me, of course. Still, I think this should be educational to most of those who post here, and .. almost all of those who write me =)

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Kudos

With any luck the curious and novice will read this , you’ve hit the nail on the head. Best of luck in getting what you desire.




http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1530720


This is your thread pilot typing. Everything is looking good , @50plus cat nice avatar
congrats on getting your wings

 

[StrangeView]

For those who bothered to read to the end, this should make perfect sense; it does to me. It sets out lessons that many would do well to learn, and all credit to you.

Stick to your principles, and I wish you well.

 

[SDCardinal]

Well said

Not only well said, but obviously right....

Interaction is the sine qua non here, and interaction is not a unilateral thing.

 

[Primalex]

Your conclusions have been dumb before and they are still dumb. Your experience is limited to pretending to be a slut for some sexting and getting paid for giving attention. There is no wisdom in your words, they are just Tumblr copypasta.

And BDSM Personals is the next door.

 

[PaxNurgle]

Your conclusions have been dumb before and they are still dumb. Your experience is limited to pretending to be a slut for some sexting and getting paid for giving attention. There is no wisdom in your words, they are just Tumblr copypasta.

And BDSM Personals is the next door.

I think you are being a little unfair here. Which of her "conclusions" do you so passionately disagree with, and why?

 

[cookiecat]

hahaha!

This was a good chuckle.

Sure, you have a few good nuggets in there but they get lost in the "average isn't good enough."

Jesus.

And ya know what?

I love the face fuck. Love it. Grab my hair, pull my head back, let me know you're going to fuck my mouth like it's my cunt. Make me think I'll suffocate on your cock. Don't stop if I puke a little because that's how much you know you own my mouth, my throat.

Anyhoo. Hope you find that doesn't have to be wealthy but don't be poor, fit, good looking, mind reading Dominant here on Lit.

Edited to add: To be fair, you did note this was what YOU wanted. I have to agree that this should be put in to BDSM Personals.

It got my dander up because you say your personal ad is some sort of learning tool for dominants out there.

The thing is, you're not wrong on some points. There are a lot of lurker, bark order guys hiding behind the computer. But geez, those points got lost in the muck. People can't be average? We have to be good looking? Fit? You throw wealth in there? That's pretty gross and judgey.

 

[Bud_Spencer]

There are all sorts of fantasies and opinions on what BDSM is - what a dominant man is, how he should behave, how to deal with limits and so on.

I can't speak for everyone, but regardless, I have some experience online and some IRL, and the two match .. so very, very poorly. That has led me to the conclusion that there is precious little overlap between those who practice BDSM in real life, and those who merely dream about it online.

So you may consider this charity - and you're welcome.

The very core concept of dominans is that if you want to dominate me, you will need to make me respect you. This isn't something that can be spanked into me - no, it's the other way around. In order to get to spank me, you need to earn my respect.

Now, I want all the things girls want from men. You're going to have to be fit and good looking - being dom doesn't negate any of that. On top, you will need to be some level of passionate and succesful about something. That's not to say you need to be rich, but you cannot be a couch potato - and you also cannot be merely average.

Average Joe is totally fine, but doesn't get the level of respect needed to get to the spanking bit.

Next you need a basic level of reasoning, thus: If you push me beyond my limits, the game ends, you don't see me again.

So there's a key understanding there: The dom commands everything with the exception of my limits, which are my own, and not to be messed with.

There's a caveat: You can and should push limits - but only to the degree that you understand and read me well enough to know me, know which limits I want challenged, and how much.

As an example, let's just say I really want anal, but I'm afraid of the pain. How far can you go? Well, only to the pain limit I'm willing to accept. Then you have to back off. Also, anal is not one of my limits, it's just an example.

Third, you need to understand the game. It's NOT about you following your dick around, ignoring me - or 'using' me, as the popular term is. Sure, I want to be used, but not as a condom or a vibrator. I want to participate, contribute. *I* want to play, too.

Here's an example to wrap your head around: Most doms feel throatfuck is just about at the most erotic thing in the entire world. They'll say things like 'I want to rape your throat until you puke' - and they actually think that's interesting to anyone but themselves.

Here's a much better trick if you're dealing with me: When I'm on my knees, sucking your cock, take a step backwards, and make me crawl after you.

Do you see the difference? Involve me. Make me beg. Command me to keep eye contact with you while I caress the very tip of your cock with my mouth. Make me cum, on my knees, in front of you.

I think that's enough of a picture to illustrate what I want. That's just me, of course. Still, I think this should be educational to most of those who post here, and .. almost all of those who write me =)

Excellent. Too many become "Doms" because they're just assholes the the core and think they can use the Dom label as a stalking horse for their personality defects. The reality is that dominance is a heavy responsibility, for both her pleasure and yours, and a mental state more than qa physical one. Rememner: The brain is the most important sex organ in the body.

 

[Primalex]

I think you are being a little unfair here. Which of her "conclusions" do you so passionately disagree with, and why?

"all the things girls want from men"

"You can and should push limits - but only to the degree that you understand and read me well enough to know me, know which limits I want challenged, and how much." is Fifty Shades the-dom-the-mindreader Tumblr bullshit.

"Most doms feel throatfuck is just about at the most erotic thing in the entire world. They'll say things like 'I want to rape your throat until you puke' - and they actually think that's interesting to anyone but themselves"


And no, I'm not accepting the excuse of "She only writes what she likes" because she literally wrote:"That's just me, of course. Still, I think this should be educational to most of those who post here".

She literally tells us that most people who post here have less understanding of the topic than she does. This very much aligns with her previously displayed attitude here.

 

[Rich_Johnson]

Primalex: I get what you're saying and mostly agree with you, but you need to remember that any woman on this site, real or pretend, gets slammed with junk PMs the way that your email would if you were to sign up to win a free cruise. She is likely including all those awful "Hey baby, let me hit thats" in her blanket statement. As for the rest of it, since when are unrealistic expectations surprising? If you set the bar high, you have to come down less when you decide to settle.

 

[Master_Doctor]

For what it is worth....

There are all sorts of fantasies and opinions on what BDSM is - what a dominant man is, how he should behave, how to deal with limits and so on.

I can't speak for everyone, but regardless, I have some experience online and some IRL, and the two match .. so very, very poorly. That has led me to the conclusion that there is precious little overlap between those who practice BDSM in real life, and those who merely dream about it online.

So you may consider this charity - and you're welcome.

The very core concept of dominans is that if you want to dominate me, you will need to make me respect you. This isn't something that can be spanked into me - no, it's the other way around. In order to get to spank me, you need to earn my respect.

Now, I want all the things girls want from men. You're going to have to be fit and good looking - being dom doesn't negate any of that. On top, you will need to be some level of passionate and succesful about something. That's not to say you need to be rich, but you cannot be a couch potato - and you also cannot be merely average.

Average Joe is totally fine, but doesn't get the level of respect needed to get to the spanking bit.

Next you need a basic level of reasoning, thus: If you push me beyond my limits, the game ends, you don't see me again.

So there's a key understanding there: The dom commands everything with the exception of my limits, which are my own, and not to be messed with.

There's a caveat: You can and should push limits - but only to the degree that you understand and read me well enough to know me, know which limits I want challenged, and how much.

As an example, let's just say I really want anal, but I'm afraid of the pain. How far can you go? Well, only to the pain limit I'm willing to accept. Then you have to back off. Also, anal is not one of my limits, it's just an example.

Third, you need to understand the game. It's NOT about you following your dick around, ignoring me - or 'using' me, as the popular term is. Sure, I want to be used, but not as a condom or a vibrator. I want to participate, contribute. *I* want to play, too.

Here's an example to wrap your head around: Most doms feel throatfuck is just about the most erotic thing in the entire world. They'll say things like 'I want to rape your throat until you puke' - and they actually think that's interesting to anyone but themselves.

Here's a much better trick if you're dealing with me: When I'm on my knees, sucking your cock, take a step backwards, and make me crawl after you.

Do you see the difference? Involve me. Make me beg. Command me to keep eye contact with you while I caress the very tip of your cock with my mouth. Make me cum, on my knees, in front of you.

I think that's enough of a picture to illustrate what I want. That's just me, of course. Still, I think this should be educational to most of those who post here, and .. almost all of those who write me =)

I completely agree with what you have stated 98% of the time. We have seen each others posts for the last few months. I hope you dont find my rebuttle to be the least bit offensive.

While I personally enjoy the interaction you describe towards the end. I personally dont get anything out of Dominating a woman unless I can hear/ see by her body language and uncontrollable sounds that she is enjoying what im doing to her. Facefucking a submissive really isnt that big of a deal for me. For me it's Meh... What really does it for me is when she is forced to express a duality in her personality... Her fingers crawling at the floor or bedsheets trying to get away while I take her body... while at the same time begging for more. THAT is what instantly does it for me. For myself, if she isnt enjoying herself and each other, its empty.

The only thing I really have to disagree with you about... is qualifications. You see ive lived the lifestyle in multiple large city communities. While the image of a Alpha Dominant is much like your examples... just as a woman submissive's perfect example for most is young, obedient, respectful with a good figure and sex drive. The reality of life is rarely that cut and dry. I would say, given my twenty plus years of Real life interactions that is more fantasy... and I will tell you why.

Ive met subs in a public place (always wise the first few times) for coffee etc. When a true, natural Alpha/ Dominant walks into the room... His/ Her presence can be felt... and more so by someone who is naturally submissive. Ive been told more than a few times that my entrance was felt long before they seen me enter the room... and their reaction was OMG... and Im going to tell you... Im not buff. Im not fat. But Im not well built. While I do have a Doctorate. Im not wealthy.

Ive also seen many older Doms. Aged 50-70 get a LOT of attention from submissives in real life. Because they know what they are doing. Because they give off that vibe/ spirit. Ive seen in communities that Doms that dont have the physical power to flog a girl for hours on end... STILL find submissives at their doors. Because of their experience. At the same time. Ive seen countless submissive and Dominant woman who have left their youth far behind who have people who would happily serve or be served by them. There are a LOT of beautiful Curvy women in the lifestyle. Thank God for them. I frankly would take on a curvy sub any day over one who is overly petite.

In the end, it comes down to this. Domination is nothing about the physical nature of a person. Its about the Spirit, the will, the desire that can not be found in any other person. That energy can not be taught or trained. It just IS. Its can not be replicated.

Men have (rightfully so) taken a lot of ribbing for seeking a physically perfect woman. I think the standards are the same for a woman who only wants a prime cut male for their Dom. One is just as shallow as the other and just as limiting.

As a Dominant. Its not my job to make my submissive(s) financially stable. We are all adults and should make our own ways. The opposite is also just as true. What is really wanted and needed is a REAL relationship. A Natural Dominant... needs a submissive and only a submissive can fulfill him... and vise versa.

It is hard enough to find a submissive and Dominate that are compatible in the first place. Why do people try to make it so much harder? Finding someone REAL is the key... Just because Im not in the top 1% pf male physical perfection... doesnt make me any less of a Dominant. Nor would I expect all submisives to be in the top 1% either.

 

[Lady2020]

Girls??? Think of converting this. Boys who are Doms are just so Domly.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

"all the things girls want from men"

"You can and should push limits - but only to the degree that you understand and read me well enough to know me, know which limits I want challenged, and how much." is Fifty Shades the-dom-the-mindreader Tumblr bullshit.

"Most doms feel throatfuck is just about at the most erotic thing in the entire world. They'll say things like 'I want to rape your throat until you puke' - and they actually think that's interesting to anyone but themselves"


And no, I'm not accepting the excuse of "She only writes what she likes" because she literally wrote:"That's just me, of course. Still, I think this should be educational to most of those who post here".

She literally tells us that most people who post here have less understanding of the topic than she does. This very much aligns with her previously displayed attitude here.

What about teddy bears ?

Do you actually have a sub , are you up to the responsible in the real world , are U physically fit to give her the testosterone she or he wants . Or are U Here for years typing out Dom stuff just cause U can


or are you just a online dom persona ?
Mayor of the whiner village , do U wear some sorta ~ leather Domme cap or something there in the whiner Village ? So they know who you area

yup fuk him
I wouldn’t throat fuk U with with a trolls dick. or your teddy bear

yup fuk him
Did he get all that write ? U know like the text book says about being a online Domme at least the testosterone part

We don’t want to confuse all the dumb people

 

[ToPleaseHim]

What about teddy bears ?

Do you actually have a sub , are you up to the responsible in the real world , are U physically fit to give her the testosterone she or he wants . Or are U Here for years typing out Dom stuff just cause U can


or are you just a online dom persona ?
Mayor of the whiner village , do U wear some sorta ~ leather Domme cap or something there in the whiner Village ? So they know who you area

yup fuk him

yup fuk him

Quoted for unintended hilarity

Pretty sure Primalex holds his own both on Lit and the real world.

Note to FingerFuxs: This is LITerotica where the size of your polysyllable matters (VelvetDarkness quote). Maybe try whole words and sentences in your posts?

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Quoted for unintended hilarity

Pretty sure Primalex holds his own both on Lit and the real world.

Note to FingerFuxs: This is LITerotica where the size of your polysyllable matters (VelvetDarkness quote). Maybe try whole words and sentences in your posts?

.....k

Whine glasses are on the table

This is your thread pilot typing.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1530720

 

[cocktaildress21]

First a general note: Anything containing a personal attack or insult, on me or anyone else, get's you right on my ignore list.

I love the face fuck.

Sure. Who doesn't enjoy puking? It's wonderful.

I said something to this effect before: Statistically, it's more likely you're fake, than that you're one of the tiny minority who happens to derive pleasure from puking.

I've done deepthroat, and it's thrilling in a way - but hardly pleasant. Throat fuck would be the same, just more unpleasant. I want to try it, but I know I won't like it.

And not taking you at your word isn't something you should take personally. It's just a thing. I don't trust people on the internet, and frankly advise others not to, either.

Excellent. Too many become "Doms" because they're just assholes the the core and think they can use the Dom label as a stalking horse for their personality defects. The reality is that dominance is a heavy responsibility, for both her pleasure and yours, and a mental state more than qa physical one. Rememner: The brain is the most important sex organ in the body.

I'm not calling anyone an asshole. I'm .. hinting that many have the fantasy, and maybe feel it's more interesting to pretend that they have the experience too.

Also, that if you go looking for unrealistic fantasies, all you'll find is disappointment.

 

[cocktaildress21]

Oh look - someone moved this. That explains why I couldn't find it without the search function.

It's not a personal. I'm from Denmark, and I very much doubt many other users are. I'm not looking to meet anyone.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Oh look - someone moved this. That explains why I couldn't find it without the search function.

It's not a personal. I'm from Denmark, and I very much doubt many other users are. I'm not looking to meet anyone.

I moved it. It’s a list of what you want in a dom, complete with detailed explanations of the reasoning behind each desire and it ends with a playful hint towards anyone who messages you. This is a personal. I’ll move this off the BDSM Talk forum every time.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

You probably won’t with your assumptions and judgements.

Right?!? My response to that line was similar.

“Will you shut up, man?”

+1

 

[cocktaildress21]

I moved it. It’s a list of what you want in a dom, complete with detailed explanations of the reasoning behind each desire and it ends with a playful hint towards anyone who messages you. This is a personal. I’ll move this off the BDSM Talk forum every time.

Yes. It is. It's an explanation of what subs want from doms. Like I said: I'm in Denmark. 99% of everyone I've seen post here is on another continent.

But whatever. If you feel it belongs here in direct contradicion of what I've said ... surely you must be right. They wouldn't have made you co-admin without good reason, right? =)

 

[cocktaildress21]

Right?!? My response to that line was similar.

+1

This, btw, is gorgeous. Picking sides? You are everything a co-admin should be.

 

[Primalex]

I said something to this effect before: Statistically, it's more likely you're fake, than that you're one of the tiny minority who happens to derive pleasure from puking.

This merely shows how you lack even basic understanding of the real world.

My 10 year old niece understands that the probability of meeting a stamp-collector changes drastically depending on whether you are looking in Wal-Mart or a fucking stamp auction.

 

[Mei5ter]

This merely shows how you lack even basic understanding of the real world.

My 10 year old niece understands that the probability of meeting a stamp-collector changes drastically depending on whether you are looking in Wal-Mart or a fucking stamp auction.

I once met a hot girl called Natalie,
Who liked to mix sex and philately
Til a stray Penny Black
Became stuck in her crack,
When she fainted, and took sal volatile.