posting ads here for a man can be damned frustrating

[lonely_hubby60]

Posting an ad here is damned frustrating for a man like me, but reading most female ads is more frustrating still. Reason I find is the abominable intellectual level of most women who read and reply to ads with some substance in them, or who post ads themselves.

OK, every once in a while an exception occurs to this rule. I have met very sweet and intelligent women here, both ad posters and responders to my own ads. But that happens very very rarely. So I ask myself for the reasons why.

Laziness and carelessness are most prevalent, and an unwarranted feeling of entitlement inside all too many women. Apparently many women get pampered way too much by men trying to get in their pants. So they conclude the only thing they need to offer is a female-sounding user name. And countless male Litsters confirm the entitlement of females, by responding enthusiastically to ads without any substance whatever. So no wonder ad posters become ever lazier.

So all someone like me can do is come up with a provocative title to his ad, hoping for a curious woman to open it. And then continue with some provocative text, so she’ll continue reading. But now comes the trick, which I tend to foul up most of the time: gradually change over from provocative words to words of wooing my female readers. Point out to YOU that you are not like the rest, that you might be special and you might in fact possess the substance most women lack.

Of course I do not have the faintest idea whether this is in fact true; you may be as dumb as most women here. But just possibly you are not, and my words of contemplation catch your attention. And I can persuade you to read other ads of mine. Which outline everything I am prepared to give away to you, because a special woman does deserves my attention.

Fact is: I cannot be certain at all that YOU of all people are stopping by today, perusing the Personal ads. And neither can I know whether you are looking to connect with the right kind of man. Perhaps because the voids in your life are as serious as mine, and you aim to compensate for them by exchanging mails with me.

But what else can I do other than hope?

PS: Today I have re-written my entire ad, because my original text was so mediocre that I could not seriously expect the woman I look for, to respond to it.

 

[nnmmm]

When the only PMs I receive come from illiterate women, or from women who are fakers. Considering that with my own gullibility, it takes me two weeks sometimes to de-mask a woman who is faking. And that means two weeks sometimes of needless investment of myself into attempted relationship building.

So frustrating is the right word. By now I am convinced, the only luck for me will come from a woman who is frustrated herself. And who is reading the ads here, despite her (almost) firm conviction that it will be in vain.

If you are such a woman, and if you too search for erotic intimacy combined with intellect and a soul longing to care about another human being, I offer you a short thought experiment. If you do not respond to my ad, figuring that I am only another faker, you'll be stuck with reading more male ads here until doomsday. And that'll continue to stoke your frustration.

Should you – on the other hand – decide to respond to me, daring to believe I might be right for you, the worst that will happen to you is wasting two weeks on another man who'll turn out a faker. Less than that actually, when you are not as gullible than I am usually. After all, you are an intelligent woman. Not so terribly bad an investment, I figure.

But should you be lucky and I turn out indeed your unicorn or your needle in a haystack, you'll be thoroughly enjoying this one or two weeks' time, and a far far longer time thereafter.

Now any way you slice it, the odds aren't bad for you, when you respond. So my offer to you (you can read it described in my ad explaining my signature) is one hard to refuse, I figure. Unless you get turned off by my sense of humor, or by my approaching this with game theory on my mind.

online is similar to IRL... men gotta take the initiative and be better than the competition. This is just the way it is.

 

[woman_early20s]

online is similar to IRL... men gotta take the initiative and be better than the competition. This is just the way it is.

It's frustrating to see that many men have overlooked my limits even when clesrly mentioned, when I asked them in the first place to be honest.
They resort to mindgames, thinking women in general are (or I am) naive. They think they will eventually get there way around.

All in all, my point is, it's not easy for women either. I am having a hard time trusting any men now, be it real life on online.

I have literally have reached a stage where I just don't want to engage in a conversation just to realise that it's not what it was supposed to be, after a week or two. Better off myself

Though I have found some who are not maniplutive. And respect me. Still that percentage is low.

 

[NiceNastyMann]

It's frustrating to see that many men have overlooked my limits even when clesrly mentioned, when I asked them in the first place to be honest.
They resort to mindgames, thinking women in general are (or I am) naive. They think they will eventually get there way around.

All in all, my point is, it's not easy for women either. I am having a hard time trusting any men now, be it real life on online.

I have literally have reached a stage where I just don't want to engage in a conversation just to realise that it's not what it was supposed to be, after a week or two. Better off myself

Though I have found some who are not maniplutive. And respect me. Still that percentage is low.

Context? The OP is bemoaning the - well. Whatever. Lit is full of people bemoaning the lack of... Sheep. Sexual Partners. Political Parties. Really cool sexual devices. Whatever.

Then you come in and add another layer.

Did the OP dis you some how?

Did any of us?

Do you have or ever planned to have sheep? In a shed? Now me I'm partial to goats but that's because I have poison ivy in my back yard and they love to eat it.

So some context might be helpful here. Or not.

Do you like dogs? Or cats?

 

[lonely_hubby60]

I empathize OP but I have to accept that the problems go both ways. Everything women_early20s said is pretty much true; every woman I've spoken to has the same stories. Just because you have an endless supply of people at your door doesn't mean they're compatible or even tolerable. Hell, half the point we're here is because people in real-life clearly aren't doing it for us.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't encourage victimizing yourself, it's a bad habit and a huge turn-off. I've become far happier by accepting that these things aren't fair and the only way to win is to not try too hard.

I appreciate your kind attitude, Freudian, but I wonder why nobody here seems to actually read the post you are all talking about.

I wrote one line stating my frustration of things not running the way I like it, and the rest of my post was a suggestion for frustrated-also women to PM me. And sure enough, several meaningful PMs arrived in my IN box. I no longer have any reason to complain.

 

[ericalauren]

Your username mentions that you are a husband. If you’re in a polyamorous relationship/marriage, I would suggest that you make a note in your profile so that the women who you contact know you’re not cheating. I absolutely loathe the people who contact me who are in a monogamous relationship, and I’m sure there are other non-men who feel the same way.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

Your username mentions that you are a husband. If you’re in a polyamorous relationship/marriage, I would suggest that you make a note in your profile so that the women who you contact know you’re not cheating. I absolutely loathe the people who contact me who are in a monogamous relationship, and I’m sure there are other non-men who feel the same way.

dear Joan d'Arc with a different name, I thank you much for your valuable suggestion. But I never intended to contact you in the first place. Instead I wish you luck in what you are seeking!

 

[wanderingsinink]

I don't think this type of post ever ends well - but I wanted to add something that I feel is of import - the actual point being made about fakers needs taken more seriously.

It isn't just "dirty" or "sort of naughty" to pretend to be someone you're not - especially a different gender, and use someone for your own gratification. It's completely wrong. It's a violation on that person, and you are an awful human being.

I have been on lit for many years, and there are lots of great people - but somehow the fakers do tend to feel that they are some kind of accepted subculture around here - from the ridiculous personal ads to 90% of lit chat. However, it is disgusting and you people are awful. There isn't any excuse.

What the op describes as sorting out the fakes (I tend to spot them immediately) still leads to a sense of frustration and wasted time at best - and a deep sense of violation at worst. It doesn't feel good to share one's sexual journey with someone and potential your body, voice, etc to find out that you are being used - and that the collective response should be *shrug*.

We may not be able to fully prevent these vermin from being around, but we sure as shit do not have to condone it. It is the same with those that blind harass in PM's and every other sort of bad behavior.

It needs called out and dealt with. For those of you that do it and are reading this - it isn't cute. It's fucking sick. Don't have a pretend wife or a pretend sex life or a pretend self or someone else's pics masqueraded as your own. None of that shit is ok.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

a sincere thanks to you, wandering

W I I, I knew nothing about you, but I like to thank you a lot.

While I mentioned fakery only as a side-note, in this post at last, I agree with you one hundred percent, on how horrible an undertaking it is. Including such "minor" transgressions as claiming passion and love being someone's aim, whereas in reality that person only craving that for herself or himself, but being unwilling and incapable of any of it in return.

I see your biggest contribution here in your anger against fakery being merely shrugged off, and thereby taken as "normal". But I have to agree with you also, that a post like mine hardly ever ends well, sadly enough.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

my happy end

it looks like I finally found a happy ending to the frustrations I described at the beginning of my first post: stop looking for a new woman. Pawan's thread, plus recent frustrating experiences helped me to realize that. I had met a sweetheart of a woman here once, more than two years ago, and we were immensely happy with each other. But then, we allowed some discrepancies to overpower us. Despite the immense resonance between the two of us.

Fortunately we both realize now, that our resonances are such a precious gift for both of us, that our few discrepancies pale in comparison. It makes no sense at all, shooting for a unique resonance again; very likely it happens no more than once in life. Fixing our discrepancies, on the other hand, we see as a far easier challenge.

 

[50PlusCat]

it looks like I finally found a happy ending to the frustrations I described at the beginning of my first post: stop looking for a new woman. Pawan's thread, plus recent frustrating experiences helped me to realize that. I had met a sweetheart of a woman here once, more than two years ago, and we were immensely happy with each other. But then, we allowed some discrepancies to overpower us. Despite the immense resonance between the two of us.

Fortunately we both realize now, that our resonances are such a precious gift for both of us, that our few discrepancies pale in comparison. It makes no sense at all, shooting for a unique resonance again; very likely it happens no more than once in life. Fixing our discrepancies, on the other hand, we see as a far easier challenge.

It sounds like congratulations are in order for you. Not many people on Lit can seem to say they have succeeded with their personal ads, but you appear to have beaten the odds. Even more so with someone you had previously hooked up with, and the both of you finding it to your mutual advantage to get back together. I wish you all the best for the two of you.

 

[alrullo]

So Much Crying!

Look you are disappointed when you don't score with a woman (or man) here on Lit. You need to pick yourself up like a big boy or girl and continue to seek someone that you can really connect with. Crying is so unattractive and will probably yield no positive results.I have found several women here on Lit with whom I actually met and had mutually pleasing sexual relationships with. Keep at it and you will connect with someone, because there's someone out there wanting to connect as much as you do.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

It sounds like congratulations are in order for you. Not many people on Lit can seem to say they have succeeded with their personal ads, but you appear to have beaten the odds. Even more so with someone you had previously hooked up with, and the both of you finding it to your mutual advantage to get back together. I wish you all the best for the two of you.

I thank you kindly for your congratulations, Cat or Catherine maybe. Unfortunately I had written my post prematurely -- out of feelings of passion most likely -- because fixing our discepancies proved impossible, so it looks now.

Do you, by some chance, feel like exploring this subject deeper with me in private? I see you are looking as well. You'd have to send along an e-mail address, because your mail box is locked shut.

 

[50PlusCat]

I thank you kindly for your congratulations, Cat or Catherine maybe. Unfortunately I had written my post prematurely -- out of feelings of passion most likely -- because fixing our discepancies proved impossible, so it looks now.

Do you, by some chance, feel like exploring this subject deeper with me in private? I see you are looking as well. You'd have to send along an e-mail address, because your mail box is locked shut.

I'm so sorry to hear that your reunion didn't work out. You sounded quite positive and elated in your post. Things like this do happen, but it's sad to hear when things don't work out the way we like them to do.

Yes, I am looking for someone as well, but on reading this and some of your other personals, I think you and I are looking for somewhat different things. I don't think it would be beneficial for you and I to persue anything. But I do wish you well going forward. I hope you'll be able to post soon of a great success.