LW - a burn (bomb) the bird story

[Jamie_and_Lisa]

On another thread, Bramblethorn pointed out that scientists now believe that some birds aren't as monogamous as once thought to be. Well, obviously scientists arent doing the data collection, students are. Our MC is a stereotypical incel who lives in momma's basement, works as a custodian at City College during the day and who spends his nights one-bombing Lit stories. He sees a flyer and gets a job counting and identifying birds. (How does a non-student get the job? Professors are self-absorbed and staff is lazy.)

MC can't really tell one from bird another, "those two (Pyrrhuloxia) are brown -- they must be the same birds as last year -- check." Unable to tell one brown bird from another he sees a brown female Cardinal with a red male and assumes she is the Pyrrhuloxia from before cuckolding her mate. He uses a half-dozen too many sticks of dynamite to blow up that tree. The MC dies in the blast only to discover that heaven is actually a big bi-sexual orgy directed by Saint Peter...

(Why is the guy in heaven? That's simple, after going to hell, Satan sent him. To be a voyeur as punishment. To eternally watch and not participate. Oh, and you know that saying "if God hadn't wanted you to play with it he could have made our arms shorter." Guess what else Satan did...)

 

[sirhugs]

and here I thought the answer to "why is he in Heaven?" is that Hell only wants fun people...

 

[Jamie_and_Lisa]

and here I thought the answer to "why is he in Heaven?" is that Hell only wants fun people...

There is an old joke about a guy who scrupulously does every single thing he is told to do. When he dies he is escorted to a fine white room where two other men warmly greet him, happy they have someone new to interact with.

Hours later they are playing cards and having a difficult time of it with all the noise coming through the walls.

"What's that din?" The newcomer asks.

"Folks at 'the other place', a party every single night," an oldtimer says.

"Parties? In hell?"

"Nope, that's heaven 'over there'. You're in hell."

 

[sirhugs]

There is an old joke about a guy who scrupulously does every single thing he is told to do. When he dies he is escorted to a fine white room where two other men warmly greet him, happy they have someone new to interact with.

Hours later they are playing cards and having a difficult time of it with all the noise coming through the walls.

"What's that din?" The newcomer asks.

"Folks at 'the other place', a party every single night," an oldtimer says.

"Parties? In hell?"

"Nope, that's heaven 'over there'. You're in hell."

cheating at cards has to fit in somehow, but my brain isn't working hard enough to see it yet. Also not seeing the sex... but I know its there