Trans writer looking for feedback

[shawnavinyltv]

So, I'd love to get feedback on my writing that anyone is willing to give. I've gotten a number of good ratings over the years, and some nice comments. I'm mostly looking for ways to improve. For instance, someone recently noted that I use too many exclamation points! Can you imagine?!

Anyway, I realized they were correct, and by doing that, I was under emphasizing some of the things that really did need excitement. So, just looking for other ideas or ways to grow, or bad habits or crutches I've picked up. I do ask to please be kind, I'm not looking to get beaten up.

Also, just a note that my stories involve trans or crossdressers and usually fetish and kink, plus gay and bi sex. I realize that's not everyone's thing, so I fully understand, if you'd like to pass.

Thanks anyone who participates.

One story that I'm very proud of is Almost Damsel, Almost in Distress, so that might be a good place to start. Its also a series I'm working many future episodes.

https://www.literotica.com/s/almost-damsel-almost-in-distress

Also, a random question, is there an easy way for me to know if someone has already written something about a story? I couldn't find a search feature for these Forums, so I wasn't sure if I missed it, or there was some other way?

 

[AlinaX]

Gods, yes, the exclamation marks are wildly excessive. (The first one's okay.)

 

[BarracudaSwordfish]

I always limit exclamation marks to speech. Just seems more natural that way.

It almost comes across as writing in caps, which equates to shouting.

Nice story, but tone back the !!!

 

[ElectricBlue]

Gods, yes, the exclamation marks are wildly excessive. (The first one's okay.)

Yup!!

OP, grab your words by the throat, command them, be firm. Enough already with the really and starting and too. Edit hard, be more ruthless. Your verbs and nouns get lost and your writing becomes tentative, unsure.

If you make the focus crisper, the long preamble where you describe the preparation, the detail - the importance of that will be made clearer. The "getting ready, getting dressed" is obviously an important element of the kink, don't lose it with imprecision and vagueness. Look at each word and ask yourself, what does it add? If it doesn't add much, get rid of it, and see how it reads then.

Tighten your prose up so it grips like latex, not some baggy old underwear. That's such not a good look .

 

[AlexBailey]

Hello? It’s Alex from next door...

Nice descriptions.

Thanks for reminding me about using too many !!!!! I do that too. Just excited? I just read the linked story on my phone while waiting for someone. Some of your descriptive paragraphs are very long. (I’m guilty of that too.)

The first page moves a bit slow for me. I enjoyed reading about getting dressed up and all, but I felt that it needed something. Maybe you could do more to describe what it does for you to be all trussed. Maybe I was just distracted. Page 2 picks up fast.

If you’re having trouble with surprising readers with unexpected content, you may want to be more explicit with your introductions. List the kinks and common triggers. (Check the intros to my series if you’re curious.)

I write in TG/CD also, and have many different kinks in my stories. An editor suggested writing a warning or a description like you would see on the back cover of a hard copy. The only thing anyone mentioned negatively for any of my stories was for something I warned about, so I really feel it was on them.

 

[shawnavinyltv]

Thanks

I appreciate the suggestions and ideas. I definitely agree on the editing. I tend to write the way I talk, which is, I think why I can get lost in some details. That does make it harder for me to edit down since I think it takes away from the conversational tone of the stories. That's part of the reason I write first person, it helps me feel like I'm telling a story, instead of just describing something.

I haven't really had a lot of problems with readers being surprised (at least, not that I've heard of anyway), but I do think the preamble is a great idea. Any suggestions for writing one that isn't basically a summary of the story? Should I do the story codes there like M/m, TV, Bondage, etc? Or is there something else that would fit there? I've been posting some of the stories on another social media based site, and many stories there use codes, so I've been paying more attention to those.

Thanks!

 

[AlexBailey]

... but I do think the preamble is a great idea. Any suggestions for writing one that isn't basically a summary of the story? Should I do the story codes there like M/m, TV, Bondage, etc? Or is there something else that would fit there?

Here's mine. I was trying to imagine all of the preloaded expectations of someone who is easily offended, or who is looking for something specific -- get it all out in the open. It's wordy but it says most everything I want to say.



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Hello!

This is part one of a full length novel in four parts. It's a gender-fluid, 'what if everything fell into place,' fantasy about self-discovery, coming out and coming of age. It explores pansexuality, cross-dressing and several fetishes -- especially for things like swimsuits and athletic-wear. Some parts have bondage and D/s themes. There are family dynamics and dysfunctions, social conflict and misconceived religious interventions. The enthusiasm and foolishness of youth is at play, and there is experimentation with drugs. Some characters are hostile and bring a touch of violence, and of course, there is a lot of kinky sexual adventure, often gilded with loving romance. All characters are 18+. Enjoy!

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I still got dinged by several commenters for drug use in the first two parts. The third had (almost) none and got a higher rating.