Start overloading my inbox... NOW!

jackburns

titles are for egos
Joined
Jun 16, 2019
Posts
245
Hello? Is this thing on?

Oh man, here goes. I’m going to take the plunge into waters I know nothing about. Maybe if I am lucky they aren’t polluted with toxic algae blooms? Sorry Gulf of Mexico and most of Florida, I didn’t mean to offend.

Once the damn coyote outside my window starts howling at a moon that isn’t even in the sky I’ll be back to concentrating on this. Seriously, what ARE you howling at? And did I remember to close up my chicken coop? And if coyotes are that damn close to my house, should I even be letting the chickens out during the daytime? Seriously coyotes, can’t you just eat the voles that ravage my garden?

Yeah, I wouldn’t eat anything that’s been munching on that over-glyphosated stuff either.

Here’s the scoop. You would like quality conversation. Doesn’t have to be about sex all the time, but my God, look at the URL of this website. And why else would an otherwise well-adjusted adult be posting here? Wait, well-adjusted adults don’t visit this site?

God dammit.

Anyways, you are smart. Emotionally you’re well put together. You’re open-minded in the truest sense of the word. Doesn’t matter if you are well-travelled or not. It would be nice if you read, I dunno, a good book now and then and maybe a magazine that isn’t found at supermarket checkouts. You can be from any part of the country too. Or maybe even overseas, but I warn you that I failed both Spanish and French in high school and college. And somehow still made the honor roll. Anyways, I won’t be running things through Google translate because horrible things will happen.

What else. You can be married or not. I am, and frankly I love it. The chances we will ever meet are so close to zero that there is no concern that anyone’s domestic bliss will be threatened. It’s good if you have a minimum number of pets, specifically dogs/cats. Two is good; three is pushing it, anything more than that and you may be an animal hoarder. Or a farmer who needs work dogs or barn cats to control vermin. For that I guess I can grant a waiver. Even if you aren’t a farmer, you at least like the outdoors and understand that you don’t need an entire backpack full of food and a $300 walking stick to enjoy a nice hike. By extension that means you care about your health. Doesn’t matter if you are a size 2 or a size 18. Are you healthy enough that you could go for a 10-mile bike ride, or do yoga for an your without a trip to the ER? Bingo.

Overall, you’re a respectable person, looked up to in the community except by that weird neighbor down the street who can’t figure out why you don’t at least wave every damn time they see you in the supermarket. The main thing is, like me, most people wouldn’t expect that you enjoy talking about adult subjects such as sex.

About me: average looking; safe to say it’s my brains that have gotten me to where I am today. Otherwise, your typical mixed-northern-European-heritage American. Average height. Introverted. More of a homebody/hobbit than a globetrotter. Lover of great food, mid-century music, not mid-century furniture. I also love words; can you tell? I wish people would notice that it’s not that I am smart, I am curious. My bookshelves are half-filled with books, a few of which I have yet to read, and half-filled with records, and all have been listened to at least once. Wait, that’s a lie. One shelf has a clock that needs winding, and there’s a flower vase on another. Thinks the typical American male dresses with way too little color; I mean, how many earth-tone shirts can a man own before they wake up bored all the time? I have no real perversions: I’m not going to call you names, I’m not going to be your daddy (or son for that matter), I think pain during sex is flat-out odd (I don’t want to feel pain while getting a blow job, that’s for sure). I don’t have any fetishes. In fact, you can look through all the posts of very specific interests that people are looking to fill and I probably conform to none of them.

Oh well, this is going to fill my inbox to overflowing. I’ll have to log in once an hour just to delete things.

In closing, I’m just seeking someone to have adult conversations with, talk about past sexual experiences (which for some reason I have thinking about a lot lately, and not because I have a terminal illness either). Talk about the price of eggs. Or personal philosophies. Nah, maybe just the eggs. I guess just someone who can be a confidante. Which means after a few back and forths you can just ghost me because I’m a bit too normal. Or maybe wait a few days and then ghost me. No worries. I love my life, but life is always sweetened by great acquaintances.

OK, y’all can start flooding my inbox now.
 
Last edited:
😂

I came in here to say “seriously” and take the piss gently...

Instead I found myself mildly entertained & slightly impressed.

I meet all your requirements in full, maybe more, take a browse at my Am Pics thread...

But you have to be 50-60, no more or less, non negotiable.

If you meet that requirement, I might pm you!
 
😂

I came in here to say “seriously” and take the piss gently...

Instead I found myself mildly entertained & slightly impressed.

I meet all your requirements in full, maybe more, take a browse at my Am Pics thread...

But you have to be 50-60, no more or less, non negotiable.

If you meet that requirement, I might pm you!

I do not join any club that would have me as a member.
 
Never mind all that, do you own a pink shirt?

As a matter of fact I do. And a white shirt with pink and burgundy stripes. And I own a pink house as well. With some pink flowers in the yard. None of my chickens are pink, however.
 
I'm surprised you even know of him. You ARE indeed well - travelled 😋

And that knowledge likely dates me. BTW, I still have all my copies of the LPs, though somehow I lost my copy of Big Express and that's a shame, that might by my favorite record of theirs (along with Mummer).
 
It's not Thursday. I can't leave a witty retort to your complement. Apologies from the management.
 
I will also compliment you as well on your ad. I enjoyed reading it, even though I had to look up the meaning of "glyphosated". If your inbox has not been overloaded in responses, then I think that is a crime. You are deserving of having multiple PMs awaiting you based on what I just read.

And I will stop back in on Thursday to sample some of your current humor and wit :D
 
Oh wow! It's Thursday already. I was supposed to post on here and be funny. I completely forgot to write new material. I'm blaming my cat as he woke me up at 3am for an unknown reason. In my place, he will be providing content.

fsda
offdl;,;;fpoj,/zx.c,vcbxcvbwerqwopjjw

I can't stop laughing! Oh man, that's a good one.
 
Oh wow! It's Thursday already. I was supposed to post on here and be funny. I completely forgot to write new material. I'm blaming my cat as he woke me up at 3am for an unknown reason. In my place, he will be providing content.

fsda
offdl;,;;fpoj,/zx.c,vcbxcvbwerqwopjjw

I can't stop laughing! Oh man, that's a good one.

Ah, you are letting your fans down Jack. We were expecting more from you...

Maybe next Thursday? Time enough to put together some new material?
 
I thought the only fans I had were those that are in the window circulating air through the house to keep things cool. Oh, and the one in the chicken coop. Orpingtons just don't like the heat. I don't like it either when 10 minutes into my workday I'm covered in more sweat than...

well, I was going to say more sweat than Donald Trump Jr. when he has to sound smart, but I try to avoid politics.

I just realized I now meet DDBustyBrit's age requirement, as well as AARP's. Which club should I attempt to join first?
 
Last edited:
It's Thursday. I'm supposed to be funny today. My keyboard isn't cooperating. Every time I type in something funny, it changes it to something banal. For example:

--The sidewalk out front has an uneven slab. You should repair that before winter comes so you don't break another snow shovel.

That was so fucking funny when I thought of it. And then I typed it and that came out. These Dell laptops, they used to be really high quality. I'm going to try this one more time:

--The farmer selling sweet corn at the side of the road ran out today. That's a shame. A holiday weekend is coming up and sweet corn would be a great side dish.

Sigh. I'm resigned to not being funny any more. Seems fitting that it should finally happen in 2020.
 
Who is....

All I want to know is who is Mr.Palmer?

Arnold Palmer? Robert Palmer? Sinead O’Palmer?
 
Back
Top