I just need somewhere to get this out

[DisconnectedMind]

Sorry if this isn't an appropriate place to post this, but it seems like the best place, if you ignore that this is mostly a board for "hey look at this LGBT porn"


I have come to a point where I am starting to accept that I am wrong, and have been my entire life and that my depression and anxiety is a symptom of that.

In short, I am a mid 30s male, and I should be female.

I also think that at this point in my life it is far, far too late to do anything about that. With a family that depends on me, and a physical body somewhat reminiscent of Fat Thor for me to ever be able to change to something I would feel more comfortable in, I can't make any changes now without destroying at least a dozen lives (especially my wife and child who I love more than I hate myself) and becoming a frightening freak who no one would ever be able to get past the appearance of to accept or love.

There is a lot which has lead to this point, and looking back it's fairly clear I should have realised it way back when I was a kid and just maybe something could have changed, but in my life at the time, this wasn't a thing in the 90s, and I honestly thought it was more likely that I was an alien accidentally left here and one day, maybe, my people would remember I was missing and come and look for me... Either that or I was not being a good man and I just needed to push everything down and try harder to be normal.


I'm struggling really bad right now. I don't expect any kind of response from this, but maybe just putting this out there will help me get through this week.
I know it's weak that I can't even post this with my main account, but I need that to remain untainted, to remain my some-time escape.

 

[Jennygurlluvs2play]

Sorry if this isn't an appropriate place to post this, but it seems like the best place, if you ignore that this is mostly a board for "hey look at this LGBT porn"


I have come to a point where I am starting to accept that I am wrong, and have been my entire life and that my depression and anxiety is a symptom of that.

In short, I am a mid 30s male, and I should be female.

I also think that at this point in my life it is far, far too late to do anything about that. With a family that depends on me, and a physical body somewhat reminiscent of Fat Thor for me to ever be able to change to something I would feel more comfortable in, I can't make any changes now without destroying at least a dozen lives (especially my wife and child who I love more than I hate myself) and becoming a frightening freak who no one would ever be able to get past the appearance of to accept or love.

There is a lot which has lead to this point, and looking back it's fairly clear I should have realised it way back when I was a kid and just maybe something could have changed, but in my life at the time, this wasn't a thing in the 90s, and I honestly thought it was more likely that I was an alien accidentally left here and one day, maybe, my people would remember I was missing and come and look for me... Either that or I was not being a good man and I just needed to push everything down and try harder to be normal.


I'm struggling really bad right now. I don't expect any kind of response from this, but maybe just putting this out there will help me get through this week.
I know it's weak that I can't even post this with my main account, but I need that to remain untainted, to remain my some-time escape.

While I agree it would be best to speak with a professional I can say that as someone that has experienced similar emotions and such that I'm always willing to chat about it with you. Life's far to complex to pigeon hole yourself! Much love and my best, Jenny

 

[BrokenQuill]

Deepest love and respect to you. My thoughts are with you and anyone else that is going through this journey.

 

[Jenna2641]

You should look into professional help. Not that you won't get a friendly ear, but professionals will be more neutral and help you get to your truth. In the meantime, looking into improving your health. Exercise & being healthy does wonders for physcological health as well as physical health. You don't have to become an adonis or venus. The journey is more important. It will do wonders for you. Big hugs!!! Just admitting it is the first step to a better you.

 

[yukonnights]

I just want to add another voice of empathy and compassion for what you have experienced and are experiencing.

While all the suggestions to seek out professional medical help are very valid; I recognize that it may not be an option for you at this time. What you can do on your own is learn more about the gender dysphoria you have lived with — and that you are still living with. If you seek out informed scientific information, you will soon discover that the common binary gender concept is far from any reality. Gender is not only on a spectrum, it can also be quite fluid in some people.

If you look more broadly, you'll find that cultural and social anthropology has documented the reality and fact of transgender humans all around the world. Many of the cultures/societies are ancient, and many are alive and well all around the world today. What this means is; The story you've been raised with is both biased and not entirely accurate. The takeaway I hope you can grab onto is that; you are normal — you are a child of this universe and deserve to be here as much as anyone else.

I know that none of our comments will resolve the bigger issues you are trying to face down — but, I'd be more than willing to accept your Private Messages if having someone to chat with might help. (I'm confident that holds true for anyone who responds to this thread.)

Try to recognize that depression is not the answer — also, these are difficult times even without the issues you're going through. If possible, try to get out for a walk in a place that calms and soothes you — look at the diversity and beauty of nature and tell you yourself that you too belong. You too are a child of this Universe. ~