Eve's problem page

[36b7]

Hello Boys,

Are you having trouble in the bedroom or perhaps your wife or girlfriend doesn't understand you?
Something else on your mind that you don't want to talk to your friends about - a nasty rash or something that itches?

Don't worry, Eve is here to listen and offer guidance.
You can write to me in complete confidentiality - I promise.

So tell Eve.
I'm here for you.

 

[sithpac]

I do have a little bit of a problem...my girl is adamant about me not cumming anywhere on her...our sex is amazing, but when it's money time I have to stay in the condom...it's a tad frustrating...

 

[36b7]

I do have a little bit of a problem...my girl is adamant about me not cumming anywhere on her...our sex is amazing, but when it's money time I have to stay in the condom...it's a tad frustrating...

Dear Sithpac,

What an interesting name you have - were your parents hippies?

Your problem with your girl is not unusual and it is mostly due to ignorance on the part of your girlfriend.
Semen is full of nutrition, particularly protein, and has been shown in several studies to be an effective anti-aging emollient as well as having remarkable effects on breast enlargement.
This is why knowlegable women are only too happy to make use of every last drop you can give them, either orally or massaged in to their breasts.
It's no accident that women who partake of bukkake are often very well endowed

Let me have your girlfriend's address and I'll send her under plain cover my leaflet "Cum on your tits" which is full of useful advice.
However, if none of this is effective you could try more money or a find a new girlfriend.

Good luck!
Eve

 

[36b7]

Anonymous contributer

Dear Readers,

I've had a letter from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
As you know, all correspondence is strictly confidential so we'll use the name John instead of our writer's real name Timothy.

"I'm not trying to show off or "get some" I'm just honestly way to horny. I drive all of my female friends away because I get so horny I can't control myself."


Dear John,

I can well understand the reluctance of your female friends and how they react to such a sexually driven man.
We ladies like a good seeing to as much as any man but one can always have too much of a good thing and it would seem that you are offering far too much and not necessarily high quality.

For you, self discipline is the key: take yourself in hand and administer some palliative massage to your member and a few strokes of a cane to your limbs and buttocks.
If you are reluctant to treat yourself I can let you have the contact details of therapists who are skilled in the treatment you need.
Alternatively, you will find plenty of business cards in your local phone booth.

Good luck!
Eve

 

[hillseeker]

Dear Eve

I need help deciding which wine to use as a marinade. My wife is blond with fair skin...which varietaldo you think wouldbe best to pour on her?

 

[36b7]

Dear Eve

I need help deciding which wine to use as a marinade. My wife is blond with fair skin...which varietaldo you think wouldbe best to pour on her?

Dear Hillseeker,

What an interesting question you ask.
Eating is always a pleasure, especially if it involves a loved one.
Skin tone is less important today as many will use the wine they prefer rather than that recommended by experts although few wines will mask the smell of fish

Have you tried "Bitch" an Australian Barossa Grenache or perhaps "Fat Bastard" a French shiraz.
One wine I often advise those of a more discerning palate to try is "Le Vin De Merde" a wine from the Languedoc-Roussillon district of France although this is of more interest to those with scatalogical interests.

Good luck!
Eve

 

[shizzz]

Dear Dr,

How would you suggest approaching women online in today’s climate?

 

[36b7]

Dear Dr,

How would you suggest approaching women online in today’s climate?

Hello and thanks for your very interesting question about a problem that many are facing at the moment.
Of course, social distancing means that only those exceptionally well endowed men can make contact with members of the opposite sex and even they should be careful not to attempt contact at those times of the month when the lady might be wearing a mask.
For online contact a large capacity hard drive is best but of course, unless the contact includes video, one can get away with modest software as this impediment won't be noticed.
Some gentlemen might find a program like Zoom useful if they need larger capacity - I believe it works on the vacuum principal.
I can't recommend any cloud applications. They are frankly for the birds.
Eve

 

[Ravenloft]

Dear Eve,

I always give my dates gift baskets with a variety of skin lotions but it always rejects me in the end, does ejaculate really work like you said? Goodbye horses is my favorite song, I like to dance naked to it in front of the mirror and check myself out, I even have a mantra. "Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard." It's done wonders for my self image. Just thought I'd share.

Your number one fan,
Buffalo Bill

PS: What's it like to be beautiful?

 

[36b7]

Dear Eve,

I always give my dates gift baskets with a variety of skin lotions but it always rejects me in the end, does ejaculate really work like you said? Goodbye horses is my favorite song, I like to dance naked to it in front of the mirror and check myself out, I even have a mantra. "Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard." It's done wonders for my self image. Just thought I'd share.

Your number one fan,
Buffalo Bill

PS: What's it like to be beautiful?

Dear Bill,

Thank you so much for your intriguing reply.
I’m a little confused about the picture you have – the startlingly blue eye of a female whereas I take it from your name that you are a rather hunky male.
May I say that I hope all the confusion is mine and that you are certain of your own identity.

You are absolutely right about skin lotions. I have found a generous application straight from the dispenser onto the breasts is most efficacious and try to use it as often as possible.
There is a bulk product by the name of Bukkake but the ingredients are often of doubtful quality and the application can be rather haphazard.

Being beautiful is all in the mind Bill, not only of others but especially ourselves, and we should all love ourselves which I like to do several times a day, company permitting.

Eve

 

[Ravenloft]

Dear Eve,

I'm having a real problem with the camp counselors at my local summer camp, it seems like all the want to do is smoke pot, drink booze and have lots of premarital sex! It's really getting on my nerves especially when they neglect all the young boys and girls in their charge when they really should be watching out for them... I'm at my wit's end! What should I do about this? I'm really worried someone might get hurt!

Signed J.V.
Concerned camper at crystal lake

PS, my friend Freddy says you're hot! XOXO

 

[36b7]

Dear Eve,

I'm having a real problem with the camp counselors at my local summer camp, it seems like all the want to do is smoke pot, drink booze and have lots of premarital sex! It's really getting on my nerves especially when they neglect all the young boys and girls in their charge when they really should be watching out for them... I'm at my wit's end! What should I do about this? I'm really worried someone might get hurt!

Signed J.V.
Concerned camper at crystal lake

PS, my friend Freddy says you're hot! XOXO

Dear Camper,

I find your letter deeply troubling that the counsellors should discriminate against you in this way.
This is a clear case of blatant ageism and should be tackled head on.
You are well within your rights to demand an equal share of their pot, booze and most importantly, your fair share of premarital sex.
I’m sending you my pamphlets "Condoms, Practical Advice For First Time Users" and also “Ten Sex Positions For Young Lovers” which will allow you to have lots of fun without putting too much strain on your little winkie. Both sent under plain cover.

Eve

 

[TheShez]

Hi Eve.
I have been asking my wife for a long time now if we could open our relationship up on her side. I have no desire for myself to sleep with others without my wife but long for her to have as much sex as she desires.
It is not just "dirty sex thing " but a deep emotional desire for her to be completely fulfilled. I have tried to explain it to her in a way she can understand my feelings and i think she is getting it but i am well aware that she is holding her self back. I think she believes that she is going to hurt me.

What should I do?

 

[36b7]

Hi Eve.
I have been asking my wife for a long time now if we could open our relationship up on her side. I have no desire for myself to sleep with others without my wife but long for her to have as much sex as she desires.
It is not just "dirty sex thing " but a deep emotional desire for her to be completely fulfilled. I have tried to explain it to her in a way she can understand my feelings and i think she is getting it but i am well aware that she is holding her self back. I think she believes that she is going to hurt me.

What should I do?

Dear Reader,
Thank you for your anonymous letter.
It’s not unusual for one partner to be reluctant to enter into multi-partner relationships, in this case your wife, but I’m concerned that you might not have been totally honest with me, or yourself, about her reasons.
I suspect that her reason for not wanting to hurt you is that you might not match up to what is on offer out there.
You can call our counselling hotline 24/7 for advice on how even a small penis can be used to good advantage and there are of course several very good vacuum devices available from my toys and appliances department.
As a last resort I can recommend an excellent surgeon should you wish to take that course of action.
Eve

 

[TheShez]

Dear Reader,
Thank you for your anonymous letter.
It’s not unusual for one partner to be reluctant to enter into multi-partner relationships, in this case your wife, but I’m concerned that you might not have been totally honest with me, or yourself, about her reasons.
I suspect that her reason for not wanting to hurt you is that you might not match up to what is on offer out there.
You can call our counselling hotline 24/7 for advice on how even a small penis can be used to good advantage and there are of course several very good vacuum devices available from my toys and appliances department.
As a last resort I can recommend an excellent surgeon should you wish to take that course of action.
Eve

I do thank you eve, for that acerbic advice. You are however wrong. I have no fear of my penis size. I am happy with my 7" uncut cock. It makes her cum regularly. If she happens to find a man with a huge penis and he makes her world shake with it, fantastic. All the better. I would love for her to experience it.
Thanks for the response eve. It's an interestingly quick assumption you made.

 

[36b7]

Some information

Dear Readers,

I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that I receive thousands if not hundreds of thousands of emails every day seeking my advice on their personal, health and relationship problems and I'm happy to say that I have been able to help so many of you to a happier, healthier and better sexual life.
Of course, it's impossible for me to read or to answer all your questions and to that end I have a dedicated team who help me respond to each and every one of your queries and I personally vet each and every one of them, intimately, before employing them.

Yesterday I was horrified to discover that one of my helpers had completely misinterpreted one of my reader's problem, suggesting that he had issues with the size of his penis when in fact he sports a very healthy 7" of manly gristle and I have added the photo he sent me to my personal collection and I do so love flicking through my collection. I find that flicking is such a pleasurable pastime

The helper who caused such distress in this particular instance is now looking for alternative employment and long may that be the case.

So once again may I assure you that your queries will be given the serious attention that they deserve, especially if they are ones of a personally embarrassing nature which, as always, are treated in the utmost confidence.

Take care my darlings,
Eve