Fix it or leave?

[Jaxom65]

In a post, I made just a while ago I ask about a really good vibrator for my wife. Sadly my wife has gotten stuck in a sexless rut for the last 3 years. Health issues, moving, and a whole crapload of stuff we went through took its toll on our relationship.

We've been together for 26 years. We'll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary on the 12th of this month. It's come down to this. Either we need to fix this, or we need to move on. I might be turning 55 in another week or so, but I'm not dead, nor is any part of my body! I WANT sex!!! I use to belong to a swingers club damn it, and I'm just to A LOT of sex!

With the thousands of members on this website, I'm sure I'm not the only one here that's gone through this. Can I get some tips or pointers on how I can rekindle the spark, or just finally stamp out the last remaining embers?

 

[JonJohn]

Thats a hard call.

Speaking from experiance its is a VERY hard fix. It's been about 3 years for me as well, maybe more. Hard to keep track anymore. It seems like this issue has ended my marrage. We tried the theripy route but it didn't work. With my wife she wont talk at all. I don't know if this will help but wanted to share. If you can, try and get her to open up.

 

[sexygoon]

Fix it

 

[Jada59]

Fix it

How?

 

[10169kek]

Speaking from experiance its is a VERY hard fix. It's been about 3 years for me as well, maybe more. Hard to keep track anymore. It seems like this issue has ended my marrage. We tried the theripy route but it didn't work. With my wife she wont talk at all. I don't know if this will help but wanted to share. If you can, try and get her to open up.

Sounds like my situation, 9 years and she won't talk about it at all. Her only comment is "its all me" and that is it.

 

[ten1000shades]

Fix it

About time you got supportive rather than becoming and staying the primary shredding blade in someone elses very much not open marriage..

Maybe you aren't weirdly gleeful at being a wrecking ball in someone elses marriage.

If only you could comprehend your contribution to the hell you helped brew this last year for my family..

 

[Bluebloodedvixen]

Honesty

In a post, I made just a while ago I ask about a really good vibrator for my wife. Sadly my wife has gotten stuck in a sexless rut for the last 3 years. Health issues, moving, and a whole crapload of stuff we went through took its toll on our relationship.

We've been together for 26 years. We'll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary on the 12th of this month. It's come down to this. Either we need to fix this, or we need to move on. I might be turning 55 in another week or so, but I'm not dead, nor is any part of my body! I WANT sex!!! I use to belong to a swingers club damn it, and I'm just to A LOT of sex!

With the thousands of members on this website, I'm sure I'm not the only one here that's gone through this. Can I get some tips or pointers on how I can rekindle the spark, or just finally stamp out the last remaining embers?

There are so many people in the same boat that you are in.
I think we have to realize that its never just sex that's the problem. After 10 years you're probably in a rut. Used to each other. It's No longer necessary to make an effort or romance her. You feel obligated that she should give you sex but you failed you mention what the other aspects of your marriage were like.
Do you argue alot? Go on dates? Help with the chores? If a woman doesn't feel appreciated or desired then the last thing they're gonna want to do is give of themself to you intimately.
A marriage actually takes work and it's hard.
I think you've already decided what you want to do but good luck. I hope you make the right choice.

 

[fun_time_82]

Sometimes my wife just wants me to touch her skin or massage her instead of sex. I find this almost incomprehensible. But.... if she wants touches instead of sex then I give her what she wants and she usually gives me something at that time or later. I also find that AprilC's advice above is right on target. Simple affection can restart intimacy. This assumes that there is still some connection between you as a couple. You have to work on that both in and out of the bedroom. If you spend as much time wooing her as you would your next date after you separate then you may find that it works.

 

[SeeMeRolling]

There are so many people in the same boat that you are in.
I think we have to realize that its never just sex that's the problem. After 10 years you're probably in a rut. Used to each other. It's No longer necessary to make an effort or romance her. You feel obligated that she should give you sex but you failed you mention what the other aspects of your marriage were like.
Do you argue alot? Go on dates? Help with the chores? If a woman doesn't feel appreciated or desired then the last thing they're gonna want to do is give of themself to you intimately.
A marriage actually takes work and it's hard.
I think you've already decided what you want to do but good luck. I hope you make the right choice.

I agree completely with you.

It gets hard always being the one trying to figure out what will ignite the spark again. In my situation I do not feel she is obligated. I just wish she would decide one way or the other. It is the constant rejection and then the out of the blue "let's have sex" and I am just supposed to get all excited and revved up because now is the one time she decides she wants it.

I feel like a jerk if at that time I reject it. And times I am actually not in the mood. But I do it anyways, usually it isn't as enjoyable for me, because if I don't do it - it seems like that becomes worse. She thinks I am not in the mood on purpose, or trying to show her what it feels like to be rejected.

But she can't seem to grasp what it feels like when she rejects me.

Great mom, great friend, but sometimes a lousy wife/partner.

But the thought of suggesting a hallpass or open marriage will devastate her.

 

[lonely_hubby60]

some fateful misconceptions

There are so many people in the same boat that you are in.
I think we have to realize that its never just sex that's the problem. After 10 years you're probably in a rut. Used to each other. It's No longer necessary to make an effort or romance her. You feel obligated that she should give you sex but you failed you mention what the other aspects of your marriage were like.
Do you argue alot? Go on dates? Help with the chores? If a woman doesn't feel appreciated or desired then the last thing they're gonna want to do is give of themself to you intimately.
A marriage actually takes work and it's hard.
I think you've already decided what you want to do but good luck. I hope you make the right choice.

Dear Vixen, Much of what you write seems to make sense, but your comment also includes two fateful misperceptions: your claim that a wife "gives her husband sex". And that wifey is entitled to be courted by hubby in order for her to grant him access to her pussy.

If you think about your words long and hard, is there really any diference between a wife (with that attitude) and a prostitute? Other than that ethical prostitutes actually deliver something in return for the money they collect.

IMHO the problem the OP highlights is one of a missing sex drive on the part of his wife. AND a missing motivation on her part, to search for a fix. Or to search for a substitute for penetrative sex, one that both of them enjoy.

This is NOT exclusivley the responsibility of only the male partner of a marriage, IMHO

 

[Breanswer56]

I believe you may looking for something like this for your wife.
I think, every of us understand you! You are not alone and your wishes are normal for a man of your age.