.

[Samanthaishorny]

….

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

I would bring it up while fooling around. Start with talking about someone watching as you are naughty. If he responds positively up the game to a third person joining you. If he still likes the idea, role play as strangers. If he's still on board, sit down with him and tell him that you would like to explore other partners and why you want to.

 

[Paul_Chance]

To me, it all depends on the relationship - whether or not your partner will be on board. If you suspect he'd be on board with the idea, then I would just bring it up as a normal conversation. If you suspect he won't (at least not initially) then you would want to be more delicate. I am a straight forward communicator, so I always appreciate when my partner just dives right in and tells me what is on her mind.

 

[TheShez]

Perhaps start with suggesting a mff or mfm. Get him comfortable with the idea of someone else being part of your sex life. Also set the boundaries for each other early. And respect each others limits.

 

[davion2308]

First things first

The first thing you need to do is clarify for yourself what you want.

Do you want the two of you to have fun with others together? Do you want to go to the bar or the park and pick up a guy for yourself? Do you want to watch your guy with someone else while you're having fun with someone else?

Take the time to develop your wants and needs and desires and get an understanding for exactly what you think you want. Ask yourself: "What's the perfect scenario?"

Now, you'll need to explain to your partner why you want to try this. If he's not expecting it, he's going to be thrown for a loop. He'll question the relationship, he'll question his own skills and worry he's not good enough, and he'll be concerned about the unaccounted time when you're not together. Hell, he'll start worrying about you being on your phone.

That's if he's not shown a tremendous amount of experimentation and open-mindedness to sex. If you two are fairly vanilla, he might end up shocked.

If not ... proceed with caution.

I think the best way is to talk about fantasies and things you haven't done. Start talking about other people in a general way, like showing off to others, maybe getting on a cam site and having sex so others can watch you, and see how he takes it. If he likes it, proceed from there about engaging others and maybe actually having sex with them.

We don't know your relationship so we can't give you the A to B to C steps. But I recommend starting slow and talking. You need lots of talking and dicussions if you want to maintain the emotional closeness of your relationship.

Good luck and have fun!

 

[amofiga]

I think the notion of first discussing it as a "fantasy" is a good idea. That way if he balks, it's not like you've actually said you want to fuck somebody else; just fantasized about it. I sort of thing everybody fantasizes about it but not as many follow through. I myself got shut down by my own wife by bringing up the fantasy, but that's my tough luck. Maybe you'll have a better response.

If he does indeed latch onto discussing the fantasy, they maybe some role play as someone else above suggested. I have a feeling that not that many guys are serious enough to "play act" because they may see it as like those children's games of playing house. However, from experience, I can say that if someone has the "actor gene" and can enjoy adopting a different persona without seeing it as stupid, it can be rather powerful.

Given that most guys like to have a level playing field or one that's slightly slopped in their favor, if you go for the threesome possibility, it might be best to go for the "extra girl" approach first. That way he can learn that he can trust you and that you won't bring some guy in and exclude him.

Good luck. I wish my wife had brought this up years ago rather than slamming the door when I suggested it.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Do you role play together? Seems that would be a good way to test the waters. Start slow.

 

[Isabel_Innuende]

Hi! Just thought I'd pipe in to suggest one of my favorite podcasts, The Savage Lovecast. Dan Savage is a sex advice columnist who has been running this podcast for over ten years now. He's a gay guy, but I'm frequently blown away by how excellent his understanding of women's sexuality is. He gives amazing advice on many subjects, including a lot of discussion around polyamorous relationships. (He and his husband are poly themselves.)

I have learned a lot from him in the time that I've been listening to his podcast, and it's certainly taught me some things about how to better communicate what I want from sex partners, and opened up my mind to non-monogamy. Maybe listen to a few episodes yourself first to see if you like it, then get your husband to listen to it with you? Then you could have a conversation about some of the situations that arise in the show.

Also, maybe you could rather surreptitiously by an e-copy of this book?

Eight Things I Wish I Knew About Polyamory Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up

(But, I haven't read that book, so proceed with caution. It just looked like it might be useful.)

 

[gtnlynn]

If you are in a secure relationship so that your partner won't feel threatened, it could work. After we had been married a few years, my wife discovered that I like to hear about her sex with others when we were dating in college. She assured me it was just fun times for physical pleasure. Then a little later when we were having sex, she told me about the younger men who were flirting with her at work and even offering her money to show her tits. I eventually asked her if she missed the variety she had in college, and she didn't say "yes" or "no." So I urged her to have fun as long as she told me about it. She has been free to have sex with others ever since then, although she has only done it a few times.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The first thing you need to do is clarify for yourself what you want.

Do you want the two of you to have fun with others together? Do you want to go to the bar or the park and pick up a guy for yourself? Do you want to watch your guy with someone else while you're having fun with someone else?

This, and communicating that to him, is so important. The worst outcome here isn't that you suggest an open relationship and he says no, it's that the two of you agree to an open relationship without a shared understanding of what that means. When one person is saying "I want to be able to go have a relationship with another guy" and the other is hearing "I want to bring women home to you for MFF threesomes", that's a recipe for disaster.

The "use fantasy to sound him out on the idea" suggestions are a good place to start, it's what my partner and I did and it worked for us. But at some point you need to use your words and be very clear about real vs. fantasy.

 

[Taggy1]

I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a few years and have recently wanted to explore sex with others. What the best way to start this conversation with my guy? Any advice is welcome.

Just be honest. Explain your reasons why. It’s better than doing it without his knowledge

 

[yukonnights]

One option not yet mentioned; This is Literotica and there are stories that touch on pretty much every conceivable iteration of poly relationships. Would your husband be open to reading a "story you found to be erotic"? It seems to me that this would be a non-threatening way to initiate the conversation.

Perhaps it will wake him up to sexual options and you could both learn more about what the other finds arousing. Anyway, best wishes in your journey.

 

[Hotrooster619]

Simply be yourself

 

[Hotrooster619]

I talk to women I like no different to I talk to old ladies on the bus

 

[L1511p]

So long as you both want it, no issue, just ask. If you arent going to be happy with a truly open relationship however, dont go there. I have been in such a polyamorous relationship for years and enjoy life with a series of girlfriends, and its all honest/above board, some will even want to meet the others and the multisomes do happen - rarely.

It has to be open, it has to be wanted by both initially.

 

[Myuniversewithin]

I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a few years and have recently wanted to explore sex with others. What the best way to start this conversation with my guy? Any advice is welcome.

Best way is to fool around by telling that other guys were staring at you while shopping etc. And check his reaction. You can act like you didn't like guys staring at you or be in neutral mode while telling that. And also bring similar topic when you are on bed with your husband while doing sex or foreplay like .. asking what guys stare on woman body kind of questions. See his reaction and if reaction is positive then take further steps.

For example.. I love my wife to cuddle with other guys (slowly made her hotwife after trying for few years convinging her). If your husband is interested then he will get hard when you tell about other guys and he will dig through asking you how youmfelt when guys staring or did you like any guy? Don't open up yet till you are sure about his intentions. Incase you are really really sure then keep talking about guys during foreplay or bed. See his reaction. If I am in his position then I will become so hard and at peak mood hearing mywife talking about other guys.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for a few years and have recently wanted to explore sex with others. What the best way to start this conversation with my guy? Any advice is welcome.

The best way to have this conversation with a guy is THE MOMENT you meet and are introduced.

 

[_wild_beast__]

Hello

 

[luckyseven]

In my opinion, you need to be in a secure relationship so that your partner won't feel threatened plus there is a massive difference between fantasy and reality.

The first thing you need to do is clarify for yourself what you want.

Do you want the two of you to have fun with others together? Do you want to go to the bar or the park and pick up a guy for yourself? Do you want to watch your guy with someone else while you're having fun with someone else?

Take the time to develop your wants and needs and desires and get an understanding for exactly what you think you want. Ask yourself: "What's the perfect scenario?"

So, after reflection, you are certain that you want to proceed with your desire to have sex with others, you will need to communicate your desire with your partner. He might be open-minded, but on the other hand, he might be shocked and think it is his fault that he can't truly sexually satisfy you. So, proceed with extreme caution.

Personally, I enjoyed hearing about my wife's previous sexual encounters, and I have always believed that humans have been conditioned into believing we are monogamous for many historic, social and cultural reasons. I have long believed a successful relationship has to accept a male doesn't own a woman, and she should be free to explore her sexual needs in a way that is open and honest, and she has to recognise it is a two-way process.

If you get it right, it can strengthen a relationship and not destroy it.

 

[Islander55]

In our case the discussion did not start out about sex but about what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives. It ended up that we both agreed that there was nothing wrong with having sex with someone else. If done with respect and within agreed parameters, I think it really can add a lot fo a couples sex life.

 

[Seadog777]

What is the REAL reason you want to do this?
That's what has to be honesty talked about.

Your partner IS going to question every single thing, REGARDLESS, of how "secure" your relationship is.

Your faithfulness will be questioned. DO NOT LIE about it.
He'll question his own abilities to satisfy you. YOUR FAULT, so be prepared.

Once an "open relationship" question is brought up, you can NEVER unring that bell.

You better damn well be prepared for the shitstorm it could bring.

Good luck.

 

[lovecraft68]

I'll add to the above by saying that if all the interest is on your side, then why bother even having the conversation? If you've been together long enough you should already have an idea of whether or not they'd be interested, if you need advice on how to go about it, that tells me you don't feel that way and this is a one way street and it will lead to a dead end, said dead end being your relationship.

Despite what the smoke blowing yoyo pervs in these forums will tell you, this very rarely works out. Some things are better left as fantasy

 

[Seadog777]

I'll add to the above by saying that if all the interest is on your side, then why bother even having the conversation? If you've been together long enough you should already have an idea of whether or not they'd be interested, if you need advice on how to go about it, that tells me you don't feel that way and this is a one way street and it will lead to a dead end, said dead end being your relationship.

Despite what the smoke blowing yoyo pervs in these forums will tell you, this very rarely works out. Some things are better left as fantasy

I agree.

 

[nvdrx]

Totally a topic that intrigues me.

A good mate of mine hotwifed his wife to me - totally strange circumstances on how this happened as it was a first for me and for them and the communication between them and I wasn't clear to begin with, but we sorted that out eventually haha. Whilst I was on cloud nine doing it, it did fuck with my head a bit as morally for me - you shouldn't be having sex with a good Mates wife even if it was consensual all around.


I've bought up the hot wifing subject with my partner a few times and we've had lengthy discussions on it, but she says shes not interested, but there was a point where she said I could though. I myself wasn't that keen on sleeping with other women - I'm too busy and lazy to put the effort in! Haha. Plus she said she would struggle with it, so I would never put her in that position. We dropped the subject for awhile, but it still comes up and I love it.


To me - she could have the best of both worlds ‐ that's how I explain it to her. I'm sure she's keen even though she says no. But the communication and talking about it is quite erotic and the D talk to see how far I can push the fantasy.

But tbh, I'm not sure if I would be handle it if she did do it.....but there's only one way to find out and if I couldn't handle it, there would never be any repercussions to her.

So...I guess as everyone else has said - communication is the key, and be sure you can handle it emotionally.

 

[FunWifey]

I would bring it up while fooling around. Start with talking about someone watching as you are naughty. If he responds positively up the game to a third person joining you. If he still likes the idea, role play as strangers. If he's still on board, sit down with him and tell him that you would like to explore other partners and why you want to.

I know this is an older thread....but THIS, 100%. Hubby and I have done this a fair bit to the point we both thinks the other wants a bit of extra fun, but we have not crossed the line to say it....yet.