Discussing my work (Omenainen)

[Omenainen]

Hello everyone!

I’ve been reading Literotica for years and recently I’ve taken to writing my own stories. I’ve been pleased and surprised by the votings and comments I’ve received, but as they feel a little few and far between I’m posting here in hopes someone would want to discuss my stories with me.

For disclaimer I have to say English is not my native language. I am aware it messes up my nuances and my vocabulary, while adequate for reading, could be better for writing. I haven’t looked for an outside editor yet because it feels like it would require a little more organized approach than I currently have.

I’ve posted some and there’s more to come, but I’ll include link to my first one, mainly because I personally really like it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-other-katie

I welcome all comments and feedback but I don’t really have any questions. This thread is more to let you know that if anyone is motivated to comment on my work I am here, and I am listening

 

[ElectricBlue]

...but I’ll include link to my first one, mainly because I personally really like it.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-other-katie

It's lovely writing. I left you a longer comment on your story page .

 

[SpindleTop]

Likewise, I really enjoy reading your work. I came across your two ‘Groupie’ stories first, which I liked very much - especially the way you told the stories from the two different perspectives. I gave 5* for both at the time!

Keep writing and I'll keep reading!

--

My stories: https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5133214&page=submissions
My latest chapter: https://www.literotica.com/s/tybalt-and-juliet-ch-15

 

[Omenainen]

Thanks for commenting

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, electricblue66.

And thank you, SpindleTop, for remembering my Groupie stories. I wrote one to get to write a first time story, then wanted to see how it was from the other side, so I wrote that one as well. I liked them both, so I posted them both. Don’t actually remember which I wrote first. I wondered if it would be redundant to tell the same story twice, but maybe not. Editing was a pain in the ass, though, to keep them aligned.

https://www.literotica.com/s/groupie-her

https://www.literotica.com/s/groupie-him

I’ve been thinking about nuances. I’ve got a somewhat literary mind and have a clear conception of what I want to convey. It bugs me that I don’t know how accurately I’m doing it when I write in English, and that I’ll never know. I know it can’t be as accurate as I’d like, but there’s just no way of knowing how I would read them if my grasp of subtleties in English language was better. Does that even make sense? I am interested in how they come across to others, but I would really really like to know how they would read to me if I was more fluent. Everyone interprets everything through themselves, after all, and I do write them for myself first and foremost.

It’s slightly schizophrenic to write in language that’s not mine. I tell stories I wouldn’t tell and in a way I wouldn’t do in my language. It’s like creating a sort of writer persona for this specific purpose. I don’t know if there’s much point in dwelling in it, because that’s just how it has to be, but it’s something I’ve been thinking lately. Maybe I’ll just rummage around the forum to see if there’s a thread about it, I suppose other non-natives are dealing with the same issues.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I thought this was sweet, and the English was better than most native speakers. Just a few minor points:

"Shag" for sex is a very British idiom, unusual in American English.

I didn't see anything in the main part of the story that explicitly sets the date. The attitudes and speech of the two characters seem fairly modern so I assumed it to be something close to present-day. Then I hit the epilogue, which puts them at near 80 in 2020, implying that the rest of it was set somewhere around 1965. Not a big deal but it broke the flow for me a little, as I paused to work out the dates and reconsider my assumptions about the setting - it might've been an idea to establish the initial setting more firmly.

To me, the revelation at the end felt a little sudden. It could perhaps have done with a bit more development in the middle, to draw out curiosity about Katie's changeable nature, before explaining it. As it was, I was a little curious about why she was sometimes uncomfortable about being seen, but I hadn't seen enough to make me think this was more than ordinary human moodiness or perhaps something on her mind that day.

But overall, it was tender and caring, and I enjoyed reading it.

 

[Omenainen]

Thank you

Thank you for your comments and reading my story Bramblethorn.

I did have a mention of the era in the story originally, but I guess I edited it out before publishing. Sorry it affected your reading experience.

The point about shagging is kinda exactly what troubles me. I’ve got no grasp of what is American English and what is British, because neither one is mine. I hear something and it catches and I use it, and sometimes it’s on point and sometimes it isn’t. And I don’t know. What would be an American term that’s similar in tone? Banging? Screwing? I actually have a story I was about to post, and I’ve used the term there, and I’ll change it now. So thank you for input, it’s really affecting my work

I agree the ending is a bit much. It might need some leading into but then again I skipped the whole of their relationship. Also it wasn’t meant to be all that drastic, although it probably isn’t possible not to be drastic with the twist I chose. Oh well. The Other Katie has perhaps the plottiest plot of all my stories, it might’ve benefited from a bit more planning.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Thank you for your comments and reading my story Bramblethorn.

I did have a mention of the era in the story originally, but I guess I edited it out before publishing. Sorry it affected your reading experience.

Ah, these things happen in editing!

The point about shagging is kinda exactly what troubles me. I’ve got no grasp of what is American English and what is British, because neither one is mine. I hear something and it catches and I use it, and sometimes it’s on point and sometimes it isn’t. And I don’t know. What would be an American term that’s similar in tone? Banging? Screwing? I actually have a story I was about to post, and I’ve used the term there, and I’ll change it now. So thank you for input, it’s really affecting my work

Yeah, even as a native speaker I occasionally trip over regionalisms when I'm writing outside my home territory. There's no substitute for getting a beta reader who speaks that particular variety.

"You gonna brag around about shagging me?"

I think something like "balling" might work better for a 1960s American, but that's a bit before my time and I'm better with Australian than US English, so maybe get a second opinion on that.

I'd also drop out the "around" there.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I’ve been thinking about nuances. I’ve got a somewhat literary mind and have a clear conception of what I want to convey. It bugs me that I don’t know how accurately I’m doing it when I write in English, and that I’ll never know. I know it can’t be as accurate as I’d like, but there’s just no way of knowing how I would read them if my grasp of subtleties in English language was better. Does that even make sense? I am interested in how they come across to others, but I would really really like to know how they would read to me if I was more fluent. Everyone interprets everything through themselves, after all, and I do write them for myself first and foremost.

Your English writing is better than many native English speakers' writing - so I'm not sure I'd be overly worried.

As Bramblethorn notes, finding the cultural nuance can be tricky - my solution to that is to write the country I know, but I don't feel I have to explain it to anyone. You should have the same confidence, I think.

What I especially liked about your writing was its rhythm, it's beat. It had a wonderful flow to it, very easy to read.

 

[Omenainen]

I got such a nice comment today on my latest story (Class Reunion) I just have to share it:

Not only is there a great ending, but also
a great beginning, and
a great middle.

This story was largely built on dialog.
Quite the contrast with a few Literotica stories by other writers that I abandoned due to lack of dialog/quotation marks
-- sometimes only a few paragraphs into page one.

I was especially impressed with the dialog on page 4.
First about Fred, Roxanne's big ex and his big cock.
Next came Brandon's conversation with Tracey, Roxanne's daughter, while Roxanne argued with Fred about Tracy's school.
Reading it, it occurred to me that a reporter only has to be a good writer enough to record what he sees, hears, is exposed to.
But a fiction writer (eg. Omenainen) has to invent the whole story, including the plot, scenes, and dialog before he can then record it.

Feels like I’m doing something right.

Also I’d like to add that I’ve subscribed to email notifications of this thread, so this will be a way to reach me. PMs are also welcome.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I thought this was sweet, and the English was better than most native speakers. Just a few minor points:

"Shag" for sex is a very British idiom, unusual in American English.

I didn't see anything in the main part of the story that explicitly sets the date. The attitudes and speech of the two characters seem fairly modern so I assumed it to be something close to present-day. Then I hit the epilogue, which puts them at near 80 in 2020, implying that the rest of it was set somewhere around 1965. Not a big deal but it broke the flow for me a little, as I paused to work out the dates and reconsider my assumptions about the setting - it might've been an idea to establish the initial setting more firmly.

When somebody - actually my wife at the time - mentioned the name of the upcoming Austin Powers move, The Spy Who Shagged Me, I laughed out loud. Maybe it got it from the context, because that word was not used when I was younger. I've dropped the word lorry into a story so I wouldn't have to use "truck" again. I think most readers could get it from the context.

I have no specific date in a story if it's set in the present or sometime to close to it. If it's in the past, I have no problem specifying the time period - sometimes the month as well as the year. The one science fiction piece I did was based on an old Twilight Zone and I pegged the future year as 2114. I don't think the original even mentioned what century it was in.

 

[Emirus]

When somebody - actually my wife at the time - mentioned the name of the upcoming Austin Powers move, The Spy Who Shagged Me, I laughed out loud. Maybe it got it from the context, because that word was not used when I was younger.

I've dropped the word lorry into a story so I wouldn't have to use "truck" again. I think most readers could get it from the context.

I’ve always thought the makers used the word “shag” in the film “The Spy Who Shagged Me” because they were thinking of the world market. Americans wouldn’t be offended by it because they don’t use it and the British wouldn’t be offended because it’s not regarded in the same way as “The Spy Who Fucked Me” would have been. If you don’t understand the title of a film or book, or any word for that matter, there’s always google. If I don’t understand I look it up.

I think most readers would/should get a word from the context but if I am writing a story set in America I use the word Interstate but if it’s set in the UK I use motorway. I tend to use apartment because although it’s basically American usage we in the UK know what it means but an American wouldn’t associate flat with apartment. They’d probably be thinking “he lives in a tire?” (Notice I used USA spelling for tyre not the correct spelling!!).

I think you should write it as you understand it and not second guess yourself all the way through the story as to whether a certain country, whether it north or south of the equator or east or west, will understand it.

 

[Omenainen]

I think most readers would/should get a word from the context but if I am writing a story set in America I use the word Interstate but if it’s set in the UK I use motorway. I tend to use apartment because although it’s basically American usage we in the UK know what it means but an American wouldn’t associate flat with apartment. They’d probably be thinking “he lives in a tire?” (Notice I used USA spelling for tyre not the correct spelling!!).

This is surprisingly useful, because I’m writing a story about a truck driver and it’s situated in the states.

Which brings to mind that I’m considering searching for someone to read through a few of mine to see if there’s something like that that needs fixing. I don’t know what to call that. Not editors but pre-readers or something.

So if anyone wants to volunteer to wallow through 11K words of world’s mushiest mushy romance to see if it’s British enough to be situated in Britain, please step forward

And if anyone has some factual knowledge of trucking in the US and wants to read through what I’m guessing will be something like 20K (not done yet) of world’s mushiest mushy gay romance (do I have a theme or what) to see if there’s some too disturbing factual fuckups and/or similar wrong area words used, I would welcome that too.

My aim is kind of low, so if it’s not wrong enough I won’t bother to fix it. The sorry part is that I don’t have much to offer in response, because I can’t possibly edit language I don’t know myself. But I would or course return the favor if there’s something I can do.

 

[NotWise]

Which brings to mind that I’m considering searching for someone to read through a few of mine to see if there’s something like that that needs fixing. I don’t know what to call that. Not editors but pre-readers or something.

On Lit, they're usually called beta readers.

 

[Omenainen]

On Lit, they're usually called beta readers.

Okay, thanks. That, then.

 

[SisterJezabel]

Ah, these things happen in editing!



Yeah, even as a native speaker I occasionally trip over regionalisms when I'm writing outside my home territory. There's no substitute for getting a beta reader who speaks that particular variety.

"You gonna brag around about shagging me?"

I think something like "balling" might work better for a 1960s American, but that's a bit before my time and I'm better with Australian than US English, so maybe get a second opinion on that.

I'd also drop out the "around" there.

I've received multiple emails from people who have told me I have spelt foetal and haemorrhage wrong! I proudly include Aussie colloquialisms and have contemplated adding a glossary at the end of my stories, but no one has ever asked about a turn of phrase, only commented privately on my British/Aussie Spelling! The only adaptation to US spelling that I can note is no longer adding '-me' to program!

As an aside, there is a new Australian Government Style Guide that is in beta form online that states generally zero and one are written as words because of the possibility of confusing them with O and I, but 2 and above are written as numerals! There are some exceptions. I've always tried to write up to ninety-nine in words, but I am thinking of changing my practice...

 

[Salacious_Scribe]

I proudly include Aussie colloquialisms and have contemplated adding a glossary at the end of my stories, but no one has ever asked about a turn of phrase, only commented privately on my British/Aussie Spelling!

One of my stories had a character that was a naval officer. There was a lot of navy jargon, and slang in the story. I included a glossary for the terms. A lot of people commented that it was not needed. I took a hit on scores. The story has since been pulled due to dialogue issues.